What is transference in psychology, how does it arise and why does it matter in therapy? Learn how past feelings are directed at a therapist and worked with.
During a session your therapist glances at the clock for a moment, and a familiar ache rises inside you: "She's bored of me." In fact, the therapist was only checking how much time was left. Or a calm question from your therapist reminds you of a teacher who used to interrogate you years ago, and you find yourself becoming defensive. In psychology, experiences like these are explained by the concept of "transference". Many of the people who search online for "what is transference in psychology" are, in fact, going through exactly this, trying to make sense of the intensity of their own feelings in therapy. The simplest answer to what transference is: the carrying over of feelings, expectations and patterns of reaction left by important past relationships into a present-day relationship, usually without our being aware of it. In this article I explain what transference is, where it comes from, how it appears in therapy and in everyday life, what countertransference means, and how these experiences are worked with in therapy.
What Is Transference? The Basic Definition in Psychology
Transference is when a person directs feelings and expectations left over from relationships with important people in the past, especially in childhood (such as a mother, father, sibling or teacher), towards someone in the present. In this process, the other person is perceived not as they are, but partly in the shadow of someone from the past.
The concept was first described by Sigmund Freud in psychoanalytic therapy. Freud noticed that his patients developed feelings of love, anger or mistrust towards him that were too intense to be explained by the real relationship, and he concluded that these feelings actually belonged to figures from the past. At first seen as a problem obstructing therapy, transference came over time to be regarded as one of therapy's most valuable tools. This is because transference allows a person not just to describe their past relationships but to relive them in the therapy room.
Some key features of transference are:
- It is mostly unconscious. People usually do not realise that their feelings come from the past; they believe their reaction belongs entirely to the present situation.
- It can be out of proportion to the situation. A small event leads to a much stronger reaction than expected.
- It follows a recurring pattern. Similar feelings and similar conflicts are experienced with different people.
- It happens to everyone. Transference is not a disorder but an ordinary way in which the human mind works.
Where Does Transference Come From?
The human mind stores its experiences of relationships as a kind of template. What we went through with our parents as children forms our implicit answers to questions such as "How do people treat me?", "Is closeness safe?" and "What happens if I say what I need?" In adulthood, these answers are used like a compass when entering new relationships.
These templates are often useful; they allow us to make quick predictions without having to get to know every new person from scratch. But when the template is wrong, when the rules of the past do not fit today's relationship, problems begin. For example, someone who grew up with criticism may perceive even neutral feedback as criticism in adulthood.
Cognitive behavioural therapy and schema therapy explain this in a different language: core beliefs and schemas formed early in life are activated in new relationships and shape a person's perception. Schemas such as "I will be abandoned", "I am not good enough" or "No one can be trusted" can also come into play in the relationship with the therapist. For the details of this perspective, you can read the article what is schema therapy.
Transference is less about recounting the past than reliving it now; that is why in therapy it is both a challenge and a transformative opportunity.
Types of Transference
In psychology, transference is usually classified according to the nature of the feeling involved.
Positive transference
Feelings of trust, affection, admiration and closeness towards the therapist. This kind of transference makes it easier to build the therapeutic relationship and helps the client approach difficult subjects. However, positive transference can also turn into excessive idealisation: believing that the therapist knows everything and never makes mistakes, for example. In that case, the therapist's inevitable small mistakes can cause great disappointment. For more on intense closeness felt towards a therapist, you can read the article attachment to your therapist.
Negative transference
Feelings of anger, mistrust, hurt, rivalry or contempt towards the therapist. The client may feel that the therapist is judging them, does not understand them or is trying to control them. Although negative transference is uncomfortable, it often provides the richest therapeutic material, because this is where the traces of painful past relationships show most clearly.
Mixed transference
In real life, transference is rarely seen in a pure form. The same client may feel deep gratitude towards their therapist in one session and an anger they cannot explain in the next. This swinging back and forth often reflects how complex and contradictory past relationships were too.
How Does Transference Appear in Therapy?
Transference sometimes appears in very obvious ways and sometimes in extremely subtle ones. Here are some examples often seen in therapy:
- The therapist being two minutes late provokes disproportionate anger in the client, or a feeling of "I'm not important anyway".
- The client perceives a comment from the therapist as criticism and becomes defensive.
- The client cannot admit not having done their homework, so as not to disappoint the therapist.
- When the therapist goes on holiday, the client feels an anxiety similar to the one they felt when a parent left home.
- The client suspects the therapist will grow tired of them, or likes other clients more.
Let's say someone feels intensely rejected every time their therapist looks at the clock near the end of a session. As this is explored, it emerges that in their childhood their father always sat in front of the television in the evenings and never took his eyes off the screen when they tried to tell him something. The therapist looking at the clock has, for a moment, taken the place of that inattentive father. Recognising this helps the client understand why they are so sensitive to signs of "inattention" in other relationships in their life too.
In another example, the therapist's question "How was your week?" may remind a client of a strict teacher who checked homework in primary school. The client arrives at every session with the anxiety of "having to give an account". When this anxiety is noticed and talked about, the relationship can shift from one in which accounts are given to one in which things are thought through together.
Transference in Everyday Life
The question of what transference is goes beyond therapy; in psychology this concept is also used to understand everyday relationships. Transference is everywhere; it simply becomes more visible and more workable in therapy.
Some examples from everyday life:
- At work: someone who grew up with an authoritarian father may perceive every instruction from their manager as an attack or, conversely, become excessively obedient.
- In marriage: a spouse coming home late may trigger intense anxiety in someone who, as a child, waited for a parent to come home drunk. Without realising it, the spouse is placed in that parent's role.
- In the extended family: a newly married woman may hear in her mother-in-law's innocent remark the criticism her own mother voiced for years. The mother-in-law may indeed be critical; but the intensity of the reaction also carries the weight of the past.
- In a hospital or government office: someone who could not speak up as a child may suddenly feel small and unable to ask questions when faced with the hurried manner of a doctor or an official. The other person is simply busy; but the helplessness felt carries the atmosphere of a classroom or a home from years ago.
- In friendship: someone who grew up constantly compared with their siblings may react with unexpected hurt when someone else in their circle of friends is praised.
What these examples have in common is that the present person is perceived less as they really are and more through the characteristics of someone from the past. This awareness makes it possible to ask in relationships, "Does this reaction really belong to this person?"
What Is Countertransference in Psychology?
Transference also has a therapist's side. Countertransference refers to the emotional reactions the therapist develops towards the client. Originally seen only as the reflection of the therapist's own unresolved issues onto the client, countertransference is used today in a broader sense.
Countertransference can be fed by two sources:
- The therapist's own history: the therapist is human too, and some of the client's characteristics may revive feelings connected to someone in the therapist's own life.
- The client's relational pattern: the typical feelings a client evokes in others may also arise in the therapist. For example, faced with a client who constantly waits to be rescued in life, the therapist may also feel an urge to rescue them.
The second type of countertransference is a valuable source of information for the therapist. When the therapist notices their own reaction, they can also understand how other people in the client's life react to them. An ethical, skilled therapist does not load countertransference feelings onto the client; they work through them in supervision and in personal awareness work.
How Can You Recognise Transference in Your Own Life?
You do not have to be in therapy to notice transference. Some questions can help you see the traces of the past in your everyday relationships:
- Is my reaction out of proportion to the situation? If the intensity of the emotion you feel about an event is not in proportion to the event itself, it is worth stopping to look. If a colleague's late reply to your email preoccupies you for days, that feeling may not belong only to that email.
- Where have I felt this before? Close your eyes and ask whether this feeling is familiar. Often the mind goes quickly to a childhood scene, a school memory or an old relationship.
- What did the other person actually do? Try describing the event like a camera recording, without adding interpretation. Instead of "He belittled me", something like "He interrupted me in the meeting and moved on to another topic." This makes the gap between fact and interpretation visible.
- Is the same scenario repeating with different people? If you are having the same conflict with three different managers, or breaking off at a similar point in every relationship, the common denominator may be you and the template you carry. This is not an accusation but a starting point for change.
- Who does this person remind me of? Sometimes the resemblance is very concrete: a tone of voice, a facial expression, a turn of phrase. Even noticing this resemblance can reduce the power of the reaction.
The aim of these questions is not to link every feeling to the past. Sometimes your manager really is unfair and your partner really is thoughtless. Recognising transference is not about ignoring today's real problems, but about being able to look at them without the extra weight of the past.
How Is Transference Worked With in Therapy?
Working with transference carries different weight in different therapeutic approaches. But the shared aim is for the pattern coming from the past to be recognised and for a new relational experience to become possible.
In the psychodynamic approach
In psychodynamic and psychoanalytic therapies, transference sits at the heart of therapy. The therapist carefully observes the client's feelings towards them, interprets these at the right moment and explores their connection to the past together with the client. You can find the details of this approach in the article on psychodynamic therapy.
In cognitive behavioural therapy
Although the concept of transference is not referred to by that name in CBT, similar processes are addressed. Automatic thoughts that arise during the therapy relationship, such as "The therapist is bored with me", are examined like any other thoughts: What is the evidence for this thought, could there be another explanation, where else in your life does this thought appear?
In schema therapy
In schema therapy, the relationship with the therapist is seen as an arena where schemas are activated and can also be healed. Within boundaries, the therapist partially responds to the client's unmet needs, offering an experience different from what happened in the past.
How does the therapist put it into words?
Working with transference does not mean telling the client, "This feeling actually belongs to your father, not to me." A sentence like that can invalidate the client's present experience. The therapist usually uses a more curious, open-ended language: "Something seemed to happen when I looked at the clock; what did you feel in that moment?" or "Does this feeling seem familiar to you?" Timing matters too. Interpretations made before a trusting relationship has been sufficiently established can provoke defensiveness; so the therapist sometimes observes a pattern for weeks and raises it only once the client also begins to be curious about it. Sometimes it is the client who makes the connection first, and this is often the most powerful realisation.
Common steps
Whatever the approach, working with transference generally involves the following steps: noticing the feeling, naming it, reviewing what is real in the present relationship, making connections with similar past experiences and having a different experience in therapy. In individual therapy with adults, this process is often one of the areas where the most lasting changes occur.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does transference only happen in therapy?
No, transference is found throughout human relationships: at work, in marriage, in friendship, within the family. The difference in therapy is that this process can be noticed and worked with in a safe setting.
Is transference a bad thing?
No. Transference is an ordinary way in which the mind works, and in therapy it offers an important learning opportunity. The problem is not transference itself, but that when it goes unnoticed it leads to painful patterns repeating in relationships.
Does transference disappear once it is recognised?
Not immediately. Recognising a pattern reduces its power but does not, by itself, eliminate it. When the same feeling returns, you recognise it more quickly and are less carried away by it. As different experiences are repeated in therapy and in life, the old template in the mind is gradually updated.
Is transference addressed in cognitive behavioural therapy?
Yes, although not by that name. In CBT, thoughts and feelings that arise in the therapy relationship are examined like other automatic thoughts. Schema therapy, meanwhile, gives the relationship between therapist and client a more central role.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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