Childhood Fears: The Dark, Monsters and Being Left Alone

Are childhood fears normal? Read about the causes of fear of the dark, monsters and being alone, how fears change with age and ways to help at home.

"Mum, there's someone in the wardrobe." "Don't turn the light off, I'm scared of the dark." "Don't go, I can't be left on my own." There is hardly a parent who hasn't heard these sentences. Childhood fears are natural feelings that arise while a child tries to make sense of the world, and they are often a part of development. In the years when imagination is developing and the line between real and imaginary has not yet settled, monsters, the dark and separation are entirely real threats to a child. In this article we look at why childhood fears arise, how they change with age, when they go beyond what is normal and how you can support your child step by step at home.

What Are Childhood Fears? Are They Normal?

Fear is a basic emotion that warns a person of danger. In children, fears change form along with the development of the brain and the imagination. In infancy loud noises and unfamiliar faces come to the fore, in the preschool years the dark and imaginary creatures, and in school age real-life dangers.

Most childhood fears are temporary and developmentally expected. Indeed, learning to cope with fear is an important experience that builds a child's emotional resilience. A child who lives through a fear and overcomes it with an adult's support internalises the knowledge that "I can cope with difficult feelings".

However, some fears can intensify, last a long time and start to limit the child's daily life. At this point it may be more accurate to speak of an anxiety problem than of fear. We will look at this distinction later in the article.

Childhood Fears by Age

Ages 0–2

• Loud and sudden noises
• Strangers (stranger anxiety usually becomes pronounced at around 8 months)
• Separation from the caregiver
• Noisy appliances such as the bath and the vacuum cleaner

Ages 2–5

• The dark
• Monsters, ghosts, witches and imaginary creatures
• Animals, especially dogs and insects
• People in costumes or masks
• Sleeping alone at night, separating from parents

In this period children's magical thinking is strong. Imagining something means that thing might exist. A shadow in the wardrobe can turn into a monster, and the movement of a curtain into a creature.

Ages 6–10

• Real dangers: burglars, fire, earthquakes, accidents
• Illness and death
• Failing at school, being told off by the teacher
• Events seen on the news or on the internet

After the 6 February 2023 earthquakes in Turkey, fear of earthquakes has been observed to become pronounced in many children. In addition, frightening content circulating on social media and video platforms can feed school-age children's fears.

Age 10 and Over

• Not being socially accepted, being excluded
• Exam and performance anxiety
• Appearance and body image
• Uncertainty about the future

What Causes Childhood Fears?

Developmental Causes

The development of imagination allows the child to think of possibilities they had not thought of before. This is a skill, but it also opens the door to new fears. In addition, as children grow they realise that the world is not always safe, and this awareness naturally leads to fear.

Experiences

A dog barking, a nightmare, a difficult experience in hospital or an unexpected loss can be the starting point of particular fears.

Modelling

Children read the world through their parents' eyes. The child of a parent who screams at the sight of a spider may learn that spiders are dangerous. Anxious parenting attitudes can contribute to similar anxieties developing in the child.

Media and Screen Content

Films that are not age-appropriate, frightening scenes in cartoons, news bulletins and scary content that algorithms put in front of children on video platforms directly affect children's imaginative world. Content watched before sleep in particular is among the frequent triggers of night waking and nightmares. For this reason, knowing what your child watches, watching together if possible and turning off autoplay are protective steps.

Stress and Changes in the Family

Moving house, the birth of a new sibling, a change of school, tension between parents or financial difficulties can shake the child's overall sense of security. The child often cannot express this uncertainty directly; instead, they may show it through night fears, not wanting to separate, or the return of fears they had already overcome. For this reason, when a new fear appears, looking at what has changed in the child's life recently can be a guide.

Temperament

Some children are born with a more cautious structure and are slower to get used to new situations. These children may experience fears more intensely. This is not a deficiency but a difference in temperament.

How Should You Approach Your Child's Fear? Step-by-Step Tips

1. Take the Fear Seriously, Don't Belittle It

Saying "Don't be silly, there's no such thing as monsters" may seem logical, but it makes the child feel misunderstood. Instead, acknowledge their feeling by saying "I can see you're scared in the dark. Being scared is a very hard feeling." Accepting the feeling is the first step towards the child calming down.

2. Don't Mock or Shame the Fear

Sentences like "You're a big boy now, and you're still afraid of the dark?" cause the child to hide their fear. The fear does not go away; it is just lived alone.

3. Give Information, Explain in an Age-Appropriate Way

Giving school-age children simple and accurate information about what they fear can be reassuring. For example, with a child who has a fear of earthquakes, preparing an emergency bag together and identifying safe spots in the house turns the feeling of helplessness into a feeling of control. Our article on children after disasters may offer further information on communicating with children after a disaster.

4. Support Facing the Fear in Small Steps, Not Avoidance

Avoiding the feared thing altogether brings relief in the short term but enlarges the fear in the long term. Instead, plan small, manageable steps. Imagine a five-year-old who is afraid of sleeping alone in their room. In the first week the parent can sit beside the bed, in the second week move to a chair by the door, and in the third week stay outside the door. Each step gives the child the feeling of "I managed this too".

5. Practical Ideas for Fear of the Dark

• Use a dim night light
• Explore the room in the dark together during the day, play a "treasure hunt" game with a torch
• Make the dark fun with shadow games
• Build a calm and predictable routine before sleep
• Limit frightening content in the hours before bed

6. Respond to Fear of Monsters with Imagination

A fear created by imagination can be softened by imagination too. Ask your child to draw the monster; then add a funny hat and colourful socks to it. You can turn the monster into a story and make it a "friendly" character. However, use methods such as "monster spray" carefully; for some children they can turn into a message confirming that the monster is real. Get to know your child and observe which works.

7. Trust Rituals for Fear of Being Left Alone

Create a short and loving farewell ritual at separation: a hug, a special sentence, a concrete time of return such as "I'll come back when you've finished your homework". Disappearing secretly shakes the child's trust and increases fear. Keeping your promise to return helps the child be more ready for the next separation.

8. Teach Calming Skills

Teach your child simple breathing exercises. For example, "balloon breathing": taking a deep breath in through the nose, inflating the tummy like a balloon, then slowly blowing out through the mouth. Skills like this help the child calm their body in a moment of fear.

9. Manage Your Own Feelings

Your staying calm when your child is afraid gives them the strongest message of safety. If you are anxious, first regulate your own breathing. Take care not to project your own fears onto the child.

10. Talk Through Books and Stories

Picture books about characters who cope with fear allow the child to talk about their own feeling from a safe distance. After reading the story, you can link the conversation to the child's experience with questions such as "What do you think the hero felt when they were scared? What did they do next?" You can also write your own story together: a character who is your child, who is afraid of the dark but in the end explores their room with their torch. The more children imagine themselves in a brave role, the more willing they are to try that role in real life.

11. Make a Courage Chart

To make the gradual-facing steps visible, make a simple chart. Write small goals ordered from the easiest step to the hardest; for example, "Going to my room on my own while the hall light is on", "Turning off my room light myself", "Falling asleep while Mum is outside the door". Each time they succeed at a step, your child can stick on a sticker. What matters here is appreciating the effort, not the outcome: the sentence "You were scared, but you tried anyway" teaches the child that courage is not fearlessness but taking a step despite the fear.

The main goal is not to remove fear but to accompany the child as they learn that they can be safe together with their fear.

Fear or Anxiety Disorder? Signs to Watch For

Developmental fears usually decrease over time. However, the following features may suggest that a fear is going beyond normal limits:

• The fear is far more intense than expected for the child's age
• It continues for months without decreasing
• To avoid the feared situation, the child disrupts basic activities such as going to school, playing with friends and sleeping
• Physical complaints such as stomach ache, headache and nausea are frequent along with the fear
• They constantly express worry that something bad will happen
• Their sleep pattern is seriously disrupted and they often have nightmares

Imagine a seven-year-old who, after an earthquake, wants to sleep in their shoes every night, refuses to stay alone in a room at home and often goes to the school nurse with a stomach ache. This picture may point not to a developmental fear but to an anxiety response that has developed after the event and may need support.

These signs do not on their own mean a diagnosis; but they can be a good reason to consult a specialist. For information on the different faces of anxiety in children, see our article on anxiety in children.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

It may be helpful to seek support from a child psychologist in the following situations:

• If the fear has lasted for several months and is gradually increasing
• If it clearly affects the child's school, friendships and family life
• If it began after a traumatic event (an accident, an earthquake, a loss, witnessing violence)
• If panic-like attacks or intense crying fits are seen
• If the methods you have tried as a parent are not working and you feel exhausted

If physical complaints accompany the fear, it is important first to see a paediatrician to rule out a medical cause.

How Are Childhood Fears Addressed in Therapy?

Young children can find it hard to describe their feelings in words. For this reason, child and play therapy is an important tool in addressing fears. In child-centred play therapy, the child re-enacts their fears through toys in a safe setting, experiences a sense of control and reduces the power of the fear.

With school-age children, the principles of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be used, adapted to the age. The child learns to recognise how they feel fear in their body, to notice "fear thoughts" and to approach feared situations step by step through gradual-exposure steps. Children's drawings are also one of the tools that can support the process; drawings can give valuable clues about the child's inner world, but they are not interpreted on their own.

Sessions with parents are an integral part of therapy. Parents plan together how to respond to their child's fear, how to reduce avoidance and how to cope with their own anxieties.

Frequently Asked Questions

My child is afraid of the dark. Is it a problem for them to sleep with the light on?

A dim night light is comforting for most children and causes no problem when it is soft enough not to disturb sleep quality. However, sleeping with all the lights on can become a habit over time. Reducing the light gradually is a more balanced way.

Do childhood fears go away on their own?

Most developmental fears decrease over time as the child grows and in a supportive environment. However, if avoidance behaviour is reinforced too much, the fear can become lasting. For this reason, it is important to support facing it in small steps.

My child often comes to our bed at night. What should I do?

First try to understand why the child comes: are they having nightmares, or are they afraid of being alone? Calmly and consistently taking them back to their own bed, staying with them briefly and appreciating their effort in the morning usually works. In this process, consistency matters more than any individual night.

They watched a frightening film and started having nightmares. What should I do?

Talk calmly with your child about what they watched and explain in an age-appropriate way what is real and what is fiction. For a while, limit screens in the hours before bed and follow a soothing routine. If the nightmares continue for weeks, it may be helpful to consult a specialist.

• #child development
• #night fears
• #anxiety
• #parenting

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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