Not getting appointed to a public-sector post can put life on hold. The psychology of waiting for a post, and how to keep living while you wait for the result.
"We'll get married once I'm appointed." "I'll get my driving licence once I'm appointed." "Once I'm appointed, I'll take Mum and Dad on holiday." For someone who says these things, life has been split into two parts: before the appointment and after it. The first part is like a waiting room; real life will begin on the day you see your name on the appointment list. Yet the time spent in the waiting room sometimes stretches to a year, sometimes to five. Not getting appointed to a public-sector post is the experience of a great many people in Turkey, from prospective teachers and healthcare staff to engineers and those preparing for the general civil service exam. In this article we talk about the psychology of waiting for a public-sector post, the psychological cost of putting life on hold, and ways to keep living without knowing the outcome.
The Psychology of Not Getting Appointed: Why Is Waiting So Exhausting?
What makes waiting hard is not just its length; it is uncertainty. Someone who knows an operation will take place in three months can plan those three months. But someone who does not know when appointments will be made, how many people will be taken on or whether their score will be enough lives in a constant "maybe". The human mind dislikes uncertainty; it usually fills the gaps with the worst possibility.
Another difficult aspect of waiting for a public-sector post is that control largely lies outside the person's hands. However hard you work, you do not decide the number of places announced, the exam calendar or the score thresholds. Over time this can feed the feeling: "Whatever I do, nothing changes." This feeling, known in psychology as learned helplessness, can lead a person to give up effort even in areas they can control.
Then there is the feeling of "almost". For someone who misses an appointment by a few points, the disappointment is sharper. The goal is so close that giving up seems impossible; yet reaching it never quite happens. This state of "staying on the threshold" can fuel an exam cycle that lasts for years.
Putting Life on Hold: The Cost of "Once I'm Appointed"
One of the patterns we see most often during the wait is that life's important decisions become tied to the appointment. At first this seems sensible: getting married, moving or making a big investment really is risky when income is uncertain. Over time, however, not only big decisions but small pleasures start to be postponed too.
The things that are postponed are often:
- Relationships: marriage, engagement, even meeting new people
- Independence: moving out, changing cities
- Investing in yourself: starting a hobby, signing up for a course, exercising
- Social life: friends you've told "Let's meet after the exam"
- Physical health: postponed dental treatment, check-ups, regular sleep
The cost of putting life on hold can be paid even if the exam result is positive. Someone who has focused only on the exam for years may not feel the happiness they expected when they are appointed; because in the meantime relationships have weakened, the body has grown tired and the ability to enjoy things has dulled. When the result is negative, the person comes face to face with the emptiness of a life they have been postponing for years.
Let's say you graduated in midwifery and have been waiting for an appointment for three years. Your fiancé's family has postponed the wedding date "until our daughter-in-law is appointed", and in the meantime you are working at a private hospital on a low wage. Every appointment period, two families get excited at once; with every negative result the wedding slips another year. At some point you begin to feel that the appointment carries not only your future but that of two families and a relationship. This burden multiplies your exam anxiety too.
You are living while you wait; the days inside the waiting are days of your life too.
Emotional and Physical Signs of Not Getting Appointed
Prolonged waiting leaves its mark on the body and mind. You may be experiencing some of the following signs; on their own they do not amount to a diagnosis, but they deserve attention.
Emotional signs: Over-sensitivity to appointment news, tension that rises before each announcement period, emptiness and low mood after results, accumulated resentment towards those around you, intense anger especially in response to rumours of "connections" and favouritism.
Thinking-related signs: Thoughts such as "It'll always be like this", "I have no chance", "My years have gone down the drain"; turning a single question from a past exam over in your mind for years; spending hours on score calculations and prediction lists.
Physical signs: Disrupted sleep, browsing forums until late at night, changes in appetite, muscle tension, headaches and stomach aches.
Behavioural signs: Avoiding social settings, dreading the question "What do you do?", life being reduced almost entirely to the exam and appointment news.
A large share of these signs relate to uncertainty. We have covered how tolerance of uncertainty can be increased in more detail in our article on anxiety about uncertainty.
What Waiting for a Public-Sector Post Means in Turkey
In Turkey, a public-sector post is for many families not just a job but a symbol of security. The "state door" means a regular salary, pension rights and social standing. Especially in periods of intense economic turbulence, the value of this security rises even further. That is why not getting appointed can be a great disappointment for the family as well as for the person.
In small cities and towns this waiting is more visible. At the coffee house, at the market, at weddings, everyone knows who has been appointed and who is "still waiting". The person may feel constantly watched. In big cities, by contrast, the waiting is lonelier: years spent in a cram-school classroom or at a library desk without sharing it with anyone.
Exam forums and social media groups also play a double-edged role in this process. On the one hand they provide information and solidarity; on the other, rumours, score predictions and angry posts keep anxiety constantly alive. A rumour spreading at midnight that "There won't be an announcement this year" can rob you of a whole week's sleep.
The financial side of waiting should not be overlooked either. Cram-school and course fees, practice exams, study books and exam application costs are paid again every year. Most candidates cover these costs with support from their family, and this feeds the guilt of "I'm still a burden on them". As the cost of living rises, this guilt grows heavier. Not getting appointed is therefore not only a career matter but a process that affects the balance within the family, the way the person feels like an adult, and even relationships with siblings.
What Can You Do to Keep Living While You Wait?
Reread your "once I'm appointed" list
Make a list of the things you have tied to the appointment. Then next to each one write the question: "Is there a small version of this I could do now?" You may not be able to take your parents on a long holiday; but you could take them to a nearby city for a weekend. You may not be able to move out; but you could arrange a corner of your own at home. The aim is to bring small pieces into today rather than postponing life entirely.
Set a decision point for the wait
Open-ended waiting wears a person out. Give yourself a review point: "When I've finished the next two exam periods, I'll reassess the situation." This is not a date for giving up, but a stop for pausing to think. At that point you consider the trend of your score, your financial situation, your relationships and your health together.
Focus on what you can control
You cannot change the quotas, the announcement calendar or other people's decisions. But you can decide your study routine, your bedtime, who you spend time with and how much you expose yourself to the news. Dividing a sheet of paper in two and writing "within my control" on one side and "outside my control" on the other helps you see where you are spending your energy.
Go on a news and rumour diet
Instead of following appointment news constantly throughout the day, check reliable sources once a day at a set time. Take care not to go on forums before bed. Rumours do not become reality before the official announcement; but they really do disturb your sleep.
Broaden your identity
Being "someone waiting for an appointment" is only one part of who you are. You are also a sibling, a friend, an employee, perhaps a good cook or a patient listener. An activity that has nothing to do with the exam, such as a choir, a walking group or volunteer work, can give you a sense of worth independent of your exam score.
Look after your body and your sleep
During long periods of waiting, the body is often the last thing considered. Sitting at a desk for hours, studying late into the night and skipping meals also increase anxiety physiologically. Walking for at least half an hour every day, fixing your bedtime and reviewing how much caffeine you have support your mood before they support your exam performance. A rested mind is more resilient both when studying and when carrying uncertainty.
Don't put your relationships on hold
Friendships and family bonds are among the most important protective factors during a period of waiting. Even in the busiest exam period, doing something unrelated to the exam with someone you love once a week lightens the psychological load. If you have a partner, talk together about the place the appointment has in your relationship: Which decisions are you putting on hold, and which ones do you no longer want to postpone?
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
During the waiting process, the following situations may suggest getting support from a professional:
- Being unable to recover for weeks after a results period, a constant state of collapse
- If even sitting down to study causes intense anxiety, palpitations or crying spells
- Life being reduced entirely to the exam and appointment news, being unable to enjoy anything else
- Close relationships being seriously damaged by this process
- Anger becoming uncontrollable, or trying to suppress feelings through alcohol, betting and the like
- Completely hopeless thoughts about the future, moments when life feels meaningless
At moments when you think about ending your life or harming yourself, ask for help immediately; in an emergency call 112 (emergency services) and let someone close to you know.
If you feel alone in this waiting, individual therapy can offer a space both to carry the uncertainty you are living with and to broaden your life again. For more general worries about what lies ahead, our article on anxiety about the future may also be a helpful guide.
How Are Not Getting Appointed and Waiting Addressed in Therapy?
One of the approaches often used in therapy around waiting is acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). In this approach the aim is not to remove uncertainty, but to build a life that can be lived alongside it. The person recognises the values that truly matter to them, such as being close to loved ones, learning or creating, and takes small steps in line with these values that do not depend on the appointment.
In cognitive behavioural therapy, thoughts such as "If I'm not appointed, my life is over" or "I've worked for so many years; if I give up now it will all have been for nothing" are examined. This last thought points to a trap known in psychology as the sunk cost fallacy: effort made in the past begins to single-handedly determine future decisions. In therapy, the work is to honour past effort while evaluating the future according to today's circumstances.
For some people, the appointment has become a symbol of an older need: proving themselves to their family, getting a sense of security from an external post, or the belief that "I'll only be loved if I succeed." When these deep patterns are addressed, the person may still want the appointment; but they no longer tie their worth to it.
The therapy process accompanies the person whatever the outcome. If the appointment comes through, the unexpected emptiness and adjustment difficulties that may arise in the transition to a life postponed for years are discussed. If not getting appointed continues for a while longer, or if the person chooses a different path, the grief and the process of finding a new direction that this decision brings are worked through together. In both cases, the goal is for the person's life to be guided by their own values, not by an exam result.
Frequently Asked Questions
How many years should I keep sitting the exam while waiting for an appointment?
There is no answer that applies to everyone. The trend of your score over the years, the quota situation in your field, your financial circumstances, your health and your relationships should all be considered together. What matters is making the decision with a calm mind at a review point you have set, rather than under anxiety or pressure from those around you.
Should I postpone getting married until I'm appointed?
This decision is something two people, and often two families, need to discuss. Assessing the financial circumstances realistically is important; but tying a relationship entirely to an exam result can also place a heavy burden on it. Talking together about what kind of life could be built without an appointment can reduce the anxiety on both sides.
People around me keep asking "Haven't you been appointed yet?" How can I respond?
Preparing a short answer that sets a boundary makes things easier: "The process is ongoing; I'll share any news when there is some." You don't have to discuss the subject in detail. With relatives who ask you this question all the time, explaining at a calm moment how the question affects you can reduce the pressure while protecting the relationship.
The job I'm doing while waiting keeps me from studying. Should I quit?
Working provides income, routine and social contact, all of which protect mental health. Before quitting, it can help to consider in-between solutions such as working fewer hours or taking leave close to the exam period. Shutting yourself away completely with the exam can increase anxiety and loneliness.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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