Erasmus does not always look like the photos. Learn about exchange students' adjustment difficulties, the warning signs and concrete steps for coping.
The Erasmus photos you see on social media usually tell the same story: new cities, big groups of friends, weekend trips, colourful parties. The real experience is often more mixed. Sitting alone in your dorm room in the first weeks and thinking "everyone is having fun, only I can't fit in", or feeling an unexpected loneliness or homesickness, is extremely common. Because Erasmus and other exchange programmes are short, these feelings are often not taken seriously; people say, "It's only a few months, then you'll be back." Yet even a short time living in a new country requires a real process of adjustment. In this article we look at the psychological processes experienced on Erasmus and exchange programmes, the difficulties commonly met, and concrete steps that can help you get through this period in a healthier way.
What Does the Erasmus Experience Mean Psychologically?
Erasmus is an exchange programme that allows students to study at a university in another European country for one or two semesters. Similarly, bilateral agreements with different countries, summer schools and internship programmes also give students the chance to live abroad for a short time.
For many students this experience means, for the first time, living away from family, in another language and in another culture. Short-term migration has a psychology of its own:
- Compressed adjustment: The stages of adjustment that are spread over years in long-term migration are squeezed into a few months on exchange programmes. Feelings of excitement, disappointment, settling in and parting follow one another quickly.
- The "it should be the best time of my life" expectation: Because Erasmus is so often described as "the best period of your life", a student who is struggling may feel both alone and like a "failure".
- A sense of temporariness: The thought "I'm going back anyway" sometimes keeps a person from investing in new relationships; at other times, conversely, it creates pressure to "make the most of" every moment.
- Living in two places: Part of the mind is busy with classes, family and relationships in Turkey, while the other part is trying to adjust to the new life.
Common Difficulties and Warning Signs During Erasmus
The difficulties exchange students experience are often a natural part of the adjustment process. Even so, recognising them helps you be kinder to yourself.
Culture shock
Even the small details of daily life can be tiring: shop opening hours, queuing culture, how public transport works, eating habits, ways of greeting, ideas of personal space. These differences, which seem fun at first, can over time turn into a feeling that "nothing is easy". If you are curious about culture shock in more detail, you can look at our article on culture shock.
Social comparison and fear of missing out
Seeing other students constantly travelling, going to parties and moving around in big groups can trigger the feeling "I'm missing out". Social media increases this comparison, because people usually share only their best moments.
Language fatigue
Listening to lectures, speaking and thinking in a foreign language all day puts a serious load on the mind. By evening, the feeling "I have no energy left to talk" is common. This is sometimes mistakenly interpreted as a lack of social skills.
Financial worry
The gap between the grant and the cost of living can put pressure on students, especially in big cities. Being unable to join trips with other students can turn financial worry into social loneliness.
Signs to watch for
- Not wanting to leave your room, no longer going to classes
- Prolonged low mood or frequent crying
- Serious disruption of sleep
- A constant thought of "I should go home early" and intense anxiety
- A marked increase in alcohol consumption in order to "fit in" or to suppress feelings
Having some of these symptoms does not mean a diagnosis; but if they continue for a long time, it may be helpful to consider getting support.
Cultural and Personal Factors Affecting Erasmus Adjustment
Every student's Erasmus experience is different, and behind this difference are both cultural and personal factors.
The first separation from family: In Turkey, many students live with their families, or in a city close to them, even during their university years. For some students, Erasmus is the first real experience of separation. Everyday responsibilities such as cooking, doing laundry and going to the doctor when ill suddenly fall on the student's shoulders.
Family anxiety: Some families feel great anxiety about their child being alone abroad. Constant phone calls, warnings such as "be careful" and "don't go out late", and the expectation of reporting back can make it harder for the student to experience independence. On the other hand, the student may also hide the difficulties they face so as not to upset the family.
Values and social norms: Norms on party culture, alcohol consumption, dating and personal freedom differ from country to country. Some students may feel caught between their own values and the expectations of the new environment. The dilemma "if I don't join in I'll be excluded, if I do I'll feel estranged from myself" is quite common.
Suppose a third-year engineering student who lives with their family in Turkey spends the spring semester in a city in Central Europe. In the first week everything feels very exciting; in the second week the flatmates go on a weekend trip, but the student stays in the dorm because their budget does not stretch. Their mother calls every evening to ask "Have you eaten? Who have you been seeing?", and to avoid upsetting her, the student says "I'm very well". By the end of the third week they begin to find it hard to go to classes and start thinking "I don't belong here". What this student is experiencing is not "maladjustment"; it is the overlapping of a financial constraint, a first separation, language fatigue and feelings that cannot be shared. Noticing these layers one by one makes it easier to see what can be done about each.
Personality and previous experiences: The adjustment process can be harder for students who are introverted, who feel anxious in social settings or who have been through periods of intense anxiety or low mood before. This is not a shortcoming; it is simply a sign that you need to give yourself more time and care.
After Erasmus: Returning and Relationships in Turkey
The Erasmus experience is an emotional process not only on the way out but also on the way back. Many students experience an unexpected emptiness when they return.
- Reverse culture shock: After getting used to a different rhythm of life for a few months, returning to Turkey can make even the familiar environment feel foreign.
- A feeling of not being able to tell it: When you want to tell your family or friends about what you lived through and see that their interest is brief, it can create a sense of loneliness.
- Changes in relationships: Long-distance romantic relationships can struggle during or after Erasmus. The person feels they have changed, while the partner may watch this change with anxiety.
- Plans for the future: After Erasmus some students decide to live abroad. This decision can lead to new tensions with the family.
To ease the return process, it can be helpful to put your experience into writing, stay active in exchange student networks and take time to make sense of what you have lived through.
How Can You Support Yourself During Erasmus?
The following steps can help you get through your exchange programme in a more balanced way.
- Form realistic expectations before you go. Setting out with the expectation that "some days will be hard, some days will be lovely" rather than "every day will be wonderful" reduces disappointment.
- Think of the first two weeks as settling-in weeks. In this period, focus on sorting out your basic needs (accommodation, bank, transport, groceries); do not put pressure on yourself for a social life.
- Attend the welcome events at your host university. Many universities and student networks organise orientation programmes, buddy (pairing) systems and meet-and-greet events. These are among the easiest ways to build social connections.
- Notice and limit comparison. If you feel bad after seeing other people's posts on social media, try limiting your usage time. Remember that what you see is only a slice of other people's lives.
- Find ways of socialising that fit your own values. If parties are not for you, there are alternatives such as sports clubs, language meet-ups, dinner evenings, volunteering or cultural trips.
- Build a "safe routine". Repeated habits such as a morning walk, a weekly grocery shop or studying in a particular café give you an anchor in the new environment.
- Plan communication with your family. Agreeing to talk to your family on certain days of the week can reduce both your anxiety and theirs. You do not have to say "everything is wonderful" in every conversation.
- Plan your budget from the start. Making a monthly budget based on your grant and savings reduces financial worry and lets you see in advance which activities you can join.
- Give yourself permission to be alone. An evening spent alone is not a failure. Resting is necessary for recovering from language fatigue.
The value of Erasmus lies not in how many photos you take, but in what you learn about yourself along the way.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Most difficulties on an exchange programme ease over time. However, you may consider seeking professional support in the following situations:
- If low mood, hopelessness or anxiety lasts longer than two weeks
- If you cannot attend classes or manage your basic daily tasks
- If you are experiencing intense anxiety symptoms similar to panic attacks
- If you have isolated yourself almost completely from people
- If your use of alcohol or substances has started to get out of control
- If a psychological difficulty you experienced earlier has flared up again during this period
If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, please call the emergency number of the country you are in immediately. In European Union countries this number is 112. Online therapy is not an emergency service; in situations of severe risk, local emergency services and local psychiatric services are necessary.
Your university's student counselling centre and the international students' office may be among the first places you turn to. Therapy in your mother tongue is not a replacement for these resources but an option that can be used alongside them when needed. It is important to check your health insurance terms to find out what psychological support they cover.
How Do We Work with Erasmus Students in Online Therapy in Your Mother Tongue?
Because the Erasmus period is short, students often wonder, "Is it worth starting therapy for just a few months?" Yet even a short, goal-focused piece of work can help you get through this period in a more balanced way. Online therapy also offers the chance to continue with the same therapist after you return to Turkey, which provides continuity during the return process.
Being able to talk about your feelings, your family relationships and your conflict of values in your mother tongue, without having to explain the cultural context at length, can make the therapeutic process easier.
In work based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), the following areas can be addressed:
- Anxiety and avoidance: The cycle of avoiding social settings, classes or new experiences is examined, and ways of breaking this cycle in small steps are planned.
- Negative thought patterns: Thoughts such as "Everyone finds me strange" and "I'm wasting this period" are evaluated together with the evidence.
- Values and boundaries: Ways of building a social life in line with your own values are discussed; we practise saying no and setting boundaries.
- Preparing for return: Preparation is made for the feelings of parting that may arise at the end of the programme and for reverse culture shock.
For online sessions, it is important to choose a time that suits your class timetable and the time difference, find a quiet and private room, use headphones and pick a secure internet connection. Payment can be made online; pricing in TL and payment with an international card are possible. For more information, you can look at the online therapy and Turks living abroad pages.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to be unhappy on Erasmus?
Yes, it is quite common. The Erasmus period can be as tiring and isolating as it is exciting. Low mood, especially in the first weeks or during exam periods, is often part of the adjustment process; but if it continues for a long time, seeking support can be helpful.
I want to cut Erasmus short and go home. Is this the right decision?
It is important not to make this decision in a moment of intense anxiety or loneliness. It may help to give yourself a few weeks first, talk to your university's counselling service and weigh up your options calmly. For the academic and administrative consequences, you also need to get information from your own university's Erasmus coordinator.
Does it make sense to start therapy for a short exchange period?
Short-term, goal-focused therapy can be useful for coping with a specific difficulty. One advantage of online therapy is that you can carry on with the same process after you return to Turkey. In this way both the Erasmus period and the return are supported.
Why do I feel empty after coming back from Erasmus?
The feeling of emptiness after returning is a common experience known as reverse culture shock. Returning to your old routine after getting used to a different rhythm of life can make you question your identity and priorities again. This feeling usually eases over time.
Bu yazı genel bilgilendirme amaçlıdır; tanı veya tedavi yerine geçmez. Yaşadığınız güçlükler için bir ruh sağlığı uzmanına başvurmanız önerilir. Acil bir durumda lütfen 112'yi arayın.
Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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