What is psychological resilience and how can you build it? Read about the factors that help us bend under pressure, common myths and practical everyday steps.
Imagine two siblings. The small business they inherited from their father can no longer pay its debts after a sudden rise in the exchange rate, and it closes. One of the siblings struggles for months, cannot sleep at night, cries and gets angry; but a year later, in another city and another job, they are back on their feet. The other, even years later, still says, "Everything ended that day," and does not dare to start anything new. One of the concepts used to explain why two people who grew up in the same family and went through the same loss can take such different paths is psychological resilience. In this article we look at what the concept really describes, common misunderstandings, the factors that nourish resilience, the role of childhood experiences and ways to strengthen this capacity in everyday life.
What Is Psychological Resilience?
Psychological resilience is a person's capacity to adapt in the face of difficult life events, losses, trauma or prolonged stress, to recover after being shaken, and to go on living their life in a meaningful way. In Turkish the concept is sometimes also rendered as "yılmazlık" (undauntedness) or "the strength to pull yourself together".
The most important word in the definition is "adapt". Resilience resembles not the hardness of a stone but the flexibility of a branch. A stone stands as if nothing has happened up to a certain force, and then it cracks. A branch bends and sways, but returns to its former shape, or to a new balance, without breaking. Someone who is psychologically resilient is affected by difficulties too; they grieve, they are afraid, they get angry. The difference is that, without getting lost in these feelings, they are able over time to find their way again.
Another important point is that resilience is not a fixed personality trait. The same person may be very strong in one period of their life and very fragile in another. Resilience is a dynamic process produced jointly by a person's inner resources, their relationships, the environment they live in and their circumstances at the time. This is why the field often emphasises that resilience is not a power unique to extraordinary people but a capacity that ordinary people develop with ordinary resources.
Common Myths About Psychological Resilience
As the concept has become popular, some misconceptions have spread too. These can make people going through hard times feel even more inadequate.
- "Resilient people aren't affected." In reality, resilience is not about not feeling pain but about being able to carry on living alongside the pain. Crying for weeks after a loss is not a sign of a lack of resilience.
- "You either have resilience or you don't." This capacity can be learned, supported and strengthened throughout life.
- "Strong people don't ask for help." On the contrary, being able to ask for support when you need it is one of the most solid components of resilience.
- "Every hardship makes you stronger." The saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is not always true. Some experiences, particularly prolonged and repeated trauma, can wear a person down rather than strengthen them. Where there is growth, it usually comes not from the event itself but from the support received and the meaning made afterwards.
- "Resilience means thinking positively." Excessive optimism that denies the difficulty is not resilience. Resilient thinking is realistic: "This is genuinely hard, and I can also find a way to cope with it."
Resilience is not about never being shaken; it is about finding ways to stand up again after being shaken.
Factors That Nourish Psychological Resilience
Research shows that resilience is fed not by a single source but by many mutually supporting factors. Most of these can be developed.
Secure relationships
Having at least one person who stands by you in difficult times and listens without judging you is perhaps the strongest predictor of resilience. This person might be a family member, a friend, a neighbour or a teacher.
Flexible thinking
Being able to see a situation from different angles, to distinguish what can be controlled from what cannot, and not to get stuck in a single catastrophic scenario. Flexible thinking allows a person to see options instead of helplessness.
Being able to regulate emotions
Being able to carry intense emotions without suppressing them but also without drowning in them. When emotions can be noticed, named and expressed in healthy ways, the mind can make more room for problem-solving.
Meaning and values
Having something that matters in life gives direction on difficult days. Staying strong for one's children, a faith, a professional ideal or contributing to a community can all be counted among these sources of meaning.
The body and self-care
When basic needs such as sleep, nutrition and movement are neglected, emotional resources are quickly depleted too. Resilience has a physical foundation.
Experiences of competence
Having overcome a difficulty before, and recognising this, feeds the sense that "I can get through this too". Small successes build capital for big challenges.
Self-compassion
Being able to approach yourself in difficult times not like a harsh critic but like an understanding friend. Anger and shame directed at yourself drain energy; compassion makes room for recovery.
Early Experiences and Psychological Resilience
Many of these factors have roots that reach back into childhood. A child whose feelings are accepted, who knows they will not lose love when they make a mistake, and who feels the presence of an adult they can trust, acquires inner resources they can draw on when facing difficulties later. By contrast, a child whose basic emotional needs, such as the need for safety, acceptance and connection, go unmet for a long time may develop rigid beliefs about themselves and the world.
In the schema therapy approach, these beliefs are called early maladaptive schemas. Schemas such as "I am defective", "People will abandon me sooner or later" or "If I make a mistake, everything will be ruined" are activated in adulthood in the face of a stressful event, and can affect how the person interprets the event and which way of coping they turn to. Clinical Psychologist Eda Erkan Alapala's master's thesis examines exactly this area, namely the relationship between early maladaptive schemas, psychological resilience and coping with stress.
The point that needs underlining here is this: childhood experiences are a starting point, not a destiny. Schemas can be recognised, questioned and loosened in adulthood through new relationships, new experiences and therapy. Many people who had a difficult childhood are able to build a highly resilient life as adults.
Resilience in the Face of Hardship in Turkey: An Everyday View
Many people living in Turkey have faced more than one collective hardship within a short space of time: economic fluctuations and the rising cost of living, the deep marks left by the 6 February 2023 earthquakes, migration for work and education, and anxiety about the future squeezed into a single exam day. Under these conditions, resilience goes beyond being an individual trait; it becomes a collective need.
Our culture has strong sources of resilience: neighbourly relationships, solidarity among relatives, acquaintances who knock on the door on a difficult day, meals laid out for days in a house of mourning. These shared support networks are an important force that keeps people going.
On the other hand, some cultural patterns can be mistaken for resilience. Sayings such as "Grit your teeth", "A real man doesn't cry" and "Everyone has their troubles, be grateful" may seem to keep a person going in the short term, but they can lead to emotions being suppressed and asking for help being postponed. Carrying your burden without ever sharing it is not resilience; it is often a silent exhaustion. Real resilience also includes being able to say, when necessary, "This has become too much for me."
Let us return to the siblings at the beginning of the article. The sibling who recovered did not hide their grief in those first months; they opened up to their spouse and to a friend, consulted a specialist about restructuring the debt, and kept getting up at the same time every morning. The other sibling, without telling anyone anything, said "I'll handle it" and tried to carry the burden alone. The difference between them is not an innate strength but, to a large extent, how they related to the hardship.
How Can Psychological Resilience Be Built?
Resilience does not suddenly appear at the moment of crisis; it is built through small steps taken in calmer periods. The following suggestions offer concrete ideas for beginning that work:
- Make your support network visible. Write down three people you could call on a difficult day. A short list is not a failure but a starting point; nurturing these relationships in calm times makes it easier to reach them in a crisis.
- Define your area of control. Draw two circles on a piece of paper. In the inner circle, write the things you can influence; in the outer circle, the things you cannot. Directing your energy towards the inner circle reduces the sense of helplessness.
- Create routine anchors. Choose a few habits that can stay fixed even when life is shaken: waking up at the same time, eating one regular meal a day, a ten-minute walk. These small anchors provide solid ground amid uncertainty.
- Ask for "the smallest next step". In a crisis, the big picture can be paralysing. The question "What is the smallest step I can take right now?" brings a person back into a space where they can act.
- Remember your past evidence of coping. Write down the difficulties you have overcome before and how you overcame them. Who was with you, and what helped? This list is a map of resources for today's challenge.
- Give your feelings permission. Instead of suppressing sadness, fear or anger, make time for them. Talking to a friend, writing or simply crying helps feelings to be processed.
- Make room for questions of meaning. The question "What has this experience shown me about what matters?" does not make the pain smaller, but it can give it a direction. Some people also experience positive changes after difficult experiences, known as post-traumatic growth; this is not an obligation but a possibility.
There is no need to try to apply all of these steps at once. It is more realistic to start with one or two that feel closest to you, keep them going for a few weeks and then add new ones. Resilience grows stronger not through a single big move but through small, repeated choices. If you notice that in a hard week you managed none of them, you can read this not as evidence against yourself but as a sign that the week was genuinely heavy.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Being shaken by hardship is natural, and most people recover over time with their own resources. However, in the following situations it may be helpful to seek support from a professional:
- If months have passed since the event and there is no noticeable improvement in your sleep, appetite and daily functioning
- If you are experiencing intrusive memories of the event, nightmares or intense avoidance
- If you constantly feel exhausted, helpless and hopeless
- If you notice that you are turning more and more to alcohol or other substances to cope
- If your support network is weak and you feel you are carrying the burden alone
If hopelessness is starting to turn into not wanting to go on living or thoughts of harming yourself, do not carry this alone, and in an emergency call 112 (emergency services) without delay.
How Is Psychological Resilience Strengthened in Therapy?
Therapy is not a process that directly "injects" resilience, but work that makes visible the resources a person already has and develops new ones. In cognitive behavioural therapy, the catastrophising, helplessness and self-blaming thoughts that accompany difficult events are examined, and more flexible, realistic perspectives are developed together. Problem-solving skills, emotion regulation techniques and behavioural steps broaden the person's repertoire of coping.
From a schema therapy perspective, the deep beliefs that are activated at times of stress, and their origins, are explored. When schemas such as "If I ask for help, I'll look weak" or "I have to handle everything on my own" are recognised, the person can try more helpful ways, such as seeking support in difficult times. The therapeutic relationship itself often nourishes resilience as an experience of a safe relationship.
If you would like to rediscover your resources in the face of the difficulties you are going through, it is possible to carry out this work within individual therapy, either face to face or online.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can psychological resilience be measured?
There are some scales used in research and clinical assessment; these can give an idea of a person's coping resources. However, because resilience varies from situation to situation, a single score does not fully describe a person. Scale results should be seen not as a label but as information to start a conversation.
How can resilience be supported in children?
Accepting the child's feelings, giving them age-appropriate responsibilities, allowing room for mistakes and letting them feel you are by their side when they struggle are the basic steps. Rather than solving every problem for the child, accompanying them as they find their own solution nourishes resilience.
Does being resilient mean putting up with everything?
No. Resilience does not mean staying forever in a relationship, workplace or situation that harms you. Sometimes the most resilient step is setting a boundary, stepping away or making a change. It is important to see the difference between enduring and adapting.
Does resilience increase with age?
Because of life experience, past difficulties overcome and developing coping skills, many people feel more balanced as they grow older. But this is not automatic; the losses, health problems and loneliness that come with old age can also bring new challenges. Resilience is a capacity that needs to be nourished at every age.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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