The Psychology of Migration and the Decision to Emigrate: Go or Stay?

How do you decide to move abroad from the psychology of migration point of view? Read practical steps for coping with anxiety, guilt and indecision.

In recent years, a similar question has been discussed in many homes: "Should we go, or should we stay?" Sometimes a job offer, sometimes the children's future, sometimes a burnout that is hard to describe brings this question to the table. The psychology of migration covers not only what happens after moving, but also the inner conflict at the decision stage. In this article we will look at why the decision to emigrate is so demanding, which feelings are natural in this process, and what you can do to make the decision on a healthier footing.

What Is the Psychology of Migration, and Why Is the Decision Stage So Hard?

The psychology of migration examines the emotional, cognitive and social processes that arise when a person leaves the place they live, their surroundings and their habits and builds a life in a new place. Most of the time it is migration itself that is discussed; yet the decision stage is an intense period in its own right.

There are several basic reasons for this difficulty:

• Uncertainty: You cannot fully know in advance the place you will go to, how you will feel there, or how work or school will go. The human mind generally perceives uncertainty as a threat.
• A step that seems hard to undo: Steps such as selling a home, leaving a job and taking the children out of school create a feeling of "once taken, it can't be taken back".
• Affecting the lives of several people: The decision concerns not only you, but also your spouse, your children and your parents.
• A matter of identity: The feeling "I belong here", language, family ties and habits are part of who we are. Thinking about leaving means questioning some of these parts.

For this reason, remaining undecided for a long time is not a weakness of character but a thoroughly understandable reaction. For a more general framework on indecision, you can also take a look at our article on being unable to decide.

What Feelings Are Experienced While Deciding to Emigrate?

The thought of emigrating does not usually bring a single feeling; it is very common to experience conflicting feelings at the same time.

Hope and excitement

The thought of a new beginning, a more orderly life and different opportunities gives hope. This hope can be a feeling that lets you breathe in a period when you have felt stuck for a long time.

Anxiety and "what if it doesn't work out" thoughts

Thoughts such as "What if I can't find a job?", "What if the children can't adapt?", "What if I end up alone?" go round and round in the mind. On the one hand, anxiety keeps you careful; on the other, when it becomes excessive, it can make deciding almost impossible.

Guilt

Leaving ageing parents behind, in particular, can create a heavy sense of guilt when you consider extended family relationships in Turkey. The question "Am I leaving them alone?" is the point many people find hardest.

Grief-like feelings

Even if you have not yet gone, you may begin to grieve in advance for the things you might lose: meals with friends, visits at religious festivals, the streets you are used to. This is sometimes called "anticipatory grief", and it is quite natural.

Anger and disappointment

Some people feel anger because they have been forced to consider leaving. Sometimes this anger is directed at themselves, sometimes at circumstances. Noticing this feeling rather than suppressing it helps prevent the decision from being made on anger alone.

Current Factors Affecting the Decision to Emigrate in Turkey

In 2025–2026, the subject of emigration is often raised in Turkey on social media, in workplaces and around family tables. The main factors affecting this decision include the following:

• The cost of living and economic uncertainty: The feeling that it is hard to plan for the future is leading many people to look for alternatives.
• Career and professional opportunities: Offers from abroad in fields such as healthcare, engineering and software can make the decision concrete.
• Children's education: The pressure created by the LGS and YKS processes (Turkey's national high-school and university entrance exams) is pushing some parents to consider other education systems.
• Earthquake anxiety: After the 6 February 2023 earthquakes, for some families the sense of safety has become an important part of the thought of relocating.
• The influence of the social circle: A few people from a circle of friends leaving can trigger the feeling of being "the one left behind".

In addition, sometimes what triggers the decision is less one big factor than accumulated small exhaustions: long hours in traffic, uncertainty at work, the feeling of being unable to plan for the future. This accumulation can turn into the feeling "I can't breathe here any more". This feeling should be taken seriously; but asking whether some of the conditions that give rise to it could be improved without relocating puts the decision on a firmer basis.

Each of these factors is a real and understandable concern. What matters, though, is that the decision is made not only under outside pressure but in line with your own values and needs.

A healthy decision to emigrate is not one made to escape anxiety, but one made because you know what you want to move towards.

Going or Staying: Questions You Can Ask Yourself While Deciding

The decision to emigrate is not usually made in one sitting. The questions below can help you organise your thoughts.

Why do I want to go?

Try writing down the real reason behind your wish to go. There is a difference between "escaping from here" and "getting there". When the motivation to escape outweighs the rest, it is worth remembering that some of the problems may come with you to the new place.

What am I afraid of losing?

List concretely the things you will leave behind: closeness to family, friendships, language, your standing in your profession. Think about which of these are non-negotiable for you and which can be made up for.

What are my realistic expectations?

Judging life abroad only through the nice moments shared on social media can lead to disappointment later. It is important to take into account difficulties such as the process of learning the language, the recognition of qualifications, bureaucracy and the loneliness of the first year.

Where does my family stand in this decision?

Talk openly about how far your spouse and children are on board with this decision, and what their wishes and fears are. Moves in which one side is left in the position of "following along" can lead to long-lasting tension in the relationship.

Can this decision be reversed?

Many decisions are not as final as they seem. Going first for a set period, planning trial periods, or keeping the option of returning open can lighten the weight of the decision. Knowing that the option of returning exists clearly reduces the weight of the decision for many people.

How Can You Support Yourself While Deciding to Emigrate?

Some methods you can use to lighten the mental and emotional load at the decision stage are:

1. Break the decision into parts. The question "go or stay" feels too big. Instead, proceed with small, manageable questions such as "What information do I need to gather over the next three months?"
2. Separate information from anxiety. Write anxious thoughts on one sheet of paper and the concrete information you have gathered on another. This helps you see which fears are based on data.
3. Combine the pros and cons list with your values. Instead of only comparing salary or rent, identify the values that matter to you (family, safety, freedom, profession, peace of mind) and think about how well each option serves them.
4. Tie the decision to a set time. Thinking indefinitely feeds anxiety. Setting yourself a reasonable decision date can stop the mind from entering an endless loop.
5. Diversify the people you talk to. Listening only to the views of those who have gone, or only to those who have stayed, draws a one-sided picture. Listening to different experiences gives a more balanced view.
6. Don't neglect your body. Sleep, regular meals and movement directly affect decision-making ability. A sleepless, tired mind tends to see risks as larger than they are.
7. Limit social media consumption. Content of the "those who left regret it" or "those who left are so happy" kind is generally an extreme example and can influence your decision unnecessarily.

Suppose a mother of two has been undecided for months because of a job offer from abroad for her husband. Every night before bed she thinks about the same questions, and her sleep is broken. When she breaks the decision into steps such as "over three months, research school options, talk openly with the family twice and make a trial visit", indecision can give way to a more manageable plan. This example does not mean the decision will become easy by itself; but it can make the process less overwhelming.

How do you talk to children about the decision to emigrate?

Children often notice their parents' indecision and tension. You do not need to give a child detailed information before the decision is clear; but it is important to give the child who senses that something is being discussed at home calm, honest explanations suited to their age. After the decision has been made, listening to the child's feelings, allowing time for goodbyes and finding out about the new place together can make adjustment easier.

If you decide to stay

The decision to stay is every bit as valid as the decision to go, and does not mean a "failure". Even so, after the decision has been made, the thought "Did I miss my chance?" may come and go for a while. Rather than suppressing these thoughts, it helps to remember what staying gives you. It is also important to identify small but concrete steps that could improve your life where you are: learning a new skill, setting boundaries at work, strengthening your social circle, or making changes to your daily routine. That way, staying stops being passive waiting and becomes a conscious choice.

If you decide to go

When the decision to go is made, anxiety does not usually end straight away; it only changes form. In this period it is useful to set aside time for goodbyes, to plan how you will maintain your relationships in Turkey and to set realistic expectations for the first months. Knowing that the first year in the new place is usually the most challenging period can stop you interpreting the ups and downs you experience as "I made the wrong decision". You can find the stages the adjustment process goes through in detail in our article on the stages of adjustment after migration.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

Anxiety and indecision during the process of deciding to emigrate are often natural. However, it can be useful to get support from a specialist in the following situations:

• If the indecision lasts for months and clearly affects your daily functioning,
• If problems with sleep, appetite or concentration have continued for a long time,
• If you are constantly arguing with your spouse about this subject and cannot find common ground,
• If you are experiencing intense feelings of guilt, hopelessness or helplessness,
• If you notice panic-attack-like symptoms, constant restlessness or low mood.

These symptoms on their own do not mean a diagnosis; they may only point to the load having become too heavy to carry alone. If the feeling of hopelessness turns into thoughts of harming yourself, you need to call 112 (emergency services) without delay.

If you are looking for support after emigrating, you can find information for people living abroad on the Turks Abroad page.

How Are the Decision to Emigrate and the Psychology of Migration Addressed in Therapy?

Therapy does not tell you "go" or "stay". The aim is not to make the decision for you, but to help you make it more clearly, more calmly and in line with your own values.

In the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) approach, the thought patterns that make the decision process hard are examined together. Catastrophising or all-or-nothing thoughts such as "If I go everything will be ruined" or "If I stay my life will be wasted" are noticed, and more balanced alternatives are worked on. Skills for managing anxiety, problem-solving steps and decision-making techniques can also be part of the process.

Past experiences often come into play in the decision to emigrate as well. For example, for someone who often felt a fear of being abandoned in childhood, the thought of separation can feel much heavier. Knowledge from schema therapy can help in understanding how such early patterns affect today's decisions.

For couples, joint sessions make it possible for the expectations and fears of both sides to be talked about in a safe setting. In this process, individual therapy or couple sessions can be held face to face or online, depending on need.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to find it hard to decide to emigrate?

Yes, it is quite normal. Emigration is a decision that affects many areas of life at the same time, such as work, family, identity and the future. Thinking for a long time, experiencing conflicting feelings and changing your mind from time to time are a natural part of this process.

Does the psychology of migration begin after moving?

No. The psychology of migration begins at the decision stage and continues through stages such as the move, the first year, adjustment and even the thought of returning. The anxiety and guilt experienced during the decision period are also part of this process.

How can I cope with the guilt of leaving my parents behind?

Guilt is a sign of how much you value them; but it should not be the only measure for making a decision. Talking openly with them, planning how you can support them from a distance and setting concrete steps for regular contact can ease this feeling.

Does going to therapy about the decision to emigrate make the decision for me?

No. The therapist does not make the decision on your behalf. Therapy offers a space that helps you clarify your thoughts and feelings, manage anxiety and make a decision in line with your own values.

• #migration
• #living abroad
• #decision-making
• #anxiety
• #family

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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