Election stress can strain family meals and friendships. We explore ways to protect relationships, limit arguments and stay calm when views differ.
Sunday breakfast starts as usual: simit, cheese, freshly brewed tea. Then a single remark from your brother-in-law about a statement on television changes the atmosphere at the table. Your father raises his voice, your brother puts down his plate and gets up, and your mother pleads, "At least not today." You stay silent, because you know that whatever you say will hurt one side, but inside you are seething. There is no peace when you get home either: a video shared in your group of friends has turned a message exchange with someone you have known for years into an argument. Election stress is a burden that includes not only anxiety about the result during election periods, but also the tension, hurt and exhaustion we experience with those closest to us. In this article, without defending any political view, we look at why these periods are so draining and how you can get through them while protecting your relationships.
What Is Election Stress?
Election stress is a term used to describe the tension, anxiety, anger and exhaustion experienced before, during and after an election. It is not an official diagnosis; but it describes an experience many people recognise.
Election stress can affect people of every age and every view. Whichever side you support, uncertainty and tension create similar reactions in the body. This stress has two main sources. The first is the uncertainty that comes from the thought that the results will affect a person's future, finances, values or way of life. The second is relationships: the tension of living alongside people with different views in the same home, at the same table and in the same workplace.
In Turkey, elections are usually experienced with high turnout and strong emotions. Election talk goes on not only on television, but by the tea urn, on the work shuttle bus, during Bayram visits, at residents' meetings in the apartment block and in WhatsApp groups. This pervasiveness can make it almost impossible to stay away from election stress.
Why Are Election Periods So Tense?
Political views are often not just opinions. They are bound up with a person's identity, their values, what they inherited from their family, the injustices they have experienced and their hopes. That is why an objection to a view can feel to a person like an attack on themselves.
Identity and belonging
People need to belong to a group. Political preferences can be part of that sense of belonging. When there is a disagreement, a person may start to see the other not just as someone who thinks differently, but as someone "from the other side". This creates distance even in the closest relationships.
Uncertainty and loss of control
Election results are a process the individual cannot directly control. Someone who feels they can do nothing beyond casting a single vote may try to manage their anxiety by arguing, trying to persuade others or constantly following the news. Rather than reducing anxiety, these efforts often increase it.
The polarising effect of social media
Social media algorithms push forward the content that draws the strongest reactions. Posts that provoke anger and fear spread faster. The more a person encounters content all day that confirms their own view or belittles the opposing one, the less patience they have with people who think differently. We also discuss this subject in our article on arguing on social media.
Old family dynamics
Sometimes an election argument is in fact a curtain covering a much older issue. An adult who has always felt unable to express themselves to their father may voice anger that has built up over years in a political argument. Old rivalries between siblings can flare up again in election talk.
What Are the Signs of Election Stress?
Election stress can show itself in different ways:
- Constantly checking news and polls: looking at poll results, commentary and social media many times a day.
- Sleep problems: finding it hard to fall asleep, especially as election night approaches and while waiting for the results.
- Irritability: getting angry quickly even over small things, tensing up on hearing the voice of someone with the opposing view.
- Avoidance: staying away from family visits, meetings with friends or shared spaces at work.
- Physical symptoms: headaches, stomach problems, muscle tension, tiredness.
- Mental preoccupation: replaying an argument in your mind over and over for hours, thinking "I should have said this too".
- Hopelessness or excessive anxiety: constructing disaster scenarios about the results, or being gripped by the feeling that "Nothing will ever change".
How Does Election Stress Affect Family Relationships and Friendships?
Let us picture a scene: two friends who grew up in the same neighbourhood argue during an election period over a social media post. The argument quickly turns into personal accusations: "It's because of people like you...", "You were always like this anyway..." The election passes, but the two friends no longer call each other. When they meet at mutual friends' weddings, they turn their heads away. What is really lost is a friendship that would have outlasted the election by far.
Election stress can lead to the following in relationships:
- Estrangement: periods of not speaking between family members or friends that last weeks, or even years.
- Tense family gatherings: Bayrams, weddings and birthdays turn into meetings where everyone is on edge in case an argument breaks out.
- Leaving group chats: arguments in family or friends' WhatsApp groups lead to people leaving the group and to hurt feelings. We discussed tensions in family groups in detail in our article on the family WhatsApp group.
- Tension in marriage: if partners hold different views, or if one partner's family takes a harsh stance towards the other's view, the relationship can be worn down.
- Children caught in the middle: when children witness the adults' arguments, they may not know which side they should stand on and may carry the tension.
An election is held every few years; but your relationship with your mother, your brother or your closest friend lasts a lifetime.
How Can You Cope With Disagreements During an Election Period?
Eliminating disagreements is neither possible nor necessary. Being able to live alongside people who think differently is part of a healthy society and of healthy relationships. What matters is not letting those differences wear the relationship out.
Decide on your aim
Before getting into an argument, ask yourself: "What do I expect from this conversation?" Is it to persuade the other person, to be understood, or simply to release the tension inside you? At a family table, it is usually not possible to change someone's political view. Accepting this prevents needless arguments.
Set shared boundaries
At a calm moment, you could suggest agreeing shared rules with your family or friends, such as "Let's not talk politics this Bayram" or "Let's not post political content in the group." These rules are set not to silence anyone, but to protect the relationship. Applying the rule in the same way to everyone preserves a sense of fairness.
Learn to end the conversation gently
When an argument starts to get heated, saying "We see this differently; I respect you, but I don't want to carry on with this now" is not running away; it is a boundary. Then steering the conversation towards a shared interest, the children, the food or an old memory can soften the atmosphere.
Focus on the idea, not the person
However sharp the disagreement, avoid remarks about the other person's character, intelligence or morals. There is a big difference between "I don't agree with this view" and "How can you possibly think like that?" The first is a debate about ideas; the second harms the relationship.
Try listening
Being curious about why the other person thinks the way they do does not mean agreeing with them. A question such as "What matters most to you about this?" often helps the other person calm down too. People's fears, hopes and values have more in common than their opinions do. You can find the basic principles of conversations like these in our article on healthy communication.
Limit your news and social media consumption
Constantly following poll results and commentary throughout the day directly increases election stress. Getting information from sources you trust once or twice a day is enough. Muting accounts that constantly make you angry, for a while, is a simple way of protecting yourself.
Keep children out of the argument
Children and young people listen to adults' political arguments far more than people think. A child who sees her grandmother and her mother shouting at each other at the table may be left confused about which of them she is supposed to love. Avoid belittling relatives with opposing views in front of the child. When they ask questions, an age-appropriate explanation such as "People can make different choices because they care about different things; even if we think differently, we still love each other" teaches them both respect for difference and the value of the relationship.
Give yourself a break
Election periods can last weeks or even months. Spending all of that time on alert is not sustainable for anyone. Try spending at least one day a week completely away from current affairs: walking in nature, doing a hobby or meeting a friend who has nothing to do with politics. These breaks are not irresponsibility; they are the care you need to be able to endure a long process.
Turn to what you can control
Voting, taking part in civil society work or acting in line with your own values are things within your power. You cannot control what the result will be; but you decide what kind of person you remain throughout this process.
Feelings That Come After the Election
Election stress may not end when the polls close. The results bring joy to some and disappointment to others. In the same home, one person may be celebrating while another feels deep sadness.
People who are unhappy with the result may feel hopelessness, anger, tiredness and lack of motivation for a short time. These feelings are understandable. Giving yourself some time to experience them is healthier than suppressing them. For those who are pleased with the result, avoiding a mocking or dismissive attitude towards loved ones who feel they have lost protects relationships.
The post-election period is also an opportunity for repair. Saying to someone you hurt during an argument, "I was harsh with you during the election period; our relationship matters to me", can stop the hurt turning into a lasting estrangement.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
It is ordinary to feel tense during election periods. However, it may be helpful to get support from a professional in the following situations:
- If anxiety, anger or hopelessness continue for weeks even though the election is over
- If sleeplessness, loss of appetite and tiredness are affecting your daily functioning
- If you have experienced a serious rift with family members or your partner because of political arguments
- If you find it hard to control your anger and say things you later regret
- If you cannot stop following current affairs and this is disrupting your work or relationships
How Is Election Stress Addressed in Therapy?
The aim of therapy is not to change the person's political view or to prove one side right; the therapist maintains a neutral stance on these matters. The focus is on the feelings, thoughts and relationships the person experiences during this process.
Within a cognitive behavioural therapy framework, automatic thoughts such as "If that happens, everything is over" or "Everyone who doesn't think like me has bad intentions" are noticed, and a more balanced perspective is developed. How behaviours such as constantly following the news or joining every argument keep anxiety going is examined together.
In relationship-focused work, the emphasis is on the skills of setting boundaries, expressing anger and handling difficult conversations. If old family issues lie beneath the political argument, these can be addressed too. In individual therapy, a person can clarify how they want to maintain their relationships with loved ones who hold different views, in line with their own values.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I maintain my relationship with a family member whose political views differ from mine?
Focusing on what you have in common and on what the relationship means to you helps. Widening the range of topics you can talk about outside politics, and agreeing not to raise political subjects at certain times, protects the relationship. Accepting that love and respect can continue despite different views is the most important step.
How can I stay calm on election night while waiting for the results?
Instead of following the results minute by minute, you could try checking at set intervals. Having a calm loved one with you through the night, taking short walks or doing breathing exercises can reduce the tension. Accepting that you cannot control the result makes the waiting a little more bearable.
How can I stay out of political arguments at work?
Saying in a polite but clear way, "I prefer not to talk politics at work", is usually enough. Steering the conversation towards work matters or shared interests also helps. In an environment where everyone may hold different views, this stance protects professional relationships.
Is it normal to feel hopeless because of an election result?
It is natural to feel disappointed about something you care about, and this feeling usually eases with time. During this period, keeping your routine, spending time with people you love and limiting your news consumption can help. If the hopelessness lasts for weeks and affects your life, it may be helpful to talk to a professional.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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