If you are having suicidal thoughts or worry about someone close, you are not alone. Learn the warning signs, how to talk about it and where to find help.
If you do not feel safe right now, or if your thoughts of ending your life have become intense, please stop reading this article and call 112 (emergency services) immediately, or go to the nearest emergency department. If there is someone you trust with you, tell them how you are feeling right now.
Suicidal thoughts are one of the loneliest and heaviest experiences a person can have. These thoughts are often less about wanting to die than about wanting an unbearable pain to end. Many people feel ashamed or afraid of having these thoughts, or cannot tell anyone; they think, "They'll judge me", "I'll be a burden" or "No one will understand." Yet talking about suicidal thoughts is one of the most important steps towards easing them and reaching help. This article was written both for people who are having these thoughts and for those who are worried about someone close to them. We explain how suicidal thoughts arise, which signs need attention, how to talk about them and what routes to help exist.
What Are Suicidal Thoughts?
Suicidal thoughts are a person's thoughts about death, ending their life or "no longer existing". These thoughts can come at different intensities:
- Passive thoughts: Thoughts that wish for life to end but contain no plan, such as "I wish I wouldn't wake up in the morning" or "If I disappeared, no one would notice."
- Active thoughts: Thinking about ending one's life, picturing in the mind how it could happen, or making preparations for it.
Passive thoughts should also be taken seriously, because they are a sign of deep pain and exhaustion. Active thoughts, if there is a plan or preparation, must be treated as an emergency.
What These Thoughts Do and Do Not Mean
Having suicidal thoughts does not mean a person is "weak", "selfish" or "trying to get attention". These thoughts are a signal of pain that has exceeded the person's capacity to cope. They are also not permanent; they often come in waves and pass. Even at their most intense, it is important to remember that this pain can change and can ease with help.
Why Do Suicidal Thoughts Happen?
Suicidal thoughts do not have a single cause. They generally arise from a combination of many factors.
The Narrowing of the Mind: Tunnel Vision
When intense pain, hopelessness and exhaustion are experienced, the mind enters what is like a tunnel. In this state the person cannot see that there might be other solutions to their problems; options narrow and death may seem the only way out. This "tunnel vision" is a result of pain, not a reflection of reality. When the pain eases and the person gets support, options that could not be seen before become visible again.
Two Core Feelings: Being a Burden and Not Belonging
Two feelings that researchers focus on are frequently linked to suicidal thoughts: thinking you are a burden to others ("They'd be better off without me") and feeling that you belong nowhere ("No one really understands me, I'm alone"). When these feelings combine with hopelessness, thoughts can become more intense. This also shows why loved ones matter so much: a sense of connection and belonging is among the strongest protective factors.
Risk Factors
- Depression, bipolar disorder and other mental health difficulties
- Alcohol and substance use
- A history of a previous suicide attempt
- Losses, separations, divorce, grief
- Job loss, debt and serious financial hardship
- Chronic pain or serious physical illness
- Experiences of trauma, abuse or violence
- Bullying by peers, exclusion, loneliness
- A family history of suicide
- Impulsivity
The presence of these factors does not necessarily mean a person will have suicidal thoughts; but it calls for care and sensitivity.
Conditions in Turkey Today and Mental Health
Many developments in Turkey in recent years are deeply affecting the mental health of society. The ongoing high cost of living, the burden of debt and job insecurity can weaken many people's hope for the future. Financial hardship can increase feelings of "I've failed" and "I'm a burden", especially in people who carry the responsibility of providing for a family. The 6 February 2023 earthquakes left great losses, displacement and long grieving processes.
Digital life also holds both risks and opportunities. Constant comparison on social media, cyberbullying and experiences of exclusion can deepen feelings of loneliness, especially in young people. On the other hand, online support and online therapy can make it easier to reach help. Some people also find it easier to share their feelings with AI chat tools. These tools can be a first step, but they cannot replace a person, a specialist or emergency help. In a moment of crisis, it is essential to reach 112 (emergency services) and real people.
Culturally, seeing mental health difficulties as "not being grateful" or "dwelling on troubles", and suicide being a difficult subject to talk about, can leave many people alone. Breaking this silence is the first step towards being protective.
Warning Signs of Suicidal Thoughts
There are some signs that may show a person is having suicidal thoughts. These signs are not always obvious, so it is important to pay attention to changes.
In Words and Thoughts
- Talking about dying, disappearing or the meaninglessness of life
- Statements such as "There's no way out for me now" or "Everyone would be better off without me"
- Expressing hopelessness, helplessness and a feeling of being trapped
- Saying they are a burden to others
In Behaviour
- Withdrawing markedly from people and from activities they used to love
- Giving away valued belongings, behaving as if saying goodbye
- An increase in alcohol or substance use
- Marked changes in sleep pattern
- Self-harming behaviours
- An unexplained sudden calm after a long period of low mood
In Mood
- Deep sadness, anger, shame or restlessness
- Sudden mood swings
- Extreme anxiety, agitation
When you notice one or more of these signs, it is important to take the situation seriously and talk to the person.
If You Are Having Suicidal Thoughts: What You Can Do Now
1. Remember That This Feeling Is Temporary
Suicidal thoughts are like a wave; they rise and then ease. Even at their most intense, remind yourself: "I am in a lot of pain right now and these thoughts feel real. But this moment will pass. All I need to do now is get through this moment safely."
2. Do Not Stay Alone
Call someone you trust, or go to them. You do not have to tell them everything; saying, "I'm feeling really bad right now, can you be with me?" is enough.
3. Make Your Surroundings Safe
Move away from where you are, or hand to someone you trust, the items and substances you could use to harm yourself. Stay away from alcohol and substances; they increase impulsivity.
4. Prepare a Personal Safety Plan
At a moment when you feel calmer, preferably with a specialist, write a safety plan. This plan can include:
- Your personal warning signs that thoughts are getting more intense
- Calming things you can do on your own (a walk, a shower, listening to music, a breathing exercise)
- People and places you can call or go to for distraction
- The names and phone numbers of trusted people you can ask for help
- The contact details of a specialist, if you are seeing one
- In an emergency: 112 (emergency services)
- The reasons that are meaningful to you for staying alive
Keep this plan on your phone and in your wallet, somewhere you can reach it easily.
5. Try a Short Exercise to Calm Your Body
When thoughts speed up, slowing the body can open a little breathing space for the mind too. Press your feet to the floor and feel the soles in contact with the ground. Breathe in through your nose for four seconds and out slowly through your mouth for six seconds; repeat this for a few minutes. Then silently name five things you can see around you, three sounds you can hear and a surface you are touching. This exercise does not solve problems, but it can help you get through the most intense moment a little more safely and move on to the next step, asking for help.
Suicidal thoughts show that your pain has grown too heavy to bear; you do not have to carry this burden alone.
If You Are Worried About Someone Close to You: How to Talk
Many people fear that asking about suicide will put the idea into the person's head. Yet research shows that asking about suicidal thoughts directly and with compassion does not increase risk, and on the contrary can bring relief and open the door to getting help.
What to Keep in Mind When Talking
- Ask directly: "I can see you've been struggling a lot lately. Do you ever think about ending your life?"
- Listen: Listen without interrupting, without judging and without rushing to offer solutions.
- Take their feelings seriously: Avoid phrases such as "You're exaggerating", "You wouldn't do that" or "What is there to be sad about?"
- Do not promise secrecy: Where the person's safety is at stake, you may need to share this information with others if necessary.
- Do not leave them alone: If the risk is high, do not leave the person alone and call 112 (emergency services).
- Guide them to professional support: Encourage them to see a specialist; if needed, help them book an appointment or go with them.
- Find support for yourself too: Being there for a loved one in this process is a heavy burden; do not neglect to get support yourself.
For more on this, you can take a look at our article on supporting a loved one with depression.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Suicidal thoughts always call for professional support. The fact that these thoughts are mild or passive should not be a reason to put off getting help.
Call 112 (emergency services) immediately or go to the nearest emergency department:
- If you have made a plan to end your life or are making preparations,
- If you do not feel safe right now,
- If someone close to you talks about a suicide plan or has made an attempt.
See a specialist as soon as possible:
- If thoughts of death or disappearing come often,
- If hopelessness and low mood have lasted for weeks,
- If you have self-harming behaviours. We have covered this subject in our article on self-harm.
An assessment by a psychiatrist has an important place in this process. On the psychotherapy side, work in the area of depression and mood focuses on coping with hopelessness and reconnecting with life.
How Are Suicidal Thoughts Addressed in Therapy?
In therapy, suicidal thoughts are talked about without judgement, openly and seriously. The first and most important priority is always the person's safety.
Assessing and Planning for Safety
The therapist assesses together with the person the frequency and intensity of the thoughts and the person's safety. Where necessary, they work together with a psychiatrist. A personal safety plan is prepared together and updated regularly.
The Cognitive Behavioural Approach
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) works with the thoughts of hopelessness, worthlessness and "being a burden" that feed suicidal thoughts. Coping skills that can be used in moments of crisis are developed; problem-solving and emotion regulation skills are strengthened.
Reasons for Living
An important part of therapy is the person rediscovering sources of meaning and connection in their life: relationships, values, future goals, experiences that bring enjoyment, however small. These reasons act like a branch to hold on to in difficult moments.
Underlying Difficulties
Underlying difficulties such as depression, trauma, loss, relationship problems or financial hardship are also addressed. A schema-focused perspective can help in understanding the origins of deep-rooted beliefs such as "worthlessness" or "loneliness".
Frequently Asked Questions
Does asking about suicide put the idea into a person's head?
No. Research shows that asking about suicidal thoughts directly and with compassion does not increase risk. On the contrary, the person may feel understood and be more open to getting help.
Do suicidal thoughts pass?
Yes, suicidal thoughts are often temporary and can ease with the right support. Many people find that these thoughts, which they believed would never pass at their hardest time, eased over time and that they were able to reconnect with life.
A friend has confided suicidal thoughts to me and asked me not to tell anyone. What should I do?
Your friend trusting you is valuable, but their safety comes before everything else. Tell them you want them to get help and that you do not want them to be alone. If there is a risk, let their family, a trusted adult or a specialist know; in an emergency, call 112 (emergency services).
How can suicidal thoughts be recognised in children and teenagers?
In teenagers, sudden withdrawal, a marked drop in school achievement, distancing from friends, posts about death on social media or signs of self-harm need attention. When you notice these signs, talk to your teenager calmly and without judgement and get support from a child and adolescent specialist; in an emergency, call 112 (emergency services).
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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