Why can't I make decisions, and how do I overcome it? Learn the fears behind indecisiveness, the burden of choice, decision-making techniques and therapy.
Are you standing at the restaurant menu, everyone else has ordered, and you are still going back and forth between two dishes? Or have you been waiting for months in front of a much bigger decision, such as changing jobs, staying in a relationship or moving to another city, making a new pros-and-cons list every day and still unable to take a step? Indecisiveness is an experience that many people have in everyday life and at major turning points, and it is tiring and often feels embarrassing. The question "Why can't I decide something so simple?" can shake a person's confidence in themselves. Yet indecision is not a weakness of will; certain psychological mechanisms lie behind it. In this article we look at the causes of indecisiveness, how the brain works when we make decisions, how today's conditions make the process harder, and decision-making techniques you can apply step by step.
What Is Indecisiveness?
Indecisiveness is a marked and persistent difficulty choosing between options, putting decisions off, or constantly doubting the decisions one has made. Everyone is undecided from time to time; taking a while to think, especially about important decisions that are hard to reverse, is natural and healthy. Indecision becomes a problem in situations such as these:
- Getting stuck for a long time even on small, everyday decisions
- Constantly leaving decisions to other people
- Worrying for a long time after a decision, thinking "What if I chose wrong?"
- Missing opportunities in order to avoid deciding
- Experiencing clear problems at work, in relationships or in daily life because of indecision
Sometimes called "chronic indecision" in psychology, this is not a diagnosis in itself. It can, however, also appear as part of conditions such as anxiety disorders, depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder.
What Are the Symptoms of Indecisiveness?
Indecision does not always look like an open "I can't decide". Sometimes it shows itself in more hidden ways:
- Constantly researching, reading reviews and gathering "just a little more information"
- Asking different people the same question again and again
- Waiting for the "right time" to arrive
- Intense anxiety, palpitations or stomach complaints at the moment of deciding
- Changing a decision once it has been made, again and again
- Irritability or freezing when forced to choose
- Avoiding making decisions on behalf of others
- Using the sentence "I don't mind, you choose" very often
Why Does Indecisiveness Happen?
Behind indecision, several different factors usually come together.
Fear of making mistakes and perfectionism
One of the most common sources of indecision is the fear of "making the wrong decision". For perfectionists, every decision is like an exam that is marked right or wrong. They try to weigh every possibility in order to find the "best" option, but because that is impossible, the decision process drags on forever. We cover this topic in more detail in our article on perfectionism.
Fear of regret
Many people are afraid less of the wrong decision than of the regret they will feel after making it. The thought "What if I had chosen the other one?" can paralyse the moment of decision. Interestingly, research shows that people often overlook the cost of not deciding, even though in the long run they can regret the things they did not do just as much as the things they did.
Intolerance of uncertainty
Every decision involves some uncertainty; we can never know the outcome of any choice for certain in advance. People with low tolerance of uncertainty put off deciding until a sense of certainty appears. Yet that feeling often never comes.
Too many options
There is a phenomenon known in psychology as the "paradox of choice": as the number of options grows, deciding becomes harder and satisfaction with the decision made can fall. Choosing among dozens of different yoghurts in a supermarket, or scrolling through endless series and films on an app and ending up watching none of them, are everyday examples of this.
Decision fatigue
Every decision we make during the day uses up a certain amount of mental energy. Finding it harder to decide in the evening, reaching for unhealthy snacks, or accepting the first option with a "it doesn't matter anyway" can show the effect of mental fatigue.
Early experiences
People whose decisions were always made by their parents in childhood, whose choices were criticised, or who were punished harshly when they made a mistake may not have learned to trust their own judgement. From a schema therapy perspective, people with a dependence or inadequacy schema may keep seeking other people's approval, holding the belief "I can't make the right decision on my own".
Why Is Deciding Harder in Today's Conditions?
In Turkey in recent years, many people have been facing decisions that are bigger and more uncertain than earlier generations ever met. Because of the rising cost of living, the question "Should I buy now or wait?" hangs over many purchases, from a refrigerator to a home. Economic uncertainty makes long-term planning difficult and makes the risk of every decision look larger.
Moving abroad or staying, relocating from a big city to the Anatolian countryside, changing home because of earthquake risk, or changing career in a sector affected by artificial intelligence are all heavy decisions, both practically and emotionally. Whether they were right or wrong often cannot be fully known even years later.
The digital environment plays a part too. Reading hundreds of reviews before buying a product, following different opinions on social media about a decision, or asking AI tools "What do you think I should do?" over and over creates a new kind of indecision that comes not from a lack of information but from too much of it. More information does not always mean a better decision; sometimes it only means more thoughts and more anxiety. We examine this cycle in detail in our article on overthinking.
The extended family structure adds another dimension to decisions as well. In Turkey, many people value their family's view on decisions such as career, marriage or moving. This support can be valuable, but the conflicting expectations of different family members can leave a person caught in the middle.
An example: the hidden cost of indecision
Say a software developer in their thirties receives a job offer from abroad. On one side are a higher income and a new experience; on the other are their ageing parents, their friends and the life they are used to. For weeks they read accounts of other people's experiences on forums, ask acquaintances and make a new pros-and-cons list every evening. While the company waits for an answer, they say "Let me think a little more." In the end the offer expires. They feel relieved, but a few weeks later they feel both regret and anger at themselves, thinking "In fact I didn't make the decision, time did." This example shows that being unable to decide is in fact a kind of decision: not deciding is also a choice with consequences. This awareness is an important step in beginning to work on indecision.
Practical Techniques for Overcoming Indecision
The techniques below aim not at finding the perfect decision but at making a good enough one and moving on.
1. Work out how big the decision is
Not every decision deserves the same level of thought. Ask yourself: "How important will this decision be in a week, a month, a year?" For small decisions (what shall I eat, which shirt shall I wear), give yourself a time limit, for example two minutes. For big decisions, tie the thinking process to a specific timetable.
2. Use the "good enough" criterion
In psychology there is an approach that describes decision-making through two kinds of personality tendency: "maximisers" and "satisficers", those who look for the best and those who settle for good enough. Research shows that people who constantly look for the best option struggle more in decision processes and can be less satisfied with the decisions they make. Before deciding, write down your criteria: "What are the three must-haves for me?" The first option that meets these criteria is most likely good enough.
3. Use a values compass
For big decisions, put your values at the centre instead of a pros-and-cons list. Ask yourself: "What do I value most in my life: security, freedom, family, growth?" Then assess how far each option serves those values. Decisions based on values tend to leave less regret, even when the outcome is uncertain.
4. The 10-10-10 rule
When making a decision, ask yourself three questions: "How will I feel about this decision in 10 minutes? In 10 months? In 10 years?" This technique stops momentary anxiety from running the decision and brings in a long-term perspective.
5. Set a deadline for the decision
Indecision is often fed by the absence of a deadline. Give yourself a realistic amount of time and write it in your calendar. Gather information until the deadline; when the deadline arrives, decide with the information you have.
6. See the decision as an experiment
Many decisions are more reversible than we think. Ask yourself: "If this decision turns out wrong, what can I do?" Seeing the decision not as a permanent verdict but as an experiment reduces the pressure on it. For example, signing up for a hobby course monthly rather than annually, or spending a few weeks in a new city before moving there, can be small experiments.
7. Limit reassurance seeking
To talk through your decision, speak to no more than two people you trust. Asking everyone's opinion often increases confusion.
8. Stand by the decision you make
After you decide, the thought "What about the other one?" may come; that is entirely natural. Notice the thought, but do not reopen your decision. Remind yourself: "With the information I had, I chose the most reasonable option at the time."
Someone waiting for the perfect decision has often chosen not to decide; yet life keeps flowing while they wait.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Support from a mental health professional can help in situations such as these:
- If indecision clearly affects your daily life or your performance at work or school
- If you have been putting off important decisions for a long time and this is harming you or those around you
- If you experience intense anxiety, panic or freezing at moments of decision
- If indecision is accompanied by low mood, hopelessness or loss of energy
- If you constantly doubt the decisions you make and feel a need to check them
If anxiety or low mood is at a level that requires medication, a psychiatrist makes that assessment. Individual therapy can be carried out face to face or online.
How Is Indecisiveness Approached in Therapy?
When working with indecision in therapy, the aim is not to decide on the client's behalf but to accompany them in building the inner confidence and skills to make their own decisions.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): The thoughts that come into play at moments of decision are examined, for example beliefs such as "If I choose wrong, everything will be ruined" and "I must find the right decision". Catastrophising and all-or-nothing thinking are noticed. Behavioural experiments that begin with small decisions strengthen the person's ability to tolerate indecision and to take steps in the midst of uncertainty.
Values-focused work: Clarifying what a person values makes it easier for them to make decisions according to their own inner compass rather than external criteria.
Schema-focused work: If early beliefs such as "I can't manage on my own", "If I make mistakes I won't be loved" or "I must meet other people's expectations" lie beneath the indecision, their origins and present-day effects are addressed.
Couple and family context: If the indecision concerns a relationship, or expectations within the family make the decision harder, these dynamics can also be talked through in therapy.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is indecisiveness an illness?
On its own it is neither an illness nor a diagnosis. However, persistent and intense indecision can be part of conditions such as anxiety disorders, depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder. An assessment by a specialist clarifies this distinction.
Why do indecisive people keep asking for opinions?
Constantly asking for opinions can show that a person finds it hard to trust their own judgement and wants to share responsibility for the decision. Although it is soothing in the short term, over time this behaviour can reduce the person's confidence in their own decision-making ability even further.
In big decisions, should I trust my instincts or logic?
The two are not alternatives to each other. Logic helps you assess the options and risks, while emotions show you what you value. Healthy decisions usually come out of a process in which both are listened to.
Does indecisiveness go away with age?
In some people, confidence in decision-making can grow as life experience grows. But if intense anxiety or deep-rooted beliefs lie beneath it, indecision may not pass on its own. In that case it is helpful to develop decision-making skills deliberately and, if needed, to seek support.
Bu yazı genel bilgilendirme amaçlıdır; tanı veya tedavi yerine geçmez. Yaşadığınız güçlükler için bir ruh sağlığı uzmanına başvurmanız önerilir. Acil bir durumda lütfen 112'yi arayın.
Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
Eğitimler