Why is adjusting to university so hard? Practical tips for students and families on homesickness, life in halls, loneliness and coping with the workload.
The moment you dreamed about for months has finally arrived: the suitcases are packed, you have settled into your room in halls, and your first timetable is in your hand. But a few weeks later, the excitement you expected can give way to a strange emptiness, homesickness and the question "Do I belong here?" Adjusting to university is, for many young people, a much harder process than it looks from the outside. A new city, a new roommate, a new education system and the first decisions made entirely alone all arrive at the same time. In this article we look at the emotional difficulties of the first months at university, why they appear, the steps students and families can take, and when it is a good idea to seek support.
What Is Adjusting to University, and Why Can It Be So Hard?
Adjusting to university is the process of getting used to a new way of living academically, socially, emotionally and practically. It is not only about keeping up with your classes. Thinking about your own meals, managing a budget, doing your own laundry, making new friends, being able to spend time alone and redefining your identity away from your family are all part of it.
From a developmental perspective, the university years are a bridge between adolescence and young adulthood. While young people enjoy their new freedom, they also have to take on many responsibilities their families used to carry. This dual position can mean feeling great excitement and deep loneliness within the same day.
It helps to know that adjustment is a period of "settling in". Difficulties in the first weeks do not mean that a young person has made the wrong choice or is not suited to university. For most students, the process gets easier with time and small steps.
What Are the Signs of Difficulty Adjusting to University?
A student who is struggling to adjust may show some of the following signs:
- Intense homesickness, constantly calling family, or wanting to go home every weekend
- Not wanting to leave the room, avoiding social events
- Reluctance to attend classes, increasing absences
- Disrupted sleep, staying up late in front of a screen
- Changes in appetite, irregular eating
- Constant tiredness and difficulty concentrating
- Thoughts such as "Nobody here understands me" or "Everyone has settled in except me"
- Frequent thoughts about leaving the course or the city
- Anxiety, crying spells, irritability
It is normal to see some of these signs in the first weeks. However, if they increase rather than fade as weeks go by, or if they clearly affect a young person's daily functioning, it is worth paying attention. These signs on their own do not amount to a diagnosis.
Factors That Make Adjusting to University Harder
Homesickness and separation
For a young person spending a long time away from their family for the first time, homesickness is an expected and natural feeling. Mum's cooking, your own room, chats with your siblings, friends from the neighbourhood... their absence is felt most in the evenings and at weekends. Homesickness shows that a young person has a strong bond with their family; the problem arises when it grows so large that it prevents them from stepping into their new life.
Loneliness and the search for belonging
You can feel lonely even on a crowded campus. The friendships built over years at school cannot be replaced within a few weeks. The large friendship groups other people share on social media can strengthen the feeling that "everyone is so happy, only I haven't managed to settle in". We discussed this feeling in more detail in our article on the feeling of loneliness.
Life in halls and living with a roommate
Sharing a room with people from other cities, with different habits, takes patience and communication. Matters such as bedtimes, cleanliness, guests and noise levels can cause small tensions. Having less privacy can also be difficult for some young people.
Financial worries and accommodation
In 2025 and 2026, housing and the cost of living are among the topics students talk about most. Rising rents in big cities, access to places in student halls, and transport and food costs are a serious source of stress for many students and families. A young person who feels they are a burden on their family may find it hard to voice their own needs, or may have to work long hours alongside their studies. This can make both academic and social adjustment harder.
Academic differences
After the guided, exam-focused study routine of school, university expects far more independent learning. Course registration, attendance requirements, assignment deadlines and the midterm-and-final system can be confusing in the first term. A student who did well at school may be shaken in their confidence if they do not get the grade they expected in their first midterms.
The gap between expectation and reality
During YKS preparation (Turkey's national university entrance exam), university may have been imagined as a goal where "everything will be fine". The disappointment when reality sets in can be especially strong for students placed on a course or in a city they did not want. We covered the difficulties of the choosing process in our article on university choice anxiety.
New freedoms and risks
Away from parental supervision, meeting more options around nightlife, alcohol and substance use is also part of the adjustment process. Some young people may turn to these routes to cope with loneliness and anxiety. Open, non-judgemental communication is the family's strongest protective tool here.
Step-by-Step Tips for Students: How to Adjust to University
1. Give yourself time
Adjustment does not happen all at once. Accepting that the first few months may be hard softens the thought that "something is wrong with me". Remind yourself: "This is a transition period."
2. Build a daily routine
Regular sleeping and waking times, set mealtimes, hours for classes and study, short walks... Routine gives the mind a sense of security in periods of heavy uncertainty. Staying up late in front of a screen, on the other hand, can harm both your mood and your academic performance.
3. Take small social steps
You do not need to become close friends with everyone straight away. Exchanging a few sentences with the person next to you in class, joining a table in the canteen, or going to a student society's welcome event are all good starting points. Societies that match your interests are where natural, lasting friendships are most easily formed.
4. Manage homesickness, don't suppress it
Talking to your family regularly is good for you; however, messaging constantly through the day or going home every weekend can delay your attachment to your new environment. For example, planning a short video call at a set time each evening keeps the bond alive and leaves you room to focus on your new surroundings during the day.
5. Talk with your roommates from the start
Talking calmly about bedtimes, cleanliness, guests and shared belongings before problems arise prevents many tensions. When a problem does come up, speaking in "I" language rather than blaming works well: "I can't sleep when the light is on late at night; could we find a solution?"
6. Use academic support
Lecturers' office hours, personal tutors, the library and study groups are not only for students who are failing. Asking for support early in a course you are struggling with reduces the stress you would face at the end of term.
7. Plan your budget
Writing down your monthly income and expenses reduces the anxiety that builds towards the end of the month. If you are under financial strain, look into your university's scholarships, meal support and part-time work opportunities.
8. Get to know the counselling services on campus
Many universities have a counselling and guidance unit for students. Using these services is one of the first places to turn when you are struggling.
9. Find places of your own in your new city
Feeling that you belong to a city often begins with finding a few places there you can call "mine". A café you like, a quiet park, a gym you attend regularly, or a seafront path you walk at weekends... Instead of spending weekends only in your room, getting to know the city through small exploring trips reduces the feeling of being a stranger. Imagine a student who has come to Istanbul from a small town on the Black Sea and feels lost in the crowds and pace of the city. Setting the goal of discovering just one new neighbourhood each week can turn a huge, frightening-looking city into a familiar place, step by step. Likewise, for a student who has moved to a small town and misses big-city life, noticing that town's own particular charms makes adjustment easier.
Feeling like a stranger in a new city does not mean you don't belong there. Belonging is a feeling woven over time through small connections.
For Families: How to Support from a Distance
Parents who see their child off to another city go through their own emotional transition. An emptying home, the "empty nest" feeling and worries about their child's safety are common. In this period, the following can help:
- Listen, don't rush to fix: When a young person says "I'm so lonely", try to understand their feeling first, rather than saying "Come straight home" or "Everyone is lonely, you'll get used to it".
- Support their independence: For things like course registration, banking and problems in halls, instead of solving them for your child, guide them on how they can solve them.
- Manage your own anxiety: Calling many times a day and asking "Where are you, what are you doing?" can overwhelm a young person. A regular, predictable pattern of contact is a relief for both sides.
- Talk about money openly: Sharing the limits of the budget clearly prevents a young person from quietly struggling.
- Accept change: A young person coming home for the holidays may bring different ideas and habits. This is a natural part of growing up.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Difficulties in adjusting to university often ease towards the end of the first term. However, it is helpful to consult a specialist in the following situations:
- If homesickness and loneliness increase rather than fade as weeks pass
- If attendance has dropped noticeably and there is a risk of losing a term
- If there have been long-lasting disruptions to sleep, appetite and energy levels
- If there is intense anxiety or panic-attack-like episodes
- If there is a lack of enjoyment, hopelessness and a constant low mood
- If alcohol or substance use has increased
- If the young person has thoughts of harming themselves or ending their life
Thoughts of self-harm or ending one's life are an emergency; in this case, call 112 (emergency services) without delay or go to the nearest emergency department.
How Is Adjusting to University Approached in Therapy?
Psychological support for difficulties adjusting to university is usually a focused, skills-based process. For students living away from their families, online therapy can make it easier to have regular sessions without being tied to their timetable or city. The following topics are often worked on in therapy:
Noticing thought patterns: Using a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) approach, automatic thoughts such as "Everyone has settled in except me" or "Nobody would want to be my friend" are identified and evaluated alongside the evidence.
Behavioural steps: To reduce social avoidance, small and achievable goals are set, such as attending a society event once a week or having coffee with a friend.
Emotion regulation and coping with stress: Relaxation techniques, self-compassion work and problem-solving skills are developed to cope with anxiety, loneliness and homesickness.
Understanding early schemas: In some young people, early maladaptive schemas such as "abandonment", "social isolation" or "dependence" can make it harder to separate from family and form new relationships. Noticing these patterns can make the adjustment process much easier. The role of psychological resilience in this process is also an important area of work.
Identity and values: With students who meet the questions "Who am I, and what do I want?" again in young adulthood, we work on values, goals and meaning.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does adjusting to university take?
There is no fixed time. Most students gradually get used to their new routine during the first term. For some students, the process can last until the end of the first year. If difficulties are increasing rather than fading, seeking support is helpful.
Is homesickness normal?
Yes, it is quite common, especially among young people living away from their family for the first time. Homesickness is a sign of a strong bond with family. However, if it clearly gets in the way of attending classes and social life, it needs to be worked on.
I don't like my course. Should I leave straight away?
Decisions made in the first weeks are often affected by the feelings that adjustment brings. Waiting a few months before leaving, getting to know the classes and the opportunities the department offers, and talking to your personal tutor and your family allow you to make a healthier assessment.
I can't get along with my roommate in halls. What can I do?
First, try talking about your needs calmly, without blaming. Setting shared rules can solve most problems. If the problem continues, speaking to the halls management or requesting a room change is an option.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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