Dependence on Private Tutoring: The Student Who Can't Study Alone

What is dependence on private tutoring, and why can't some students study without a tutor? Read about its causes, the family's role and steps to independence.

On Tuesday and Thursday evenings the maths tutor arrives, the lesson lasts an hour and a half, and for that time everything seems fine. The young person solves the questions, nods and says "I get it." Once the tutor has gone out of the door, however, the desk stays empty. The homework isn't opened until the next lesson; if it is opened, it is closed again at the first question that causes a problem. After a while, parents ask themselves: "We pay for all these lessons, yet without that tutor he can't get through a single page. Are we helping him, or are we getting him used to being helped?" Dependence on private tutoring takes shape around exactly this question. It is not a diagnosis; it is a pattern in which the student's relationship with academic support has developed in a way that weakens their confidence in their own capacity to learn. In this article we look at how this pattern forms and how you can help restore independence without withdrawing support.

What Is Dependence on Private Tutoring?

Private tutoring is not a problem in itself. It can be very useful for closing a gap in a particular topic, for intensive revision before an exam, or for giving one-to-one support to a student who does not get enough attention at school. The problem begins when the lesson stops being a bridge and turns into a permanent crutch.

To speak of dependence on private tutoring, the following picture is usually seen:

• The student does not even attempt on their own the questions they can solve when the tutor is with them.
• Study hours are squeezed almost entirely into lesson days; the days in between are empty.
• Starting a new topic without the tutor explaining it becomes unthinkable.
• When a lesson is cancelled, the student panics instead of feeling relieved, or stops studying altogether.
• In the family, the idea "maybe we should add another lesson" comes up again with every low mark.
• The student attributes their success not to themselves but to the tutor: "The tutor explained it well, that's why I could do it."

The last point is especially important, because over time this thought turns into the student's belief about themselves: "I can't learn on my own."

Support or dependence? A few questions to tell them apart

Of two students taking the same number of lessons, one may become more independent while the other becomes increasingly dependent. To see the difference, you can ask yourself these questions:

• Since the lessons began, has the young person started solving more questions on that topic by themselves?
• Does the lesson have a goal and a rough end date, or is it carrying on vaguely "until the exam"?
• When a lesson is cancelled, can the young person use that hour for their own study?
• Can the young person explain in their own words what they learnt in the lesson?

If your answer to most of these questions is "no", the support may have stopped being a bridge.

Why Do Some Students Become Unable to Study Without a Tutor?

A weakening sense of self-efficacy

In psychology, self-efficacy is a person's belief that they can succeed at a task. This belief is strengthened most by experiences in which a person completes, through their own effort, a task they found hard. In a private lesson, however, the moment of struggle is usually very short; as soon as the student gets stuck the tutor gives a hint and the question is solved. While this may look efficient for learning in the moment, it prevents the student from having the experience "when I get stuck, I can find my own way." The student has solved the question, but the skill of solving it has stayed not with them but in the system formed together with the tutor.

Intolerance of uncertainty

Studying alone involves uncertainty: Am I doing this right, is this the right method, have I studied enough? Some young people find this uncertainty very uncomfortable. The tutor is a figure who removes that uncertainty instantly. From this angle, private tutoring can turn into a form of reassurance-seeking for an anxious student. The more reassurance is sought, the more relief comes; the more relief comes, the stronger the reassurance-seeking becomes.

Procrastination and external structure

For students who struggle to manage their own time, private tutoring provides structure from outside. Someone will come at a set time, a lesson will be held, and that hour cannot be missed. The time outside this structure, meanwhile, is left vague and open to procrastination. What the student actually needs may not be topic explanations but the skill of structuring their own time. We discuss this separately in our article on the procrastination habit.

The family's anxiety

In Turkey, the exam system feeds a worry in many families that "if we don't do everything we can, our child will fall behind." During the LGS and YKS years (Turkey's national high-school and university entrance exams), people talk about how many different subjects the neighbour's child, a relative's child or classmates are getting help with. Lesson fees set aside by cutting back elsewhere in the budget, despite the high cost of living, are a sign of love and sacrifice for parents. However, this anxiety can turn into a tendency to increase the number of lessons regardless of what the young person needs. Sometimes the lesson is taken to soothe not the student's anxiety but the family's.

The Effects of Dependence on Private Tutoring on Young People

In the long run, this pattern affects not only academic success but also how the young person sees themselves.

• A drop in academic self-confidence: Because the young person cannot claim their successes as their own, every new topic feels foreign to them all over again.
• A habit of passive learning: Knowledge is perceived as something that is "given"; active processes such as researching, trying things out, making mistakes and correcting them weaken.
• The loss of free time: A weekly schedule filled with school, a prep centre and private lessons leaves no room for rest or social life. This can lead to motivation burning out.
• Being unprepared for university and beyond: At university, nobody waits beside you while you do your coursework. A young person who has not gained the skill of independent study at secondary school may have serious difficulty adjusting in their first year at university.
• Tension in the relationship with the family: As the gap between the effort and money spent and the results achieved grows, sentences like "we do everything, why don't you?" become more frequent. The young person may feel both inadequate and indebted.

Let's say a young person in the eleventh grade is having private lessons in three subjects and has a lesson every evening. At the weekend there is the prep centre. When asked "when do you study on your own?", they think for a while and say "actually, never". Their grades have stalled, but what is really striking is the tiredness that appears on their face when they hear the word "study". For this young person, adding another lesson would deepen the problem rather than solve it.

Moving From Dependence on Private Tutoring to Independent Study

The aim is not to cut support off all at once but to hand responsibility back to the young person gradually. Abrupt stops usually lead quickly to a drop in grades and strengthen the thought "you see, it doesn't work without lessons."

1. Redefine what the lesson is for

Talk to the tutor and change the content of the lesson. Instead of topic explanations, a lesson format can be set up in which the questions the student has already tried alone, and the points where they got stuck, are discussed. In this way the lesson does not replace the student's studying; it builds on it.

2. The "you try first" rule

Before each lesson, the student takes on the task of attempting a certain number of questions alone and noting where they got stuck. The aim here is not the number of correct answers but the number of attempts. A question that was attempted and got wrong is far more valuable than one that was never touched.

3. A roadmap for the moment of getting stuck

Decide in advance what the young person will do when they get stuck. For example: re-read the question, look at a similar worked example, go back to the lesson notes, keep trying for five more minutes, and if it still won't come, mark the question and save it for the lesson. These steps gradually teach tolerance of uncertainty.

4. Reduce lesson frequency and put independent days in between

Two lessons a week can become one, and one lesson can become one every two weeks. The days in between become study days that the young person plans for themselves. It is natural for them to be unproductive in the first few weeks; what matters is that these days exist.

5. Credit success to the young person

When there is progress in an exam, instead of "thanks to the tutor", use sentences like "the difference has been clear since you started trying those questions yourself." A student who can link success to their own effort develops a stronger sense of self-efficacy.

6. Make progress visible

In the first weeks of independent study, the young person often does not notice that they are making progress. A simple chart or notebook can be used to record the number of questions attempted alone each day and the steps taken when stuck. Looking back at this record after a few weeks offers concrete evidence against the thought "I can't do it on my own."

7. Teach study skills separately

Planning, summarising a topic, testing yourself and learning from mistakes are not skills that develop by themselves. Some young people need not topic explanations but exactly these skills. We look at how motivation works in detail in our article on motivation to study.

Learning begins not when you understand while someone else is beside you, but when you can try again after that person has gone.

What Can Families Do?

• Make decisions about lessons together with the young person. The question "Which subject do you need support in, and what kind?" gets the young person thinking about their own learning needs.
• Recognise your own anxiety. When you want to add another lesson, ask yourself whether it comes from the young person's need or from your own fear that "they'll fall behind".
• Make room for failure. During the move to independent study, grades are likely to fluctuate for a while. Meeting this period with panic leads the young person to take refuge in support again.
• Show interest in the process, not the time spent studying. The question "What did you solve on your own today?" lets the young person feel that their independent effort is seen.
• Don't compare siblings. Sentences like "Your sister got in without a single lesson" deepen the young person's sense of inadequacy.
• Also cut back on sitting beside them during homework. In some families the role of the private tutor is taken over by a parent in the evenings: mother or father sits beside the homework and steps in at every sticking point. Being nearby instead of helping, and saying "if you get stuck, try these steps first and then come to me," gives the young person room to find their own way of solving things.

Remember that the goal in this process is not for the young person never to ask for help. Asking for help is an important skill too. What matters is that the young person can turn to help only after making their own attempts, and knowing what they need.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

For most students, the move to independent study is possible with patience and consistency. However, it may be helpful to talk to a professional in the following situations:

• If the young person experiences intense anxiety, crying or panic when they try to study alone
• If the fear of making mistakes is so marked that they cannot start questions at all
• If difficulties at school are persistent and a specific learning difficulty or attention deficit is suspected
• If the topic of lessons has become a constant source of conflict at home
• If the young person describes themselves with words like "stupid" or "useless" and their reluctance is spreading to areas outside school

These signs alone do not amount to a diagnosis. In adolescent counselling, the emotional and cognitive factors behind academic dependence are explored from the young person's own point of view.

How Is Academic Dependence Addressed in Therapy?

Within Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), the process begins with the young person noticing their thoughts about studying alone. Beliefs such as "If I study on my own, I'll learn it wrong" or "If the tutor doesn't explain it, I won't understand" are examined together; by recalling small experiences in which the young person succeeded alone in the past, how realistic these beliefs are is questioned.

Next, gradual behavioural steps are planned: independent study blocks that get a little longer each week, skills to use when stuck, and work on tolerating uncertainty. In young people with perfectionist tendencies, the expectation "I must be flawless" is addressed in a way that makes room for mistakes, which are a natural part of learning.

From a schema therapy perspective, some young people show patterns with a theme of "dependence and incompetence": the person feels unable to manage everyday responsibilities without other people's help. Understanding the roots of these patterns can be protective not only for studying but for the young person's autonomy in general. Family sessions, meanwhile, guide parents on how to withdraw support gradually.

Frequently Asked Questions

Would it be right to stop private lessons all at once?

Usually not. Stopping abruptly causes the young person to lose their support before they have gained independent study skills, and the drop in grades can strengthen the belief that "lessons are essential". It is healthier to change the content and frequency of lessons gradually over a few months.

Can private tutoring really be necessary in some situations?

Yes. Private tutoring can be very helpful in situations such as making up gaps after a long absence from school, a basic gap in a particular topic, adapted support for students with learning difficulties, or intensive revision before an exam. What matters is that the support has a specific purpose and an end point.

How should I raise this with the private tutor?

Tell the tutor clearly that you aim to develop the young person's independent study skills, and plan together how the lessons can serve this goal. Many tutors are happy to adopt a lesson format in which the student studies beforehand and comes with questions.

• #private tutoring
• #independent study
• #self-efficacy
• #academic support

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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