Loneliness during Bayram cuts deeper amid crowded tables and greeting messages. Learn why this feeling intensifies and how to make the holiday days lighter.
On the eve of the holiday, the streets are busier than ever. Queues outside the patisseries, suitcases at the coach station, the smell of chocolate in apartment stairwells... Your phone has been buzzing with greeting messages since the morning; most of them are ready-made images sent to hundreds of people at once. The morning of Bayram (the Eid holidays in Turkey), however, is quiet. Nobody knocks at your door; there is no one to visit to kiss their hand in respect, and no one coming to kiss yours. Loneliness during Bayram is the moment when a loneliness that can be managed for the rest of the year is suddenly placed under a magnifying glass. In this article we look at why this feeling weighs more heavily during these days, who spends the holiday alone and why, how you can make these days less painful, and how you can stand alongside someone in your life who is alone.
Why Is Loneliness During Bayram Felt More Deeply?
Loneliness does not weigh the same on every day of the year. Religious holidays are special days that make it both more visible and more meaningful.
It seems as if everyone has somewhere to be
Bayram is one of the rare times when almost the whole of society is doing the same thing at the same time. It seems as if everyone is heading to a family table, a visit or a journey. Being outside this shared rhythm strengthens the feeling that "I'm the only one left out." Yet this picture is misleading; many people spend the holiday alone, or in a loneliness they did not choose, for different reasons.
Bayram is a ritual of belonging
Kissing the hands of elders on the holiday morning, visiting family graves, sitting at the same table as relatives: these are not just traditions but ways of saying, "I belong to a family, to a place." Being deprived of these rituals can feel not merely like an empty day but like your belonging being called into question.
Memories come alive
Holidays in childhood, the table of a mother who is no longer alive, the sound of a house that used to be full... Bayram is one of the times that most strikingly shows the difference between the past and the present. A person feels both today's loneliness and what they have lost at the same time.
Screens increase comparison
Photos of crowded tables shared on social media, shots of children in their new holiday clothes, images of the roads leading home... These show only the brightest moments of other people's holidays; but the lonely person compares their own quietest moment with these bright pictures.
Who Spends Bayram Alone?
There is no single profile of those who spend the holiday alone. Seeing this variety can soften the thought, "There must be something wrong with me."
Those on duty
Nurses on hospital shifts, security staff working rotas, bus drivers, employees of businesses that stay open over the holiday... These people often greet the holiday morning at work, far from their families. Knowing that the work is necessary does not always ease the feeling of missing out. Someone coming home after a night shift may find they have missed the liveliest hours of the holiday and that the family meal was cleared away long ago. In this situation it can help not to limit the holiday to the day on the calendar: declaring the first free day after your shift your own Bayram, and meeting or calling your loved ones on that day, is a way of completing the missed ritual at a different time.
The first Bayram after a loss
For someone who has lost a loved one, the first holiday after the loss can be especially hard. The empty chair at the table, the phone call that never comes, the visit to the grave; Bayram becomes one of the times when grief is felt most intensely. We discuss this process in more detail in our article on the grieving process.
Those estranged from their families
For people who are not speaking to their siblings, whose relationship with a parent has broken down, or who have grown distant from their family because of their marriage, Bayram is a reminder of unresolved conflict. Swinging between the question "Should I call?" and the fear "I'll only get hurt again" is exhausting.
Divorced parents
At a time when the children are spending this holiday with the other parent, the holiday morning is particularly hard for the mother or father left alone at home. A Bayram without the sound of the children can bring back the pain of separation.
Older people
Older people who have lost their spouse and whose children live in other cities or abroad are among those who feel loneliness during the holidays most heavily. For someone who once welcomed guests into their home, the silence of a doorbell that never rings can lead to feeling forgotten. Many older people hesitate to tell their children about this feeling; saying "They have their own lives to get on with", they carry their loneliness in silence.
Newcomers to a city and students
People who have moved to another city for work, who cannot go home for financial reasons, or students staying in halls of residence may also spend the holiday in a city they do not know, on empty streets. In big cities, shops that stay closed throughout the holiday and silent avenues can make loneliness even more visible.
Those who are lonely in a crowd
Loneliness during the holidays is not always lived out in an empty house. Sitting at a crowded family table without truly talking to anyone, feeling like a guest among your spouse's family, or knowing that something is missing inside you amid everyone's laughter is also a form of loneliness. Because this kind of loneliness is not visible from the outside, it is often left unspoken; the person blames themselves, thinking, "How can I feel lonely with so many people around me?" Yet loneliness is not about the number of people around us but about the closeness we feel and the sense of being understood.
Chosen Solitude and Unwanted Loneliness
Spending the holiday alone is not always painful. Some people consciously choose a quiet Bayram: after a demanding year they may want to rest, stay away from crowded and tense family gatherings, or take time for themselves. This is not a problem; it is a choice.
What is hard is unwanted loneliness: wanting to be with others and having no one, not being invited, feeling you have nowhere to go. It can help to ask yourself: "Did I choose to be alone this Bayram, or was I left alone?" The answer also shows what kind of support you need. With chosen solitude, the issue is often protecting your own decision against the pressure of those around you saying, "You're going to sit on your own at Bayram?" With unwanted loneliness, looking for small ways to connect becomes important.
Being alone at Bayram does not mean you are unworthy of love; most of the time it simply shows how life is touching you right now.
Before the Holiday: Reviewing Expectations and Plans
One of the things that makes the holiday hardest is that it arrives unplanned and full of expectations. Making small preparations a few days in advance can reduce the emptiness of that morning.
- Keep your expectations realistic. The expectation that "I must be very happy this Bayram" can turn even an ordinary day into a disappointment. Your goal might instead be "to get through this holiday feeling less hurt".
- Give the days a light structure. Thinking in advance about what you will do on the holiday morning, whom you will call at midday and which film you will watch in the evening keeps the hours from slipping by in emptiness.
- Identify the hardest moment. For some it is the holiday morning, for others the evening meal. If you know which moment it is, you can make a plan especially for that time.
- Think of the people you could reach. A friend, a former neighbour, a colleague... There may be someone else who is alone over the holiday too.
Let's say your children are with your former spouse this Bayram and the house will be quiet for three days. On the eve of the holiday you can make yourself a short plan: on the first morning, video-calling your children to wish them a happy holiday; in the afternoon, walking by the sea with a friend in a similar situation; on the second day, finishing a task you have long put off; and on the final evening, getting ready for a small holiday celebration with your children when they come back. A plan like this does not remove the longing, but it stops the days from being filled entirely with it.
Ways of Coping With Loneliness During Bayram
Create your own small ritual
If you cannot take part in traditional holiday rituals, you can create your own. Preparing a careful breakfast on the holiday morning, putting on nice clothes, trying your mother's recipe for holiday sweets, playing music you love... These small steps set the day apart from an ordinary one and remind you that the holiday exists for you too.
One real voice instead of a ready-made message
Greeting images sent to hundreds of people rarely ease loneliness. Instead, calling one or two people and really hearing their voice can be far more nourishing. Telling an old friend or a relative you have not spoken to in a long time, "You came to mind", is an opportunity for closeness for which the holiday itself provides an excuse.
Go outside
Sitting at home for hours can magnify the feeling of loneliness. A walk in a park, a glass of tea by the sea or in one of the city's squares, a museum or library that is open over the holiday... Being among people, even if you do not talk to them, makes you feel that you are "part of the world".
Remember the meaning of sharing
Thinking of others holds an important place in holiday traditions. Volunteering at a charity's holiday event, joining a group that visits older people in a care home, or taking something sweet to the older neighbour who lives alone in your building can ease both their loneliness and yours.
Don't neglect your body
On holidays spent alone, it is easy to skip meals, stay in pyjamas all day, or stay up in front of a screen until morning. Yet irregular sleep and eating make sadness heavier still. Regular meals, a little movement and daylight are quiet sources of support that help you carry the emotional load.
Limit social media
Looking at social media less over the holiday reduces the chance of falling into the comparison trap. Remember that behind the crowded tables you see there may also be tiredness, tension or hurt feelings. We discuss the particular difficulties of family gatherings in our article on holiday tension.
Make room for your feelings
Feeling sad, crying or missing someone are natural responses for someone alone over the holiday. Rather than trying to suppress these feelings, giving them space for a short while, for example by writing a letter or remembering someone you have lost by looking at their photograph, can help the feeling pass.
If Someone Around You Is Spending Bayram Alone
Loneliness during the holidays can often be eased by a small gesture from those around.
- Invite, but don't insist. Saying "We'd love to see you, come over if you'd like" keeps the door open while leaving the person free to choose.
- Don't interrogate. The question "Why aren't you going to your family?" forces the person to explain themselves and can reopen a wound.
- Call after the holiday too. Loneliness does not end with the holiday. A phone call a few days later is worth at least as much as one on the day itself.
- Don't forget older neighbours. Knocking on the door to wish them a happy holiday, even a few minutes of conversation, may be the most important event of the day for an older person living alone.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Sadness during the holiday period usually eases once the holiday is over. However, if the feeling of loneliness is not limited to the holiday, and is accompanied by weeks of low mood, changes in sleep and appetite, not wanting to see anyone, or thoughts that life feels meaningless, speaking to a professional may help. We discuss the long-term effects of loneliness in detail in our article on feeling lonely.
If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, do not stay alone; in an emergency call 112 (emergency services) and reach out to someone you trust straight away.
In therapy, the thoughts that feed loneliness, such as "Nobody wants me" or "It will always be like this", are identified through a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) approach and assessed from a more balanced perspective. Small, achievable goals are set to strengthen social connections step by step. Issues underlying the loneliness, such as grief, family estrangement or divorce, are also discussed during this process. If you are going through a period that is straining your mood, support in the area of depression and mood can guide you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is there anything wrong with wanting to spend Bayram on my own?
No. Choosing to spend the holiday quietly, on your own, is a legitimate choice. What matters is that this choice arises not from avoidance or fear but from a genuine need to rest and feel well.
Should I call my family during Bayram if we are not on speaking terms?
There is no single right answer. If calling would feel good to you, a short, calm holiday greeting can open a small door in the relationship. However, if such contact has hurt you deeply in the past, protecting yourself is just as valuable.
I miss the loved one I lost most of all at Bayram. Is that normal?
Yes, it is entirely understandable. Holidays are times when shared memories and rituals are concentrated, so longing can increase during these periods. Creating a small ritual to remember them, such as cooking a dish they loved, can make the longing a little easier to carry.
I still feel low after the holiday is over. What should I do?
Sadness lasting a few days after the holiday is natural. However, if this feeling continues for weeks and affects your daily life, you might consider speaking to a professional. Prolonged loneliness and low mood are easier to manage with support.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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