Body Image and Self-Confidence: Ways to Make Peace With Your Body

What is body image, and how does negative body perception affect confidence? Learn its causes and signs in teens and adults, and how to make peace with it.

What is the first thing you see when you look in the mirror? The colour of your eyes, the expression on your face, or a flaw that "needs fixing"? Many people, especially teenagers, get into a harsh inner conversation with themselves in front of the mirror. Sentences like "I'm too heavy", "My nose is too big" or "I'm not muscular enough" sometimes remain a passing dissatisfaction, and sometimes turn into a powerful belief that shapes a person's self-confidence, social life and eating behaviour. Body image, that is, how we perceive our own body and the feelings we have about that perception, is closely linked to our mental health. In this article we look at how negative body perception develops, the signs by which it shows itself and the steps you can take towards a more peaceful relationship with your body.

What Is Body Image?

Body image is a person's mental picture of their own body. This picture is not made up only of what we see in the mirror; it also includes what we think and feel about our body and how we behave because of those thoughts and feelings. Body perception can be looked at in four dimensions:

• Perceptual dimension: How you see your body. This perception does not always match reality; a person may see themselves as heavier or more "flawed" than they are.
• Cognitive dimension: Thoughts and beliefs about your body, such as "If I'm thin, I'll be loved".
• Emotional dimension: What you feel about your body: shame, anxiety, satisfaction or dissatisfaction.
• Behavioural dimension: How these thoughts and feelings show up in behaviour: avoiding mirrors or checking them constantly, hiding the body under baggy clothes, rigid diets, excessive exercise.

A positive body image does not mean finding your body flawless. It means accepting your body as it is, respecting it and not tying your worth only to how you look.

What Are the Signs of Negative Body Perception?

Negative body image often shows itself quietly. The signs below may be clues to difficulties with body perception:

• Constant, intense preoccupation with appearance
• Looking in the mirror very often, or conversely avoiding mirrors
• Avoiding being photographed, constantly finding flaws in photographs
• Constantly comparing yourself with others
• Wearing baggy clothes to hide your body, avoiding places such as the pool or the beach
• Weighing yourself often, measuring your body, checking particular areas
• Rigid diets, skipping meals, banning certain foods completely
• Excessive exercise to lose weight or gain muscle
• Feeling guilt or shame after eating
• Being in a low mood for days because of a comment about appearance
• Staying away from social events out of worry about "how I'll look"

Some of these signs can appear in anyone from time to time. But if thoughts about appearance take up most of the day and affect eating behaviour and social life, you need to be more careful. These symptoms do not on their own mean a diagnosis; still, they can be an important signal to talk to a professional.

Why Does Negative Body Image Develop?

Bodily changes in adolescence

Adolescence is a period when the body changes markedly in a short time. Growing taller, gaining weight, acne, a changing voice and the development of secondary sex characteristics can make a young person feel estranged from their own body. What is more, these changes do not happen at the same time and at the same speed in everyone. Young people who develop earlier or later than their peers may feel "different" and "odd".

Social media and filtered images

A large share of the images we meet on social media are filtered, edited and carefully chosen. When teenagers and adults compare these images with real bodies, they may condemn themselves to a standard that is impossible to reach. Research shows that appearance-focused social media use is linked to body dissatisfaction. Our article on comparison on social media may also interest you.

Comments from family and those around us

In Turkey, commenting on appearance at family and relatives' gatherings is quite common. Sentences such as "Look how much weight you've put on", "You'd be so beautiful if you lost a bit of weight" and "This girl doesn't eat at all" can leave lasting marks on the minds of children and teenagers, even when they are said with good intentions or as a joke. For exactly this reason, bayram (religious holiday) visits and weddings can be anxiety-provoking for some young people.

Peer comments and bullying

Being mocked about your looks, being given nicknames or being excluded are experiences that deeply affect body image. People who had such experiences in childhood or adolescence can remain overly sensitive about their bodies in adulthood.

Perfectionism and tying self-worth to appearance

People who set high standards for themselves and cannot tolerate making mistakes may approach their bodies with the same rigid criteria. The belief "My appearance must be perfect, or I'm worthless" is an important source of body dissatisfaction. In schema theory, such beliefs are linked with patterns such as "defectiveness/shame" and "unrelenting standards".

Societal beauty ideals

Slenderness is mostly presented as the ideal for women, and a muscular, strong body for men. Although these ideals change over time, in every era they define a particular body as "right". Body anxiety in young men is often overlooked; yet problems such as an obsession with gaining muscle, excessive exercise and uncontrolled use of supplements can be seen in men too.

The Relationship Between Body Image and Self-Confidence

There is a two-way relationship between body image and self-confidence. A person who feels worthless in general often projects this feeling on to their body: saying "I don't like my body" instead of "I don't like myself" feels more concrete and controllable. On the other hand, the self-confidence of a person who constantly thinks negatively about their body is gradually worn away.

Say a sixteen-year-old stopped going to PE lessons after a friend at school made a joke about their weight. Then they began avoiding eating out with friends and wearing baggy clothes. Each avoidance reduced the feeling of shame in the short term but strengthened the belief "my body is something to be ashamed of" in the long term. This example shows how avoidance behaviours keep negative body perception going.

When negative body image goes on for a long time, it can lead to:

• Social anxiety and withdrawal,
• Depressive symptoms,
• Disordered eating behaviours and eating disorders,
• Discomfort in relationships and intimacy,
• Avoiding academic and professional opportunities.

Practical Suggestions for Making Peace With Your Body

Changing body image does not happen overnight. But it is possible to transform your relationship with your body through small, consistent steps.

1. Notice your inner voice

Over the course of a day, jot down the sentences that go through your mind about your body, such as "My arms look awful" or "These trousers don't suit me." Many people are surprised when they notice they say things to themselves that they would never say to a friend.

2. Try the friend test

Think of a negative sentence you say to yourself and ask: "Would I say this to a friend I love?" If the answer is no, think about what you would say to that friend and try saying the same sentence to yourself.

3. Focus on what your body does

Think of your body not only through its appearance but through what it gives you: your legs that carry you, your arms that hug the people you love, your face that lets you smile. Writing down three things your body did for you each evening can slowly broaden your perspective.

4. Curate your social media feed

Mute or unfollow accounts that make you feel bad. Make room for accounts that show different body types, ages and looks and that feed interests of yours beyond appearance. Observe the effect that the time you spend on screens has on your mood.

5. Catch the comparison

When you notice you are comparing yourself with someone, stop and remember: what you see is only a small, selected moment from that person's life. Comparing your own journey with someone else's shop window is not a fair comparison.

6. Reduce avoidance behaviours step by step

Make a list of the situations you avoid because of your body and rank them from the least to the most anxiety-provoking. For example, first wearing at home an item of clothing you like but are shy of wearing, then wearing it outside for a short while. Each step strengthens the message "I don't have to give up my life because of my body."

7. Remind yourself of your values beyond appearance

Qualities such as being able to make people laugh, being a good listener, being creative, hard-working or compassionate are what make you you. Try not to squeeze your worth into a single dimension.

8. Turn movement from punishment into pleasure

Exercise can easily become a punishment, driven by the thought "I ate too much yesterday, I have to make up for it today." Instead, try discovering ways of moving your body that you enjoy: dancing, walking in nature, swimming, joining a team sport. When the aim of movement is not to change the body but to have a good time with it, your relationship with your body begins to soften. Pay attention to how you feel after exercise, to your energy and your mood, not to the number on the scales.

Your body is not a project that needs constant work; it is the home you live this life in. Taking care of it instead of criticising it is the first step of change.

Suggestions for families

• Avoid commenting on your child's or other people's appearance or weight.
• Do not talk negatively about your own body; children watch how you treat yourself.
• Instead of labelling foods "good" and "bad", offer a balanced and enjoyable eating environment.
• Appreciate your child for their effort, character and skills rather than their looks.
• Protect your child gently but clearly from comments about appearance from relatives.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

It is important to talk to a mental health professional in the following situations:

• If thoughts about appearance take up most of the day
• If there are behaviours such as skipping meals, vomiting, rigid diets or compulsive exercise
• If weight is changing rapidly or physical symptoms such as disruption to periods have appeared
• If the person avoids going to school, work or social settings because of their body
• If there are feelings of intense shame, unhappiness or hopelessness
• If a particular "flaw" in appearance is thought about for hours and this causes serious distress

When there are serious changes in eating behaviour, a medical assessment is also needed alongside psychological support. If there are thoughts of self-harm, get support without delay; in an emergency, call 112 (Turkey's emergency services).

How Are Body Image Problems Addressed in Therapy?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one of the most researched and most commonly used approaches for difficulties with body image. In therapy, first the person's automatic thoughts about their body, the situations that trigger these thoughts and the behaviours that follow are examined together.

The process may involve work in the following areas:

• Examining thoughts: The evidence for and alternative explanations of thoughts such as "Everyone is looking at my weight" are evaluated.
• Reducing checking and avoidance behaviours: Behaviours such as frequent weighing, looking for flaws in the mirror or hiding the body are reduced step by step.
• Broadening self-worth: Beliefs that tie the person's worth only to appearance are addressed; areas such as relationships, skills and values are strengthened.
• Self-compassion work: A more understanding inner voice is developed in place of harsh self-criticism.

In some cases, the roots of negative body perception reach back to experiences of criticism, mockery or conditional acceptance in childhood. Clinical Psychologist Eda Erkan Alapala's master's thesis is on early maladaptive schemas; this perspective can help in understanding how patterns such as defectiveness or unrelenting standards develop. In the adolescent counselling process carried out with teenagers, families are also included when necessary. Sessions can be held face to face or online.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does body image affect only women?

No. Body dissatisfaction can be seen in every gender. In men it often takes the form of pressure to look muscular and strong, and can lead to behaviours such as excessive exercise or uncontrolled use of supplements.

Does losing weight fix body image?

Not always. Because body image is largely a mental perception, negative thoughts can continue even when weight or appearance changes; the person may then focus on another "flaw". For this reason, change often begins with a transformation in our relationship with our body.

My child constantly complains about their weight. What should I do?

First listen without judging and do not belittle their feelings. Instead of suggesting a diet, be curious about where these thoughts come from. If you notice changes in eating behaviour, skipped meals or intense unhappiness, get support from a professional.

Does a positive body image mean always liking my body?

No. A positive body image is not liking your body at every moment; it is respecting it even at moments when you don't like it, not reducing your worth to your appearance and treating your body with care.

• #self-confidence
• #body perception
• #adolescence
• #social media

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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