What is reminiscence therapy? How to talk to an older relative through old photos, objects and songs, and what to watch for with painful memories and dementia.
A photo album with worn corners on the top shelf of your grandmother's wardrobe. Your grandfather's military service photo, your mother's engagement day, a black-and-white bayram (religious holiday) morning… When you open this album, something interesting often happens: an older relative who has been saying little for days and giving short answers suddenly comes alive and starts describing names, streets and smells. Reminiscence therapy is a concept that describes how talking about the past through photographs, objects and songs can be used to build connection with older people and to support their emotional wellbeing. In this article we look at what memory-based conversations are, how you can start them at home as a family member, what to keep in mind with painful memories and conditions such as dementia, and the limits of the approach.
What Is Reminiscence Therapy?
Reminiscence therapy describes an approach built on a person recalling and sharing their past experiences. It is usually used with older people and can be carried out individually or in small groups. It draws on things that prompt memories, such as photographs, old objects, music, smells and recipes.
An important distinction is needed here. Structured reminiscence work carried out by a professional within a particular framework and with a particular goal is not the same as a conversation within the family, looking at old photos with an older relative. This article mainly deals with the latter: memory conversations that can be had at home, within the family. These conversations are not therapy; but they can be immensely valuable moments that strengthen your bond with your older relative and honour their story.
A few thoughts on why talking about memories can be meaningful:
- Sense of identity: With age, changes such as retirement, physical limitations and the loss of loved ones can shake a person's sense of "who I am". Telling the story of their past can remind them that they have lived a life, put in effort and achieved things.
- Building connection: When grandchildren and children listen to their older relatives' stories, they see them not only as "someone who needs care" but as a person with a life of their own.
- Finding meaning: Talking about the difficult periods of life and the hardships overcome can help a person look at their life as a whole.
Photos, Objects and Songs: Tools That Bring Memories Back
The tools you can use in memory conversations may already be in your home. What matters is using them not as material for an "interrogation" but as an invitation to talk.
Photographs: Old family albums are the most familiar tool. Weddings, engagements, circumcision celebrations, send-offs for military service, bayram visits, school photos… Every photograph is a door to a story. Rather than showing a photo and asking "Who is this?" as if setting a test, asking "What happened on the day this photo was taken?" is far more inviting.
Objects: An embroidered headscarf from a dowry chest, an old sewing machine, a copper coffee pot, a radio, prayer beads, an old school report… Objects, especially when they can be touched, can bring memories back with unexpected detail.
Music: Songs listened to in youth, folk songs (türküs) and the theme tunes of radio programmes often stir strong feelings. It is also frequently observed that people living with dementia can remember old songs for a long time. For more on the role of music in connecting with older people, you can look at the topic of music therapy for older adults.
Tastes and smells: Cooking an old recipe together, recalling the smell of spring, describing bread coming out of the village oven… The kitchen is one of the places where memories come most vividly to life.
Places: Photos of the village, neighbourhood or school where they grew up, and old images of towns and cities that can be found online today, can be lovely tools for starting a conversation. Photos taken today can help too: making a short visit with your older relative to their old neighbourhood, taking photos, and then placing these next to old pictures and talking about "how it was then, how it is now" can build a bridge between past and present.
How to Have a Reminiscence Therapy-Style Conversation With an Older Relative
You don't need to be a professional to have memory conversations; but a few principles can help the conversation feel more enjoyable and safe.
- Choose a calm time. Start not when they are tired, hungry or in pain, but when they are rested and comfortable. There is no need for a long session; even fifteen to twenty minutes can be enough.
- Ask open-ended questions. Instead of "What job did you do back then?", questions that invite storytelling, such as "Can you tell me about the day you started your first job?", open the conversation up.
- Listen, don't correct. If your older relative remembers a date or a name wrongly, there is no need to correct them. The aim here is not to record accurate information but to listen to their story the way they tell it.
- Make room for feelings. Reflections such as "It sounds like you were very excited that day" or "Your voice changed as you told me that" let the person feel their emotion has been seen.
- Show your own curiosity. Grandchildren's curiosity is often the most powerful invitation. A question like "What did you used to do when you were my age?" can build a lovely bridge between generations.
- Consider keeping the stories. Making an audio recording with their permission, writing what is told in a notebook, or adding notes to the backs of photos both creates a treasure for the family and lets your older relative feel their story is valuable.
- Don't push. If there is a subject they don't want to talk about, or if they are tired, gently bring the conversation to a close. You can try again another day.
Let's say a seventy-eight-year-old grandfather is looking at an old photo of a railway station that his grandchild shows him. "This is where I left for my military service," he says, and for half an hour he describes that journey, the friend he met on the train and his mother's tears. The grandchild records the story on their phone. At dinner, the grandfather is more cheerful than he has been for weeks.
In memory conversations, the aim is not to remember the past accurately but to be there with the person who is remembering.
Memory conversations don't have to be one to one. During bayram visits or large family meals, bringing out an old album after the meal lets different generations look at the same photo and add what they remember. What an aunt remembers may turn out differently from what an uncle remembers; these differences enrich the conversation too. But it is important to make sure your older relative's voice doesn't get lost in the crowd; giving them the floor, not interrupting and listening to their story right to the end matter.
Reminiscence work can also be done with small groups in care homes and day care centres. People who have lived through similar times finding themselves in each other's stories can ease feelings of loneliness. In this kind of group work, too, sharing is voluntary; no one is pressed to tell a memory they don't want to share.
Another tip is regularity. Setting aside a short "album hour" once a week, for example after breakfast every Sunday, creates a moment your older relative can look forward to and turns into a sustainable habit for you.
When Painful Memories Surface: Loss, Migration and Grief
Not every memory is a sweet one. An older person's life may include losses, wars, migrations, poverty, earthquakes and separations. A photograph can unexpectedly bring back a painful memory: a child lost too early, a village left behind, a spouse's illness.
At such moments, you might keep the following in mind:
- Don't run away, but don't push. If the person wants to talk about a painful memory, listen; if they don't want to go into detail, don't press them.
- Don't minimise the feeling. Instead of saying "Never mind, it's in the past", saying "That must have been a very hard time" lets the person feel their emotion has been seen.
- Close the conversation somewhere gentle. After a painful memory, talking about someone or something that supported them during that time can help end the conversation at a more balanced point.
- Observe. If, in the days after the conversation, you notice marked restlessness, sleeplessness or withdrawal, you might consider that this memory is still heavy for them.
Some older people, especially those who have experienced severe losses, may never have talked about these memories for many years. When such memories are opened up, intense grief can come alive again. If this goes beyond what a family conversation can hold, support from a mental health professional may be helpful.
Talking About Memories With a Relative Living With Dementia
In people living with dementia, memories of the recent past fade while older memories, and songs in particular, can be preserved for longer. This is why old photographs and music can be valuable tools for families in communicating with relatives living with dementia.
However, a few points need attention:
- Don't test them. The question "Who's this, do you remember?" can cause shame and anxiety in someone who cannot remember. Instead, you can begin with an observation such as "There's a lovely dress in this photo."
- Go along with their reality. If your relative remembers an event differently or talks about the past as if it were today, accompanying their feeling rather than correcting them usually works better.
- Keep it short. Their attention span may have shortened. A few photos or a single song may be enough.
- Watch for signs of distress. Some memories or songs may stir anxiety or sadness. If so, gently change the subject.
A Cochrane review examining music-based interventions in dementia reports that depressive symptoms are probably reduced and that overall behavioural problems may improve, but that no marked effect should be expected on agitation, aggression or cognitive function. In other words, music and memories do not stop memory loss; but they can make the time spent with your relative more meaningful. You can also read our article on being the relative of someone with dementia about the emotional burden of living with a loved one who has dementia.
Research and Limits: What Can We Expect?
Memory-based work is an approach widely used and studied in settings that work with older people. However, since the source review behind this article did not include any review-level findings specific to reminiscence therapy, it would not be right to say anything about the size of its effect. As with arts- and music-based approaches in general, it is a cautious position to assume that most findings here, too, are based on small studies and look at short-term effects.
A realistic expectation might be this: memory conversations can strengthen your bond with your older relative, help them feel valued and allow you to spend enjoyable time together. But they should not be expected to make depression, dementia or intense loneliness disappear on their own. In these situations, medical and psychological assessment is important.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Some changes seen in later life are easily brushed off as "just old age". Yet the following situations may call for an assessment:
- Low mood lasting for weeks, frequent crying, not enjoying anything
- Marked withdrawal, moving away from people and activities they used to love
- Marked changes in sleep and appetite
- Statements such as "I'm just a burden now" or "It would be better if I were dead"
- Rapidly progressing memory loss, confusion, inability to manage daily tasks
Depression is common in later life and often goes unnoticed. Our article on depression in older age can guide you on the signs and ways of getting support. If your relative talks about harming themselves or ending their life, call 112 (emergency services) without delay or go to your nearest emergency department. For memory problems, an assessment by a neurologist or psychiatrist is important.
You may also notice some of these signs in your relative for the first time during memory conversations; constantly returning to themes of hopelessness, worthlessness or death while talking about the past is one of them. Such an observation is a good opportunity to talk with them and with their family doctor. Caring for an older relative can also be exhausting. When memories are discussed, your own feelings may be stirred too: guilt, tiredness, fear of loss. If you are finding these feelings hard to cope with, the weight of being a carer and what it brings up in you can be explored in individual therapy.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can we do reminiscence therapy at home as a family?
Conversations within the family about photos and objects are not therapy, but they can be very valuable. Structured reminiscence work, on the other hand, is carried out by trained people within a particular framework. You don't need to be a professional for conversations at home; listening and not pushing are enough.
My older relative always cries when talking about the past. Should I carry on?
Being moved is not always a bad sign; sometimes telling the story brings relief. However, if every conversation ends in deep sadness, or if restlessness increases in the following days, it is helpful to change the subject and, if needed, consult a professional.
Does looking at old photos with someone who has dementia strengthen their memory?
Photos and music can make it easier to communicate and spend enjoyable time together. However, there is no strong evidence that they stop memory loss or strengthen cognitive function.
Which photos are best to start with?
Photos from the person's younger years that are associated with happy moments are usually a good start: weddings, holidays, pictures from working life. Photos related to loss or difficult periods are better opened only if the person wishes.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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