The first year abroad brings excitement, exhaustion and loneliness together. Learn the stages of the first year, common difficulties and realistic expectations.
On the first day after you step off the plane, everything feels a bit like a film: new streets, a new language, the beginning of a new life. A few weeks later, as you try to book an appointment for the third time to open a bank account, can't find the cheese you are looking for in the supermarket, or sit alone at home in the evening, you may ask yourself: "Why did I make this decision?" The first year abroad is both the most exciting and the most exhausting period. In this article, we look at the emotional stages commonly experienced in the first year, why realistic expectations matter, and concrete steps you can take to get through this time in a more balanced way.
Why Is the First Year Abroad So Challenging?
Migration means that nearly every area of life changes at once in a short space of time. Home, work or school, language, social circle, climate, food, bureaucracy, the healthcare system and daily habits all have to be learned again. Many things you did automatically in Turkey now require thinking, asking and researching. This uses up a great deal of mental energy.
That is why the tiredness you feel at this time is often not "laziness" or "weakness". Your brain is working hard, processing new information every day, coping with uncertainty and learning new rules. On top of that come the losses: family, friends, familiar roles, professional status, mastery of the language.
Another factor that makes the first year harder is expectations. The decision to migrate is usually made with hope: a better job, a better education, a safer future for the children, a more peaceful life. These hopes are valuable; but when this period is expected to bring everything straight away, the gap between reality and expectation can create disappointment.
The Emotional Stages of the First Year
There is a stage model often described in studies of migration and cultural adjustment. Not everyone goes through these stages in the same order or with the same intensity; but many people recognise their own experience in this picture.
The honeymoon period
The first weeks or months often pass with excitement. The new city is explored, differences seem interesting, photos are taken and good news is shared with loved ones in Turkey. Even difficulties can look like adventures.
Culture shock and disillusionment
As daily life begins to settle, the differences become tiring. People seeming distant, slow bureaucracy, being unable to express yourself in the language, the weather and loneliness can weigh heavily. During this time, homesickness, anger, criticism and the thought that "everything was better in Turkey" may increase. We cover this stage in more detail in our article on culture shock.
Recovery and adjustment
Over time, small successes accumulate: the first friendship, some recognition at work, growing fluency in the language, the neighbourhood starting to feel familiar. The person learns the rules of the new environment and establishes their own way of living.
Balance and biculturalism
After a while, the person realises that they can carry the parts of both cultures that belong to them. Reaching this stage often takes longer than a year; but its foundations are laid in the first year.
These stages do not follow a straight line. In a period when you think you have adjusted, a religious festival, a loss or a bureaucratic problem can take you back to a stage of struggle. These ups and downs are a natural part of the process.
Common Difficulties and Signs in This Period
There are shared experiences that many people mention in the first months in a new country:
- Loneliness: Until a social circle has been built outside work or school, evenings and weekends can feel long.
- Language fatigue: Speaking a second language all day can lead to mental exhaustion by the evening.
- Loss of confidence: Being known in Turkey as a capable and independent person, then having to ask for help with even simple tasks in the new country, can shake your confidence.
- Change in professional status: A diploma not being recognised, experience not being sufficiently valued, or starting in a lower position can affect your sense of identity.
- Changes in sleep and appetite: Time difference, climate, hours of daylight and stress can disrupt sleep.
- Constant comparison: Comparing everything with Turkey and finding both sides lacking.
- Guilt: A feeling of "I left them alone" about the parents, siblings or friends left behind.
- Anxiety about uncertainty: Worries about residence permits, job contracts, finding a home and finances.
Imagine that you were working as an experienced project manager in Istanbul and moved to Sweden because of your spouse's job offer. In the first months you attend language classes, set up the home and deal with your child's school matters. One day a neighbour asks what you do, and you don't know what to say. Even saying "I used to be a project manager" feels odd. This moment may seem small, but it is a typical example of the shake-up of identity that many people experience at the start of migration. While you do not yet have a role in the new country, you may feel that your old role no longer counts either.
These experiences are often expected parts of the adjustment process and do not, on their own, point to a mental health problem. However, their intensity and duration matter. If the same symptoms ease within weeks, they can be seen as part of the natural course of adjustment; if they continue for months, growing in intensity and disrupting your daily functioning, a closer look is needed.
How Migration Affects Family and Relationships
The first year can also be a test for couples and families. While one partner quickly becomes part of a circle through work or study, the other may be more isolated at home. People who migrate following their spouse may find this period harder in particular, because they have left behind their own career, friends and daily roles. The sentence "You go to work, I'm at home all day" is a common expression of this imbalance.
A significant part of the tension between couples comes from going through the same process at different speeds. One partner may be in the honeymoon stage while the other is in culture shock. Noticing this difference and listening to each other's experience without belittling it helps protect the relationship.
Children usually learn the language faster; but they also grieve the loss of their friends, relatives and familiar surroundings. Balancing their own stress against their children's needs is one of the hardest tasks for parents at this stage.
Family in Turkey is affected by the process too. Frequent calls, questions like "When are you coming back?", or "I told you so" comments when they hear you are struggling can add to your load. It can be helpful to find a balance with your family in which you can share both the good and the hard sides, without feeling that you have to report every detail.
Realistic Expectations and Suggestions for the First Year Abroad
The goals you set yourself in the first year have a large effect on how you feel. The reminders below can help you keep your expectations realistic:
- Fluency in the language takes time. Still struggling at the end of a year is not a failure.
- Deep friendships form slowly. Developing close friendships in adulthood, especially in a new culture, can take months or years. At the start, a few acquaintances and one or two close relationships are an important gain.
- Your career can be rebuilt. Returning fully to your profession can take a long time because of equivalence procedures and language. This is not a step back but a transition period.
- Homesickness does not disappear, it changes shape. Missing Turkey, your family and your habits does not mean you have failed to adjust.
- Some days will go very badly. This does not mean your decision was wrong.
The aim of the first year is not to "achieve everything" in the new country; it is to stay on your feet, build a basic routine and be kind to yourself.
Concrete steps for getting through this period in a more balanced way
The steps below can help ease both the practical and the emotional load during this time:
- Build a basic routine. Routines such as a bedtime, mealtimes, weekly shopping and a short walk create an area of safety within the uncertainty.
- Break bureaucratic tasks into pieces. Write procedures such as registration, insurance, banking and tax number on a list and focus on only a few each week. Trying to sort everything out at once speeds up burnout.
- Set small social goals. Go to a new event once a week, visit a language café, offer a colleague a coffee. Aim not for the perfect friendship but for regular contact.
- Spread the language through daily life. Alongside your course, practise it when shopping at the market, greeting a neighbour or listening to local radio. See making mistakes as part of learning.
- Keep your link with Turkey planned. Set regular call times with your family and friends. A fixed day for calls that takes the time difference into account will ease things for both you and them.
- Make use of daylight and movement. Especially in northern countries, winter months can be long and dark. Going out during the day and regular physical activity support your mood.
- Keep an achievement journal. Each evening, write down one small thing you managed that day: booking an appointment by phone for the first time, getting to a new neighbourhood without getting lost. These small gains build confidence over time.
- Do not compare yourself with your "old self" in Turkey. Your circumstances now are very different. Comparing yourself with how you were a year ago or a month ago is a fairer measure.
- Find out about sources of support in advance. Learn about the family doctor system, mental health services and emergency numbers in your area. Not having to look them up at the moment of need gives reassurance.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
The difficulties of the first year often ease over time. Even so, support from a mental health professional can be helpful in the following situations:
- Intense unhappiness, hopelessness or inability to enjoy things lasting more than a few weeks
- Marked, continuing changes in sleep and appetite
- Frequent panic attacks or constant anxiety
- Not wanting to leave the house, avoiding social contact altogether
- Turning to alcohol or other substances more and more
- Constant conflict in the couple relationship or within the family
- Thoughts of worthlessness, helplessness or life being meaningless
If you have thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, please call the emergency number of the country you are in straight away: 112 in EU countries, 911 in the US and Canada, 999 or 112 in the UK, 000 in Australia. Online therapy is not an emergency intervention service; in situations of serious risk, local emergency services and local psychiatric services must step in. The family doctor and mental health services in the country where you live are also important resources that can be used alongside support in your native language.
How Is the Adjustment Process Approached in Online Therapy in Your Native Language?
Describing the difficulties that migration brings in a language you have not yet fully mastered can be an extra burden. Working in your native language can make it easier to talk about your feelings and the cultural context (such as family expectations, life abroad, homesickness and customs of hospitality) without having to explain them. We describe this approach in more detail on our Turks living abroad page.
In work based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, the following topics specific to the first year can be addressed:
- Reviewing expectations: Making rigid expectations such as "I should have everything settled within a year" more flexible and realistic.
- Working with automatic thoughts: Noticing and testing thoughts such as "I'll never make it here" and "Everyone is adjusting better than me".
- Behavioural activation: Adding activities that bring enjoyment and meaning into life in a planned way.
- Problem-solving skills: Step-by-step solution plans for concrete problems such as bureaucracy, housing and work.
- Anxiety management: Breathing, relaxation and attention-shifting techniques.
- Grief and loss: Recognising and making sense of the grief for what has been left behind.
Sessions can be held through online therapy, at a time that suits your local time zone and in the privacy of your own home.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel regret after moving?
Yes, it is quite common. Especially during culture shock, the thought "I wish I hadn't come" is frequent. This thought does not mean your decision was truly wrong; it is often an expression of tiredness and longing.
What should I do if I still haven't adjusted at the end of a year?
For most people adjustment takes longer than the first year. Give yourself time; but if intense unhappiness, anxiety or loss of functioning continues, talking to a specialist can help you understand what is making things hard for you.
Is it right to decide whether to return in the first months?
Making big decisions at the time when you are struggling most emotionally can be misleading. If possible, it is healthier not to rush the decision and to weigh the pros and cons at a calmer time.
Why is making friends abroad so hard?
In adulthood, friendships are usually formed through repeated, shared activities. Finding these settings in a new country takes time. An activity you attend regularly provides the most fertile ground for friendship to develop.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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