How do you keep a long-distance relationship going while abroad? Read practical ways to cope with jealousy, uncertainty and longing for a partner in Turkey.
You are doing a master's degree in Munich and your partner is working in Izmir. Or you have started a new job in Toronto and your fiancé(e) is waiting for the visa process to finish. Your day matches their night; when they finish work, you are in a meeting. Some evenings the video call feels warm and close, and on others a short exchange of messages turns into an argument. Questions such as "Doesn't he or she miss me as much as before?" or "They are meeting new people there, what will happen to me?" occupy your mind. A long-distance relationship is an experience full of both hope and anxiety, lived by many people who go abroad or stay in Turkey. In this article we look at the psychological side of a long-distance relationship with a partner in Turkey, the problems commonly met, the influence of family expectations and the concrete steps you can take to strengthen the relationship.
What Is a Long-Distance Relationship and Why Is It Different Abroad?
A long-distance relationship is a romantic relationship in which partners live in different cities or countries and cannot meet face to face on a regular basis. Among Turks who go abroad, these relationships can take different forms:
- A student who has gone abroad for education keeping up a relationship with a partner in Turkey
- The period in which someone who has moved for work waits for their partner to join them
- A relationship that began when someone living abroad and someone living in Turkey met on holiday or online
- The period after marriage or engagement in which partners live apart because of visa and residence procedures
Several features make a long-distance relationship abroad different. Distance is measured not only in kilometres but also in time differences, visa obstacles, the cost of plane tickets and two different rhythms of life. In a process where one side is trying to adapt to a new country while the other carries on in a familiar environment, the two people can change at different speeds.
Long-distance relationships are not doomed to fail in themselves. Many couples get through this period and build a stronger bond. However, these relationships require more conscious effort, communication and shared planning than relationships at close range.
Common Problems and Signs in a Long-Distance Relationship
Emotional difficulties
- Intense longing and the feeling of not being touched
- Jealousy and insecurity
- Loneliness, especially on special days and in hard moments
- Sadness or emptiness after conversations
Difficulties in thinking
- Mind reading such as "He or she doesn't love me as much as before"
- Interpreting late replies to messages negatively
- Uncertainty about the future: "Where is this relationship going?"
- Perceiving the partner's new environment as a threat
Behavioural signs
- Constant checking of messages and of whether the other is online
- Frequently following the partner's social media accounts
- Long periods of not speaking after arguments
- Withdrawing from social life where you live
- Or, the opposite, not sharing feelings in order to avoid conflict
Signs in the relationship
- Conversations becoming routine and superficial
- Fewer shared topics to talk about
- The same arguments recurring often
- One side feeling that they put more effort into the relationship
These signs do not mean the relationship is over. But they can point to areas that need attention and conversation.
What Makes a Long-Distance Relationship Abroad Harder
Time difference and different life rhythms. One of you may be drinking morning coffee while the other is getting ready for bed. Finding shared time becomes harder, and conversations held when tired are open to misunderstandings.
The adjustment process. The person who has gone abroad is under intense stress while trying to cope with a new language, job, school and culture. This stress can reduce the energy available for the partner. The person who stays in Turkey may interpret this as lack of interest. Culture shock is an important part of this period.
Changing at different speeds. The person abroad acquires new perspectives and new habits. The partner in Turkey may feel this change as "You're not the same as you used to be." This transformation is natural, but if it is not talked about, distance can turn into emotional distance.
Jealousy and trust. Your partner meeting different people in a new country can trigger feelings of jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion; but when it turns into controlling behaviour, for example constantly asking for location, checking the phone or restricting contact with friends, it harms the relationship. Our article on toxic relationships can also be a guide for patterns like these.
Say someone doing a PhD in Amsterdam spends the day running a tiring experiment in the lab and only gets home at nine in the evening. Their partner in Turkey has been waiting for news for hours; it is past midnight there. The short message that finally arrives, "I'm so tired, shall we talk tomorrow?", triggers the thought "They've put me last again" on one side and the feeling "Why doesn't my partner understand me at all?" on the other. Both actually want the same thing: to be seen and to matter. But the time difference and tiredness make it hard for them to communicate this need to each other in the right way.
An uncertain future. Questions like "Who will move to whom?", "When?", "Will the visa come through?" and "Will we go back to Turkey?" going unanswered keep anxiety constantly alive.
Family expectations. In Turkish culture, families can be more involved in relationships, especially in marriage plans. Questions such as "When will you get engaged?", "What is he or she doing abroad?" and "Is he going to take our daughter there?" can put extra pressure on the couple. Some families may see a relationship with someone abroad as temporary or risky.
The Effect of a Long-Distance Relationship on the Person and the Family
On mental health. Long-lasting uncertainty and longing can lead to anxiety, sleep problems and low mood. Some people direct all their emotional energy towards the relationship and may find it hard to adapt to life where they are.
On social life. The thought "I have to talk to them every evening" can limit making new friends and joining social activities. This increases loneliness and puts more weight on the relationship.
On family relationships. Families' views of the relationship can influence the couple's decisions. If the two families have different expectations, the couple may feel caught in the middle.
On career and education decisions. One partner moving to be with the other can mean moving away from their career or family. If these sacrifices are made without being discussed, resentment can follow later.
Distance alone does not end a relationship; what usually strains it is unspoken expectations and uncertainty.
What You Can Do to Strengthen a Long-Distance Relationship
1. Draw up a shared roadmap
One of the most protective factors in long-distance relationships is having a shared goal. Talk together about "When will this separation end, and what is our plan?" Even if you cannot give a definite date, deciding which steps will be taken reduces uncertainty anxiety.
2. Decide the rhythm of communication together
Talk openly about how often and at what times you will speak. Some couples prefer a short call every day and one long video call a week. What matters is that both of your needs are taken into account. Explanations such as "If I reply to your message late, it doesn't mean I don't care about you" prevent misunderstandings.
3. Focus on the quality of your conversations
Talking for hours does not always bring closeness. Shared activities such as watching a series side by side over the phone, cooking the same meal, playing online games together or reading the same book and discussing it are good ways to build connection.
4. Plan the next meeting
A meeting date marked on the calendar brings hope and something concrete to the relationship. Take care that meetings are not only holidays but also an opportunity to get to know each other's everyday lives. Hosting your partner in the city where you live, introducing them to your friends and spending an ordinary day together will give you a realistic idea of what living together would be like.
5. Express jealousy without blaming
Saying "When I heard you went out with your friends, I felt left out" instead of "You're always having fun with other people" makes it easier to be understood rather than putting the other on the defensive. Noticing your jealousy and taking responsibility for it strengthens trust.
6. Nourish your own life too
While keeping your bond with your partner, it is important to make friends where you are, take up hobbies and set aside time for yourself. Two people who are content with their own lives bring more energy and more to share to the relationship.
7. Do not put off difficult topics
Constantly postponing issues such as moving, marriage, family expectations and money can lead to bigger conflicts later. Try to have these conversations at a calm time, at an hour when you are not tired.
8. Repair after arguments
At a distance, arguments can grow more easily, because there are no wordless ways of repairing such as hugging or holding hands. A clear repair sentence after an argument, such as "I'm sorry if I hurt you, what I actually wanted to say was this", protects the relationship.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Support, individually or as a couple, can be useful in the following situations:
- If jealousy and insecurity have moved to the centre of the relationship
- If the same arguments keep recurring and cannot be resolved
- If one or both of you are experiencing intense anxiety, sleep problems or low mood
- If you cannot reach agreement on big decisions such as moving or marriage
- If there are harmful behaviours in the relationship such as control, threats or humiliation
- If you have been undecided for a long time about continuing or ending the relationship
If you are experiencing physical, emotional or digital violence in the relationship, or have thoughts of harming yourself, call the emergency number of the country you are in straight away: 112 in EU countries, 911 in the USA and Canada, 999 or 112 in the UK, 000 in Australia. Online therapy is not an emergency service; in cases of serious risk, local emergency services and local support services are essential.
Counselling services in the country where you live, for example university student counselling centres, are also valuable resources. Some couples, because one partner is abroad and the other in Turkey, find support in their mother tongue in which both sides can take part more suitable. You can see the options on the psychological support for Turks living abroad page.
How Is a Long-Distance Relationship Handled in Online Therapy in Your Mother Tongue?
In long-distance relationships, both individual therapy and couples therapy can be options. In online couples therapy, partners can join the same session even if they are in different countries.
Understanding communication patterns. How the couple's arguments start, escalate and end is examined together. Patterns such as criticism, defensiveness and withdrawal are recognised.
Expressing emotional needs. Work focuses on expressing feelings such as longing, insecurity or loneliness in the language of needs rather than blame.
Working with cognitive distortions. With an approach based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), thoughts such as "They didn't reply to my message, so they must not care about me" are evaluated against the evidence.
Attachment anxieties. Attachment patterns such as fear of abandonment or avoidance of closeness can become more pronounced with distance. These patterns can be addressed both individually and at the level of the couple.
A shared plan for the future. The couple is supported in clarifying their shared values and priorities on topics such as moving, marriage, family expectations and career.
Sessions can be planned taking into account the time zones of both partners. A quiet and private space, headphones and a secure internet connection are enough for both sides. Payment is made online; pricing is in TL and payment by international card is possible. To claim insurance reimbursement, we recommend checking the terms of your insurance in the country where you live.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does a long-distance relationship work?
Many long-distance relationships continue successfully, and couples eventually begin living in the same place. A shared goal, open communication, trust and effort from both sides play an important role in keeping the relationship going. Still, every relationship is different and no guarantee can be given.
How do you cope with jealousy in a long-distance relationship?
It is important to notice jealousy, express it without blaming and avoid controlling behaviours. It also helps to try to understand the fear underneath the jealousy, for example fear of abandonment or of being worthless. If jealousy has moved to the centre of the relationship, getting support can be useful.
Can couples therapy be done while we are in different countries?
Yes. In online couples therapy, partners can connect to the same session from different countries. A time that suits both sides is set, taking the time difference into account.
My family does not approve of my long-distance relationship. What can I do?
First try to listen to your family's concerns; most of the time these concerns are about safety and the future. Then explain your own decisions and plans in a calm tone. If the feeling of being caught between your family and your partner lasts a long time, this can be addressed in individual therapy.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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