If you can't go on holiday this year, the disappointment you feel is understandable. Learn where it comes from and how to truly rest when you cannot travel.
One cold evening in January, browsing hotel websites with your partner, you said, "This summer we'll go to the Aegean for a week." In March you looked at the prices again; in May the week shrank to five days; and in June the rent increase and the children's course fees settled the matter. Now, as your annual leave approaches, the same sentence runs through your mind: "Once again, I can't go on holiday this year." Behind this sentence there is more than a cancelled hotel booking; there is a promise you made to yourself all year long: "Not long now, I'll rest on holiday." In this article we look at why being unable to go away feels so heavy, what lies beneath this feeling, and whether it is possible to truly rest even if you cannot go anywhere.
Why Does the Thought "I Can't Go on Holiday" Feel So Heavy?
For most of us, a holiday is much more than a few days on the calendar. That is why its absence feels like more than the loss of a few days.
A holiday is a reward we wait for all year
Long working hours, evenings spent in traffic, the rush of the school bus... Many people carry this load with the thought, "I'll get a breather in the summer." In the mind, the holiday is a kind of finishing line. When that line disappears, it feels as though the tiredness has no end either.
The holiday is not the only thing being postponed
Someone who gives up a holiday because of financial circumstances has usually given up other things before that: eating out, new clothes, a course, meeting friends at a café. The holiday is the most visible and most symbolic item on this list of sacrifices. Letting that go as well strengthens the feeling that "My life is getting narrower and narrower."
Promises within the family
If the children were promised "We're going to the seaside this summer", cancelling the holiday becomes an extra source of guilt for a parent. Seeing a child's disappointment often feels heavier than one's own. A similar burden circulates between partners: while the one who planned the holiday voices their disappointment, the one who manages the budget may feel blamed. In this way a shared loss can turn into an argument about who is more upset or whose fault it is. Yet more often than not, both are grieving the loss of the same thing.
Accumulated tiredness
Sometimes the longing for a holiday is really the voice of exhaustion that has been building up for months. In that case, not being able to go away means that the body and mind's call, "I need to rest now", has once again gone unanswered. We look at the signs of burnout in detail in our article on burnout syndrome.
The Feelings Behind Not Being Able to Go Away
Not being able to go on holiday does not produce a single emotion; usually several feelings are experienced at once, blending into one another.
- Disappointment: Something long awaited and dreamt of does not happen. This is the most natural and understandable feeling.
- Anger: Directed sometimes at the economic situation, sometimes at the employer, and sometimes at your partner, as in "Why can we never go anywhere?" Anger is often the more easily expressed face of helplessness.
- Shame: The thought "At my age, working this hard, and I can't even manage a week's holiday" can lead a person to see themselves as a failure.
- Envy: A quiet pang towards a friend who posts holiday photos. This feeling often bothers the person themselves too and creates guilt.
- Indifference: Acting as though you feel nothing, saying "It was never going to happen anyway." This can be a way of protecting yourself against disappointment.
Let's say your ten-year-old son tells you about a friend who has just come back from their summer house and asks, "Why do we never go to the seaside?" In that moment you may feel anger rising, both at yourself and at your circumstances, along with the ache of being unable to bear the disappointment in your son's eyes. Rather than becoming defensive or changing the subject, giving a short, honest answer, saying "Our budget doesn't stretch to the seaside this year, but we can plan other nice things together", both reassures the child and eases your own guilt. Children pick up on the tension a parent hides far more than on the lack of money.
None of these feelings is "wrong". Noticing and naming them is the first step in coping with them. If the sense of being left behind by other people's holiday posts is stronger for you, our article on not being able to go on holiday looks more closely at this aspect of social comparison.
Do I Want a Holiday, or Do I Want Rest? Telling Your Needs Apart
The reason we want a holiday so badly lies in the needs it meets. Separating these needs one by one shows that, even if you cannot go anywhere, some of them can be met in other ways. Ask yourself: "What was I expecting most from the holiday?"
- Sleep and physical rest: Mornings without an alarm, an afternoon nap, hours passing without hurry.
- Change: Getting away from seeing the same roads and the same walls every day; a new view, a new rhythm.
- Getting away from responsibilities: Not having to deal with cooking, washing up, work emails and housework.
- Contact with nature: The sea, the forest, fresh air, seeing the sky.
- Time with loved ones: Unhurried time with your partner, children and friends.
- Being rewarded: Seeing the return on a year's effort, doing something good for yourself.
Looking at this list, you may notice that the idea that some needs can only be met in a hotel is really a habit. Of course, leave spent at home does not fully replace a week by the sea. But knowing what you need allows you to find ways of meeting that need at least partly.
A holiday is not a place but a state: a state in which tiredness can be set down and time flows a little more slowly. You do not always reach it by travelling.
A Plan for Truly Resting at Home
Spending your leave at home does not automatically make those days restful. In fact, unplanned leave at home can leave you lost among accumulated chores and cupboards, and coming out of it more tired than before. Resting at home needs preparation too.
Declare your leave to be real leave
On the day your leave begins, switch off notifications for work emails and tell your colleagues you will not be available. Being at home makes the trap of "I'm home anyway, I'll just take a quick look" easier to fall into.
Freeze the housework
Do not turn this leave into spring cleaning, renovation or sorting out the cupboards. If possible, plan simple meals in advance, do the shopping in one go and share responsibilities with the others at home. Set yourself a rule: "This week, only what is necessary gets done."
Be a tourist in your own city
Visit a neighbourhood, a museum or a historic bazaar in the city you have lived in for years but never been to. Free concerts run by the municipality, open-air cinemas, public beaches and walking trails can create a sense of change without straining the budget. Taking photos on your phone, looking at a map or sitting somewhere with a glass of tea as you wander around like a tourist sends the mind the message, "This is not an ordinary day."
Plan day trips
Setting off early one morning for a nearby lake, waterfall or highland pasture and coming back in the evening gives you contact with nature without the cost of accommodation. A picnic basket prepared at home can become a far more meaningful memory than a hotel breakfast.
Reconsider going to your hometown or to relatives
The family home in the village, an aunt who lives in a seaside town, a relative's house up in the highlands... For many families these can be an option that is both affordable and nourishing. However, think in advance about whether it will truly be restful; the burden of being a guest and family tensions can turn rest into a new kind of tiredness.
Look into cheap, short trips
A holiday does not have to mean a week in an all-inclusive hotel. A two-night break out of season, a camping trip with friends sharing the costs, a nearby town reached by an intercity train, or a weekend under canvas can meet the need for change without straining the budget. What matters here is shifting your yardstick from other people's holidays to your own needs.
Take sleep and slowness seriously
A few mornings without an alarm, a short nap in the afternoon, a coffee drunk without hurry... These may seem small, but they are powerful steps in helping the body recover. Reducing screen time in the evenings deepens rest by improving the quality of your sleep.
Plan together with the children
If you have children, include them in the plan. Putting together a "family discovery week" in which everyone chooses one day can make leave spent at home as exciting as a game. Camping on the balcony, a film night in the living room, a cycling day in the park... What matters to children is usually not where they go but unhurried time spent with their parents.
When You Say "I Can't Go on Holiday", How Do You Talk to Yourself?
A large part of the burden of not being able to go away comes not from the event itself but from the inner dialogue that accompanies it. Try to notice which sentences follow "I can't go on holiday":
- "I don't deserve anything."
- "Everyone manages to go somehow; I'm the only one who can't."
- "My life will always be like this."
These thoughts are understandable, but they do not reflect the whole truth. Try to balance them with more realistic sentences: "This year the economic situation doesn't allow a holiday; that doesn't determine my worth." "What I see on social media doesn't show the millions of people who can't go on holiday." "This year I can find another way to rest."
You do not need to go somewhere first in order to deserve rest. For a whole year you have worked, looked after your family and carried your responsibilities. It is important to remember that treating yourself kindly does not depend on a hotel bill.
Spread rest across the year
One big holiday a year cannot carry all the tiredness of the remaining eleven months. A year in which you cannot go away can be an opportunity to try spreading rest across the year rather than squeezing it into a single week: one Sunday a month that belongs entirely to you, a screen-free walk one evening a week, a day trip out of the city as the seasons change. These small breaks do not replace a holiday, but they stop tiredness from building up all summer and bursting out all at once.
Open a small window onto the future
The thought "I'll never be able to go" wears hope away. Setting a realistic, small goal instead can help: putting aside a small amount each month for next year, planning an off-season weekend break, or going somewhere nearby with a friend and sharing the costs. Small goals stop the dream from disappearing altogether.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
The disappointment of not being able to go on holiday usually fades with time. However, speaking to a professional may be helpful if:
- You cannot rest even on your days off and feel constantly tired and tense
- The disappointment has turned into a low mood and hopelessness lasting for weeks
- Financial worries are noticeably affecting your sleep, appetite and relationships
- You constantly compare yourself with others and this comparison upsets you deeply
In therapy, the thought patterns beneath burnout and disappointment are examined through a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) approach. Work focuses on beliefs that make rest conditional on particular circumstances, comparisons that leave you feeling worthless, and the thought "I don't deserve it". Concrete plans are made to build small spaces for rest into everyday life. Individual therapy offers a space where you can talk about this burden and hear your own needs again.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does spending your leave at home really help you rest?
Leave that is planned and has clear boundaries can be restful at home too. What matters is cutting off contact with work, keeping housework to a minimum and adding small activities that bring variety to the days. Unplanned leave at home, on the other hand, often fills up with accumulated jobs and becomes tiring.
My partner and I keep arguing because we can't go on holiday. What can we do?
Beneath the arguments there is usually disappointment and tiredness on both sides. Instead of looking for someone to blame, discussing together the question "We both need rest; how can we make that happen this year?" can turn the argument into a shared plan.
I haven't been able to go on holiday for years. Will this affect my mental health?
A life carried on for a long time without rest or change can increase tiredness and tension. But rest does not come only from holidays; regular weekend breaks, time spent in nature and enough sleep also support mental health. If your tiredness has not lifted for a long time, you might consider speaking to a professional.
I envy my friends who go on holiday. Is that a bad thing?
Envy is a natural feeling that arises when you see someone else has something you want too. Rather than suppressing it, noticing it and hearing its message, "I too need rest and change", lightens the weight of the feeling.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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