What is learned helplessness, how does it develop and how can it be broken? If you feel you have stopped trying, read the steps to regain a sense of control.
A fifteen-year-old student closes their maths book before even opening it: "My brain just doesn't get it, there's no point trying." An employee stopped putting forward suggestions in meetings years ago: "What difference would it make if I said something? It won't be done anyway." A woman no longer raises the subject of sharing the housework at all: "I've been saying it for ten years, and nothing has changed." What these three people have in common is not laziness or indifference; very often it is learned helplessness. That is, the "Whatever I do is pointless" belief left in the mind by repeatedly failing to get results. In this article I explain where this concept comes from, how it looks in everyday life, and ways of finding the courage to try again.
What Is Learned Helplessness?
Learned helplessness is when a person comes to believe they have no influence over negative situations, and therefore does not act even when an opportunity to change things appears. The person thinks circumstances are unchangeable and that their effort will not affect the outcome. Over time, this belief is reflected in behaviour: they do not try, do not ask, do not apply, do not object.
The critical point is this: sometimes helplessness genuinely stems from the situation itself. There are things we cannot control, and accepting them is healthy. In the learned kind, however, a past experience of having no control is generalised to present and future situations. The person behaves as though their hands are tied even in the face of circumstances they could now change.
Where the concept comes from
The concept emerged in the 1960s from experiments with animals carried out by the psychologist Martin Seligman and his colleagues. In these experiments, it was observed that animals exposed to unpleasant stimuli they could not escape did not try to escape later, even when a way out was opened. The researchers interpreted this as "learning that trying doesn't work". Today experiments of this kind are ethically controversial; however, the concept that emerged has been very influential in understanding human behaviour.
Over the years, evaluations from the same research tradition added an important detail to the picture: becoming passive in the face of prolonged difficulties was in fact a kind of default response; what was actually learned was that control was possible. This view is hopeful, because it tells us something: a sense of control can be relearned and strengthened through experience.
Signs of Learned Helplessness
This pattern is often quiet. The person does not describe themselves as "helpless"; they are more likely to describe themselves as "realistic" or "tired". The following signs may stand out:
- Frequently used phrases: "What difference does it make?", "It's pointless", "It's out of my hands", "It will always be like this."
- Giving up on new opportunities from the very start
- Struggling to think of options for solving a problem; saying "There's no other way"
- Not asking for help, because you think help won't work either
- Attributing successes to external factors ("luck", "it was easy") and failures to your own unchangeable traits
- Low energy, reluctance and procrastination
- Immediately answering other people's suggestions with "I've tried, it doesn't work"
These signs can also be confused with a lack of motivation. If you are curious about the relationship between the two, you can take a look at the article on lack of motivation.
How Does Learned Helplessness Develop?
Repeated experiences of having no control
When a person makes an effort in one area again and again and gets no results, their brain encodes the link between effort and outcome as weak. A child who speaks up in class and is mocked every time stops raising their hand after a while. A teenager whose every objection at home is met with punishment learns that voicing their own opinion is pointless. This learning is an adaptation for that period, because it protects against the exhaustion of fruitless effort. The problem is that the lesson is not updated when circumstances change.
Explanatory style
Later work by Seligman and his colleagues showed that helplessness does not develop to the same extent in everyone who goes through the same difficulties. The difference lay in how a person explains negative events to themselves. People who explain negative events as permanent ("It will always be like this"), pervasive ("It's like this in every area of my life") and personal ("It's my fault, I'm incompetent") are more prone to helplessness. Those who explain the same event as temporary ("This is a hard period"), limited ("I'm struggling with this particular thing") and dependent on circumstances are more open to trying again.
Structural and environmental difficulties
It would be unfair to see learned helplessness solely as an individual thinking problem. Being unemployed for a long time, never-ending economic uncertainty, a workplace culture that does not change no matter what is done, or an oppressive family environment genuinely give a person the experience of "Nothing I do works." The task here is not to blame the person, but to work out together where their area of control really begins and ends.
Helplessness is sometimes a justified tiredness; but the sentence that tiredness tells you, "nothing will ever change", is not always true.
The Faces of Helplessness in Everyday Life
This pattern usually nests in particular areas of life and repeats itself there.
At work: an employee whose suggestions have been turned down a few times, or whose work has been credited to someone else, gradually starts doing only what they are told. From the outside they look "unmotivated"; yet inside, the lesson "There's no point in voicing ideas here" has been learned.
At school: a young person who keeps getting low scores in a particular subject while preparing for the LGS or YKS (Turkey's national high-school and university entrance exams) may conclude "This subject isn't for me" and drop it altogether. In fact, the problem is often not ability but gaps in the basics piling up on top of an unsuitable study method.
Within the family: a daughter-in-law or son-in-law who is given no say in the extended family eventually stops expressing an opinion in family decisions. This silence looks like harmony, but inside it carries accumulated hurt and weariness.
In health: someone who has started and abandoned diets many times, or who has tried to quit smoking several times and started again, may give up trying altogether, saying "I just don't have the willpower for this." Yet every attempt has left valuable information about what works and what does not.
In public life: widespread beliefs such as "Nothing happens unless you know someone" or "It's never our turn, people like us" may sometimes be fed by real experiences, but they can lead a person to give up without applying, objecting or claiming their rights.
Learned Helplessness and Depression
The concept of learned helplessness forms the basis of one of the important models developed to understand depression. The passivity, hopelessness and "Nothing will change" belief seen in depression bear a strong resemblance to the experience of helplessness. A person who feels helpless tries less, a person who tries less has fewer positive experiences, and this lowers their mood even further.
However, not every pattern of learned helplessness means depression. A person may experience helplessness in just one area of their life, for example only at work or only in their efforts to lose weight, while keeping their functioning in other areas. If helplessness is spreading to many areas of life and is accompanied by a low mood and changes in sleep and appetite, it is important for a depressive process to be assessed.
Steps to Break Out of Helplessness
Just as helplessness is learned through experience, it can also be undone through experience. The steps below aim to rebuild a sense of control in small pieces.
1. Draw a control map
Divide a sheet of paper into three. In the first column write the things that are entirely outside your control (the general direction of the economy, someone else's decision); in the second, the things you can partly influence (communication at work, conversations within the family); and in the third, the things entirely in your hands (an application you will make this week, your bedtime, a question you will ask someone). The sense of helplessness usually grows when the first column overshadows the third. Consciously direct your energy towards the last two columns. If you are curious about the place of control beliefs in psychology, you can also take a look at the article on locus of control.
2. Define success as small and certain
Helplessness is not broken by big goals; it is broken by small steps that can definitely be completed. For the student who feels helpless about maths, the goal may not be "sorting out maths" but "solving five basic questions today". These small successes, known in psychology as "mastery experiences", allow the brain to record again the knowledge that "My effort can change something."
3. Catch your explanatory style
When something goes wrong, note what you tell yourself. Do words such as "always", "never", "every time" or "I'm just" come up? Try making the same sentence more temporary and limited: instead of "I can't do anything right", "This presentation didn't go as I expected; I may need to give myself more preparation time." This is not fooling yourself, but seeing the event in its more accurate proportions.
4. Change the method, not the trying
The sentence "I tried and it didn't work" often means that the same method has been tried again and again. For someone who has been discussing the sharing of housework amid arguments for ten years, the new method might be talking it through calmly using a written list, or a family meeting. Changing the method means looking for the door somewhere else rather than crashing into the same wall again. You might ask yourself: "In my last three attempts at this, did I really do anything different, or did I repeat the same thing in a more tired state?" If the answer is the latter, the problem is not your inadequacy but the existence of options not yet tried.
5. Add the word "yet"
The difference between "I can't do this" and "I can't do this yet" is small but powerful. The word "yet" reminds you that the situation is not permanent and is open to learning. Using this language, especially when talking with children and teenagers, can help prevent the belief of helplessness from settling in.
6. Ask for support
A person experiencing helplessness has often given up on asking for help, too. Yet someone else's perspective can make visible options you cannot see. Simply asking a friend, a colleague or a specialist you trust, "This is how I see it; how do you see it?" can widen your area of control.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
It may be helpful to see a specialist in the following situations:
- The feeling of helplessness has spread to more than one area of your life
- For a long time you have been avoiding trying anything new, applying for things or asking for help
- It is accompanied by a persistently low mood, loss of energy, and changes in sleep and appetite
- You feel trapped in a relationship or environment, as if there is no way out
- The thought "Nothing will ever change" has started to affect your hope about living, too
These signs do not in themselves mean a diagnosis; however, they deserve to be assessed. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or do not feel safe, please call 112 (emergency services) without waiting. If you feel trapped in a relationship because of violence or pressure, reaching out to sources of support is not a sign of helplessness either, but a step towards taking back control.
How Is Learned Helplessness Approached in Therapy?
When working with learned helplessness in cognitive behavioural therapy, a two-way path is followed. At the level of thoughts, the way the person explains negative events, and the evidence on which the belief "Whatever I do is pointless" rests, are examined together. At the level of behaviour, small, achievable steps connected with the person's values are planned. As these steps are completed, the person relearns through their own experience that "My effort can change something." Behavioural activation and problem-solving skills are important tools in this process.
The schema therapy perspective offers an important understanding of the roots of helplessness. Someone whose needs were constantly ignored in childhood, or who was punished when they voiced their own wishes, may carry schemas such as "subjugation" or "failure" in adulthood. In therapy, how these schemas steer present-day decisions is made visible, and the person's healthy adult side is strengthened.
Therapy itself is also an experience of control: at their own pace and within a safe relationship, the person experiences that small changes are possible. If you are curious about a process like this, you can find information on the individual therapy page.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is learned helplessness the same as laziness?
No. Laziness is usually interpreted as a choice or unwillingness; learned helplessness, on the other hand, is a belief that effort is pointless, which develops after repeated fruitless experiences. Blaming the person usually strengthens this belief.
Can children develop a sense of helplessness?
Yes. In children who are constantly criticised, whose successes go unnoticed or who are not allowed to do anything on their own, the belief "I can't do it" can settle in at an early age. Giving a child age-appropriate responsibilities, noticing their small successes and treating their mistakes as learning opportunities helps prevent this belief from forming.
What if I am in a situation I really cannot control?
Some situations really are beyond our control, and accepting this is healthy. But even in such situations, we have some influence over our reaction, how we see ourselves, whether we ask for support and what we can do in other areas of life. Acceptance is not giving up; it is directing energy to the right place.
How long does it take to break this feeling?
This depends on how long the helplessness has lasted and in how many areas it is experienced. With small but regular experiences of success, the first stirrings may be felt within a few weeks; patterns that have lasted for years and have deep roots may require longer work.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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