Your teenager won't sleep at night or get up in the morning? Why bedtime drifts later in adolescence and how to restore it without daily battles at home.
It is past two in the morning. As you walk down the hallway, screen light is seeping from under your daughter's door. At seven the alarm goes off for the fourth time, you call out "Get up, the school bus is coming!" for the third time, and the first tension of the day begins at home. At the weekend she sleeps until one in the afternoon; when you ask "What kind of routine is this?", she answers "But I'm just not sleepy!" The complaint that a teenager won't sleep at night is one of the most common concerns parents raise, and it is often interpreted as laziness or a lack of discipline. Yet behind it there is usually a combination of biological change, heavy screen use, exam stress and sometimes emotional difficulties. In this article we look at why a young person's sleep time drifts later, at what point this becomes a problem, and how you can restore their sleep routine without turning it into a war at home.
Teenager Won't Sleep at Night: Is It Laziness?
The short answer: usually not. In adolescence there is a natural shift in the internal clock that regulates the brain's sleep-wake cycle. The feeling of sleepiness that came early in the evening in childhood moves to later hours with adolescence. The hormonal signals that prepare the body for sleep start later. So a child who could fall asleep at nine at the age of twelve may genuinely be unable to sleep if they go to bed at the same time at fifteen.
What is more, teenagers' need for sleep does not decrease; on the contrary, it stays close to childhood levels. It is generally accepted that teenagers need between eight and ten hours of sleep a night. A young person who has to go to sleep late and get up early becomes a little more sleep-deprived each weekday night and tries to make up the deficit by sleeping long at the weekend. Sleeping until noon at the weekend, however, pushes the internal clock even later and makes Monday morning harder. This cycle is sometimes called "social jet lag": at the start of every week the young person feels as though they have flown to a different time zone.
Our article on sleep in teenagers, which looks in more detail at the biological and developmental aspects of teenage sleep, offers a basic framework on this subject.
Other Reasons for Staying Awake at Night
The biological shift is only one part of the picture. For many young people, there are other reasons for staying awake until late at night.
Screens and social media
Light from phone, tablet and computer screens can delay the brain's sleep signals. But the main effect often comes less from the light than from the content. The endless feed on social media, messaging in friendship groups, online games and series keep the mind stimulated. Night-time can feel like the "time of their own" that the young person cannot find during the day because of lessons and responsibilities. The peer group being active late at night also heightens the worry that "I'll miss something." Our article on teenagers and their phones offers detailed suggestions on setting rules around phone use.
Workload and exam stress
For young people preparing for the LGS or YKS (Turkey's national high-school and university entrance exams), the day is very long, spent between school, a private tutoring centre or extra study sessions, and homework. A young person may only be able to start studying at night, or may try to finish at night what they could not get through during the day. Exam anxiety is also an important factor that makes it hard to fall asleep; once in bed, the young person cannot stop thinking about their mock exam scores, the topics left to cover and exam day.
Caffeine and energy drinks
Coffee, tea, fizzy drinks and especially energy drinks consumed throughout the day can delay falling asleep. Many young people turn to caffeine to cope with morning sleepiness, and in the evening that caffeine keeps them awake. In this way a vicious circle forms.
Emotional difficulties
Night is when thoughts speak loudest. Anxiety, sadness, hurt in friendships, tension within the family or questions about identity can feel heavier in bed at night. In some young people, being unable to sleep may be one of the first signs of depression or an anxiety disorder.
How Does Lack of Sleep Affect a Young Person's Life?
Insufficient sleep is reflected in almost every area of a teenager's life:
- School performance: Attention, memory and learning are directly affected by sleep. A sleep-deprived young person finds it hard to follow what is said in class and to make what they learn stick.
- Emotional regulation: Lack of sleep increases irritability, impatience and sudden mood changes. Behind many situations in which parents ask "Why is she so grumpy?" there may be an accumulated sleep debt.
- Mental health: Ongoing sleep problems have a two-way relationship with anxiety and depressive symptoms; each can feed the other.
- Physical health: Immunity, growth and appetite are affected by sleep.
- Safety: A sleep-deprived young person is at greater risk when riding a bicycle or scooter, playing sport or, if old enough to have a licence, driving.
If Your Teenager Won't Sleep at Night, What Can You Do?
Seeing sleep as an area the parent can control entirely often turns into a power struggle. What is more effective is winning the young person's cooperation and creating an environment at home that supports sleep.
Share information first, then plan together
Young people are more open to change when they understand why their sleep has shifted and what it is costing them. Saying "At your age your body wants to sleep later, but because you have to get up early, you end up short" rather than "You're lazy" helps them feel understood rather than blamed. Then a realistic bedtime and wake-up time can be agreed together.
Make changes gradually
It is not possible for a young person who falls asleep at three in the morning to switch to eleven overnight. Bringing bedtime forward by about half an hour every few days is far more realistic. Keeping the weekend wake-up time not too far from the weekday one also helps reset the internal clock.
Use morning light
Opening the curtains as soon as they get up, going out into daylight or having breakfast in a bright spot helps the internal clock settle into an earlier pattern. Walking to school or spending a short time outside before getting on the school bus can also help.
Agree on a shared rule for screens
Although putting screens away an hour before bed is ideal, it can be hard to bring in all at once. Rules such as charging the phone outside the young person's room at night, turning off notifications after a certain time or making the bedroom a "screen-free zone" can be agreed through discussion with your teenager. Parents following the same rule makes it feel fair.
Create an evening routine
A repeated routine before bed, such as a warm shower, a light book, calm music or a short breathing exercise, signals to the brain that it is time to move towards sleep. Building this routine from activities the young person chooses, rather than a programme imposed on them, increases cooperation.
Review caffeine
Limiting caffeinated drinks and energy drinks in the afternoon can make it easier to fall asleep. When young people are informed about this they can also make their own observations: noticing "On days I drink cola in the evening I fall asleep later" is more effective than a ban.
Review their study schedule
If the young person has to study at night, this is not only a sleep problem but a problem of time management and workload. It is important to review the daily schedule together, reduce unnecessary burdens and make room for rest as well.
Sleep is not something you can force on a teenager; but a home that opens the door to sleep makes it much easier for them to build their own routine.
From the Young Person's Point of View: Why Is the Night So Appealing?
For parents, night is time for sleep; for many young people it is the freest hours of the day. After a day spent with school bells, rules at home and timetables at the tutoring centre, the hours of the night when everyone is asleep feel like a space where nobody interferes. It is the quietest time for listening to music, drawing, messaging a friend at length or simply thinking.
So approaching a teenager who won't sleep at night only with bans may mean overlooking this need for "time of their own". It helps to look together for ways of meeting this need during the day as well: a short but protected stretch of free time after school, a few hours at the weekend they can spend as they like, or an evening hour when they can be in their own room undisturbed.
When talking about this with your teenager, asking with curiosity "What keeps you awake at night?" may show that the answer sometimes comes from a far deeper place than the phone. For some young people, night is the time they are left alone with a sadness they could not tell anyone during the day; for others, it is simply a moment to breathe. Understanding this difference also shapes what kind of support you offer.
Reducing Morning Battles
Not being able to get up in the morning is, in many homes, the first and most draining argument of the day. The parent calling out again and again, the young person getting out of bed in anger and the hurried departure from the house mean that both young person and parent start the day badly.
Let us say your sixteen-year-old son waits every morning for you to call him, and every morning you have to call more loudly. In this case it may help to hand over the responsibility for waking up to him gradually: setting his own alarm, putting it away from the bed and you reminding him only once. In the first days there may be natural consequences such as missing the school bus; but these consequences may be more instructive than you raising your voice every morning. Of course, this approach should be applied in a way that does not put the young person's safety or an important exam at risk.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
A shift in sleep time is common in adolescence. However, it may be helpful to get support from a professional in the following situations:
- For several weeks the young person cannot fall asleep or wakes often in the night, despite trying to change their sleep routine
- Lack of sleep markedly disrupts going to school, taking part in lessons or everyday functioning
- Alongside sleep problems there are emotional changes such as persistent sadness, lack of motivation, anxiety or anger
- The young person stays awake all night, sleeps almost all day and withdraws from social life
- Nightmares, a sense of panic or fear of going to bed are seen
- There are symptoms that may need medical assessment, such as snoring, pauses in breathing during sleep or excessive daytime sleepiness
In this last case, an assessment by a doctor is needed first. If sleep problems come with hopelessness, thoughts of self-harm or statements that life is meaningless, seek support without delay; in an emergency, call 112 (emergency services).
How Are Teenagers' Sleep Problems Addressed in Therapy?
In teenagers, sleep problems are usually assessed not on their own but together with the young person's emotional state, habits and relationships within the family. In counselling for teenagers, the following approaches may be used:
A cognitive behavioural approach to sleep: Sleep work based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy focuses on regulating behaviours and thoughts related to sleep. Techniques such as using the bed only for sleep, getting up and doing a calm activity when unable to sleep, and keeping a regular wake-up time are adapted to the young person's needs.
Working with night-time thoughts: Anxious thoughts such as "If I can't sleep, I'll forget everything in the exam tomorrow" are noticed. A short "worry time" set aside for thoughts during the day can help the mind be calmer in bed at night.
Underlying emotional difficulties: If the sleep problem is linked to anxiety, depression or a life event, therapy focuses on that underlying problem.
Working with the family: With parents, plans are made for the sleep environment at home, screen rules and morning routines that protect the young person's autonomy and reduce conflict.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I let my teenager sleep until noon at the weekend?
Sleeping a little longer to make up the sleep debt built up during the week is natural. But a weekend wake-up time much later than on weekdays pushes the internal clock even further back. No more than an hour or two after the weekday wake-up time is generally a reasonable balance.
Should I take their phone away at night?
Not having the phone in the room at night can be good for sleep, but it is important to present this not as a punishment but as a shared family rule. Talking about the reason for the rule, and parents following it too, increases the young person's cooperation.
Does daytime napping affect night-time sleep?
Sleeping for a long time after school can make it harder to fall asleep at night. If the young person is very tired, a short nap taken early in the afternoon is more suitable.
When might a teenager's sleeplessness be a sign of illness?
If sleeplessness lasts for weeks, markedly disrupts daytime functioning or comes with emotional changes, it may not be just a matter of habit. In that case an assessment by a professional is helpful.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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