Why is moving to a new city so tiring? Learn about the loneliness and adjustment difficulties of relocating, with practical tips for building a social circle.
A job transfer, a new job, university, marriage, relocation after an earthquake, or simply the feeling "I don't want to be here any more"... Whatever the reason, moving to a new city is one of life's biggest transitions. From the outside it may look like nothing more than a change of address, but it actually means rebuilding habits, a social circle and a sense of belonging. In this article we look at the psychological effects of moving to a new city, the feelings that commonly arise during adjustment, and steps you can take to cope with loneliness.
Why Is Moving to a New City Psychologically Demanding?
Human beings live in relation to their surroundings. The place where you buy your morning coffee, the grocer you say hello to, the bus route you are used to, the friends you meet at weekends... Each of these gives you a sense of safety and continuity without you realising. When you move to a different city, many of these small but important supports vanish at once.
The main reasons for this difficulty are:
- Loss of routines: The habits that keep everyday life running automatically have to be rebuilt. This is mentally tiring.
- A weaker social network: Even if you stay in touch with old friends, messages replace face-to-face meetings.
- The unknown: Even simple matters, such as which neighbourhood is safe, where to shop and which doctor to see, require decisions.
- A change of identity: The feeling of "I'm from that city" is shaken, and for a while you may feel like a "stranger".
So it is entirely understandable to feel tired, restless or emotionally fragile in the first months.
What Feelings Come Up When You Move to a New City?
Adjusting to a new city rarely moves in a straight line. Many people go through similar emotional swings.
The honeymoon period
In the first weeks, newness is exciting. Exploring new streets, a different view, perhaps a calmer or livelier way of life feels good at first.
Disappointment and longing
As the excitement fades, what is missing becomes clearer. You may miss your old home, your friends, your family, even things that used to irritate you. During this period the question "Did I make a mistake?" often comes up.
Loneliness
The feeling most often spoken about in a new city is loneliness. Even when there are plenty of people around you, having nobody who knows you and genuinely asks how you are can create a deep emptiness. For the general effects of loneliness, you can take a look at our article on feeling lonely.
Gradually settling in
Over time routines settle, a few familiar faces appear and you form "your own places" in the city. In this period a sense of belonging begins to sprout again.
How long these stages last varies from person to person. Some people feel at home within a few months, while for others the process can take longer. Both are normal.
The Current Picture of Relocation in Turkey
The reasons for moving cities in Turkey have diversified in recent years. There have always been civil servants being reassigned, young people going to university and people heading to big cities for work. In addition:
- After the 6 February 2023 earthquakes, many families settled in other cities, either by choice or of necessity. For these people, moving was an experience intertwined with loss and trauma.
- With the spread of remote and hybrid working, some employees chose to move from big cities to smaller cities or coastal towns.
- High rents and the cost of living have pushed some families towards more affordable cities.
- Moving through marriage is still common; especially for women, going to a spouse's city can mean leaving behind their own social circle and sometimes their job.
For families who moved after the earthquake, the new city can be both a refuge and a place they arrived at unwillingly. While grateful to be safe, they may also feel the pain of losing their hometown, their homes and their loved ones. It is entirely human for these complicated feelings to exist side by side. If the new surroundings do not understand this experience, the sense of loneliness can grow.
The emotional weight of each situation is different. The experience of someone who moves by choice is not the same as that of someone who is displaced out of necessity. In forced moves, feelings of loss and grief can be more pronounced.
It takes time to feel at home in a new city. That time reflects not your ability to adapt, but the size of the change.
How Does Moving Lead to Loneliness?
Making new friends in adulthood is harder than in childhood or university years. At school or in a dormitory people naturally come together often; in adult life, between work, home and responsibilities, there are few opportunities to meet new people.
Factors that can increase loneliness in people who move cities include:
- Working from home and having little face-to-face contact at work,
- Having no relatives or acquaintances in the new city,
- Parents with small children having limited opportunities to go out,
- A sense of being "left out" because of cultural and local differences,
- Constantly comparing with old friends and not giving new relationships a chance.
There is an important detail here: loneliness has to do not with the number of people around you but with the quality of the bonds you build. Someone who works in a crowded office and talks with dozens of people every day can still feel deep loneliness in their new city. Superficial contact does not replace someone who knows you and whom you could call on a difficult day. Close bonds like this take time and repetition; they cannot be expected to form in a few weeks.
Loneliness can sometimes also turn into a vicious circle. A person who feels lonely avoids social settings for fear of rejection, the more they stay away the fewer chances they have to form new bonds, and the feeling of loneliness deepens. Noticing this cycle is the first step to breaking it.
When loneliness lasts a long time, it can negatively affect mood, sleep and motivation. That is why it is important to address it actively rather than ignoring it with "it will pass anyway".
Practical Tips for Adjusting to a New City
Adjustment does not happen by itself; it becomes easier with small, regular steps. The suggestions below may help you in this process.
Prepare before you move
If possible, gather information about the new city before you move: the amenities of the neighbourhood you will live in, transport, healthcare facilities and, if you have children, schools and parks. A short visit to the city beforehand reduces the unknown. Also, making time for goodbyes in your old city helps you reach a healthy closure with what you are leaving behind. Moves made in a hurry and without goodbyes can leave a stronger sense of longing afterwards.
Build routines
Small routines such as regular wake-up times, a walk on certain days of the week or becoming a regular at a particular shop or café make the city familiar. Repeated experiences send the brain the message "this place is safe".
Plan to explore the city
Set small exploration goals, such as one neighbourhood, one park or one museum each week. The more you get to know the city, the less of a stranger you feel.
Join social settings that repeat
Friendship usually develops by seeing the same people regularly. That is why settings that recur, such as a weekly sports group, volunteering, a language course, a choir or a hobby workshop, are more effective than one-off events.
Keep your old ties but don't get stuck in them
Video calls with old friends feel good. But spending all your social energy on the past may leave no room for new relationships. Try to find a balance between the two.
Take small steps
Introducing yourself to a neighbour, inviting a colleague to lunch or attending a residents' meeting are small but meaningful steps. First contacts are sometimes less warm than you hoped; that does not mean there is anything wrong with you.
Create a corner of the city that is yours
Take care to arrange your home not just as a place where belongings are put, but as a space that makes you feel good. A few meaningful items brought from your old home, a favourite corner or a park you often visit strengthen the feeling of "my place" in the new city. Being curious about the city's history, local food and culture can also help you become emotionally attached to it.
Give yourself time
Thoughts like "I've been here three months and still have no friends" can make you harsher on yourself than necessary. Remember that adjustment takes time, and notice small steps forward.
Look after your body
During a move, sleep patterns can be disrupted and eating can be neglected. Regular sleep, movement and balanced nutrition support your emotional resilience.
Take a young woman who has moved to another city for work. In her first months she sits alone at home in the evenings looking at her old friends' posts and withdraws more and more. When she starts joining a weekly walking group and having lunch regularly with one colleague, she may notice within a few months that her bond with the city is growing stronger. This fictional example shows that change can come not from one big step but from small, steady ones.
Moving as a family: children and partners
Moving as a family means managing each person's adjustment at the same time. Children are affected by changing schools and friends; for teenagers, losing their peer group is especially hard. If one partner wanted the move for their job, the other may feel they are just "following along".
The following can help in this process:
- Explaining the move to children in advance and in a way suited to their age,
- Giving them the chance to say goodbye to old friends and to stay in touch,
- Exploring the new school, parks and activities together,
- Talking openly between partners about what the move costs and gives each of them,
- Accepting that adjustment may proceed at a different pace for everyone.
If a child shows prolonged withdrawal, school refusal, sleep problems or marked changes in behaviour, it can be helpful to consult a specialist.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Ups and downs are natural when adjusting to a new city. However, the following situations may mean you need support:
- If intense loneliness, unhappiness or hopelessness does not ease even after months,
- If your sleep and appetite have been clearly disrupted,
- If leaving the house and seeing people is becoming harder and harder,
- If you constantly think about your old city and cannot invest at all in life here,
- If the reason for the move was a loss or trauma (for example, the earthquake) and this experience still affects your daily life,
- If you are in constant conflict with your partner or family because of the move.
These signs alone do not amount to a diagnosis, but they are a reminder that you do not have to carry the load alone. If feelings of hopelessness turn into thoughts of harming yourself, call 112 (Turkey's emergency services) immediately.
How Are Relocation and Adjustment Addressed in Therapy?
Therapy can help both to ease the emotional load of adjusting to a new city and to take concrete steps.
Within Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), thoughts that make adjustment harder are noticed and questioned. How realistic thoughts such as "No one will like me here", "I can't make friends" or "Moving was the biggest mistake of my life" are is examined together. Behavioural steps are planned alongside: gradually joining social settings, setting exploration goals and bringing enjoyable activities back into life.
For some people, moving cities also stirs older feelings. For example, someone who moved often in childhood or always felt like an "outsider" may experience that feeling much more intensely in a new city. In this case, understanding how early experiences shape today's reactions can be explored with the knowledge of schema therapy.
Because finding a specialist you trust in a new city can take time, online therapy can also be an accessible option during this period.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does it take to get used to a new city?
This varies from person to person and with circumstances. Some people feel at home within a few months, while for others it can take a year or longer. Building routines and keeping regular social contact can make the process easier.
Is it normal to feel depressed after moving cities?
Feeling sadness, longing and tiredness for a while after a move is common. However, if these feelings remain intense for weeks, affect your daily functioning and keep getting worse, it is helpful to consult a specialist.
Can moving to a new city be a solution for loneliness?
Sometimes a new environment can do you good, but if the cause of the loneliness is not only the city you are in, the same feelings can continue in the new place. That is why it is important to try to understand the reasons behind loneliness before moving.
How can I make friends in a new city?
Choose settings where you will meet the same people regularly, such as sports groups, courses, volunteering or hobby workshops. Don't be afraid to take the first step, and give yourself and the other person time for relationships to develop.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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