Get Well Soon Message: Sincere Words Without the Clichés

What should a get well soon message say, and what should it avoid? Sincere, fitting examples for surgery, serious illness, a sick child and older relatives.

You have just heard that a friend has had surgery, that a colleague has been taken to hospital or that a former neighbour has received a serious diagnosis. You pick up your phone, open a new message, and the cursor starts blinking. If you just write "Get well soon" and send it, will it be too little? If you write a long paragraph, will it be too much? Should you ask about the illness or not? A get well soon message may look like a small gesture, but for the person who is ill it can often be one of the most meaningful moments of the day. (In Turkish, the everyday phrase is "geçmiş olsun", literally "may it pass".) In this article I look at why a sincere message matters psychologically, the mistakes commonly made, and example sentences suited to different situations. All of the examples are fictional; the aim is not to offer set phrases to memorise but to help you find your own words.

Why Does a Get Well Soon Message Matter?

Illness suddenly shrinks a person's life. They are confined to a hospital room, a room at home or a treatment schedule. They are cut off from work, school and social life. During this time, every message from outside means "The world hasn't forgotten you."

A well-written message helps the person feel:

• Seen: knowing that someone has noticed what they are going through.
• Connected: seeing that the illness has not severed the relationships in their life.
• Valued: hearing that, beyond the illness, they are still someone who is loved and missed.
• Unburdened: receiving attention without having to reply.

A poorly written message, on the other hand, even if well meant, can tire, frighten or isolate the person. The difference often lies in just a few words.

Common Mistakes When Writing a Get Well Soon Message

The mistakes below usually come from love and from not knowing what to say. Recognising them helps you write a more fitting message.

Mistaking curiosity for care: Detailed questions such as "What happened, how did you find out, what stage is it?" burden the person with telling the same story over and over. If the patient wants to share information, they will.

Telling other people's stories: Sentences that begin "My aunt had exactly the same thing" can increase the patient's anxiety, especially if the story ended badly. Even stories with happy endings can make the person's own experience invisible.

Giving medical advice: Suggestions such as "Go and see this doctor" or "Try this food, apparently it works wonders" put the patient and their family under pressure to make decisions. Treatment decisions are between the patient and their doctor.

Forced optimism: Sentences such as "Don't worry about it, stay positive, you'll definitely get better" dismiss the person's fear and sadness. More importantly, by linking the course of the illness to the person's state of mind, they load the person with guilt on the days they feel low.

Belittling the illness: Expressions such as "Everyone has operations these days, you'll be fine" make light of what the person is going through.

Expecting a reply: Sentences such as "Why aren't you answering my message?" or "Let me know how you are, I'm worried" add another task for a tired patient.

Making comparisons: The sentence "I was really ill last year too, I know what it's like," although meant to show empathy, often equates the person's experience with yours. Every illness and every person is different.

Putting your own feelings at the centre: Sentences such as "I was devastated when I heard, I still haven't got over it" can push the patient into the position of comforting you.

I have discussed sentences that should not be said to someone who is ill in more detail in the article on what not to say to a sick friend.

What Makes a Good Get Well Soon Message?

A good message does not have to be long or literary. It usually has these qualities:

• It is short and warm. A few sentences are usually enough.
• It is personal. A shared memory, one of their qualities or what they mean to you takes the message beyond a set phrase.
• It acknowledges feelings. A sentence such as "This must be a hard time" shows that you see what they are going through.
• It creates no pressure to reply. Adding "No need to reply" turns the message into a gift.
• It may include a concrete offer. Suggesting something you can genuinely do turns your concern into action.
• It suits the person's beliefs and style. Traditional expressions such as "Allah şifa versin" (May God grant you healing) comfort many people; what matters is that the language you use suits the person and your relationship.

A good get well soon message puts the person, not the illness, at the centre.

Get Well Soon Message Examples for Different Situations

The examples below are fictional. Rather than copying them as they are, you can use them as inspiration for your own sentences.

After planned surgery

• "I heard your operation went well, I'm so glad. Make sure you rest, and if you get bored while recovering, I'm here for book or series recommendations."
• "Get well soon. I'd like to bring you some food when you're home next week; which day would suit you?"

After a serious diagnosis

• "I heard your news. I don't quite know what to say, but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and I'm here for you. No need to reply."
• "I can't even imagine how hard this time must be for you. If you want to talk, or if you'd rather watch a film without talking at all, I'm here."

During a long period of treatment

When treatment lasts for months, people's attention fades. A message that arrives during this period is all the more valuable.

• "I haven't written for a while, but you're on my mind. Today I walked past that bakery you love and thought of you."
• "How's this week going? If you don't want to talk about the illness, I can fill you in on the latest gossip from our office."

To someone whose chronic illness has flared up

Chronic illnesses, such as rheumatic diseases, MS or bowel diseases, are often invisible from the outside. When the illness flares up from time to time, the person cannot go to work and has to cancel plans; but those around them may respond with "Again?" Because their illness goes on for so long, these people often do not even receive a get well soon message. Yet every recurring flare-up means another loss and more exhaustion.

• "I heard you're going through a hard patch again. I can imagine how draining that is; please don't worry at all about cancelling our plans, all that matters is that you feel better."
• "Let's have a coffee when you're feeling better, but there's no rush. Until then, I'll keep you company with voice messages."

In messages like these, it is important to avoid expressions such as "Still not better?" or "You're always ill." These sentences make the illness sound like the person's own choice and can increase their sense of guilt.

To a colleague

Privacy is more sensitive in working relationships. If you do not know how much the person has shared about their illness, a message that does not go into detail is more appropriate.

• "Get well soon, the whole team misses you. Don't worry about work at all; for now just focus on yourself."
• "We're thinking of you. Whenever you like, we can plan your return to work together; there's no hurry."

To the family of a sick child

The parents of a sick child are often sleepless and exhausted. A message directed at both the child and them can be comforting.

• "Get well soon to our little hero. I wish you strength too; let me know if you need someone to pick up his brother from school."
• "I've sent her a colouring book so she doesn't get bored in hospital. We're thinking of you too."

In messages written to the child themselves, it is important to use short, cheerful, age-appropriate language. A drawing, a voice message or cards from classmates help the child feel they have not been cut off from school and friends.

To a sick teenager

Teenagers may be uncomfortable with adults' exaggerated attention or pitying tone. Simple, peer-like language is received better.

• "We miss you at school. Shall I send you the maths notes, or would you rather not hear about it at all for now?"
• "Whenever you feel like it, let's play a game or just chat."

To an older relative

For older relatives, a phone call or a visit is often more meaningful than a message. If you are sending a written message, it can help to write in large, legible letters or to choose a voice message instead.

• "Auntie dear, get well soon. I miss hearing that lovely voice of yours; shall I call you tomorrow evening?"
• "We'd like to come and visit you during the holiday, if you feel up to it. Your grandchildren send their love too."

To someone you haven't seen for a long time

Learning that someone you have not been in touch with for a long time has fallen ill raises the question "Would it be strange to write now?" A short, sincere message is usually well received.

• "We haven't been in touch for a long time, but I heard your news and thought of you. I wanted to send you my good wishes."

Get Well Soon Messages on Social Media

Some people share their illness on social media, while others keep it very private. If the person has not shared their illness publicly, writing get well wishes in the comments or in a public post can violate their privacy. In that case a private message is more appropriate. If the person has shared their illness themselves, a short, warm comment or a private message can be fitting. I have discussed the psychological side of sharing an illness on social media in the article on sharing an illness on social media.

After the Message: Keeping Your Care Going

A single message is lovely, but continued care is even more valuable. As an illness goes on, messages from others become fewer. Putting small reminders in your calendar and sending a short message every few weeks helps the person feel they have not been forgotten.

If you do not get a reply to your message, do not take it personally. Tiredness, treatment side effects or a need to be alone can make replying difficult. Continuing to write while making clear you do not expect a reply is usually the most respectful approach.

Sometimes, after your message, the person may share their feelings: their fear, anger or hopelessness. In this case it is important to listen rather than immediately coming up with solutions or saying "Don't think like that." A sentence such as "Thank you for sharing this with me; it must be really hard" lets the person feel their feelings have been seen. I have discussed the role of listening in communication more broadly in the article on healthy communication.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

A loved one's illness can also leave you struggling emotionally. In the following situations, seeing a mental health professional may be helpful:

• Intense anxiety or freezing when you think about contacting a sick loved one
• Constant worry about your own health and a need to keep checking
• Long-lasting sleeplessness, low mood and withdrawal after your loved one's illness
• A past loss coming back to life

If your loved one mentions a wish to die or harming themselves in their messages to you, take it seriously and make sure their family or treatment team is informed; in an emergency call 112 (emergency services).

How Is Communicating Around Difficult Feelings Addressed in Therapy?

Communicating with someone who is ill often requires facing our own fears, losses and sense of helplessness. In therapy, we try to understand where these feelings come from, address the thoughts that lead to avoidance and work on skills that can be used in difficult conversations. The cognitive behavioural approach makes it possible to examine together how far thoughts such as "If I say the wrong thing, I'll ruin everything" match reality.

For those who have a sick loved one and want to make room for their own feelings during this time, individual therapy can be a supportive space. Sessions can take place face to face or online.

Frequently Asked Questions

Should I mention the name of the illness in a get well soon message?

If the person has not told you about their illness openly themselves, it is more respectful not to name it in your message. A general expression such as "I heard you're going through a difficult time" both shows your concern and protects their privacy.

Is it appropriate to say "I hope you get better soon" to someone who is seriously ill?

Where the prospect of recovery is uncertain, this sentence can make the person feel pressured or alone. Instead, sentences focused on today, such as "I hope you feel a little better today" or "I'm thinking of you", may be more fitting.

Should I send a message or call?

This depends on the person and your relationship. A message is usually less tiring because it lets the patient choose when to reply. If you are close, first sending a short message asking "Would it be all right if I called you?" combines both options.

Do I need to send a gift with the message?

It is not necessary; a sincere message is enough on its own. If you would like to send a gift, think of options that suit the person's situation and will not be a burden: a book, a soft shawl, a subscription to a series they love, or a ready-made meal that makes things easier for their family. Before sending flowers or food, it is a good idea to ask the family whether they are allowed under hospital rules and any restrictions during treatment.

• #get well wishes
• #ill friend
• #communication
• #patient psychology

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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