My Teen Wants to Be an Influencer: The Dream of Fame and Realistic Expectations

Does your child want to be an influencer and say they won't study? Read about the need behind this dream, realistic expectations and finding a middle way.

At dinner, your fifteen-year-old son puts down his fork and makes an announcement: "I'm not going to university. I'm going to be a YouTuber. People who study can't find jobs anyway." Silence falls over the table. His father says "Don't be ridiculous", his mother adds "Finish school first", and the young person shuts himself in his room. A similar scene is playing out in many homes; families worried because their teen wants to be an influencer cannot tell whether this dream is a passing fancy or a direction that needs to be taken seriously. In this article we look at the psychological needs behind the wish to be famous, the reality behind the shop window of content creation that young people see, and ways to start a conversation rather than a fight between family and teenager.

My Teen Wants to Be an Influencer: What Does This Wish Tell Us?

For the previous generation, dream jobs were pilot, footballer or singer. For today's young people, content creator, streamer and gaming streamer have been added to the list. At first glance, this wish may look like nothing more than curiosity about money and fame. Yet underneath it there are often more understandable needs:

• The need to be seen and recognised: Adolescence is the period when the question "Who am I and how do others see me?" is asked most loudly. Follower counts look like a measurable answer to this question.
• A sense of control: In a life where many things at school, in exams and at home are decided by others, running their own channel gives the young person a sense of owning a space.
• Success that looks within reach: The people they watch on screen often seem to have started in an ordinary room with an ordinary camera. This strengthens the feeling "I could do that too."
• An answer to an uncertain future: For a young person looking at the exam system, news about graduates who can't find work and the rising cost of living, the classic route can seem unsafe and the alternative route exciting. We discussed this worry in detail in our article on future anxiety in young people.
• A genuine talent or interest: Some young people truly love editing, storytelling, speaking in front of a camera or commentating while gaming, and are good at it. This interest should not be overlooked.

That is why a debate beginning with "Is being an influencer even a job?" often starts with the wrong question. The more useful question is: what is this dream telling me about my child?

Behind the Screen: Realities Young People Don't See

Without belittling the young person's dream, it is important to talk with them about the real face of content creation. Doing this as a curious investigation rather than an "I'm going to talk you out of it" conversation is more effective.

Visible successes, thousands of invisible channels

The few big names the young person follows are only a small slice of the many people who took the same path and never became visible. In psychology this is called survivorship bias: we see those who succeed, we cannot see those who don't, and we assume success is more common than it is.

Irregular income and dependence on algorithms

Content creators' income often changes from month to month. Factors beyond the person's control, such as a platform rule change, an algorithm update or advertisers pulling out, can make months of work invisible overnight. This uncertainty is a serious source of stress even for adults.

Constant pressure to produce

For a channel to grow, regular and frequent posting is needed. Weekends, holidays, illness or exam periods make no difference. After a while, many content creators talk about burnout, loss of inspiration and the anxiety that "if I don't post for one day, it'll all be over."

Comments and the price of being visible

Being visible brings not only likes but also criticism, mockery and sometimes hateful comments. For a young person who dwells for days on a single negative comment under their own photo, comments from hundreds of strangers can be a very heavy burden. There is also the risk of personal information, their school or their home being exposed.

Easy money myths

It is necessary to talk openly with the young person about how the luxurious lifestyle shown on some accounts may be backed by betting, dubious investments or product promotions. "They got rich from one video" stories are usually stories that are only half told.

The privacy of child and teen content creators

Young people sometimes take family vlogs or people who became famous as children as their role models. Yet a video shared today will still be on the internet years later, when the person applies for a job, starts university or enters a new circle. Content that seems funny at fourteen can be a source of embarrassment at twenty. Talking about this risk with the young person gives them not a ban but the right to make a choice about their future.

Shattering a dream is easy; the hard part is helping the young person see the real talent and need inside that dream.

How Should You Respond to "I'm Not Going to Study"?

A young person saying "I'm going to be an influencer" tests most families' patience, but the real alarm usually goes off at "So I'm not going to study." At this point staying calm is very important, because most young people say this not as a firm plan but as a reaction or an expression of tiredness.

Sometimes beneath "I'm not going to study" lie difficulty keeping up with lessons, exam anxiety, exclusion at school or a fear of failure. The influencer dream looks like a shiny exit from these difficulties. A separate conversation may be needed to understand whether there is a problem in the young person's relationship with school. If the wish to leave school is at the forefront, our article on the teenager who wants to drop out of school can also offer guidance.

It also helps for families to move away from an "either this or that" approach. Creating content and continuing at school are not mutually exclusive. Many successful content creators have also studied communications, film, graphic design, software, marketing or entirely different fields, and this education directly affects the quality of the content they produce. Asking the young person this question can build a bridge: "What skills do you need to do this really well, and where can you learn them?"

My Teen Wants to Be an Influencer: A Step-by-Step Middle Way for Families

Be curious first

"Which channels do you watch? What do you like about them? If it were you, what kind of content would you make?" These questions make the young person feel their dream is being taken seriously and help you get to know their world. Most young people stop being defensive when they see their parent's interest.

Open a small, safe space to try it out

Depending on their age and readiness, a trial period with certain rules can be considered. For example:

• Content in which their face, school uniform or the location of the house are not visible (gaming commentary, drawing, science experiments, book reviews and so on)
• An account with comments turned off or filtered
• A pre-agreed production schedule that does not affect study and sleep times
• The family knowing the account password and settings

This trial lets the young person experience the real effort involved for themselves. Sometimes, after a few videos, the dream either grows stronger or settles to a more realistic scale. Either way, the young person will have learnt from their own experience.

Focus on skills

Instead of follower numbers, talk about the skills being learnt: writing a script, learning an editing program, working regularly, withstanding criticism. These are gains that will serve them whatever career they choose.

Set up a realistic conversation timetable

Let's say the young person is in ninth grade and wants to think about nothing but this. An agreement such as "Run your channel according to our rules this term and keep your grades at a certain level; at the end of the term, let's evaluate together what you've learnt and how you feel" turns the argument into a contract.

Manage your own anxiety

Beneath many parents' worry lies the fear that "My child is going to ruin their life." This fear is understandable; but not every sentence a fifteen-year-old says today is the definite plan of their twenty-year-old self. Being able to stay calm means the young person keeps talking to you about their dream.

If You Want to Be an Influencer: Questions Young People Can Ask Themselves

If you are reading this section as a young person who dreams of creating content, first know this: this dream is not silly. Being comfortable in front of a camera, building a story, making people laugh or explaining a topic clearly are real skills. But bringing a dream closer to reality requires looking at it honestly. You can ask yourself these questions:

• What do I love: creating, or being recognised? Would you enjoy making that video even if nobody watched it? If the answer is yes, you have a solid interest.
• How much content can I produce in a month? How many hours does filming, editing and posting a video actually take you? Think about this alongside your study and sleep hours.
• How much would a bad comment affect me? If a single sarcastic sentence from your friends stays on your mind for days, think about how you could prepare for comments from thousands of strangers.
• What is my plan B? If the channel doesn't grow as you hope, in which other fields could you use these skills? Options such as communications, design, software or teaching could be a continuation of this dream.
• Who is this decision for? Are you considering this path to prove something to your family, or because you really want it?

Writing the answers to these questions in a notebook and rereading them a few months later lets you see how your dream has changed.

When Should Professional Support Be Sought?

The dream of being famous is not a problem in itself. However, it may be helpful to seek support from a professional in the following situations:

• If the young person has stopped going to school altogether or absences are rising rapidly
• If their mood rises and falls markedly depending on the likes and comments their posts receive
• If they are producing risky, dangerous or age-inappropriate content in order to be visible
• If they withdraw after bad comments and mockery, and experience changes in sleep and appetite
• If the issue has turned into constant conflict at home and communication has reached breaking point
• If the young person's expressions of worthlessness or hopelessness are increasing

If they talk about thoughts of harming themselves or ending their life, do not lose time, and in an emergency call 112 (emergency services).

These signs do not in themselves mean a diagnosis, but they indicate that, with support, the young person and the family can find a healthier path.

How Is the Dream of Fame Addressed in Therapy?

In therapy, the young person's dream is not belittled, but it is also put through a reality test. The first step is to explore the meanings the young person attaches to this dream: what do they think will change when they become an influencer? Who do they imagine they will be, and how do they imagine they will feel?

Within the framework of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), thoughts such as "If I become famous, everyone will love me" or "If I work in an ordinary job, I'll count as a failure" are examined. When beliefs that tie the young person's worth to external approval are noticed, work is done on developing a more solid and multidimensional view of themselves. At the same time, skills such as goal setting, time planning and coping with criticism are addressed.

From a schema therapy perspective, in some young people themes of "approval-seeking" or "failure" can work like an engine driving the dream of fame. The early maladaptive schemas that Clinical Psychologist Eda Erkan Alapala studied in her master's thesis offer a framework for understanding how these themes appear in youth. She has completed the four-year CBT training of the Association for Cognitive and Behavioural Therapies (KDTD) and training in child and adolescent psychotherapy.

In sessions with the family, parents' worries, the way they talk with the young person and ways of creating a shared plan are explored. Adolescent counselling sessions can be held face to face or online.

Frequently Asked Questions

Should I let my child open a channel?

This decision depends on the young person's age, maturity and ability to follow rules. A limited trial period in which personal information is protected, comments are moderated and the school routine is not affected can be instructive for some young people. A strict ban, on the other hand, may lead them to do it in secret.

Is the dream of being an influencer a passing fancy?

In some young people it is, and within a few months they turn to other interests. In others it can become a lasting interest and turn into a career choice in fields such as communications, media or design. In both cases, talking about the dream without judgement helps the young person get to know themselves.

Will my child's character change as their follower count grows?

Visibility can affect a person's view of themselves, especially in adolescence. Mood swings tied to likes, arrogance or, on the contrary, intense anxiety may be seen. The family talking regularly with the young person and making them feel valued regardless of their follower count softens these effects.

Will influencers' betting or investment promotions affect my child?

They can. Young people more readily trust something recommended by a content creator they like. Watching such promotions together with the young person and discussing the questions "What does this person gain from this, and what could you lose?" helps them develop a critical eye.

• #teens and social media
• #future plans
• #career dreams
• #family communication

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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