What stages does the migration adjustment process go through? Read about the honeymoon, culture shock and settling-in phases, and what you can do at each.
Think back to your first weeks in a new country. Perhaps everything felt exciting: new streets, different food, a new job or school. A few months later, those same streets may have started to feel foreign and the same people may have begun to seem cold. This shift surprises many people and leaves them wondering, "Is something wrong with me?" In reality, the migration adjustment process is a journey with ups and downs, and many people pass through similar stages along the way. In this article we look at the stages of adjustment after migration, the feelings and thoughts commonly seen in each stage, the factors that influence adjustment, its effects on the family, and how you can support yourself at every step.
What Is the Migration Adjustment Process?
The migration adjustment process is the sum of the psychological, emotional and social changes a person goes through while getting used to a new country's language, rules, social relationships and daily life. It is not only about learning the language or finding a home. It also involves deep questions about who you are, where you belong and how you make sense of your life.
Several models of cross-cultural adjustment have been proposed in the psychology literature. One of the best known suggests that adjustment follows a curve shaped like the letter "U": high excitement at first, then a decline, then a slow recovery. This model offers a useful map, but it does not work the same way for everyone. Some people never experience a honeymoon stage at all; others move back and forth between stages many times. So think of the stages below not as a sequence you "should" follow, but as a framework that may help you understand your own experience.
The migration stories of Turks living abroad are also very different from one another. The first generation who went to Germany as workers in the 1960s, brides and grooms who came to Europe through marriage, professionals who have moved in recent years as white-collar employees, students and academics... Each person's adjustment journey is shaped by their own circumstances.
Stages of Adjustment After Migration
1. The preparation and expectation stage
Migration actually begins before the move itself. Making the decision, preparing documents, saying goodbye and forming expectations are all part of this stage. Excitement and anxiety exist side by side in this period. Expectations about the new country are often shaped by social media, what acquaintances say or short visits, and they can sometimes be unrealistic.
2. The honeymoon stage
For most people, the first weeks or months after moving are exciting. Exploring new places, noticing differences and a sense of "I did it" are in the foreground. Difficulties seem small and may even feel funny. In this stage, a person focuses on the positive sides of the new culture.
3. The culture shock and disillusionment stage
When the realities of daily life begin to pile up, excitement can give way to exhaustion. Bureaucracy, the language barrier, loneliness, not being understood at work or at school, and differences in climate, food and social rules can all be challenging. Feelings commonly seen in this stage include:
- Irritability, impatience and overreacting to small things
- Longing for home and the thought "Why did I come?"
- A critical or angry attitude towards the new culture
- Loneliness, withdrawal and avoiding social settings
- Physical symptoms such as sleep problems, fatigue and headaches
To learn more about this stage, you can read our article on culture shock.
4. The recovery and adjustment stage
Over time, the person learns the rules of the new environment, improves their language, makes a few friends and starts handling daily tasks with less effort. Their sense of humour returns. Differences are no longer seen as threats, but as facts that are accepted with a "that's just how it is."
5. The adaptation and biculturalism stage
In this stage, a person experiences themselves as someone who can move more comfortably between two cultures. While keeping the values that matter from their own culture, they also adopt certain aspects of the new one. A feeling of "I'm at home here too" can develop, but this does not mean that homesickness has disappeared completely. For many people, adjustment means learning to belong to two places at once.
Adjustment does not mean giving up your old identity; it means making room for it to live in a new country.
Common Signs During the Migration Adjustment Process
During adjustment, you may notice the signs below. These are often normal reactions, but they deserve attention when they become intense or last a long time:
- Emotional signs: Sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt, shame, a sense of worthlessness
- Thinking-related signs: Thoughts such as "I will never belong here," "I have ruined everything," or "If I go back, I will be seen as a failure"
- Behavioural signs: Rarely leaving the house, seeing only Turkish people, or the opposite, avoiding Turks altogether, constantly following the news from Turkey
- Physical signs: Insomnia, changes in appetite, stomach and bowel complaints, chronic fatigue
Factors That Influence the Migration Adjustment Process and Cultural Context
The speed and shape of adjustment vary greatly from person to person. Some of the factors that influence it are as follows:
The reason for migration and willingness. The experience of someone who migrates by their own choice and with a plan differs from that of someone who migrates because of necessity or to follow a spouse. Not having been part of the decision can make adjustment harder.
Language proficiency. Language is the door to the new country. Not knowing the language makes practical matters harder, and it can also lead a person to feel worthless or childlike.
Social support. Having a few trustworthy relationships in the new country is one of the most important factors that make adjustment easier.
Occupational situation. People who held a respected profession in Turkey but whose diploma is not recognised in the new country, or who have to work in jobs of much lower status, can experience a serious loss of identity.
Cultural distance. The size of the differences between the two cultures affects adjustment, especially in areas such as family structure, gender roles, religion and social relationships.
Experiences of discrimination. Being exposed to exclusion, prejudice or discrimination can shake a person's trust in the new society and lead to withdrawal.
In cross-cultural psychology, four basic paths are described for how immigrants relate to the new culture: keeping one's own culture while also building ties with the new one (integration), moving away from one's own culture and blending into the new one (assimilation), keeping away from the new culture and holding on only to one's own (separation), and feeling cut off from both cultures (marginalisation). Research generally shows that being able to connect with both cultures is more protective for mental health. This is not a ranking of success; a person's circumstances, opportunities and the attitude of the society they live in also shape these paths.
The Effect of the Migration Adjustment Process on the Family, Relationships and Children
Migration affects every member of a family at a different pace and in a different way. These differences can cause tension within the family.
Between spouses. One spouse may quickly build a social circle through work while the other stays home alone. One may be in the honeymoon stage while the other is experiencing culture shock. Accusations such as "You wanted to come here" or "You're not doing anything for me" can become frequent. In such situations, couples therapy can help spouses understand each other's experience.
In children. Children usually learn the language and culture faster than adults. This is an advantage on the one hand; on the other, it can change the roles between parent and child. The child may become the family's "interpreter." In adolescence, conflicts may arise between family values and the norms of school and the friendship circle.
Relationships with family in Turkey. The relationship with parents, siblings and relatives left behind also changes. Phone calls sometimes ease the longing and sometimes increase guilt and anxiety. Issues such as caring for ageing parents or being unable to attend funerals or weddings can place an additional burden on the adjustment process.
What You Can Do on Your Own at Every Stage
There is no magic formula that speeds up adjustment, but some steps can make this journey more manageable.
- Keep your expectations realistic. Accepting from the start that the first year may be hard reduces how much you blame yourself when you struggle. Instead of "Everything should be fine after a year," try thinking, "Each month I get a little more used to it."
- Build a daily routine. When sleep, meals, movement and working hours are regular, the sense of uncertainty decreases. In a new environment, a routine gives the mind a safe framework.
- Keep learning the language in small steps. Even fifteen minutes a day can make a difference. Instead of fearing mistakes, try to see each mistake as a chance to learn.
- Build two-way connections. Try to build relationships with both the Turkish community and the people of the country you live in. A course, volunteer work, a sports group or a parents' meeting can be an opportunity for new connections.
- Acknowledge your losses. Alongside its gains, migration brings losses: the closeness of family, old friends, a familiar status, the ease of language. Grieving these losses is natural and part of healing.
- Note down small successes. Making an appointment by phone for the first time, chatting with a neighbour, handling a bureaucratic matter on your own... Writing these in a notebook helps you see your progress.
- Keep your own culture alive. Celebrating religious festivals, listening to Turkish music and cooking the dishes you love help you stay connected with an important part of your identity.
- Balance your media consumption. Constantly following the agenda in Turkey can make you feel "half" here and "half" there. Try setting aside a specific amount of time each day for following the news.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
The difficult periods of adjustment are normal, but speaking with a specialist may be helpful in the following situations:
- If sadness, anxiety or anger has stayed intense for longer than a few weeks
- If there are marked disruptions in your sleep, appetite and energy
- If leaving the house, going to work or doing everyday tasks is becoming increasingly difficult
- If conflicts with your spouse or children have become more frequent
- If you are turning to alcohol or other substances more often
- If you feel hopeless and trapped
These signs do not amount to a diagnosis on their own, but they may show that you could need support.
Emergencies: If you have thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, call the emergency number of the country you are in: 112 in EU countries, 911 in the US and Canada, 999 or 112 in the UK, and 000 in Australia. Online therapy is not an emergency intervention service; in situations of serious risk, local emergency services and local psychiatric services are necessary.
How Do We Work in Online Therapy in Your Mother Tongue?
During the migration adjustment process, online therapy can offer a space where you can talk about your feelings in your mother tongue, without having to explain your cultural context at length. For details aimed at those living abroad, you can look at the page on Turkish-language therapy for Turks abroad.
In therapy, the adjustment process is usually addressed around the following themes:
- Understanding the migration story: How was the decision to migrate made, what was left behind, what were the expectations, and how many of them have come true?
- Recognising the current stage: Which stage the person feels they are in and the normal reactions of that stage are discussed. Even this awareness is often a relief.
- Examining thought patterns: With a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) approach, thoughts such as "I will never be able to adjust" or "If I go back, I will be humiliated" are evaluated together with the evidence for them, and more balanced alternatives are developed.
- Behavioural steps: Work focuses on facing avoided situations in small steps, plans for building social connections and strengthening the daily routine.
- Grief and loss work: The losses brought by migration are acknowledged, and space is made for expressing the feelings related to them.
- Family dynamics: The different paces of adjustment among spouses and children are discussed, and ways to strengthen communication within the family are explored.
Session times are planned according to the time difference; payment can be made online, and both TL pricing and payment by international card are possible. For matters such as insurance reimbursement, we recommend checking the insurance conditions in the country where you live.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does the migration adjustment process take?
There is no duration that applies to everyone. Some people feel more at ease within a few months, while for others the process can take years. Language proficiency, social support, work situation and the circumstances of the migration all affect the timeline significantly.
Is it possible to experience culture shock again after many years?
Yes. Life events such as having a child, losing a job, divorce, losing a loved one or retirement can bring adjustment-related feelings back even in someone who has lived abroad for years. This does not mean the process has started over; it means you are adjusting to a new stage of life.
Does spending time with the Turkish community make adjustment harder?
Not on its own; on the contrary, it can be an important source of support. What matters most is being able to strike a balance. Being able to connect with both your own community and the people of the country you live in usually helps a healthier adjustment.
Should I go back if I cannot adjust?
This is a personal and multi-dimensional decision. Decisions made during a difficult stage can sometimes be shaped by the feelings of that moment. If you are considering such a decision, getting support to calmly evaluate your feelings, your values and your practical circumstances may help.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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