Child Always Bored: What to Do When Your Child Says "I'm Bored

Is your child always bored and expecting you to entertain them? The value of boredom in development, possible causes, ideas to try at home and warning signs.

It is the second week of the summer holidays. It is only half past ten in the morning, and your seven-year-old son has come to you for the seventh time today: "Mum, I'm bored." You are working from home, trying to get to a meeting at your computer. His room is full of toys, his bike is on the balcony, the shelf is full of books; but in his eyes there is nothing to do. "Play with your Lego," you say. "Boring." "Do some drawing," you say. "I don't feel like it." In the end you hand him the tablet and the house goes quiet; but a sense of unease stays with you. If your child is always bored and you feel as if the job of filling every gap falls to you, this article is for you. We look at why boredom can be valuable for a child, what may lie behind frequent boredom, and how you can respond to the sentence "I'm bored".

Child Always Bored: Is Boredom a Bad Thing?

Boredom is a state in which time passes empty and meaningless, in which you cannot find anything to do and are uncomfortable about it. It is not a pleasant feeling for adults or for children. That is why many parents, when they see their child is bored, feel the need to come up with a solution straight away.

Yet boredom plays a more important role in a child's development than is often thought:

• It is the doorway to creativity: When no stimulus comes from outside, the mind starts to produce its own. Games in which an empty cardboard box becomes a ship and a blanket becomes a tent are often the product of a bored afternoon.
• It helps the child get to know themselves: To discover what they enjoy doing, a child needs to be left alone for a while with the question "What shall I do?". Hobbies and interests often sprout in these gaps.
• It strengthens self-regulation: Being able to tolerate an unpleasant feeling without immediately looking for a fix is a skill needed later for studying, waiting in a queue or persevering with a demanding task.
• It nourishes intrinsic motivation: A child who is constantly entertained from outside looks for the source of fun outside themselves. A child who can set up their own play learns to motivate themselves.

Age matters in this picture too. Expecting a two- or three-year-old to keep themselves busy alone for long periods is not realistic; by school age, however, a child can be expected to find something to occupy themselves after a short spell of boredom. In adolescence, boredom becomes more intertwined with the search for meaning and with social needs.

So the aim is not to ensure the child is never bored, but to raise a child who can work out what to do when they are bored.

If Your Child Is Always Bored, What Might the Causes Be?

Everyone gets bored now and then. But if a child says they are bored again and again throughout the day, there may be several different reasons behind it.

A permanently full timetable: School, study sessions, swimming, English, chess... A child whose week is planned minute by minute may not know what to do when faced with free time. For these children, free time is an unfamiliar and even anxiety-provoking gap.

Getting used to intense, fast stimulation: Short videos, fast-paced games and constantly changing images can accustom the mind to a high level of stimulation. To a child used to this tempo, doing a jigsaw, reading a book or watching insects in the garden can feel slow and boring. Our article on screen addiction can offer guidance on screen time and limits.

Getting used to always being entertained: When a parent answers every "I'm bored" straight away with an activity, a game or a screen, the responsibility for finding fun is placed on the adult. The child never gets the chance to experience that they can fill the gap themselves.

Too many toys: It may sound surprising, but an abundance of toys can also increase boredom. A child with a full room moves from one to the next without getting deeply absorbed in any of them. A few open-ended materials that can be used in different ways often keep a child busy for longer than dozens of toys that each have a single function.

Tiredness and lack of sleep: A child who has not had enough sleep, or who has come out of a busy schedule all day, may express their low energy as "I'm bored".

The language of another feeling: Sometimes the sentence "I'm bored" carries another feeling the child cannot name: loneliness, anxiety, sadness or a need for attention. "I'm bored" said in the evening by a child who has been apart from their parent all day may really mean "Spend some time with me."

Difficulty sustaining attention: In children who cannot focus on any activity for more than a few minutes and are constantly seeking a new stimulus, difficulties with attention should also be considered.

Changing Childhood in Turkey and Boredom

Many adults who are parents today spent their childhood in the street, playing hide and seek and dodgeball with neighbourhood friends. It was a childhood of staying out until the evening call to prayer, in which parents did not have to deal much with the question "What shall I do?".

For today's children growing up in flats in big cities, the picture is different. Because of traffic, safety concerns and shrinking play areas, playing freely in the street is not possible for many families. Working parents have to place their children in courses or study centres after school. Weekends are spent in shopping centres. And grandparents often turn to the tablet or the television to keep their grandchildren occupied.

Long journeys at religious holidays, hospital waiting rooms and the hours spent visiting relatives are also moments that test children's ability to wait without a screen. Once, counting number plates through the car window, playing word games or simply watching the scenery was the normal way to travel; today, for many children, a journey is measured by the tablet's battery.

These conditions are not the parents' fault; but they create an environment in which children have fewer opportunities to set up their own play and to fill their free time themselves. That is why the skill of coping with boredom has perhaps become one that needs to be supported more deliberately today.

What Should You Do When Your Child Says "I'm Bored"?

Don't come up with a solution straight away

When your child says "I'm bored", don't let your first reaction be to offer a list of suggestions. Acknowledge the feeling and gently pass the ball back to the child: "Everyone gets bored sometimes. Have a think; I'm sure you'll come up with something." The first few minutes may be hard; the child may whine and follow you around. This resistance decreases over time and the child begins to fill the gap themselves.

Explore the need behind the words

Not every "I'm bored" means the same thing. If your child is always bored and says this especially in the evening, right after you get home, or at moments when you are busy with their sibling, what they are looking for may not be an activity but contact with you. In such cases, fifteen minutes of play time without a phone, devoted entirely to them, can be more effective than hours of attempts to keep them occupied. A child whose need has been met moves on to their own play much more easily afterwards.

Make a "what I can do when I'm bored" list together

At a calm time, draw up with your child a list of things they can do when they are bored. For young children, picture cards or slips of paper put in a jar can be fun: "Build a tent out of a blanket", "Be a vet for your toy animals", "Help Mum in the kitchen", "Count the red cars going past the balcony." When the child says "I'm bored", it is enough to remind them to look at the list or the jar. The child having made the list themselves increases their sense of ownership.

Offer open-ended materials

Cardboard boxes, clothes pegs, scraps of fabric, old magazines, scissors and glue, play dough, wooden blocks, empty bottles... These kinds of materials have no "right" way to be used; each time they can turn into a different game. Putting some of the toys away and rotating them every few weeks also makes old toys interesting again.

Don't make the screen the first cure for boredom

A screen is a quick and easy solution; but if the child is directed to a screen every time they are bored, the ability to tolerate boredom does not develop. It is important to tie screen time to set times and to make sure that the sentence "I'm bored" does not automatically end with a screen.

Involve them in everyday tasks

Tasks such as washing vegetables, pairing socks, watering the plants or writing the shopping list give the child both a meaningful occupation and a sense of competence. Many children enjoy being with an adult doing a "real" job more than playing with toys.

Make room for movement and nature

Going out to the park, the seaside, the woods or just the garden of your housing complex is one of the most natural antidotes to boredom. In nature, children find things to do even without a ready-made plan: collecting stones, watching ants, making paths out of twigs.

Consider lightening the schedule

If there is no unplanned time left in your child's week, you might consider dropping a course, or leaving at least a few hours a week completely free. In the holidays too, rather than filling every day with activities, it helps to set up a routine that balances structured hours with free time. Our article on a child's routine in the summer holidays offers concrete suggestions on this.

Set an example with your own free time too

Children watch adults. You always reaching for your phone in your spare moments sends the message that boredom must be cured immediately with a screen. Reading a book, working on a craft, or simply sitting on the balcony drinking tea are also a valuable model for your child.

Boredom is a blank page in a child's mind; rather than filling it straight away, the pen needs to be left with the child.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

Being bored is usually a normal and passing feeling. However, in the following situations it may be helpful to get the view of a child mental health specialist:

• If the child no longer enjoys games, friends and activities they used to enjoy
• If, alongside the boredom, there is marked unhappiness, tearfulness, irritability or withdrawal
• If it is accompanied by noticeable changes in sleep and appetite
• If they cannot focus on any activity, including things they love, for more than a few minutes
• If they show no interest in any activity other than screens and have intense outbursts of anger when screen time is restricted
• If they constantly say they are bored at school and this is affecting their performance or their willingness to go to school

Persistent loss of interest and lack of enjoyment in children, though it may look different from adults, can be a sign of depression. These signs do not on their own mean a diagnosis; but a thorough assessment helps to understand the cause underlying the boredom. In some children who are constantly bored at school, there may be a learning difficulty or, on the contrary, a pace of learning ahead of their peers.

How Are Boredom and Loss of Interest Addressed in Therapy?

The therapy process begins with understanding what the sentence "I'm bored" is expressing in the child's life. In the meeting with the parents, the child's daily schedule, screen use, sleep pattern, friendships and emotional state are discussed.

Play therapy: For pre-school and primary-age children, the playroom is a space where the child's ability to set up and sustain their own play can be observed. In child-centred play therapy, the child experiences setting up play without being directed and following their own interests. Over time, this experience can be reflected in play at home too.

Cognitive behavioural approach: With older children, activities that bring enjoyment and a sense of competence are identified together and built into the weekly schedule. Where lack of enjoyment is present, work is done on increasing the level of activity in small steps.

Parent guidance: With the parents, the routine at home, screen rules and free play time are reviewed. How the reactions to the child's "I'm bored" can be changed is planned.

For more information on this process, you can look at the child and play therapy page.

Frequently Asked Questions

Should I sign my child up for more courses so they don't get bored?

Generally, no. Courses are valuable for developing a child's interests; but filling the schedule to prevent boredom can weaken the child's ability to manage free time. Choosing courses according to the child's genuine interests and always leaving some unplanned time in the week is more balanced.

Is it harmful to give them the tablet when they are bored?

Using a screen now and then is not harmful in itself. The problem is the screen becoming the automatic and only solution to boredom. Tying the screen to set times and rules gives them the chance to try other options too when they are bored.

Why are they constantly bored even though they have lots of toys?

As the number of toys increases, the attention given to each one may decrease. In addition, toys with a single function that work at the press of a button leave little room for the child's imagination. Putting some of the toys away and bringing them out in rotation, and making room for open-ended materials, often works.

They say they are bored with lessons at school; what does this mean?

This sentence can carry different meanings: the lessons may be too easy or too hard for the child, they may be struggling to sustain attention, or they may feel lonely in the classroom. Talking to the teacher and, if necessary, arranging an assessment helps to understand the cause.

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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