How does identity development unfold in adolescence? The signs of an identity search, identity confusion, the family's role and ways to support your teenager.
A young person who had their hair cropped short a month ago, has become curious about a completely different kind of music this month, and one day wants to be a doctor and the next says "Actually I'm going to be a designer"... Parents are often surprised, even worried, by these rapid changes: "I don't recognise my child any more." Yet most of these changes are a natural part of one of the most fundamental tasks of adolescence, that is, the process of identity development. The teenager is looking for their own answers to the questions "Who am I? What do I believe? What do I want to do with my life?" In this article we look at how identity development unfolds in adolescence, the forms an identity search takes, when it can become difficult, and how parents can accompany their teenager through the process.
What Is Identity Development?
Identity is a coherent sense of self made up of how a person defines themselves, their values, beliefs, interests, relationships and goals for the future. Identity development is a process that begins in childhood but intensifies in adolescence and young adulthood.
The psychologist Erik Erikson describes adolescence as a developmental stage between "identity and role confusion". At this stage the young person questions the identifications brought from childhood, that is, the values taken from their parents, teachers and surroundings, and tries to build an identity of their own. According to Erikson, when this process goes well, the young person develops a more consistent sense of who they are and where they are going.
Identity is not one-dimensional. A young person's identity takes shape in the following areas:
- Occupational identity: Which field they want to work in and what kind of career they want
- Values and beliefs: What they find right and important, their worldview
- Relational identity: What kind of person they are in friendships, family and romantic relationships
- Cultural identity: The connection they have with the culture of their family, their city and their society
- Body and appearance: How they see their own body and how they want to look
- Digital identity: How they present themselves on social media and in online settings
Signs of an Identity Search in Adolescence
An identity search looks different in every young person. Most of the behaviours below are ordinary parts of this process:
- Changes in appearance: Experimenting with hairstyle, clothing style and accessories
- New interests: Turning quickly to music, sport, art, games or different hobbies, and dropping them
- Changing friendship groups: Joining different peer groups, drifting away from old friendships
- Questioning parents: A critical look at the family's rules, values and beliefs
- A need for privacy: Spending more time in their room, wanting a space of their own
- Philosophical and existential questions: Questions like "What is the meaning of life?" and "Why am I here?"
- Fluctuations in plans for the future: Frequently changing their mind about a career
- Finding role models: Identifying with celebrities, social media influencers, athletes or teachers
These behaviours show that the young person is experiencing themselves in different roles and trying to discover which role suits them. For the general features of this stage, you can look at the article on adolescence.
Different Paths of Identity Development
In developmental psychology, James Marcia's work explains young people's identity process along two basic dimensions: exploration (investigating different options) and commitment (turning decisively towards an option). Four different identity statuses are defined according to these two dimensions:
- Identity Diffusion: The young person is neither exploring nor committing to an option. An "I don't know, I don't care" attitude is marked. It can be seen as a short-term phase, but if it lasts it may be linked to aimlessness and loss of motivation.
- Foreclosed Identity: Without exploring, the young person has adopted an identity, usually according to the expectations of their family or surroundings. For example, a young person who says without ever questioning it, "My father is a doctor, so I'll be a doctor too." This may seem peaceful for the moment, but later the question "Was this really my choice?" may arise.
- Identity Moratorium (Searching): The young person is actively exploring different options but has not yet reached a decision. This phase may involve anxiety and uncertainty, but it is a very valuable stage for healthy identity development.
- Identity Achievement: The young person has been through a process of exploration and, by their own evaluation, has committed to an option. This does not mean the identity is fixed; identity continues to develop throughout life.
These statuses are not rigid categories. A young person may be in moratorium on occupational matters but in a foreclosed identity on values. Young people can also move between these statuses over time.
An identity search is not a problem, it is a journey. Giving a young person a safe space to try out different roles is one of the most important conditions for healthy identity building.
Factors Affecting Identity Development in Turkey
The Exam System and the Pressure of Early Decisions
In Turkey, young people have to decide on the type of high school through the LGS, on their stream during high school, and on their university degree through the YKS (Turkey's national high-school and university entrance exams) at quite an early age. These decisions, made at a time when identity exploration is still going on, can cause intense anxiety in young people. Some young people, without the chance to explore, choose a direction according to their scores or their family's expectations. You can read the article on university choice anxiety for more information on this.
Social Media
Social media offers young people the chance to see different ways of living, values and identities. This can be a rich field for exploration. But constant comparison, the expectation of likes and the pressure to look "perfect" can also create a split between the young person's real self and the digital identity they present. A young person may focus on displaying an identity that will be liked rather than on being themselves.
Family and Cultural Expectations
In cultural settings where extended family ties are strong and elders' opinions are valued, a young person can be caught between their own preferences and their family's expectations. The worry of "What will people say?" can make it harder for a young person to try out something different.
Migration and Life Between Cultures
Children of families who have changed city, migrated abroad or returned to Turkey from abroad may try to build their identity between two different cultures. This experience can be as challenging as it is enriching.
When Does Identity Confusion Become Difficult?
An identity search is a natural process, but sometimes it can negatively affect a young person's mental health and functioning. The following signs may need attention:
- Long-lasting aimlessness, hopelessness and a feeling that "nothing has any meaning"
- An intense feeling of emptiness, being unable to recognise oneself
- Marked withdrawal from friends and family relationships
- Constantly adjusting oneself to other people, the feeling that "nobody really knows me"
- The identity search becoming bound up with risky behaviours, substance use or self-harm
- A marked drop in school performance and daily functioning
Say a seventeen-year-old has been working for years to get into the degree programme their family wants, but in recent months has found it hard to get up in the mornings, has lost interest in lessons, and asks "Why am I doing this? Whose life am I living?" This may reflect the young person's need to search for their own identity and the conflict they are experiencing with a foreclosed goal.
These signs on their own do not amount to a diagnosis, but they can be important reasons for talking to a specialist about the difficulty the young person is going through.
How Can Parents Support Identity Development? Step-by-Step Advice
1. Make Room for Exploration
Let your teenager try out different interests. Starting a course and dropping it, or becoming curious about a musical instrument and then giving up, is not "indecision" but part of exploration. Of course, teaching them to take on responsibility is important; but not every attempt needs to be seen as a long-term commitment.
2. Listen with Curiosity, Don't Judge
Meet your teenager's new ideas, interests and questioning with curiosity: "What is it about this music that affects you most?", "Why do you think that about this?" Criticising straight away or saying "This too will pass" makes it harder for them to open up to you.
3. Share Your Values, Don't Impose Them
Explain your own values and why you find them important, openly. But also allow your teenager to question these values. Questioning is a necessary step for values to become internalised. Imposed values are usually either rejected in rebellion or remain superficial.
4. Keep the Boundaries
Making room for exploration does not mean having no limits. Clear and consistent limits aimed at protecting the young person's safety, health and the rights of others allow exploration to happen on a safe footing. Explaining the reasons for the limits makes it easier for the young person to accept them.
5. Review Your Own Expectations
Ask how much of an expectation like "My child must study this degree" or "Everyone in our family is like this" comes from your teenager's needs, and how much from your own dreams or worries. The young person finding their own path should happen with your guidance but through their own choices.
6. Support Career Exploration
Create opportunities for your teenager to get to know different occupations: chatting with acquaintances working in different fields, attending university open days, gaining volunteering or internship experience in the summer. These experiences help them develop real curiosity beyond score tables.
7. Approach Mistakes with Tolerance
In an identity search, mistakes and wrong turns are inevitable. Realising that a friendship group is not good for them, or seeing that a hobby does not really suit them, are valuable lessons. Talking together about what has been learned, instead of punishing mistakes, supports the young person's self-confidence.
8. Respect Individuality
Respect your teenager's need for privacy, the way they arrange their room and their choice of clothes. Avoid comparing them with their siblings or peers. Every young person has their own timing and path.
9. Be a Model
Living consistently with your own values, admitting your mistakes and being open to learning give your teenager the strongest example on the subject of identity.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
It can be helpful to seek support from a specialist in the following situations:
- If the young person has been feeling intense emptiness, aimlessness and hopelessness for a long time
- If questioning about identity is seen together with intense anxiety or depressive symptoms
- If there are constant and wearing conflicts in the family over the young person's choices
- If the young person feels helpless and stuck over exams, school or career choice
- If there are signs of risky behaviour, substance use or self-harm
If there are hopeless thoughts about self-harm or life, seek support without waiting; in an emergency, call 112 (emergency services). If symptoms are intense, an assessment by child and adolescent psychiatry may also be needed.
How Is Identity Development Handled in Therapy?
In the adolescent counselling process, the young person is offered a space in which they can express themselves without being judged and safely explore different sides of themselves. The therapist is not the person who "tells" the young person the right identity, but the person who accompanies them in reaching their own questions and answers.
In the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) approach, the young person's thoughts about themselves, others and the future are addressed. Thoughts such as "If I can't decide something, I'm a failure" and "If I disappoint my family, I won't be loved" are noticed, and more flexible, realistic perspectives are developed. Work on identifying values helps the young person clarify what matters to them.
In work drawing on schema therapy, patterns brought from childhood that can affect identity development can be addressed. For example, a young person who constantly seeks others' approval or suppresses their own needs can become aware of the origins of these patterns and their effects today. Involving the family in the process is also important; sessions with the family help parents understand how they can support their young person's identity journey.
Frequently Asked Questions
My teenager keeps changing their mind. Is this normal?
Yes, in adolescence it is quite common for interests, goals and styles to change often, and it is part of identity exploration. These changes generally show that the young person is trying themselves out in different roles. What is worrying is when these changes are seen together with intense distress and loss of functioning.
At what age does the identity search end?
Although identity development intensifies in adolescence, it continues in young adulthood and even throughout life. University years, a first job and new relationships also play an important part in shaping identity. For this reason, it is not realistic to expect everything to become clear in adolescence.
My teenager is rejecting our family's values. What should I do?
This can be difficult for parents. But questioning values is a natural part of identity development. Listening with curiosity rather than turning it into an argument, and sharing your own values without applying pressure, helps protect the relationship. Many young people, after a period of questioning, take up some of the family's values again in their own interpretation.
How much should I steer my teenager on career choice?
Giving information, exploring options together and creating opportunities for experience are valuable; but it is important that the final decision belongs to the young person. Their interests, abilities and values should be at the centre of the decision. If indecision turns into intense anxiety during this process, it is always possible to seek support from a specialist.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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