How to get your child to love reading without forcing it: why children avoid books, what to expect at each age and steps that grow the joy of reading at home.
A reading chart hangs on the fridge door. Twenty pages a day, a summary at the end of every book, handed in to the teacher at the end of the month. The nine-year-old, however, opens the book and the first thing they do is check how many pages are left. "There are still thirty pages," they sigh, and then get up with a different excuse at every paragraph. As a parent, all you want is for them to read under the duvet with a torch, the way you did as a child. Trying to get your child to love reading is a goal most families want very much, and yet feel slipping further away the more they want it. In this article we talk about why children avoid books, how reading can become enjoyable again in a world competing with screens, and how a reading habit can be built within everyday life, without force.
Why Can't You Get Your Child to Love Reading by Forcing It?
Reading is as much an emotional experience as it is a skill. If a child experiences curiosity, warmth and enjoyment in their first encounters with books, the book becomes an object that makes them feel good. But if books come with punishment, homework, counting pages and the bargain "No tablet until you've read", reading is coded in the child's mind as a burden.
The psychological distinction between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation is important here. Doing something because we enjoy it is intrinsic motivation; doing it to earn a reward or avoid a punishment is extrinsic. Extrinsic methods can get pages turned in the short term. But reading that runs only on rewards and obligation usually stops when the reward disappears. Constantly rewarding reading can even send the child an indirect message: "This is so boring that I need to get something in return."
This does not mean that reading charts or school reading programmes are completely useless. But the reading environment at home needs to be a different place from the reading the school measures and tracks. School teaches reading and monitors it; home makes children love it.
Let's say a girl in fourth grade struggles to finish the novels on the reading list sent home from school, yet takes the animal encyclopaedia her aunt gave her to bed every night and memorises dog breeds one by one. Her family complains, "She doesn't like reading at all." Yet this child loves reading; she just loves information books rather than stories. Getting your child to love reading sometimes starts not so much with building a new habit as with seeing an interest that is already there and helping it grow. Instead of belittling the encyclopaedia, putting an adventure book with animals in the lead roles next to it builds the bridge by itself.
Why Do Children Avoid Books?
Reading still feels hard
A large share of children who avoid books actually struggle with reading itself. A child busy decoding words one by one cannot enjoy the story, because all their energy goes into the letters. This is very common in children who have only just cracked reading or who are slow to learn to read. Our article on being slow to learn to read may give you some ideas on this.
The books don't match the child's interests
Adults' "must-read" lists do not always match a child's curiosity. A child fascinated by dinosaurs, football, space or insects may find the classic novel they have been given boring. It is not that they dislike reading; they simply haven't met their own book yet.
Reading always ends with a test
A child who meets questions such as "What was the main idea?" or "Write down the characters' traits" at the end of every book experiences reading as an assessment process. If, as an adult, you had to write a summary after every novel you read, how many would you finish with enjoyment?
The speed of the screen overshadows the patience of the book
Short videos, colourful games and images that change within seconds can lead the brain to get used to quick rewards. A book, however, requires patience: in the first pages you need to get to know the characters and wait for the story to open up. For a child who spends long hours with screens, this wait can feel unbearable. For other effects of screen use, see our article on screen addiction.
There is no reading role model at home
Children see not what we want them to do, but what we do. In a home where everyone is buried in their own phone in the evenings, expecting only the child to read a book does not feel fair to them.
Reading by Age: What Should You Expect?
A reading habit is not formed in one go but layer by layer over the years. Age-appropriate expectations reduce both the parent's disappointment and the pressure on the child.
- Pre-school years: At this age, the reading habit begins with looking at picture books together and listening to stories. Asking for the same book again and again is entirely ordinary and valuable for language development.
- First and second grade: The child cracks reading, but fluency is still developing. Short books with plenty of pictures, and your reading aloud, are still very important. Finishing a book they have read by themselves is a great achievement at this stage.
- Third and fourth grade: As reading becomes fluent, the child may turn to chapter books, series and information books in their own areas of interest. At this stage the shift from "learning to read" to "reading to learn" begins.
- Middle school: Tastes become clearer. Fantasy novels, comics, detective stories or real-life stories may come to the fore. Respecting their choices is very important for reading to continue.
At each of these steps the child progresses at their own pace. Rather than comparing with the number of pages a sibling or classmate reads, it is more meaningful to look at whether the enjoyment your child gets from reading is growing.
Books Competing with Screens: The Reading Habit in Turkish Homes
Many parents remember their own childhood: books borrowed from the neighbourhood library in the summer holidays, sets of stories given as gifts at Bayram (the religious holidays), evenings when only one television channel was broadcasting. Today's children, however, are growing up with devices that carry a cinema, an arcade and an unlimited video archive in their pockets. In this world, the book is competing with very strong rivals.
In Turkey, reading is often seen as a school obligation. Reading lists, book summaries, class library tracking... These matter, but when reading remains only "school business", the books go back on the shelf the day the holidays begin. Another reality is that, with the rising cost of living, buying new books has become harder on the family budget. Here, provincial and district public libraries, school libraries and swapping books among friends are valuable resources that are both economical and give the child the freedom to choose.
Finding a quiet reading corner in a busy home is not easy either. In a home where the television is on in the living room and there is never a shortage of guests, a child needs a small space of their own to be able to get lost in a book. A floor cushion, a lamp and a basket of books are enough to create that space.
Steps You Can Take at Home to Get Your Child to Love Reading
Don't stop reading aloud too early
When a child starts reading on their own, parents often stop reading aloud. Yet the stories children can understand by listening are more complex than those they can read by themselves. Reading aloud introduces the child to stories richer than they can yet read alone, and keeps its value until the end of primary school and even beyond. In many families, the fifteen minutes before bed becomes the calmest moment of the day.
Give your child the right to choose
Go to the bookshop or library together and leave the choice to them. The book they choose may seem "simple" or "empty" to you; but reading a book they chose makes the child feel that reading is a space of their own. Adding a book you suggest to the basket now and then keeps the balance.
Allow them to leave a book unfinished
Adults can abandon a book they don't like; children should be given the same right. The rule "You'll finish the book you started" can trap a child for weeks in a book they find boring and make them take a break from reading. Trying a few chapters and putting it down if they don't like it makes room for the next book.
Spread reading through everyday life
Baking a cake together by reading a recipe, drawing a holiday route on a map, reading the rules of a game out loud, writing a letter to Grandad... Reading is not limited to the pages of a book. These small moments show that reading is useful and enjoyable.
Create a reading home
Set a half-hour reading time on a few evenings a week when the whole family puts their phones aside. Let Mum read her novel, Dad his newspaper and the child their own book. An environment where everyone reads at the same time turns reading not into a punishment but into a shared family habit.
Talk, but don't test
Instead of "What was the main idea?", questions such as "Which character did you like most?", "What would you have done in their place?" or "How would you have liked the story to end?" invite the child to think about the book. These conversations are not a test but a sharing of curiosity.
Don't make screens and books enemies
Finding the book of a film your child has watched, suggesting stories set in the world of a game they love, or looking through an information book on a subject together after a documentary can turn the screen into a bridge to books. The message "Screens are bad, books are good", on the other hand, often pushes the child even further from books.
Turn the library into an outing
Once or twice a month, make going to the public library at the weekend a family outing. Having a library card in their own name, the responsibility of borrowing a book and bringing it back on time, and the freedom of wandering between the shelves give reading a completely different meaning. A simit or a tea break on the way back makes the outing a ritual that is remembered and looked forward to.
Celebrate reading quietly
Celebrate a finished book not with exaggerated rewards but with a small ritual: going together to choose the next book, drawing the book's hero, giving a book they loved to a friend as a gift. In this way reading remains an experience that is meaningful in itself.
The way to bring a child together with books is to make them feel that reading is not a task, but a door.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Staying away from books is often a matter of interest and habit. In some cases, however, avoiding reading may be a sign of another underlying difficulty:
- If the child reads noticeably more slowly than their peers, often skips words or reads by guessing
- If they constantly struggle to understand what they read and have to read a paragraph again and again
- If they experience intense anxiety, crying or physical complaints when they need to read aloud
- If, beyond books, they no longer enjoy many activities, withdraw into themselves and their energy has dropped markedly
- If they cannot give their attention to a task for more than a few minutes
- If screen use has become uncontrollable and intense outbursts of anger occur when screens are restricted
These signs alone do not mean a diagnosis. But if reading difficulties, attention problems or emotional difficulties are involved, noticing them early is important for protecting the way the child sees school and themselves. Where necessary, an eye examination, the school's guidance service and an assessment by a child and adolescent psychiatrist can also be included in the process.
How Is Avoiding Reading Approached in Therapy?
In child and play therapy, avoiding reading is usually addressed not on its own, but together with the child's learning experiences, how they see themselves and the interactions within the family.
Understanding the function of avoidance: Why is the child avoiding books? Because reading is hard, because they are afraid of looking like a failure, or because reading has turned into a battleground at home? The answer to this question shapes the road map.
Play and story work: In play therapy, children build their own stories through toys, puppets and pictures. Rediscovering the pleasure of storytelling through play can help develop a more positive approach to books.
Cognitive behavioural techniques: With slightly older children, beliefs such as "I don't like reading because I can't do it" are noticed, and work is done on small, achievable reading steps and on noticing effort.
Sessions with parents: The reading routine at home, the balance between rewards and obligation, screen rules and the parent's own worries are reviewed together. The aim is for reading to move out of a power struggle in the family and become a shared pleasure.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does reading comics count as real reading?
Yes. Comics support vocabulary, following a story and visual literacy; they can be a powerful gateway, especially for children who are reluctant to read. Moving on to other genres over time often happens by itself.
Can listening to audiobooks replace reading books?
Audiobooks nourish listening, comprehension and a love of stories; they are a valuable tool that complements reading in the car or before sleep. To develop reading skills, however, the child also needs to meet printed text regularly.
Should I make my child read the classics and the books on school lists?
The books the school asks for should be read, but it is important that they are not the only reading material at home. Reading the classics aloud together first, or choosing simplified editions suited to the child's age, makes these books more accessible.
My child always wants to read the same book. Is this a problem?
No. Reading a favourite book again and again gives a child a sense of security and mastery, and they notice new details with each reading. Putting new books on similar topics next to it helps gradually widen their curiosity.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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