Adjusting to high school does not happen at the same pace for every teen. Signs of struggle in the first year and what families can do to help, in this article.
Picture a fourteen-year-old in the first week of September: up at seven, taking two buses instead of the school minibus, straightening the collar of a new uniform and stepping into a corridor they have never seen before. In middle school everyone in their class knew them; now they are working out whose table to sit at during break. Adjusting to high school is often brushed aside from the outside with "the school has changed, they'll get used to it". For the young person, though, it is an intense transition in which their friendships, workload, relationships with teachers and the way they see themselves all change at once. In this article we look at when struggling in the first year of high school (9th grade in Turkey) is part of the normal process and when it calls for closer attention, and at what families can do during this period.
Why Can Adjusting to High School Be So Demanding?
Moving from middle school to high school is not a single change but several changes stacked on top of one another. Very often the young person has spent eight years in the same building, in the same neighbourhood, largely with the same friends. With placement through the LGS (Turkey's national high-school entrance exam), that circle suddenly breaks up; close friends go to schools at opposite ends of the city.
High school is also a different world academically. There are more subjects, physics, chemistry and biology appear as separate lessons, and written exams become noticeably harder. For a pupil who scored 90 in middle school without much studying, getting 50 in the first chemistry exam can feel like more than a mark: it can feel like a blow to the identity of "I am a good student".
Then there is the developmental side. Fourteen and fifteen are among the ages at which being accepted by peers matters most. In a new setting, the question "Do I belong here?" consumes far more mental energy than adults tend to imagine. This is why the tiredness, reluctance or irritability seen in the first months usually comes not from laziness but from this invisible load.
Signs That a Year 9 Student Is Struggling
Some tension in the first weeks, reluctance in the mornings or complaints of "I don't know anyone" are to be expected. What deserves attention is when this picture settles in or gets worse over time instead of easing. The following signs may suggest that a young person needs support in adjusting:
- Frequent stomach aches, headaches or nausea in the morning, especially complaints that disappear at the weekend
- Making excuses not to go to school, rising absences
- Never mentioning school, or only ever describing negative things
- Saying they spend breaks and lunchtime alone, or go to lunch on their own
- Messaging middle-school friends constantly while forming no connection with anyone at the new school
- Overreacting to falling marks: crying spells, sentences such as "I'm stupid" or "This school isn't for me"
- Disrupted sleep, a marked change in appetite, being constantly tense at home
Seeing one or two of these signs for a short time does not on its own mean there is a problem. However, if they are still strongly present by the middle of the first term, or if the young person's general mood has clearly dropped, it is worth taking a closer look.
Which Teenagers Find Adjusting to High School Harder?
Every young person experiences this transition differently. Certain circumstances, however, make struggling more likely.
Teenagers Placed at a School They Did Not Want
A young person placed at a school near the bottom of their preference list starts on the first day with a sense of disappointment. Every corridor is accompanied by the thought "I shouldn't really be here", and this thought makes it harder to invest in the new environment. A pupil who sees the school as a "temporary place" is also less willing to make friends.
Those Who Always Did Well in Middle School
It may seem paradoxical, but pupils who earned high marks effortlessly in middle school can be shaken more by their first low marks in high school. These young people have often relied on their ability rather than building study habits. With the first topic that demands real effort, they may jump to the conclusion "So I'm not that clever after all". In teenagers with perfectionist tendencies, this can turn into marked anxiety.
Shy Teenagers and Those with Social Anxiety
Meeting new people, introducing oneself and speaking up in a crowded classroom are demanding in their own right for some young people. When a shy teenager ends up outside the friendship groups formed in the first weeks, they may interpret this as proof of their own worthlessness.
Those Living Away from Home or Travelling Long Distances
For teenagers who board at school or travel more than an hour each way, adjustment also carries a physical burden. Getting up early, being worn out by the journey and getting home late shrink the time left for both studying and a social life. For the particular situation of young people who start living away from home, you can read our article on boarding at school.
Those Carrying Another Burden at the Same Time
If starting high school coincides with a period in which the family has moved house, the parents have separated, or there has been an illness or loss at home, the young person is dealing with more than one adjustment at once. In such cases, the difficulty at school may be the visible face of a wider burden.
What Teenagers Can Do Themselves When Adjusting to High School
This section speaks directly to young people; parents can read it together with their teenager.
Don't wait for the perfect moment to make friends. Many teenagers think, "Everyone has already formed their group." In reality, friendships keep reshaping throughout the first term. A friendship formed in October or November is no less valuable than one formed in September. Asking the person next to you about a homework question, joining a club or trying out for a school team are small but effective steps.
You don't have to let go of your old friends. Staying in touch with your middle-school friends does not stand in the way of adjusting; but spending every break texting them can close the door that opens onto the new environment. Try to make room for both.
See your first marks as information, not a measure. Your first exams show you not how clever you are, but what kind of studying high school requires. After a low mark, asking "How did I study this topic, and what was missing?" is far more useful than blaming yourself.
Build a small routine. In high school it becomes harder to keep everything in your head. A weekly timetable, a calendar showing exam dates and a short "What's on tomorrow?" check each evening reduce the anxiety that uncertainty creates.
Connect with an adult. Your school counsellor, your form tutor or a subject teacher you like can be an important anchor at school. Telling someone when you are struggling is not weakness; it is a smart move.
How Can Parents Support the Process of Adjusting to High School?
The family's attitude has a marked effect on how the young person experiences this transition. A few points are especially worth keeping in mind.
Ask About the Process Before the Results
In the first minutes after your teenager gets home, asking "What tired you out most today?" or "What did you do at lunchtime?" instead of "What did you get?" shows that their social and emotional experience at school matters too. If they give short answers, don't push; conversations open up more easily during dinner or in the car, when you are sitting side by side rather than face to face.
Don't Respond to Falling Marks Straight Away with Extra Classes and Punishment
It is very common for marks to drop in the first term compared with middle school. Bringing in extra courses, private tutoring or a phone ban straight away can send the message "You are the problem." It is healthier first to try to understand, together with your teenager, what is making things hard, and then to make a small, concrete plan.
Let's say your teenager came home with a low mark in their first physics exam and shut themselves in their room. Saying to them that evening "This exam seems to have upset you quite a bit; would you like to tell me what happened?" instead of "What's this mark about?" changes the tone of the conversation. Once they start talking, you may find that the real issue was not the mark at all, but that after the exam everyone in the class asked each other their scores and they felt too ashamed to answer. The concrete question to look at together the next day might then be not "How do we rescue physics?" but "Who or where could you get help from this week?" A small shift of direction like this makes it more likely that they will come to you with the next difficulty too.
Don't Belittle the School
It is important to understand the disappointment of a teenager placed at a school they did not want; but frequently repeating sentences such as "It's a bad school anyway" or "We'll get you transferred next year" at home makes it harder for them to invest in the school. Acknowledging the disappointment while also pointing out the opportunities the school offers is a more balanced approach.
Adjusting to a new school begins not with a teenager being happy from day one, but with knowing that someone will stand by them when things get hard.
Head Off Comparisons at Family Gatherings
During bayram (religious holiday) visits or family get-togethers, questions such as "Which high school did you get into?" or "What score did you get in with?" can be upsetting. Asking your teenager how they would like to handle these questions, and gently changing the subject if necessary, lets them feel they are not alone.
Tell Your Own Anxiety Apart
Parents often think of the high-school years in connection with the YKS (Turkey's national university entrance exam) four years later. Sending the message "The university exam is just around the corner" from the very first week of Year 9 creates unnecessary pressure at a time when the young person is still trying to get used to a new school. This year can be seen first and foremost as a year for adjusting and building habits.
When Should You Seek Professional Support for Difficulty Adjusting to High School?
Difficulty adjusting often eases by itself within the first term. Even so, in the following situations it may help to talk to a mental health professional:
- The young person has persistently refused to go to school for several weeks, or absences are rising quickly
- Physical complaints regularly prevent them from going to school
- They have become markedly withdrawn and pulled away from things they used to enjoy
- There are signs suggesting they are being mocked, excluded or bullied at school
- There are lasting changes in sleep and appetite, constant crying or outbursts of anger
- They talk about hopelessness, worthlessness or not wanting to live; in such a situation, call 112 (emergency services) immediately and do not leave them alone
These signs do not on their own amount to a diagnosis; but they suggest that what the young person is going through may have gone beyond the usual adjustment process. Our article on peer pressure may also be helpful regarding pressures within peer relationships.
How Are Difficulties Adjusting to High School Addressed in Therapy?
In work with adolescents, the first step is to understand, in the young person's own words, how they are experiencing this transition. Even if the change of school is the same, the real difficulty for one teenager may be loneliness, for another falling marks and for another the long journeys.
Within cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), the young person learns to notice their automatic thoughts about school. Thoughts such as "Nobody likes me", "I'll never have friends here" or "I got a low mark in one chemistry exam, so I'm not cut out for science" are examined together; the evidence is weighed and more balanced perspectives are developed. With socially anxious teenagers, small, gradual steps are planned in the new environment: first talking to a deskmate, then attending a club meeting, and so on.
Some beliefs formed early in life may also become apparent during this process. For a young person who holds the belief "I am only worthwhile if I succeed", for example, a first low mark stops being an ordinary event. Working with such deep-rooted beliefs helps the young person become more flexible not only in this transition but in future transitions too.
Working together with the family is also an important part of the process. In sessions with parents, the young person's needs, expectations at home and communication with the school are considered together. For more information about work with adolescents, see the adolescent counselling page.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does it take to get used to high school?
This varies from one young person to another. Many pupils establish a basic routine within the first few weeks; friendships and academic rhythm, however, often take until the end of the first term to settle. If marked difficulty continues into the second term, it is worth understanding the reason more closely.
My child wants to change schools; should we arrange a transfer?
When a decision to transfer is made in the strong emotions of the first weeks, the same difficulty may well repeat itself at the new school. It is healthier first to understand why the young person is really struggling, to talk to the school counsellor and to allow a certain amount of time. In serious situations such as bullying or safety concerns, however, this assessment should be made more quickly.
Why have my child's marks dropped in high school when they won awards in middle school?
Lesson content and exam structure in high school are markedly different from middle school. A drop in the first term usually stems not from a lack of ability but from not yet having switched to a new way of studying. If the drop continues for a long time and the young person is clearly unhappy, emotional factors should also be considered.
How can I help a teenager who can't make friends in high school?
Rather than pushing them into social situations, researching clubs, sports or volunteering activities that suit their interests together can help. A shared activity makes it easier to start a conversation. If the loneliness goes on for a long time and clearly affects their mood, talking to a professional can be considered.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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