Receiving a serious illness diagnosis abroad combines fear, a language barrier and loneliness. Learn how to stay emotionally on your feet during this process.
You are sitting in the doctor's room. The physician across from you is speaking in a calm voice, but you are trying to understand half the words they use in a second language. Words like "tumour", "further tests" and "treatment plan" hang in the air. When you leave the room, only one question is in your mind: "What happens now?" Right behind it comes the second: "How am I going to tell my parents?" Receiving a diagnosis of illness abroad adds the loneliness, language barrier and uncertainty of life far from home to an experience that is hard for everyone. In this article we look at the emotional process people who receive a serious diagnosis abroad may go through, the effect of this process on family and relationships, and concrete steps for staying psychologically on your feet. This article does not give medical information; for all decisions about your treatment, you need to talk to your doctor.
What Does It Mean to Receive an Illness Diagnosis Abroad?
A serious diagnosis may be cancer, heart disease, a neurological condition, an autoimmune disease or another chronic condition. Whatever type of diagnosis it is, for most people this moment is a turning point that divides life into "before" and "after". The sense of trust in the body is shaken, plans for the future become uncertain, and the person suddenly finds themselves in a world they do not know: appointments, tests, treatment options, side effects.
Abroad, this experience comes with several additional layers:
- Language: Understanding medical terms and the doctor's explanations, asking questions and expressing worries in a second language can become difficult.
- Unfamiliarity with the health system: Referral processes, specialist appointments, insurance procedures and the way hospitals are organised differ from Turkey.
- A distant support network: If you were in Turkey, the relatives who would wait in the hospital corridor, bring you soup and look after your children may be thousands of kilometres away.
- The complexity of decisions: Questions like "Should I have the treatment here or in Turkey?" and "How much should I tell my family?" can weigh down a period that is already intense.
Common Emotional Reactions After a Diagnosis
The feelings that follow a serious diagnosis vary from person to person, but there are common reactions that many people recognise:
The first days and weeks
- Shock and disbelief: "This can't be happening to me", "It must be a wrong result."
- Intense fear: Worries about death, pain, treatment and the future.
- Mental fog: Being unable to remember what the doctor said, being unable to decide.
- Physical reactions: Sleeplessness, loss of appetite, palpitations, nausea.
During treatment
- Anger: At your body, at fate, at the health system, even at those close to you.
- Guilt: "If only I had gone to the doctor earlier", "I lived a stressful life, that's why it happened."
- Loneliness: "No one really understands what I'm going through."
- Change of identity: Having to give up work, moving into the position of a person receiving care, changes in the body's appearance.
- Fluctuating mood: Swinging between hope and hopelessness.
The period after treatment
Many people think they will feel relieved when the intensive treatment ends. Yet this period can have its own difficulties too. The doctors and nurses you see often during treatment and the regular appointments form a framework of safety; when treatment ends, this framework can suddenly disappear. Increased anxiety before follow-up tests, the question "How will I return to my old life?" and the expectation of those around you that "You're better now, it's behind you" can lead a person to feel misunderstood. Returning to work, getting used to changes in the body and making plans for the future again take time. The feelings experienced in this period deserve attention at least as much as those at the moment of diagnosis.
These reactions are human responses to a difficult situation and do not on their own mean a mental health problem. However, in some people, intense anxiety or depressive symptoms can markedly affect the treatment process and quality of life. In these cases, psychological support can be an important element that complements medical treatment.
Factors That Make the Illness Process Harder Abroad, and the Cultural Context
Language and the need to be understood
Even someone who speaks a second language comfortably in daily life can struggle to find the words in a medical consultation full of fear. Under stress, the mind goes back to the mother tongue. In many countries, it may be possible to request interpreter support in hospitals; it is useful to ask the healthcare institution where you live about this option. As for what you are going through emotionally, you can describe it most comfortably in your mother tongue.
Illness and care in Turkish culture
In Turkish culture, illness is often lived through as a family. Visits to the sick, food brought round, staying with the patient in hospital and "geçmiş olsun" (get well soon) phone calls form a strong network of support. In some countries, visiting the sick may be more limited and care more individual and institutional. This difference can lead a person to feel lonelier.
On the other hand, in some families it is still hard to talk openly about serious illnesses. Attitudes such as "Don't tell anyone", "The evil eye will strike" and "Don't let your mother hear, she'll be upset" can narrow the space in which the sick person can share their feelings. Hiding the illness may seem to protect the family in the short term, but it can leave the person alone at the very moment they most need support.
The "here or in Turkey?" dilemma
Some people want to have treatment in Turkey, close to their families; others trust the health system and treatment process in the country where they live. This decision depends on medical recommendations, insurance and financial circumstances, work and residence status, the family's situation and personal preferences. For definite information about insurance coverage and treatment rights, you need to get it from the insurer and healthcare institutions in the country where you live. What matters psychologically is to make this decision not in a panic but, as far as possible, on the basis of information and calmly.
Increased health anxiety
After a serious diagnosis, even during recovery, every physical symptom can become a source of great worry. The thought "Is this pain that again?" can take over a person's daily life. Our article on health anxiety can be a guide here.
The Effect of Illness on Family, Partner and Children
Illness abroad affects not only the sick person but the whole family. In a couple living abroad, when one partner falls ill, the other may suddenly become at once the carer, the worker, the parent and the person running the bureaucratic matters. This load can create burnout, anxiety and guilt in the caring partner. The caring partner has their own emotional needs too, and neglecting them wears everyone down in the long run.
Children often notice when one of their parents is ill; even if nothing is said, they sense the tension at home. An age-appropriate, honest and calm explanation can prevent children from producing more frightening scenarios with their imaginations. Sentences like "Mum has an illness, and the doctors are treating it; some days she may be tired. You didn't do this, and if you have questions about it you can always ask" can give a child reassurance.
Family in Turkey, for their part, may feel great helplessness from a distance. Parents insisting "we're coming right away", frequent phone calls or suggestions about treatment can sometimes be supportive and sometimes tiring. Thinking in advance about what information will be passed on, when and to whom, makes these relationships more manageable.
Say you are a father of two living in Austria and you have received a diagnosis of a chronic illness. Your mother in Turkey calls every day with a new treatment suggestion, your partner is rushing between work and the children, and you are both tired and wrestling with the thought "I've become a burden on my family." In this picture everyone is doing their best, but everyone is just as alone. Open conversation within the family and sharing tasks can be the first step to reducing this loneliness.
How Can You Support Yourself During This Process?
The following steps can help ease the emotional load after an illness diagnosis abroad:
- Go to doctor's appointments prepared. Write your questions down beforehand. If possible, take along a relative who knows the language well, or ask for interpreter support. Take notes of important information or ask the doctor for a written summary.
- Get information from reliable sources. Research done online in the middle of the night can increase anxiety. Direct your questions to your treatment team.
- Draw up a "support map". List what kind of help you can get from whom: who can accompany you to appointments, who can look after the children, who can bring food, who can simply listen.
- Don't see asking for help as weakness. Neighbours, colleagues and acquaintances in the Turkish community may want to help. Making concrete requests shows them how they can help.
- Plan communication with family in Turkey. Telling everyone separately can be tiring. Sharing information through one family member, or giving regular short updates, lightens the load.
- Keep a daily structure. As far as your energy allows, keep up small routines: short walks, a series you like, sitting by the window with a cup of tea.
- Make room for your feelings. You don't have to suppress your fear, anger and sadness. Talking to someone you trust, keeping a journal or joining a support group can help.
- Focus on what you can control. You cannot determine the course of the illness on your own; but you do have a say in areas like keeping your appointments, resting and spending time with loved ones.
- Ask about the psychosocial services of hospitals and patient associations. In many countries, hospitals and patient associations offer counselling and support groups for patients and their relatives.
You may not be able to control the illness; but you can choose not to walk this road alone.
When Should You Seek Professional Psychological Support?
You do not need to wait until you feel "really bad" to get psychological support during a serious illness. Even so, the following situations particularly call for attention:
- If anxiety or fear is making daily life and keeping to treatment difficult
- If you have had intense unhappiness, hopelessness or an inability to enjoy things for weeks
- If sleep problems continue beyond those related to treatment
- If you see yourself as a "burden" on your family and this thought wears you out
- If you have ongoing conflicts with your partner or family
- If, as a close relative giving care, you are experiencing signs of burnout
- If feelings that life is meaningless or thoughts of ending your life arise
If you have thoughts of harming yourself, please do not wait; call the emergency number of the country you are in: 112 in EU countries, 911 in the US and Canada, 999 or 112 in the UK, and 000 in Australia. Online therapy is not an emergency response service; in situations of serious risk, local emergency services and local psychiatric services are necessary. The psychosocial support units of the hospital where you are being treated and your family doctor are also important resources. An assessment by a psychiatrist about whether medication for your mood is needed can be helpful.
How Is Coping with Illness Approached in Mother-Tongue Online Therapy?
Being able to describe the fear, sense of loss and family dynamics you feel while living with a serious illness in your mother tongue can be a relieving experience. Talking without having to explain cultural concepts such as "nazar" (the evil eye), "kısmet" (fate) and "not upsetting my family" can make it easier to feel understood. You can find more information about this approach on our page on Turks living abroad.
Psychological support based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy does not replace medical treatment; it complements it. The work can include the following topics:
- Coping with anxiety and uncertainty: Noticing catastrophic scenarios and developing skills for tolerating uncertainty.
- Working with thoughts: Evaluating thoughts such as "It's all over" and "I'm a burden on my family" from a more balanced perspective.
- Behavioural activation: Planning activities that give meaning and pleasure and suit your energy level.
- Relaxation and breathing techniques: Skills that help manage anxiety before tests and treatment.
- Communication skills: Expressing needs to your partner, children, family in Turkey and the treatment team.
- Meaning and values: Rethinking what matters to the person in a life that has changed with illness.
Sessions can be held through online therapy, at times that suit your treatment schedule and the time difference, from your home or from a suitable quiet place.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I tell my family in Turkey about my illness?
This is a personal decision. However, hiding the illness completely can leave you without support. Thinking in advance about whom to tell, how much and how, and sharing the information through one family member, can make the process easier.
Is it necessary to get psychological support during treatment?
It is not obligatory for everyone, but it is helpful for many people. If anxiety, sadness and tension in the family are making the treatment process harder, psychological support can help you carry this load.
I have trouble understanding my doctor in a second language. What can I do?
Write your questions down beforehand, take a relative who knows the language well to the appointment, and ask the healthcare institution whether interpreter support is available. Don't hesitate to ask again about something you did not understand.
What should a caring partner do during an illness abroad?
The caring partner needs support too. Sharing tasks, setting aside small breaks for themselves and finding a space where they can talk about their own feelings help prevent burnout.
Bu yazı genel bilgilendirme amaçlıdır; tanı veya tedavi yerine geçmez. Yaşadığınız güçlükler için bir ruh sağlığı uzmanına başvurmanız önerilir. Acil bir durumda lütfen 112'yi arayın.
Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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