Why does being unable to find a job abroad bring feelings of worthlessness? Read about the toll of unemployment and how to protect your mental health.
You worked for years in Turkey; you had a profession, a title, colleagues who came to you for advice. Then you moved to a new country. You have been applying for months; some applications get no reply at all, and others bring polite rejection emails. "You don't have enough local experience", "Your language level is not suitable for this position", "The equivalence of your degree has not been completed." After a while the question changes: instead of "Is there a problem with this system?", you start to think, "Is there a problem with me?" Being unable to find a job abroad is not only a financial difficulty; it is a deep experience that touches identity, self-confidence, roles in the family and hope for the future. In this article, we look at the psychological meaning of unemployment abroad, how feelings of worthlessness arise, the effects on the family and concrete ways to protect your mental health during this time.
Why Does Being Unable to Find a Job Abroad Feel So Heavy?
Unemployment is hard everywhere. But unemployment that comes with migration carries a few additional burdens.
First, the loss of professional identity. For many people, work is not only a way of earning money but a part of "who they are". Being an engineer, teacher, nurse, lawyer or accountant provides a place in society, respect and a sense of belonging. In the new country, this identity can suddenly become unrecognised.
Second, the gap between expectation and reality. Before moving, most people think, "I'll find a job in a month or two." In reality the process can take much longer because of steps such as learning the language, degree equivalence, local references and getting to know the work culture. When expectations are not met, a person can feel like a failure.
Third, invisible barriers. Factors such as applying with a foreign name, not having local networks and speaking with an accent can make the process harder. These situations are not always stated openly; the person only sees that they are constantly being turned down and looks for the reason in themselves.
Fourth, the fact that going back is not easy either. The thought "I had a job in Turkey, I gave up everything" can combine the difficulty with regret and guilt. This dilemma can push a person to feel as though they belong neither here nor there.
What Are the Signs of Feeling Worthless?
A long job search can change your thoughts and behaviour without your noticing. You may observe these signs in yourself:
Emotional signs
- Feeling useless, a burden or "lacking"
- Shame: "What will my friends think?", "What will I tell my family?"
- Frequently wanting to cry, low mood or emotional numbness
- Envy or resentment towards other people's achievements
Cognitive signs
- Generalising thoughts such as "I'm not good enough" and "Nobody will hire me"
- Interpreting every rejection as a personal failure
- Hopelessness about the future
- Idealising your old life in Turkey and constantly comparing
Behavioural signs
- Putting off applications or giving them up altogether
- Avoiding social settings, places where you might be asked "What do you do?"
- Breakdown of the daily routine: getting up late, spending the whole day in front of a screen
- Frequent arguments with family or your spouse
Physical signs
- Disrupted sleep
- Changes in appetite
- Fatigue, lack of motivation
- Headaches and back pain linked to tension
These signs do not amount to a diagnosis on their own. But if they continue intensely for weeks, they may be intertwined with low mood or anxiety and need attention.
Unemployment and the Cultural Context: "The Man Who Can't Provide", "The Woman Who Stays at Home"
The burden of not finding a job abroad can become even heavier when combined with certain expectations in Turkish culture.
Gender roles. In some families, providing for the household is still seen as the man's duty. A man who cannot find a job while his wife works may feel "lacking" or like a "burden on his family". Similarly, a woman who had a career in Turkey and moved because of her husband's job may experience a deep loss of identity at ending up as the one who "stays at home" in the new country. We covered this topic in more detail in our article on migrating to follow a spouse.
"El âlem ne der?" (What will people say?) Family and friends in Turkey often expect a success story from the person living abroad. The perception of "He went to Germany, who knows how well he's living" can make it hard to describe the real situation. To hide the truth, a person may put on a happy-looking life on social media, which increases inner loneliness.
"Ayıp" and shame. Asking for help, applying for unemployment benefit or working in a lower-status job may be seen by some people as "ayıp" (improper) or humiliating. Yet these steps are often natural parts of the transition period.
Balance within the family. Loss of income can create tension over who makes decisions in the family and how money is spent.
Imagine someone who worked as a team manager at a company in Turkey for ten years and moves to the Netherlands because of their spouse's job offer. In the first months they attend language classes and make applications, feeling hopeful. After the sixth month, they start saying "Everything is fine" to their mother on the phone; they withdraw from social media so as not to hear their friends ask, "How's work going?" When their spouse comes home in the evening and asks how the day went, they give short, sharp replies. What looks from the outside like "grumpiness" is actually a feeling of shame and worthlessness quietly growing. Noticing this feeling and naming it is the first step towards change.
The Impact of Being Unable to Find a Job Abroad on the Family and Children
Unemployment can affect the balance of everyone at home.
In the couple relationship. The working partner may feel they carry both the financial burden and the other's morale. The partner who is not working may feel criticised or pitied. A small sentence like "Did you apply today?" can easily turn hurtful. In this period both sides are tired and fragile.
In children. Children sense their parents' distress. Tension at home, arguments about money or a parent withdrawing can lead to anxiety in a child, or the thought, "Is it because of me?" On the other hand, watching how difficulty is handled can also be a valuable example for a child.
In relationships with family in Turkey. Receiving financial support from parents, or no longer being able to send them money, can create guilt and shame.
In friendships. Friendships in the new country often come through work and school. A person who cannot find a job is deprived of these natural settings, and the chances of meeting new people shrink. In this way, unemployment can bring loneliness with it.
Not having a job does not mean you have no worth; unemployment is a situation, not your identity.
What You Can Do to Protect Your Mental Health During the Job Search
The suggestions below do not guarantee that you will find a job, but they can help you feel steadier during this difficult process.
1. Build a daily structure
One of the things most damaged in unemployment is the structure of the day. Set a fixed wake-up time, get dressed, have breakfast. Divide the day into sections: for example, two hours of applications in the morning, language study in the afternoon, a walk in the evening. Structure provides an anchor within uncertainty.
2. Set process goals rather than outcome goals
The goal "I'll find a job this month" is not in your control. Goals such as "This week I'll make five careful applications" and "I'll have two informational conversations" are in your control. At the end of the week, list what you have done and judge yourself by effort, not by results.
3. Reframe rejection
When you receive a rejection email, write down the thought that crosses your mind: "I'm no good at anything." Then ask yourself: "What is the evidence for this thought? What other explanations could there be?" Being rejected for a post that has hundreds of applications is often a statistical outcome, not a personal one.
4. Define yourself beyond your job
On a piece of paper, write down qualities that have nothing to do with your profession: mother, father, friend, curious, helpful, good cook, patient... Remembering that your worth is not limited to a single role can balance the feeling of worthlessness.
5. Build a network and ask for help
Turkish associations in your city, professional groups, career advice services for migrants and volunteering opportunities can provide new connections and local experience. Volunteering can both add to your CV and give you a sense of belonging to a community.
6. Don't see interim jobs as a source of shame
Working in a different job until you can return to your actual profession can be a bridge rather than a step back. Writing down your long-term goal when you make this decision can prevent you from feeling lost.
7. Talk openly with your spouse
Express your feelings without blaming: "I feel very worthless in this period, and remarks that sound like criticism hurt me deeply." Making a joint budget plan and deciding how you will talk about the job search together can reduce tension.
8. Look after your body and your social ties
Regular movement, enough sleep and seeing someone face to face at least once a week play an important role in protecting your mood. Isolating yourself may bring relief in the short term but can increase the feeling of worthlessness in the long term.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Support from a specialist can be helpful in these situations:
- If you have felt low, hopeless or unmotivated nearly every day for more than two weeks
- If you have stopped making applications or doing your daily tasks altogether
- If there are marked changes in your sleep, appetite and energy
- If you have started to turn to alcohol or other substances more often
- If arguments with your spouse or family are getting out of control
- If you see yourself as a burden and are caught up in thoughts like "It would be better if I weren't here"
If you have thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, call the emergency number of the country you are in straight away: 112 in EU countries, 911 in the US and Canada, 999 or 112 in the UK, 000 in Australia. Online therapy is not an emergency intervention service; in such situations local emergency services and local psychiatric services are necessary.
Mental health services and migrant counselling centres in the country where you live are also important resources. Some people find it easier to talk about shame and family expectations in their native language. You can see the options on the page on psychological support for Turks living abroad.
How Is Feeling Worthless Approached in Online Therapy in Your Native Language?
When working with the feeling of worthlessness caused by being unable to find a job abroad, an approach based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is often used.
Noticing thought patterns. Automatic thoughts such as "If I don't have a job, I'm worthless" and "I've failed, everyone looks down on me" are examined together. The beliefs underlying these thoughts, such as "My worth depends on my achievements", are discussed.
Behavioural activation. As low mood deepens, a person does less, and the less they do, the worse their mood gets. In therapy, small, achievable and meaningful activities are planned to try to break this cycle.
Problem solving. The job search is broken down into concrete steps, obstacles are identified and options are weighed. The aim is for the person to see themselves not as helpless but as someone who is making headway.
Working with schemas. For some people, unemployment can reawaken feelings of "inadequacy" or "failure" that go back to childhood. Noticing these deep patterns helps in understanding today's reactions.
Considering the cultural context together. The worry of "el âlem ne der?", roles within the family and the change of identity that migration brings can be discussed without having to be explained in another language.
Sessions can be held as online therapy, planned with the time difference in mind. A quiet room, headphones and a secure connection are enough. Payment is made online; pricing in TL and payment with an international card are possible. For insurance reimbursement, it is advisable to check the insurance terms in the country where you live.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal not to find a job abroad, or is it only happening to me?
Finding a job in a new country is a long and difficult process for many migrants. Factors such as language, degree equivalence and local experience can lengthen the process. This most often reflects not your personal inadequacy but the difficulties of the system and of the transition period.
Will working outside my actual profession make me feel even worse?
This depends on the meaning you give to the work. A job seen as a temporary bridge can provide both financial relief and daily structure. Setting your long-term goal clearly can reduce the feeling of lost identity.
How can I tell my family that I haven't found a job?
A short, realistic account is often enough: "The process is taking longer than I expected, but I'm making progress step by step." If you need your family's support, asking for it openly is less tiring than trying to look strong all the time.
Will the feeling of worthlessness pass by itself once I find a job?
For some people, finding a job brings relief. But negative thought patterns that have settled in during this period can sometimes continue after a job is found. That is why looking after yourself during the process, and getting support if needed, can also be protective in the long run.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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