What changes for retired couples who are at home together all day? Çorum's retirement data, role change, sharing space at home and adjusting anew in marriage.
A partner who has left the house at seven every morning for thirty years carries on sitting at the breakfast table one Monday morning. The first days feel like a holiday: long breakfasts, strolls round the market, visits to the grandchildren. A few weeks later, however, small frictions begin: "Why are you interfering in the kitchen?", "Are you going to watch television all day?", "Where are you going, when will you be back?" Retirement changes the order not only of working life but of marriage too. For retired couples, this period is both an opportunity to grow closer again and a new test of adjustment. In this article we look through the data at how much weight retirement carries in daily life in Çorum, and discuss what changes in a couple's relationship with retirement and ways to make this transition easier.
What Do the Figures Say? Retirement and Retired Couples in Çorum
Data compiled from the provincial tables of the Social Security Institution's (SGK) 2025 Statistical Yearbook show how much retirement shapes daily life in the city of Çorum:
- Number of people receiving a pension or benefit: 125,211. This is about 24% of the provincial population; in Turkey about 20%.
- People receiving an old-age pension in their own name: 87,770; about 17% of the population (Turkey about 14%).
- New retirees: In 2025, 2,712 people in Çorum began receiving a new old-age pension. In other words, every year an "at home all day" period begins anew in thousands of households.
- The gender of retirement: Only 13.6% of people receiving an old-age pension in their own name are women (Turkey 22.4%).
- Shopkeeper and farmer retirement: The share of people receiving a pension or benefit under Bağ-Kur (the scheme for the self-employed) is 21.1%, above Turkey's 17.2%; a third of these are insured as farmers.
This picture suggests the following arrangement for a significant proportion of retired couples in Çorum: one partner, usually the man, retires after a long working life; the other, usually the woman, carries on with the work of the home without a pension of her own. For one of them, "retirement" is a turning point; for the other, a life in which the work of the home never ends is now shared with a partner who is at home all day.
The limits of the data
SGK data give numbers of people; they do not show how many couples retire together, those who carry on working in retirement, or retirees' daily lives. No provincial data could be found on living on a pension or working in retirement. Nor is there a study of adjustment to retirement specific to Çorum or to Anatolian cities. Some of the percentages were calculated by us from the raw numbers in the SGK tables. The psychological assessments in this article are based on general studies in Turkey and clinical observation.
A Sociological Reading: What Does Retirement Change at Home?
Studies on retirement in Turkey show that retirement can be experienced as a loss of role. A study with people aged over 55 emphasises that people experience a loss of role when they leave working life, that no preparation is made for new roles, and that new roles are needed for adjustment. A qualitative study with retirees (Boduroğlu, Şahin and Çiftçi, 2025) reports that hopelessness, loneliness and loss of identity can lead to social isolation, while social support is protective.
This change of role can show itself at home in several ways:
- A question of space: For the partner who has run the house alone during the day for years, the order of the home is their own domain. The retired partner entering this space, however well-meaning, can feel like "interference".
- The structure of time: Working life puts the day into a set order. With retirement, this structure disappears; how to fill the freed-up time becomes unclear.
- Men's social circle: Men's social relationships are often built through the workplace. With retirement this circle weakens; places such as the kahvehane (traditional coffee house) or the market become an important meeting place for some, while others stay at home and try to meet all their social needs through their wife.
- Women's "inability to retire": Housework and care do not end with retirement. For a woman whose husband has retired, the workload may increase rather than decrease: lunch for one becomes lunch for two, and there is always someone at home.
Çorum's ageing population and the weight of shopkeeper and farmer retirement also add a dimension to this picture. For someone who gives up their shop or their fields, retirement can mean giving up not only work but an identity. Sometimes, too, a shopkeeper or farmer who has retired but cannot give up the work leads a double life at home and at work.
A Psychological Reading: Retired Couples Getting to Know Each Other Again
Retirement is a kind of "getting to know each other again" period for a couple. In a life full of work, raising children and worries about making a living, partners have often seen each other in the evenings, tired and briefly. Now they are in the same house for hours.
In this new situation, communication habits are also tested. Conversations that for years ran on "a few words in the evening" now spread across the whole day. Some couples experience silence as comfortable closeness, while for others silence means distance. One partner's need to talk may increase while the other's need to be alone increases. Rather than interpreting this difference as "they don't love me" or "they're too much for me", it is possible to see it as two different needs and to balance them.
Feelings commonly experienced in this period include:
- Emptiness and meaninglessness: The partner who has retired may feel "I'm no use any more". This feeling is often expressed as irritability or excessive interference in small tasks at home.
- Feeling invaded: The partner at home may feel that their space, routines and freedom have shrunk. The feeling "I used to make my own decisions" can create resentment.
- Old conflicts reviving: Disagreements covered over for years by work and children can now become more visible.
- Longing for closeness: On the other hand, for many couples retirement is a period in which they can at last enjoy spending time together, travelling and looking after the grandchildren.
- Health worries: As age advances, one partner's health problems can lead the other to move into the role of carer. This also changes the balance of the relationship.
Let us imagine a woman in her sixties living in Osmancık whose husband has just retired from the civil service. Every morning her husband comes into the kitchen and asks "Is this how you do it?", wants to go shopping together and asks who she was talking to on the phone. The woman does not want to hurt her husband, but she feels as if she is under surveillance. Her husband, for his part, just wants to spend time together and "be useful". Although they love each other, they argue more and more often because they cannot talk about the new arrangement. This picture stems not from a lack of love but from failing to establish a new order.
A different picture can also be imagined: think of a shopkeeper in Sungurlu who ran a shop for years and, even after retiring, goes to the shop every morning to "just drop in". His wife, who had imagined his retirement as the years they would spend together, finds herself once again the one waiting in the evenings. The problem here is not that the partner is at home too much, but that he is never there. Both examples point to the same need: for the order that changes with retirement to be discussed as a couple.
Our article on retirement syndrome may also offer guidance on the effects of retirement at an individual level.
Retirement is not the end of a marriage; it is that marriage's contract, which needs to be rewritten.
The Family Around the Couple: Grandchildren, Adult Children and Home
The new arrangement of retired couples does not concern only two people. Adult children often expect help from retired parents with looking after grandchildren. This support creates a valuable bond; but if one partner, usually the grandmother, devotes her whole day to looking after grandchildren, it can take away the couple's own time and the expectation of rest in retirement. It is important to discuss the limits of grandchild care openly between the partners and with the children.
The fact that a significant proportion of those who have left Çorum live in Ankara and other big cities raises another question for some retired couples: should they move near the children, or stay at home? For one partner this decision may mean losing their social circle, for the other being close to children and grandchildren. Making the decision together and without rushing reduces later regrets.
On the other hand, for some couples living in big cities, retirement is the time to return home. Seeing that the home town they return to after many years has changed and that old friends have scattered can start a new process of adjustment for the couple.
Practical Suggestions for Retired Couples
- Discuss the new arrangement together. Before retirement or straight after, talk openly about what daily life will look like: who will do what, how much time will be spent together and how much apart?
- Share out the housework again. The retired partner taking on responsibilities at home only works if this responsibility takes the form of "sharing", not "supervising". Taking on certain tasks completely works better than constantly interfering.
- Let each of you have your own space. Spending time apart nourishes the relationship as much as spending time together. One partner meeting friends and the other pursuing their own hobby makes the time spent together more valuable.
- Give the day a structure. Regular activities such as a morning walk, the weekly market shop or visiting the grandchildren on set days reduce the uncertainty retirement brings.
- Find new roles. Volunteering, taking on a role in an association, joining a course or taking up a pastime helps the retired partner meet the need to "be useful" outside the home.
- Try new things together. A shared hobby, short trips or walks together can bring freshness to a relationship that has turned into routine over the years. You can also take a look at our article on routine in marriage and its effects.
- Look after your health together. Regular check-ups, exercise and diet protect both individual wellbeing and the future of the relationship.
- Do not forget small thanks. Work done for years becomes invisible over time. Noticing and putting into words a meal, a helping hand or a day spent patiently is the simplest way for both partners to feel valued.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
The frictions of the first months of retirement usually settle down with time. In the following situations, however, it can be helpful to seek support from a professional:
- If, months later, arguments are not decreasing but becoming harsher
- If one partner has become markedly withdrawn, enjoys nothing or keeps saying "I'm no use"
- If controlling behaviour, jealousy or verbal hurtfulness is damaging the relationship
- If there have been marked changes in sleep, appetite or alcohol use
- If the burden of care due to one partner's health problem has begun to exhaust the other
- If old, unresolved problems have flared up again with retirement
If one partner talks about hopelessness, life being meaningless or harming themselves, take it seriously; in an emergency, call 112 (emergency services).
How Is Marital Adjustment in Retirement Addressed in Therapy?
Couples therapy is not only for young couples; older couples can benefit from it too. The aim is to help partners understand each other's needs in the new period and build a shared arrangement.
In couples work based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), the focus is on communication skills, problem-solving and reorganising responsibilities at home. Automatic thoughts such as "They don't want me any more" or "They're interfering in my life" are noticed and compared with the partner's actual intentions.
A schema therapy perspective helps in understanding old feelings revived with retirement. For example, a feeling of "uselessness" may be linked to a need, carried since childhood, to "prove one's worth through achievement".
Support is also available for partners who individually struggle with the transition to retirement. Couples therapy sessions can be held face to face in Çorum or online.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do my partner and I argue more since retirement?
With retirement, the balance of space, time and roles at home changes. Partners who lived to separate schedules for years now have to share the same space. Frictions are normal during this transition; talking openly and a new division of labour usually reduce the tension.
My retired husband is at home all day and interferes a lot. What can I do?
Behind your partner's behaviour there is often emptiness and a wish to "be useful". Rather than criticising, supporting him in taking on certain responsibilities at home and finding new pursuits outside the home can bring relief to both him and you.
Can a marriage come alive again in retirement?
Yes. For many couples, retirement offers the chance for shared activities postponed for years, for travel and for making time for each other. Making the most of this chance depends on building the new arrangement together.
Does it make sense to go to couples therapy in later life?
Difficulties in a relationship are worth talking about at any age. For older couples, therapy can be a useful space to repair old hurts and build a more peaceful life together in this period of life.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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