Moving house stress is not just boxes and vans; it is the sadness of the home you leave and the effort of settling in. Read how to make a move less draining.
On the kitchen door frame there are small pencil lines: your child's height, measured on every birthday. On the last evening before the move, as you look at those lines in the middle of the empty rooms, a lump forms in your throat. Yet the new home is bigger, closer to work and perhaps in a safer building. Still, there is a heaviness inside you that you cannot describe. Moving house stress can wear a person out unexpectedly, even when they are only moving a few streets away within the same city. In this article we look at why moving is so draining, which feelings come up during the process, how children and older people are affected, and ways of making the move a little gentler.
What Is Moving House Stress, and Why Is It So Tiring?
Moving house stress is the sum of the physical, mental and emotional fatigue experienced before, during and after the process of changing homes. There is a reason why moving is often listed among life's most stressful events: it changes many things at once.
Routines are disrupted: The corner where you drink your morning coffee, the bakery where you buy bread, the route to work, the child's school bus stop... These small habits that carry our lives without our noticing suddenly disappear. The mind has to learn everything all over again.
An intense workload builds up: Sorting belongings, packing, arranging a removal company, transferring utilities, changing your address, cleaning the new home and settling in... All of this is usually done while work, school and household responsibilities carry on.
The number of decisions multiplies: Which items will go and which will stay, which wall the sofa will go against, will the curtains fit the new windows? Small decisions that seem endless drain the mind.
You say goodbye to a place: A home is not just four walls; it is part of the memories, relationships and identity lived within it. Leaving it can be experienced as a loss, even if this is not consciously noticed.
Feelings That Come Up During a Move
Moving is not only a logistical task but an emotional journey. On this journey, contradictory feelings can exist side by side.
Excitement and anxiety together
Moving to a new home can be hopeful: more space, a better neighbourhood, a fresh start. But at the same time there are worries such as "What if the new neighbours are a nuisance?", "What if the child can't settle at school?" and "What if something gets broken?" Experiencing two feelings at once can make it harder for a person to understand what they are feeling.
The feelings that come with facing your belongings
Old letters emerging from the depths of cupboards, a gift from a late relative, a child's first shoes, a photo album from the wedding... Sorting through belongings is really an encounter with the past all over again. Throwing something away can sometimes feel like giving up the memory it represents. That is why the sorting stage is, for many people, the hardest part of moving.
A small grief
Leaving an old home, especially one lived in for many years, can set off a real grieving process. This grief is often not recognised; people think, "I've only moved house, so why am I so sad?" Yet what is lost is a tangible reminder of a period of life spent in that home. We discussed how grief generally works in our article on the grieving process; although the feeling involved in moving is lighter, it can unfold in a similar way.
Anger and short tempers
The moving period is one of the times when tension at home runs highest. Who will do which job, why hasn't this been packed yet, why was the removal company late? Tired and anxious people get angry with each other more easily. This anger often stems not from the move itself but from the sense of losing control that the process creates.
A sense of strangeness
In the first weeks after moving into the new home, it may not feel like "home" at all. Not knowing where the light switches are, waking at night to unfamiliar sounds and belongings still sitting in boxes can make a person feel as if they are somewhere temporary.
Who Is Most Affected by Moving House Stress?
A move affects everyone in the household, but each person in a different way.
Children: For children, home is the centre of the world. Moving can mean changing schools, being separated from friends and having the order they are used to disrupted. Young children may not be able to put this change into words; instead they may show it through behaviour such as waking at night, bedwetting, clinging more to a parent or temper tantrums. In school-age children, a temporary drop in school performance or withdrawal may be seen. These reactions usually lessen within a few weeks; but if they persist, it is helpful to consult a professional.
Teenagers: Friendship groups are very important to teenagers. Even within the same city, a change of school or neighbourhood can mean a shake-up of a teenager's social life. A teenager who feels the decision was made without asking them may react with anger and resentment.
Older people: For older people who have lived in the same home for many years, moving is not just a change of house but parting with all the traces of a life. Relationships with neighbours, the mosque, market and local health centre they are used to are a source of security for them. Adjusting to a new environment may take longer than it does for younger people.
Pets: Cats and dogs may also hide, lose their appetite or become restless as they get used to a new environment. Their anxiety adds to the household's stress too.
Let's say a family moves from the home where they have lived for five years to a new one on the other side of the city. Two months have passed since the move; but in the corner of the living room there is still a box with "37" written on it. Nobody quite remembers what is inside, and nobody is willing to open it. The seven-year-old asks about his best friend from his old school, and grandma rings her old neighbour every evening. Everyone is trying to get used to the new life while still carrying the old one inside them. That unopened box is like a symbol of the feelings that have not yet fully "moved".
Tips for Reducing Moving House Stress
It is not possible to make a move entirely stress-free; but it is possible to turn it into a more planned, more shared and more meaningful process.
Spread the move over several weeks
Leaving everything to the last weekend exhausts both body and mind. A few weeks before the moving date, prepare a countdown list and divide the tasks across the weeks: first the items you rarely use, then books and decorations, and finally the kitchen and everyday necessities. Setting a small goal each day stops the job looking like a mountain.
Accept sorting as an emotional process
Finding it hard to sort your belongings is not laziness or indecision; it is a natural result of encountering memories. Prepare a separate "memory box" for meaningful items and decide without rushing what goes into it. Taking a photo of things you cannot bear to throw away but that take up space can make it easier to part with the object while keeping the memory.
Share tasks openly
Much of the tension at home during a move comes from an unclear division of tasks. Discuss from the start who will take on what, and write it down. Involve children in the process too, with tasks suited to their age: packing their own toys, painting their boxes or planning the layout of their new room.
Prepare a "first day box"
On the evening of moving day, hunting for a toothbrush, a tea glass or the child's bedtime toy in a tired, chaotic home can multiply the stress of the day. Put everything you will need for the first night and first morning in a separate box, and load it last and open it first.
Say goodbye to the old home
Saying goodbye to the old home before moving helps the feeling of grief to be lived through in a healthy way. Taking photos of the empty rooms, talking as a family about your happiest memories in that home, saying goodbye to the neighbours or giving children the chance to say "goodbye" to the house are small but effective rituals. Even photographing the height lines on the door frame and continuing a similar tradition in the new home can soften the transition.
Create small rituals in the new home
In Turkey there are lovely traditions such as taking a plate of food to a neighbour who has just moved in, or saying "Ev hayırlı olsun" ("May your new home bring you good fortune"). You too can create small rituals of beginning in your new home: drinking tea together on the first evening, hanging your favourite picture on the first day, getting to know the new neighbours. These rituals speed up emotionally making the new home your own.
Fitting your belongings into boxes takes a few days; your feelings settling into the new home takes its own time.
Take your body into account too
Moving is as physically demanding as it is mentally. Lifting heavy boxes, standing for hours, skipping meals and sleeping little all strengthen the stress response. On packing days, make sure you drink water regularly, take short breaks and eat at least one hot meal. Do not hesitate to ask for help with heavy work; a tired body can make your patience run out at the smallest setback.
Create a familiar corner for yourself
When everything in the new home feels unfamiliar, it is comforting to set up straight away an arrangement you are used to from the old home. Placing your bed facing the same direction, putting your favourite blanket on the sofa or recreating the corner where you drink your morning coffee makes it easier for the brain to receive the message "this place is safe".
Bring back your routines as soon as possible
Re-establishing routines such as mealtimes, bedtimes and weekend habits as quickly as possible makes adjustment easier for both adults and children. For children especially, familiar routines act as stable ground in the middle of change.
Let go of the expectation of settling in perfectly
The new home does not need to be completely organised within a week. It is normal for some of the boxes to wait a few weeks, for the curtains to go up late or for some corners to still be empty. Give yourself and your family time to settle in.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
It is natural to feel tired, sad or unsettled for a few weeks after a move. However, seeking support may be helpful in the following situations:
- If months have passed since the move and you still feel low, anxious or like a stranger
- If your sleep problems and tiredness have been going on for a long time
- If reactions in your child such as waking at night, refusing to go to school, intense tantrums or withdrawal have not eased after several weeks
- If the move has revived the traces of an old loss, separation or trauma
- If tensions with your partner or family members about the move have turned into lasting conflict
Especially if you had to leave your home for reasons you did not choose, such as an earthquake, a fire or urban regeneration, moving house stress can combine with a deeper sense of loss and insecurity. In such situations, talking about what you have been through with a professional can lighten the effect the process has on you.
How Is Moving House Stress Addressed in Therapy?
In adults, moving house stress is usually addressed within the framework of adjustment and coping with change. In cognitive behavioural therapy, thoughts such as "I'll never be happy here" or "We've ruined everything" are identified and a more balanced perspective is developed. The feeling of grief about the old home can be talked about without judgement; making room for this feeling also opens the way to bonding with the new home.
In children, the effect of moving often comes out through play and behaviour. Because young children find it hard to put their feelings into words, the child and play therapy approach allows a child to express and work through their worries about change through play. Sessions with parents also offer guidance on what can be done at home to support the child's adjustment.
The reasons behind the move matter too. If finding a home was a hard process, that tiredness can carry over to the time after the move. We look separately at the emotional burden of this process in our article on struggling to find a rental.
Frequently Asked Questions
Since moving I just can't warm to my new home. Will this pass?
Bonding emotionally with a new home takes time; feeling like a stranger in the first weeks or months is quite common. Creating familiar corners of your own in the home, re-establishing your routines and making small connections in the new neighbourhood can speed up this process. If this feeling lasts for months and affects your life, you might consider seeking support.
Since we moved, my child wakes up crying at night. What should I do?
Sleep disruption is common in children after a move and usually lessens within a few weeks. Keeping bedtime routines the same as in the old home, keeping the child's familiar belongings close by and giving them the chance to talk about their feelings all help. If the waking continues for a long time or comes with other reactions, you can consult a professional.
I can't let go of my belongings. How much should I throw away?
There is no fixed measure for this. Setting aside a memory box for items you do not use but that carry sentimental value, and saying goodbye to items that have no memories attached and have not been used for a long time, can work. If parting with belongings causes intense anxiety and leads to a build-up of things that makes life at home difficult, it may be helpful to talk about this with a professional.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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