Bad LGS Result: What to Do After the Disappointment

Did a bad LGS result leave a heavy mood at home? What your child may feel, what to say in the first days and how to approach school choices more calmly.

On the morning the results are announced, three people wait in front of a computer at home. The page loads, the percentile appears on the screen and the room suddenly falls silent. The fourteen-year-old stares at the screen for a few seconds, then goes to their room without a word. Their mother does not know whether to follow, whether to knock, or what to say. A bad LGS result (the LGS is Turkey's national high-school entrance exam) means more than a year of effort, practice exams, weekend courses and hopes being shaken in a single morning. In this article we look at what a child goes through in the days when the expected score does not come, the stance a family can take during this time, and how to approach the school preference period with a calmer mind rather than in the shadow of raw emotion.

Bad LGS Result: What Happens in the First Hours?

The first hours after the results are announced are a period of shock for both the child and the family. Some children cry, some say nothing at all, and some shrug and say, "I knew it anyway". No reaction is "wrong"; each is a different way of coping with sudden disappointment.

In these first hours, what comes from the outside world adds to the burden. The phone does not stop ringing; aunts, uncles and neighbours call to ask, "What score did they get?" On social media, stories of friends sharing their high scores appear one after another. A message arrives from the course teacher. Before the child has even had a chance to understand their own feelings, they find themselves having to explain things to everyone.

So the first day is not the day to analyse the result, prepare a preference list or ask "Why did this happen?" The first day is for making room for emotions to settle. Letting the child switch off their phone for a while if they want to, and having a parent take the incoming calls, can lighten this load.

A "Bad" Result According to Whose Expectations?

A result is usually perceived as "bad" not because of the score itself but because of the gap between it and what was expected. For a pupil who hovered in the top one per cent in practice exams, landing in the top five per cent can be devastating, while for another pupil the same result is a reason to celebrate.

It is important to look at where the expectations come from:

• The child's own expectations: Some children take their highest practice-exam scores as their real level. Yet performance on exam day depends on many variables, such as sleep, nerves and the style of the questions.
• The family's expectations: Sentences such as "They'll go to a science high school" or "They'll get into that school at the very least" may, over the years, have become not a goal but an obligation in the child's mind.
• The expectations of those around them: The atmosphere created by the school, teachers, the course and peers also shapes expectations. A perception that "Everyone from our class gets into a selective school" makes falling outside this look like failure.

Seeing this gap does not mean belittling the child's disappointment. But asking as a family, "Is this result really a disaster, or is it a result that fell short of our expectations?" makes reactions more measured.

What Happens in the Child's Inner World?

A thirteen- or fourteen-year-old often experiences the LGS as the first big exam of their life. The result can feel like one of the first major "verdicts" about who they are.

Shame and the Urge to Hide

Finding out friends' scores, having to state their own, and not seeing their name on the school's or course's list of top achievers can create intense shame in a child. Some children do not want to talk to friends or reply to messages for several days.

Guilt and the Feeling of "I Wasted Their Efforts"

A child who knows how much the family spent on courses, private lessons and books carries guilt alongside their own disappointment. "You spent so much money, and I still couldn't do it" is a thought that passes through many children's minds, especially at a time when the rising cost of living is keenly felt; most of the time they do not say it out loud.

Generalisations About Themselves

Thoughts such as "I'm stupid anyway", "I can't succeed at anything" or "I'm just not an exam person" are generalisations that stretch from a single result to an entire identity. If they go unnoticed and undiscussed, these thoughts may continue to affect the child's view of themselves throughout the high-school years.

Worry About Being Separated from Friends

A child whose close friend is going to a higher-scoring school grieves not only over their own result but also over the possibility of losing that friend. The thought "They'll find new friends now and forget me" can weigh as heavily as the score. Taking this worry seriously and reminding them that many friendships continue across different schools can lighten the child's load.

Anger

In some children, disappointment comes out as anger: at how hard the questions were, at the invigilator in the exam hall, at the course teacher or at the family. This anger is a more bearable form of the sadness underneath.

If the LGS Result Was Bad, What Should the Family Do in the First Days?

Parents feel disappointment too, and this is entirely human. What matters is not passing that feeling on to the child as a burden.

Things You Can Say

• "I can see how much this result has upset you. It makes complete sense that you're upset."
• "I know how hard you worked all year. That effort hasn't disappeared."
• "We don't have to decide anything right now. Let's rest a little, then look at things together."
• "We don't love you because of a score. Whatever the score, you are our child."

Things to Avoid Saying

• "I told you so; you never looked up from your phone."
• "All that money has gone to waste."
• "What are we going to tell the relatives now?"
• "It doesn't matter; this exam means nothing anyway." (Even when said with good intentions, consolation that belittles the child's feelings can shut down communication.)

An exam result shows how many points a child scored that day; how they were received that day teaches them how much they are valued.

Let's say the child did not come to dinner on the evening of results day and is listening to music in their room. Knocking on the door, leaving a plate beside them, saying "I'm here whenever you want to talk" and leaving without pressing sometimes says more than a long conversation. When the child comes of their own accord a few days later wanting to talk about the result, they know the door is open.

It is also important not to forget siblings. If there is a younger or older sibling at home, not discussing the result in front of them prevents the exam result from growing into a household "event".

Approach the Preference Period Once Emotions Have Settled

Decisions made on the days when disappointment is at its most intense often lead to regret later. Hasty choices such as "I didn't get the school I wanted anyway, so let's go for the nearest one" or, at the other extreme, "I have no chance, but let's put it down anyway" may look different a few days later.

During the preference process, it may help to keep the following in mind:

• Make room for your child's voice. The preference list determines where your child will spend four years. Their interests, their preferences about travel and the kind of environment in which they would feel comfortable should shape the order of the list.
• Don't judge schools only by their minimum entry scores. The school's approach, its counselling service, its social activities and its distance from home matter at least as much as the score for a young person's adjustment.
• Remember that a school does not single-handedly determine your child's future. Over the high-school years, a young person's study habits, interests and motivation shape far more than which school they attend.
• Get information. School counsellors and official sources provide reliable information about preference rules and options. Making decisions based on what you hear from neighbours or on social media can be misleading.

If indecision is very intense, our article on indecision over high-school preferences may also guide you.

The Summer After the Results: Catching Your Breath Before High School

Turning the whole summer into a catch-up programme because of a bad LGS result is the first solution that comes to many families' minds: starting Year 9 topics straight away, signing up for a new course, making plans so that "this time we don't miss out in the YKS" (Turkey's national university entrance exam). Yet a child emerging from more than a year of intensive preparation first and foremost needs rest. A young person thrown into a new race without rest may start high school tired and hurt.

During the summer months, the following can help:

• An activity that has nothing to do with exams: Swimming, a musical instrument, cycling, a volunteering activity or simply long walks help the child experience again that "I am not just a score".
• A regular sleep and daily rhythm: A summer spent in front of a screen all day, with night and day swapping places, can affect mood negatively. A flexible routine that has not fallen apart completely is helpful.
• Getting to know the new school: Once the placement is confirmed, exploring the area around the school together and trying out the journey once reduces the uncertainty of September.
• Keeping in touch with friends: Even if they are scattering to different schools, seeing middle-school friends keeps the child's social support going.

It is also important for the family to make time for themselves during this period. The exam year tires parents too; when mothers and fathers who experience the result as their own failure talk about this feeling with someone close or, if needed, with a professional, the tension that reaches the child is reduced.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

Sadness lasting a few days or even a few weeks after the results is an expected reaction. In the following situations, however, it may help to seek support from a professional:

• The sadness has continued for weeks without easing and the child has pulled away from things they used to enjoy
• They have stopped seeing friends altogether or do not want to leave the house
• There are marked disruptions to sleep, appetite and daily routine
• They constantly blame themselves and say things like "I'm nothing"
• As the start of the new school approaches, intense anxiety, stomach aches or a wish not to go to school emerge
• The child talks about wanting to die or about harming themselves; in this case call 112 (emergency services) immediately and do not leave the child alone

These signs may suggest that the disappointment has begun to turn into a depressive picture. For more information, see our article on depression in adolescents. Symptoms alone do not amount to a diagnosis; an assessment should be made by a professional.

How Is Post-Exam Disappointment Addressed in Therapy?

When working with the disappointment that follows a bad LGS result, the first step is to listen to the child's feelings without judgement. Many children do not say what they really feel at home so as not to upset their family further; the therapy room can be a space where these feelings can be talked about safely.

In the cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) approach, work focuses on the thoughts that surface along with the result. The difference between the thought "I'm a failure" and the thought "I didn't get the result I expected in this exam" is examined together. The child learns to notice how a single event gets generalised to their whole personality, and to develop a more balanced inner voice.

During this process, the young person's perfectionist expectations, beliefs that equate success with worth, and catastrophic scenarios about the future may also be addressed. Preparing for the move to the new school, how to spend the summer and making a healthier start to the high-school years can also be part of the work.

Sessions with the family make room for parents to recognise their own disappointment and to talk about how they can support their child. For more information about work with adolescents, see the adolescent counselling page.

Frequently Asked Questions

What happens if they are placed at a high school they didn't want?

Although some young people placed at a school they did not want struggle in the first months, a large proportion adjust to their school over time and find their place there. Acknowledging the young person's disappointment in the first term while also pointing out what the school has to offer makes adjustment easier. If the difficulty continues for a long time, support can be sought.

My child says "The whole year was wasted"; how should I respond?

Rather than arguing with this sentence, it helps first to acknowledge the feeling: "I understand why you feel that way." Later, at a suitable moment, you can remind them with concrete examples of the study habits they built this year, the topics they learnt and the effort they showed. This foundation will stay with them through the high-school years too.

How should we explain the result to people around us?

Letting your child decide whom to share the score with, and when, helps them regain a sense of control. A short, calm answer to those who ask, such as "The results are in and we're thinking about preferences together", is enough.

Their sibling got a high score last year; how might this affect them?

The possibility of being compared with a sibling can deepen the child's disappointment. It is important to avoid open or implied comparisons and to show, in both words and actions, that each child has their own path. When you notice tension between siblings, spending time with each of them separately helps maintain balance.

• #LGS
• #8th grade
• #exam results
• #parenting

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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