If you think I don't know what to talk about in therapy, you are not alone. Learn what topic-less sessions and silence mean, and how you can begin a session.
On the morning of your session, gazing out of the window of the work shuttle, you feel a flicker of unease: "I've got nothing to talk about this week." Or the opposite: all the way there you rehearse what you will say, but the moment you sit down opposite your therapist and hear, "So, how are you?", your mind goes completely blank. The feeling of "I don't know what to talk about in therapy" is common both in people who have just started and in those who have been coming for months. Some clients consider cancelling the session because of it, some feel ashamed of wasting the therapist's time, and some assume it is a sign that therapy is now over. Yet sessions you arrive at without a topic often turn into the most unexpected and productive ones. In this article I explain the possible reasons for feeling you have nothing to say, what silence in a session means, how a session can begin "when there's nothing", and in which circumstances this situation deserves closer attention.
Why Does the "I Don't Know What to Talk About in Therapy" Feeling Happen?
There is no single reason for feeling you have nothing to talk about. The same feeling can mean quite different things for different clients and at different times.
Life really has calmed down
During a period when you are making progress in therapy, moments of crisis decrease. Where once there was an urgent issue to bring to every session, now the week has passed without incident. This can be a sign that therapy is working; but it also shows that a new stage has been reached, perhaps making room for deeper, less urgent subjects.
Searching for a topic that is "important enough"
Many clients believe that only big problems should be discussed in therapy. A small hurt during the week, a moment of distress or a strange dream gets filtered out as "not worth mentioning". In the end, nothing "worthy" of being told is left.
There is too much
Paradoxical as it seems, having nothing to say sometimes comes from having too much. There is so much on your mind that you cannot decide where to start and cannot pick any one thing. Faced with this jumble, the mind prefers to go blank.
A subject is being avoided
Sometimes the feeling of "there's nothing" actually covers over something that is hard to talk about. The mind creates a void around a subject it does not want to approach. A heavy issue opened up in the last session, an unspoken hurt towards the therapist or an embarrassing incident may be standing behind this void.
Emotional numbness
During depressive periods, people often say they feel nothing and that their life is grey and monotonous. In this case, having nothing to say is a reflection of the mood itself and is worth talking about in its own right.
Difficulty putting feelings into words
Some people generally find it hard to name what they feel. They sense that something is going on but cannot find the words to describe it. You can find more on this in the article I can't express my emotions.
"I don't know" in young people
In sessions with teenagers, the words "I don't know" and "nothing" are almost a classic. "How's school?" "Dunno, fine." "What did you do this week?" "Nothing." These answers usually stem not from indifference but from the young person having been brought to therapy by their family, not yet being used to talking about themselves, or worrying that adults will judge them. In this case, rather than asking direct questions, the therapist may open a conversation about the young person's interests, the music they listen to, the game they play or the pace of their preparation for the LGS and YKS (Turkey's national high-school and university entrance exams). Having nothing to say often resolves itself once a space is found where the young person can speak in their own language.
What Does Silence in a Session Mean?
In everyday conversation, silence is usually uncomfortable. Even a pause of a few seconds creates pressure to "say something". In therapy, silence has a very different place.
Silence in a session may be one of the following:
- Space to think: after a question or comment, the mind processes it. This silence shows that something is maturing inside.
- An emotion rising: sometimes, instead of talking, time is needed to feel an emotion. The silence is that emotion finding its place.
- Getting stuck or freezing: sometimes silence comes from not knowing what to say, from hitting a wall.
- Resistance: when a difficult subject is approached, silence can be a form of self-protection.
The therapist usually does not fill the silence straight away. This does not mean they are uninterested or testing you; they are trying to leave you room to think and feel. When the silence lengthens and becomes uncomfortable for you, the therapist will usually step in gently, with something like, "What's going through your mind right now?" or "How does this silence feel for you?"
Silence in therapy is not emptiness; it is a moment when what has not yet been said waits in the room, looking for words.
How Do You Begin a Session Without a Topic?
On a day when you think, "I don't know what to talk about in therapy," one of the following doorways may offer you a starting point. None of them is the "right" topic; they are simply ways of getting the conversation going.
Say that you have nothing to say
This is the simplest and often the most effective start: "I don't know what to talk about today." This sentence is not an escape but genuine information. The therapist will meet it with curiosity: When did this feeling begin, what emotion does it stir in you, what did you feel on the way to the session? Many clients realise a few minutes after saying this that there is in fact something on their mind; because once the pressure of "I have to find something" lifts, the mind begins to roam more freely.
Start with how you are right now
What are you feeling in your body at this moment? Are you tired, tense, calm? What were you thinking about on the way here? Sometimes how you arrived at the session says more than how the week went.
Look at the small moments of the week
Instead of big events, think about small moments: something that made you smile, a moment that irritated you, a sentence that stuck in your mind. Let's say someone says, "This week was ordinary, there's nothing to tell," and then, in passing, mentions the renovation that has been going on for weeks in the flat upstairs. As they describe how angry the sound of the drill makes them every morning, yet how they can never bring themselves to say anything to the neighbour, the subject connects to not being able to say "no" and set boundaries in many areas of their life. The "uneventful" week has provided the session's most productive material.
Think about a subject you are avoiding
Ask yourself: "Is there something I don't want to talk about today?" The answer often points to the subject that really needs discussing. You do not have to tell it straight away; simply saying it exists is a start.
Talk about the therapy relationship
Talking about how therapy is going, your relationship with your therapist and what you expect from sessions can also be the start of a session. Saying, "For the last few sessions it feels as if we've got stuck somewhere," opens the door to reviewing the process.
Look to the past or the future
On a day when the present feels empty, it is also possible to look at a memory from the past, a childhood scene or a decision ahead of you. For example, unease about family visits as the bayram (religious holiday) approaches, an anniversary or an upcoming birthday.
What Does the Therapist Do When You Say "I Don't Know What to Talk About in Therapy"?
When the therapist hears this sentence, what goes through their mind is not "Oh no, this session will be wasted." Having nothing to say is also a source of information for the therapist, and there are many paths that can be taken at this moment.
Asking with curiosity: The therapist first tries to understand the feeling of having nothing to say itself. Questions like "Is this sense of emptiness familiar? Does it happen elsewhere too?" can make unexpected connections. For example, for someone who also feels "I've got nothing to say" in meetings, at the family table or among friends, this experience may point to a broader theme about expressing oneself.
Returning to goals: The therapist may bring up the goals agreed at the outset: "Where are you with your sleep routine?" or "How are the phone calls with your mother going?" These small check-ins bring forgotten but still important subjects back onto the agenda.
Offering structure: In cognitive behavioural therapy, a brief mood check and agenda-setting at the start of sessions are common. On days when you feel you have nothing to say, this structure acts as something to hold on to: "If you rated this week from zero to ten, what would you give it? Why that number, and not one lower?"
Examining the thought: Behind the sentence "I've got nothing to tell" there is often a belief: "My problems are unimportant", "I shouldn't take up the therapist's time" or "Only big things are worth telling." The therapist may suggest examining these thoughts together. From a schema therapy perspective, for someone who has learned always to put their own needs last, "having nothing to say" may actually be the in-session reflection of not being able to make room for oneself.
Focusing on the here and now: The therapist sometimes draws your attention to the moment of the session: "What are you feeling right now, sitting here with me?" This question makes visible something alive in the room at that moment, independent of the events of the past week.
Does Preparing Between Sessions Help?
For some clients, a little preparation between sessions noticeably reduces the anxiety of having nothing to say. But preparation should not be thought of as an obligation or like revising for an exam.
Some methods that may help:
- Short notes on your phone: Note down a thought, feeling or question that occurs to you during the week. Glancing at these notes when you arrive at the session refreshes your mind.
- Five minutes before the session: Before going in, sit quietly for a few minutes and ask yourself, "What has occupied me most this week?"
- A feelings diary: Writing down the day's most noticeable feeling in a single word each evening can reveal an interesting picture by the end of the week.
- Allow yourself to come unprepared: Some weeks, coming with no preparation at all is valuable too. Making room for the session to develop on its own can bring unexpected subjects to the surface.
It is also worth remembering that over-preparation can be a form of trying to stay in control. Arriving at every session with a detailed list and focusing on getting through it may leave no room for emotions that might arise spontaneously in the session. If you are wondering what is usually discussed in sessions, you can also read the article what to talk about in therapy.
Having Nothing to Say in Online Sessions
Online sessions can affect the experience of having nothing to say in different ways. When you connect from home, the transition into the session is almost non-existent: one minute you are washing the dishes or writing a work email, the next you are in front of the screen talking to your therapist. This sudden shift can make it harder for the mind to prepare for the session and widen the "what shall I talk about?" gap.
To help with this, you can create a small transition ritual for yourself before an online session: putting your phone aside ten minutes beforehand, making a glass of water or a cup of tea, moving to a quiet corner, taking a few deep breaths. This small preparation stands in for the thinking you would do on the journey. In online therapy, setting aside the first few minutes of the session for this transition helps the conversation flow more naturally.
When Should Having Nothing to Say Be Looked at Separately?
Feeling occasionally that you have nothing to say is a natural part of therapy. But in some situations this feeling may call for the process to be reviewed:
- If for weeks you have been arriving at every session feeling "there's nothing to tell".
- If sessions keep circling superficial topics and you feel you are not getting anywhere.
- If having nothing to say is accompanied by reluctance, a wish not to go to therapy or a tendency to cancel often.
- If you sense there is a feeling, a hurt or a disappointment towards your therapist that you cannot voice.
These situations may point to several different things. Perhaps therapy has largely reached its goals and it is time to talk about ending. Perhaps resistance to change has come into play; you can find more detailed information on this dynamic in the article on resistance in therapy. Or perhaps the direction, method or goals of therapy need to be revisited.
In every case, the first thing to do is to talk about it openly with your therapist. Saying, "Lately I can't work out what to talk about in sessions, and I'm wondering what that means," starts a joint review of the process.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why doesn't the therapist speak during silences?
The therapist may wait through a silence deliberately; the aim is to leave you room to think and feel. If this silence feels uncomfortable to you, simply say so. The therapist can then ask more questions or take a more guiding stance according to what you need.
Should I cancel the session if I have nothing to talk about?
Generally, no. Sessions you arrive at without a topic are often the ones in which unexpected and valuable subjects open up. Starting with "I don't know what to talk about today" is an entirely legitimate beginning.
Should I prepare a list for every session?
It is not necessary. Short notes suit some clients; but planning every session in advance may leave no room for emotions that might arise spontaneously. What matters is finding the balance between preparation and spontaneity that suits you.
Do sessions without a topic mean therapy is over?
Not always. Sometimes they may show that goals have been reached and it is time to talk about ending; sometimes that a subject is being avoided, or that therapy has moved into a new stage. Looking at this together with your therapist helps you understand which applies.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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