Benefits of Singing Lullabies: The Bond Built Through Your Voice

What are the benefits of singing lullabies? Read what your voice means to your baby, how lullabies fit a sleep routine and how they may affect a parent's mood.

It is three in the morning. The baby is crying, and you can barely stand up from exhaustion. You pick them up and start pacing back and forth across the room, and without realising it, that old tune your mother used to sing to you starts spilling out: "Dandini dandini dastana..." (the opening of a well-known Turkish lullaby). Perhaps you do not remember half the words, perhaps your voice is shaking, perhaps you make up the end of the song yourself. After a while the baby calms down, and your shoulders loosen a little too. When we talk about the benefits of singing lullabies, we usually think only of the baby; yet this small ritual builds a two-way bond between baby and parent. In this article we look at what a lullaby may mean for a baby, its place in the sleep routine, its possible contribution to the parent's own mood, and some commonly heard myths.

What Is a Lullaby? A Voice Passed Down Through Generations

Lullabies are songs sung to soothe, settle and comfort babies and young children, usually slow, repetitive and with a gentle melody. Almost every culture has a tradition of lullabies. In the different regions of Turkey, too, lullabies have been passed down from generation to generation, with words and melodies varying from place to place. In some lullabies the mother wishes her baby a good future, in some she remembers the father working far from home, and in others she voices her own troubles, tiredness and longing.

This last point is interesting: lullabies are not only songs sung to a baby; they are also an expression of the singer's inner world. In traditional lullabies, the mother's worries, loneliness and hopes are often heard. The baby does not understand the words; but they sense the warmth, rhythm and closeness in the tone of voice. The mother or father, meanwhile, may be thought to find an outlet for their own feelings through these songs.

The words of lullabies can sometimes sound sad, even unsettling, to today's ears. This is because lullabies are sung not to give the baby information, but to pour out the singer's heart and to soothe the baby with rhythm. For the baby, what matters is not the meaning of the words but the warmth and pace of the voice. Still, there is nothing wrong with adapting a lullaby whose words feel heavy to you into your own language.

Today many young parents may see singing lullabies as a forgotten or "old-fashioned" habit. White noise or playlists of children's songs played from a phone seem to have taken the place of the lullaby. These can be used too; but it is worth remembering that a song sung in a parent's own live voice offers a different experience from a ready-made recording.

What Are the Benefits of Singing Lullabies? From the Baby's Point of View

When thinking about the effect of lullabies on babies, it is important to avoid exaggerated promises and to focus on what can be observed. Babies are known to show interest in familiar voices from birth, especially the voices of their caregivers. Within this framework, a lullaby is thought to carry the following meanings for a baby:

• A familiar, safe voice: A parent's voice is one of the most familiar stimuli in a baby's world. When this voice comes softly and rhythmically, it can be a signal of safety for the baby.
• Rhythm and predictability: The slow, repetitive structure of lullabies offers the baby a predictable experience. Hearing the same melody every night can become part of the message "now it's time to sleep".
• Physical closeness: Lullabies are usually sung while holding, rocking or lying next to the baby. This moment, in which voice, touch and movement come together, can help the baby settle.
• Early encounters with language and sound: Even though the baby does not yet understand the words, through talking and singing they are exposed to the melody, rhythm and intonation of language. This is a natural part of the verbal interaction built with a baby.
• Accompanying emotional regulation: Babies do not yet have the ability to calm themselves on their own; they learn this gradually, with the help of their caregivers. A lullaby is one of the moments when a parent accompanies the baby's restlessness with a calm voice.

A word of caution is also needed here: a lullaby is not a "getting-to-sleep technique", and not every baby falls asleep to a lullaby every night. Some babies respond to a lullaby straight away, while others prefer just being rocked in someone's arms, and others prefer silence. Observing your baby's reactions is the most reliable way to understand what helps them. The benefits of singing lullabies are not measured by whether the baby falls asleep immediately; those calm minutes spent together are valuable in themselves.

Your baby does not understand the words of the lullaby; but they often understand the "I'm here" message in your voice.

The Benefits of Singing Lullabies for Parents

The parent is the subject least discussed in articles about lullabies. Yet singing a lullaby may touch the singer's mood even before the baby's.

• Slowing down: Singing a lullaby requires your breathing to slow and your voice to soften. At the end of a busy, tense day, this can be a small moment of calm for the parent too.
• Easing loneliness: Night waking, especially in the first months, can leave a parent feeling cut off from the world. Singing a lullaby they heard from their own mother or grandmother can give them a sense of belonging and continuity.
• Expressing feelings: As in traditional lullabies, a parent can weave their own wishes, worries and hopes into their lullaby. Improvising the words, telling the baby about the day's tiredness or joy in the form of a song, can be a gentle way of letting feelings out.
• An experience of bonding: The baby looking at your face, calming down or falling asleep during a lullaby can give a parent the feeling that "I can comfort my baby". This feeling is valuable, especially for new parents who feel inadequate.
• A way in for partners and other family members: Fathers, grandparents and older brothers and sisters can also sing lullabies to the baby. This makes it easier to share care and gives each of them room to form their own bond with the baby.

Some parents, on the other hand, realise that no one ever sang them a lullaby as a child, and that there was no habit of singing at home. This can sometimes bring sadness, and sometimes the feeling that "I don't know how to do this". Yet singing lullabies is something that can be learned; a parent can build anew, together with their baby, a closeness they did not experience in their own childhood. A folk song, a children's song or a simple tune repeating only the words "sleep, my little one" is enough for the purpose. If feelings like these about your own past become intense, talking about them with someone you trust or with a professional may also help.

Imagine a young father holding his first baby, whose own mother lives in another city, sharing night duties with his partner. He holds back, saying, "I can't sing, my voice is terrible." One night, out of desperation, he starts humming a folk song he learned during his military service, slowing it down. The baby calms down, and for the first time the father says, "I can do this too." From that moment on, this folk song becomes the night-time song the two of them share.

Common Myths: Classical Music and Intelligence

The subject of lullabies and music for babies is also surrounded by some widespread myths. The most familiar is the idea that playing classical music to a baby will increase their intelligence. This idea gained ground in the early 1990s when an experiment with adults was exaggerated and spread through popular culture. However, it has not been proven that playing music like this permanently increases a baby's intelligence.

Similarly, claims that a particular lullaby or a particular type of music will "speed up" a baby's development should be treated with caution. The value of singing lullabies lies not in ambitious goals such as boosting intelligence, but in the warm, predictable and close interaction built with the baby.

Another common worry is the question, "My voice isn't nice; could I be doing my baby harm?" Babies do not judge how beautiful your voice is. What matters to them is that the voice is familiar and that it comes in a calm setting. An off-key lullaby, or a single hummed tune, is at least as valuable as a flawless recording. We discuss myths about playing music to babies in more detail in our article on playing music to babies.

How Can You Bring Lullabies into Your Daily Routine?

The benefits of singing lullabies come through most when the lullaby becomes part of a routine. Here are some practical suggestions:

1. Repeat the same tune. Rather than singing different songs every night, using one or two lullabies regularly can help the baby associate these sounds with sleep.
2. Sing slowly and softly. The calmer the tempo of the lullaby, the gentler the atmosphere becomes. Try slowing your breathing along with the melody as well.
3. Change the words to suit you. You can add your baby's name, small events from the day or your wishes for them to the song. A lullaby is not a performance; it is a conversation.
4. Remember your own lullabies. Ask your mother or grandmothers which lullabies they sang to you. This both starts a lovely conversation within the family and builds a bridge between generations.
5. Simplify the setting. Having the television and phone switched off, dim light and a calm room while singing makes it easier for both you and the baby to focus on this moment.
6. Don't push yourself. Some nights you may not have the energy to sing at all. Humming, rocking quietly or simply holding the baby in your arms is enough too.

A small note about screens is also needed. Colourful songs with moving videos played from a phone at bedtime may stimulate the baby rather than calm them. If you want to put music on, using only the sound and keeping the screen out of the baby's line of sight may be more suitable. This helps preserve the soothing, predictable nature of the lullaby.

In crowded homes, for example where the extended family lives together or where several children share the same room in a small flat, finding a quiet corner to sing a lullaby can be difficult. In situations like these, humming the lullaby softly close to the baby's ear can also work. Including older siblings in the lullaby can help them feel involved rather than jealous.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

Singing lullabies is a natural part of the bond between parent and baby. Sometimes, however, parents struggle to experience moments of closeness like these, and this difficulty can be a sign of deeper distress. It is a good idea to talk to a mental health professional in the following situations:

• If, in the weeks or months after giving birth, you have experienced low mood, hopelessness or intense anxiety lasting more than two weeks
• If you feel you have no feelings towards your baby, or feel estranged from them
• If caring for the baby constantly overwhelms you and you cannot enjoy anything
• If you cannot sleep even when you have the chance, and feel constantly on edge
• If thoughts of harming yourself or your baby come to mind

If the last point applies, call 112 (emergency services) without delay or go to the nearest emergency department. These thoughts do not mean that a parent is "bad"; they are a sign of a situation that requires urgent support.

Emotional difficulties in the period after birth are more common than people think, and they can be treated. We describe the symptoms and ways of getting support in detail in our article on postnatal depression.

How Does Psychological Support in Parenthood Work?

The tiredness, anxiety and changes in identity that come with new parenthood are subjects that can be addressed in psychological support. In this process, goals such as the parent recognising their own feelings, developing ways of coping with sleeplessness and tiredness, sharing responsibilities with their partner and extended family, and working on overly self-critical thoughts can be explored.

For parents who find it hard to bond with their baby, small daily interactions such as singing a lullaby, rocking the baby in their arms or making eye contact with the baby can also be discussed in the process. These interactions are approached not as a "task", but as steps that can be tried to the extent the parent feels ready and at their own pace. Support in the area of depression and mood can also be aimed at parents who are struggling in the period after birth.

Frequently Asked Questions

When can I start singing lullabies?

You can start from birth. A baby shows interest in familiar voices from the very first days. Some parents also sing to their babies during pregnancy; this can be a meaningful preparation for the parent too.

Does playing recorded music have the same effect as a lullaby?

Recorded music can also help create a calm atmosphere. However, a lullaby sung by a parent in their own voice, while holding the baby and making eye contact, offers direct interaction with the baby. The two can be thought of as complementing rather than replacing each other.

Is something wrong if my baby doesn't fall asleep to a lullaby?

No. Every baby settles in a different way. Some babies fall asleep more easily with movement, some with silence and some simply with closeness. By observing your baby's reactions, you can discover what helps them.

Up to what age should I keep singing lullabies?

There is no specific age limit. Many children enjoy a bedtime song or story ritual even at school age. You can keep this ritual going for as long as your child wants it, and change it over time together with them.

• #benefits of singing lullabies
• #babies and music
• #parent-baby bond
• #sleep routine

Yazar

Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

Eğitimler