Has in-game spending left a surprise on your card statement? Read why teens make purchases without asking, the first steps to take and how to talk to them.
At the end of the month you open your credit card statement and see dozens of small transactions you don't recognise: some 49.99 TL, some 199.99 TL, some several thousand lira. All of them carry the name of the same gaming platform. At first you think you've been defrauded, then you remember your thirteen-year-old son's tablet. In-game spending is a subject many families are introduced to in exactly this way, with a shock. In this article we explain why and how young people spend without telling anyone, which game designs make this spending easier, what the first steps should be when a surprise turns up on your statement, and how to have a conversation with the young person that both sets limits and protects the relationship.
What Is In-Game Spending and Why Is It So Easy?
In-game spending means purchases made with real money inside a game, even when the game itself is free or has already been bought. Costumes and skins, virtual currencies, seasonal reward passes, character boosts, and crates or cards that give random rewards are the most common forms of this spending.
Several features make this spending easier:
- Saved payment details: A card added once to a phone or game account can be used for later purchases with a single tap. On devices that don't ask for a password, the process takes seconds.
- Virtual currency: In the game, prices are shown in units such as "diamonds", "coins" or "points". In the young person's mind, no link is made between "800 diamonds" and "300 lira".
- Small amounts: Making a large purchase in one go feels difficult; but transactions of 30 or 40 lira look innocent. The total is only noticed on the statement.
- Time-limited offers: Countdowns such as "This skin is only in the shop for 24 hours" push for a decision without leaving time to think.
What's more, many games make the first purchase especially attractive: with offers such as first-purchase discounts or a "starter pack", it is known that a player who pays once will hesitate less over later purchases.
That is why the size of the amount on the statement is usually the result not of the young person's ill intent but of design and a lack of controls. This does not remove the young person's responsibility; but it sets the tone of the conversation.
Why Do Young People Spend Money on Games?
Peer status
In many online games, playing with the default look can be equivalent to being seen as "broke", "a beginner" or "a noob" among peers. Not having a new costume that everyone in class is talking about can turn into a real feeling of exclusion for the young person. In this respect, in-game skins serve a function similar to the branded trainers of the previous generation.
Instant rewards
In the adolescent brain, reward systems work quickly and powerfully, while the regions that hold back impulses and weigh long-term consequences are still developing. A new character that arrives with one tap gives great pleasure in the moment; the statement at the end of the month is a very distant and abstract possibility.
Competition and progress
In some games, spending money speeds up progress or gives an advantage over opponents. Young people who have a low tolerance for losing or who don't want to feel inadequate in the game may turn to these shortcuts more often.
Emotional regulation
For some young people, shopping is a way of finding relief from boredom, loneliness, school stress or tension at home. The short-lived good feeling after spending increases the urge to repeat it.
The influence of streamers
The gaming streamers young people watch share the excitement of opening new packs live on stream. While the moment a "legendary" item appears on screen is celebrated, the cost of the hundreds of attempts spent to catch that moment usually remains invisible. The young person wants to experience for themselves the excitement their favourite streamer feels.
Not knowing the value of money
Younger teenagers in particular may not know in concrete terms that there is a real budget behind the card, or how much a month's groceries or a bill costs. Even in homes where the rising cost of living is discussed, this information often does not reach the young person.
Loot Boxes and Chance Mechanics: Similarities with Gambling
In some games, crates, packs or wheels with unknown contents are bought for money. The young person pays hoping a valuable item will come out; usually an ordinary item comes out, and with the thought "If I try once more" they try again. In terms of uncertain reward and a cycle of repeated attempts, this mechanic resembles games of chance.
This similarity is something families need to pay attention to. A young person who gets used to opening loot boxes may later turn more easily to betting or other games of chance. In some games there are also marketplaces where items won are bought and sold for real money, and betting sites associated with them. We discussed this in detail in our article on gambling addiction in young people.
To find out whether the game your teenager plays has such mechanics, asking them, looking at the shop section together and talking about whether they watch loot box opening videos is a good start.
When Your Card Statement Holds a Surprise: First Steps
1. Clarify the situation first
Establish whether the charges really come from gaming platforms, on which dates and through which account they were made. The purchase history in the phone's or tablet's app store will guide you on this.
2. Close off payment routes
Remove the card from the device and the game accounts. Turn on settings that require a password or parental approval for purchases on the device. If needed, talk to your bank and review your online shopping settings.
3. Look into refund options
Some app stores and gaming platforms may accept refund requests for unauthorised purchases made by minors. The outcome is not always positive and varies from platform to platform; but there is often a set period within which to apply. You can also contact your bank.
4. Review other devices too
Games consoles, smart TVs, a sibling's tablet or the phone of grandparents visited at weekends can carry a similar risk. Grandparents in particular may easily share their passwords so as not to refuse a grandchild's request to "just download a game". Checking the payment settings on all devices in the family once prevents a similar surprise from arriving through another channel.
5. Don't have the conversation at the peak of your anger
Confronting the young person the moment you see the statement will most likely end in a cycle of shouting, blaming and defensiveness. Wait a few hours, or a night if needed. Agree on a joint stance with your partner. In the meantime you may also find yourself blaming yourself: "Why did I leave the card saved, why didn't I keep track?" These thoughts are understandable, but the fact that someone made a mistake does not stop the mistake from becoming a lesson the family learns together.
The aim is not for the young person to be left in shame, but for them to understand the consequences of what they did and to be able to make a different choice next time.
How to Talk to a Young Person About In-Game Spending
Start with curiosity
The question "Did you make these purchases?" is perceived as a trap once the young person realises you already know. Instead, say openly what you know and try to understand: "I saw gaming charges on the statement. I want to understand what you bought and why."
Make the amount concrete
Explain the money the young person spent using examples from their own world: work out together how many months of pocket money, how many trips to the cinema or how many days of the household's grocery shopping it equals. This is not a punishment but a way of building the link between the virtual and the real.
Give them a chance to make amends
Proportionate amends help the young person take responsibility. For example, part of the spending being deducted from their pocket money over a few months, or covered by extra household chores. It is important that the amends are realistic and achievable; a sense of debt that will last for years increases hopelessness and concealment.
Rewrite the rules together
Spending can be banned completely, or a set monthly budget can be agreed. Some families prefer to allow the young person to buy prepaid gaming cards with money saved from their own pocket money. This way the young person learns to manage a limited budget. Whatever the rule, having it in writing and knowing in advance what will happen if it is broken prevents the argument from starting over every time. Setting a date to review together how the rule is working after a few months also makes the young person feel that they have a say too.
Start money education
This incident can be turned into an opportunity to talk with the young person about money. Topics such as managing pocket money, saving, waiting to buy something and roughly how the family's monthly budget is divided can be shared in an age-appropriate way. These conversations can also reduce everyday tensions in later years, such as the teen pocket money argument.
Let's say a fourteen-year-old girl has made small purchases over three months to complete her costume collection in a life simulation game she loves. The family, noticing this on the statement, first takes her phone away for a week. In the first days she is angry and silent. Then the family sits down and talks with her: about the total amount spent, why she couldn't stop herself, how she compared her collection with those in her friends' games. In the end they agree on a small deduction from her pocket money and a fixed monthly gaming budget. In this process, the young person tries managing a budget herself for the first time.
When Should Professional Support Be Sought?
A one-off, uncontrolled spending episode can be resolved in most families by talking and renewing the rules. However, seeking support from a professional is advisable in the following situations:
- If spending continues in secret despite the rules and conversations
- If the young person takes money from home or from others in order to spend, or tries to get hold of passwords or card details
- If there is a marked interest in loot boxes, betting or similar games of chance
- If they experience intense anger, aggression or low mood when prevented from playing
- If gaming and spending noticeably affect areas such as school, sleep and friendships
- If spending appears to have become a means of emotional relief
These signs do not in themselves mean a diagnosis. However, they point to the possibility of difficulty with impulse control, gaming addiction or an underlying emotional difficulty.
How Is a Problem with In-Game Spending Addressed in Therapy?
The first step in therapy is understanding the function of the spending behaviour in the young person's life. Is the spending a search for status, boredom, a way of finding relief, or a natural result of being caught up in the reward cycle the game offers? The answer to this question determines which path to take.
Within the framework of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), the young person learns to notice the feelings and thoughts they experience before the urge to spend. Thoughts such as "If I don't have this costume, everyone on the team will make fun of me" or "If I open one more crate, it's bound to come out" are examined. Concrete plans are made around waiting out the urge, developing alternative behaviours and reducing triggering situations. Understanding how chance mechanics work also strengthens the young person's resistance to this cycle.
In sessions with the family, the consistency of rules, the pocket money arrangement and the language of money conversations at home are addressed. Clinical Psychologist Eda Erkan Alapala has completed the four-year CBT training of the Association for Cognitive and Behavioural Therapies (KDTD) and training in child and adolescent psychotherapy. Adolescent counselling sessions can be held face to face or online.
Frequently Asked Questions
Has my child who spent money in a game committed theft?
Labelling this situation directly as theft is often not accurate. Many young people spend without fully grasping the consequences of using the card or without noticing the total of small amounts. Still, it should be discussed openly that unauthorised spending is a breach of trust, and the young person should be helped to take responsibility.
Is deleting the game completely a solution?
In the short term it may stop the spending, but it can cut the young person off from their social circle and make them angry. Closing off payment routes, setting clear rules and limiting gaming time where necessary is usually a more balanced approach. If there are signs of addiction, a more comprehensive plan is needed.
Should I let them make in-game purchases with their own pocket money?
Allowing this within a set budget, using limited methods such as prepaid cards, can help the young person learn money management. What matters is that the spending does not go towards products with chance mechanics and that the budget is not exceeded.
Their sibling plays the same game. Should the rules be the same for everyone?
The basic principles can be the same, but how they are applied can vary according to differences in age and maturity. Spending can be completely closed off for the younger sibling while the older one is allowed a limited budget. Explaining the reason for this difference openly to both children reduces jealousy.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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