Pension not enough, and the same worry starts every month? How money worries in retirement fuel anger, shame and sleeplessness, and ways to cope with them.
At the start of the month you wait in the queue at the cash machine. The pension is withdrawn; before you even get home, it has already been divided up in your head: rent, electricity, gas, the prescription contribution at the pharmacy, the money set aside for the market. What is left makes you wonder how you will get through the rest of the month. As someone who for thirty years went to work early in the morning, waited for the staff bus and stayed late, you had imagined retirement would be a time of rest. Now, though, every news report of a price rise makes your chest tighten, and you do sums before giving your grandchild their Bayram (religious holiday) pocket money. "My pension is not enough" is a sentence said every day in many homes in Turkey; but the psychological weight behind it is rarely talked about. In this article we look at the mark that money worries in retirement leave on a person's spirit, how to cope with feelings of anger and helplessness, and how those close to you can support you.
Pension Not Enough: Why Is This Worry So Heavy?
Financial hardship is hard at any age. But when it happens in retirement, certain features make it even heavier.
The promised rest does not come. Throughout working life, retirement is imagined as a comfortable period when the reward for one's labour will be received. When this dream is not fulfilled, the person experiences not only a material but also an emotional disappointment: "What did I work all those years for?"
The chance to increase income is limited. A young employee can find extra work, change jobs or wait for a promotion. For a retired person, the options are far fewer. The body is tired, there are health problems, and the job market does not always open its doors to older workers. Knowing that income is largely fixed deepens the sense of helplessness.
Expenses don't fall; some rise. As age advances, health expenses, prescription contributions, tests and sometimes care needs increase. For a retiree living in rented accommodation, rent increases alone can turn the budget upside down.
The sense of fairness is shaken. Not being able to make ends meet after years of paying contributions, paying taxes and following the rules gives rise to the feeling "I have been treated unjustly." This feeling is one of the strongest sources of anger.
How Do Money Worries Show Up in a Retiree's Inner Life?
The psychological effects of financial hardship in retirement appear differently in each person. Common signs include the following; on their own they do not amount to a diagnosis.
- Constant calculating: The mind circling around payments, bills and price rises even when you lie down in bed at night
- Sleep problems: Finding it hard to fall asleep, or waking towards dawn and being unable to get back to sleep
- Anger and irritability: Sudden flare-ups in response to the news, price tags or an ordinary question
- Shame: Not going to invitations, cutting down on visits to relatives because "I can't go empty-handed"
- Withdrawal: Taking part less in the coffee house, the mosque congregation and neighbours' get-togethers
- Physical complaints: Stomach problems, headaches, palpitations, muscle tension
- Hopelessness: Thoughts such as "Nothing will get better from now on" or "This is how my old age will be"
- Feeling worthless: "I'm no use to anyone any more", "I'm a burden on my children"
In later life, anxiety and low mood are sometimes dismissed with "That's what old age is like." Yet prolonged hopelessness, loss of interest and withdrawal may be signs of depression in later life. We have discussed this in detail in our article on depression in older adults.
Being Retired in Turkey: From Bayram Pocket Money to Rent Rises
In Turkey, a retiree's role is not limited to supporting themselves. Many retirees are still seen as one of the pillars of the family: giving grandchildren pocket money, having their hand kissed at Bayram, pinning gold on the couple at weddings, supporting their children in hard times. These roles give a person a sense of worth and meaning. But when the pension is not enough, these roles can become burdens.
Let's say you are a seventy-year-old retiree who has lost your spouse and you live in rented accommodation. Bayram is approaching; your three grandchildren have said they are coming. Every year you used to give them freshly printed banknotes; this was your little tradition. This year, when you do the sums, you see that you will have to cut back either on the rent or on food. In the end you will give the pocket money, but you won't buy meat for two weeks after Bayram. Nobody will know this; but you will. This silent sacrifice carries pride on the one hand and a deep weariness on the other.
Some retirees, when they cannot keep up these roles, feel as though they have been left outside the family. The sentence "I used to be happy when my grandchildren came; now my heart sinks on the day they're due" shows how financial hardship can cast a shadow even over loving relationships.
For retirees living in rented accommodation, the picture is even harder. When the landlord's annual demand for an increase, the possibility of moving and the worry of adapting to a new neighbourhood in old age come together, a person can feel helpless. Being forced to leave the neighbourhood where they have lived for years, their neighbours, the grocer and the mosque they are used to, is a social rupture that goes beyond material loss.
Roles Reversed: The Difficulty of Asking Your Children for Help
For a parent who has looked after their children all their life, asking them for money or accepting their support can be an identity-shaking experience. Someone who has lived by the understanding "I look after them, they don't look after me" struggles to get used to this new situation. Some retirees hide their needs, don't take their medication, don't go to the doctor; anything so as not to be a burden on their children.
Yet solidarity within a family is not one-way. You supported your children for years; their supporting you now is part of the family's natural cycle. Accepting this is not easy; but asking for help is not a weakness, it is the relationship maturing. Talking openly with your children is healthier than hiding your needs; because hidden needs often turn into bigger problems, such as a neglected health issue.
The value of a lifetime of labour is not measured by the money left in your purse today.
The Cycle of Anger, News and Helplessness
Many retirees spend a large part of the day in front of the television. Constant talk of price rises, inflation and pension debates in news bulletins keeps anger and anxiety alive. There are a considerable number of retirees who cannot fall asleep after watching the evening news and spend the night doing sums.
Anger is the natural reaction of a person who feels they have been treated unjustly, and it is not a feeling that needs to be suppressed. But a constant state of anger also tires the body: complaints such as muscle tension, palpitations, sleeplessness and indigestion can increase. For someone with high blood pressure or a heart condition, this situation calls for extra attention. For more on the anger that news of price rises provokes, take a look at our article on price rise news and anger.
When anger cannot be expressed outwardly, it turns inward and can become helplessness: "Whatever I do is pointless." What matters at this point is being able to separate what is outside your control from the areas where you can still do something.
You cannot change pension policy, prices or the rental market on your own. But you can decide how much you expose yourself to the news, how you structure your day, who you spend time with and whether you ask for help. These small areas of control provide an important counterweight to the feeling of helplessness.
Pension Not Enough: What Can You Do to Cope with the Worry?
These suggestions will not increase your pension; but they can lighten the effect of anxiety on your mind and body.
Set a time for the news
A news channel left on all day keeps the mind in a constant state of alarm. Watch the news once a day, preferably before the evening meal, and set aside the hours before bed for calm activities. Music on the radio, a book, a chat or a short walk make the transition to sleep easier.
Write payments in a notebook
Writing down the dates and amounts of payments in a notebook reduces the need to keep doing sums in your head. Reviewing the notebook once at the start of the month can take the place of waking at midnight to calculate.
Find out about your entitlements
Many municipalities offer retirees transport discounts, social grocery schemes, free health screenings and cultural events. Social Service Centres and neighbourhood heads (muhtars) can also provide information on these matters. Using this support is not a source of shame; it is your right.
Be wary of fraudsters
Financial hardship can make a person more susceptible to promises of "quick gains". Be cautious with people on the phone who introduce themselves as public officials, with investments promising high returns and with loan offers from people you don't know. Before carrying out any money transaction, consult someone close to you whom you trust.
Keep up your social ties
Gatherings that cost nothing, such as sitting with neighbours in the park, mosque or cemevi activities, retirees' associations and municipal centres for older people, reduce loneliness. Talking with people who face similar difficulties strengthens the feeling "I'm not the only one."
Don't neglect your body
Postponed check-ups, medication not taken and constant fatigue also affect mood negatively. If you are having trouble accessing health services, talk about this openly with your children or your family doctor. Taking a short walk every day does both the body and the mind good.
Set aside a small share for yourself
On a tight budget, the first thing to go is often the small things a person spends on themselves: a newspaper, a simit you love, a tea with friends. These take up little room in the budget but a large place in the flavour of daily life. If possible, set aside a share each month, however small, that belongs to you alone. Life being nothing more than a list of necessities wears the spirit down too.
Keep the roles you value alive in new ways
On a Bayram when you can't give your grandchildren pocket money, telling them a story, cooking together or teaching them a game from your childhood leaves a memory at least as valuable as pocket money. Your place in the family is determined not by the amount of money you give, but by the bond you build.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
It may be helpful to get support from a professional in the following situations:
- Feeling hopeless, joyless or empty most days for more than two weeks
- Sleep and appetite being noticeably disrupted
- Withdrawing completely from activities and people you used to enjoy
- Anger seriously affecting your family relationships
- Increasing forgetfulness, distractibility and difficulty making decisions
- Thoughts such as "There's no point in my living any more" or "I'm a burden on everyone"
At moments when you think about harming yourself or ending your life, please don't stay alone; in an emergency call 112 (emergency services) and let someone close to you know.
For prolonged low mood and hopelessness, it is possible to get support in the area of depression and mood. Where the budget is limited, the mental health outpatient clinics of state hospitals and Community Mental Health Centres are also among the resources you can turn to.
How Are Money Worries in Retirement Addressed in Therapy?
In therapy, the first step is to acknowledge the reality of the difficulty the person is living with. The aim is not superficial advice such as "Think positive", but finding ways to protect mental health while living with a real problem.
In cognitive behavioural therapy, thoughts such as "I'm a burden on my children" or "My life has been wasted" are examined and a more balanced perspective is developed. With a problem-solving approach, problems that seem overwhelming are broken down into small, manageable parts. Relaxation and breathing techniques help with night-long anxiety and sleeplessness.
Specific to the retirement period, questions of meaning and identity also have an important place in therapy. The experiences, values and relationships the person has accumulated over a lifetime are explored as the foundation of a sense of worth independent of material circumstances. For retirees with limited mobility, online sessions can also be an option.
Frequently Asked Questions
I have to ask my children for financial help and I feel very ashamed. What can I do?
This feeling is very understandable for someone who has looked after their family all their life. But support within a family is two-way and is a natural return for the effort you have given for years. Rather than hiding your needs, having an open and calm conversation with your children can reduce both your anxiety and theirs.
I get very angry when I watch news about price rises. Can this affect my health?
A constant state of anger and tension tires the body; it can have negative effects on sleep, digestion and heart health. If you have high blood pressure or a heart condition, it is important to discuss this with your doctor. Limiting the time you spend watching the news and sharing your anger with someone you trust can help lighten this load.
I can't sleep at night for thinking about money. What can I do?
Writing down the next day's payments and the questions on your mind on a piece of paper before bed reduces the mind's need to repeat them through the night. Switching off the evening news early, fixing your bedtime and, when you wake at night, getting out of bed and doing something calm can also help. If sleeplessness goes on for weeks, it is important to see a doctor.
My retired father keeps talking about money troubles. How can I support him?
Listening first is often more valuable than offering solutions. Try to understand his worry without belittling it; then talk together about the areas where you can offer practical support. If you notice prolonged hopelessness and withdrawal, you can gently encourage him to see a professional.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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