Preparing to move abroad is more than visas and suitcases. Learn how to prepare psychologically for expectations, goodbyes and settling in before you go.
The visa application is done, the plane ticket is bought, some of your belongings have been sold and some given away to relatives. Your to-do list is long: bank account, insurance, documents, apostille, shipping, house hunting... But nowhere on the list are items such as "How will I say goodbye to my mother?", "What will I do if I feel lonely in the first months?" or "Are my expectations realistic?" Preparing to move abroad is often limited to practical and bureaucratic steps. Yet moving abroad is one of the biggest changes in your life, and mental and emotional preparation is at least as important as packing a suitcase. In this article we look at how you can prepare psychologically before moving abroad, the feelings that are commonly experienced, questions to ask yourself, what can be done for family and relationships, and a concrete plan to support you in the first months.
Why Is Preparing Before Moving Important?
Migration is not just physically moving from one place to another. Many areas of life change at the same time: language, work, social circle, everyday habits, identity and sense of belonging. In psychology, big changes of this kind are regarded as major life events that stretch a person's resources for adjustment.
The aim of preparing before you move is not to prevent difficulties completely; that is not possible. The aim is to recognise in advance the difficulties you may meet, to form realistic expectations and to have coping strategies ready to use in hard moments. Feeling prepared makes it easier to cope with uncertainty.
The adjustment process after migration often moves in waves. Many people experience a period of excitement and discovery in the first weeks; culture shock, tiredness, homesickness and disappointment may follow. In time, the process of getting used to the new country and finding a place for yourself begins. Knowing these stages in advance lets you say, when you struggle, "This is a natural part of adjustment" instead of "I'm failing". Our article on culture shock describes this period in more detail.
Common Feelings and Signs Before a Move
The weeks and months before moving can be full of mixed feelings. It is entirely natural to experience the following:
Emotional signs
- Excitement and hope existing alongside anxiety and fear
- Intense sadness during goodbyes
- Guilt: "I'm leaving my family, my elderly parents"
- Sudden waves of regret: "What if I made the wrong decision?"
Cognitive signs
- Constantly building "What if it doesn't work out?" scenarios
- Over-idealising the new life or, conversely, catastrophising
- Questioning the decision again and again
- A need to control every detail
Behavioural signs
- Not making time for feelings amid a heavy to-do list
- Putting off goodbyes or avoiding them altogether
- Sleeplessness, planning until late at night
- Short-lived tensions in close relationships
None of these feelings shows that you have made the wrong decision. They are a sign that you are on the threshold of a big change.
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Moving Abroad
In the process of preparing to move, asking yourself honest questions can help you form realistic expectations. You can try writing these questions in a notebook and answering them.
Why am I going? Write down your reasons for migrating clearly. Career, education, family, safety, a search for new experience... In hard moments these reasons will guide you. Also think about how much of these reasons is "moving towards something" and how much is "running away from something".
What do I expect? How will the first year go? How long might it take to find a job? How long might it take to learn the language? Talking to people living in that country on these matters can make your expectations realistic.
What will I lose? Closeness to family, friendships, professional status, a familiar culture, everyday life in your mother tongue... Seeing the losses in advance lets you face them more consciously.
What will I gain? New opportunities, personal growth, a different life experience, perhaps better working conditions... Write down the gains too.
What helps me when I struggle? How did you get through hard times in the past? Sport, writing, talking to someone, spending time in nature? Think about how you can carry these resources to the new country.
What does "failure" mean to me? For some people, returning is seen as a great failure. Yet plans changing is a natural part of life. Leaving yourself a "plan B" and, if necessary, the option of returning can reduce the pressure.
Say a nurse who has worked in Istanbul for years receives a job offer in Germany. The to-do list is ready, she has finished the language course and completed the documents. But while answering these questions she realises that her main worry is not the job but losing the breakfasts she has with her mother every Sunday. With this awareness she sits down and talks with her mother, and together they come up with the idea of a "Sunday breakfast video call". Her worry does not disappear completely, but it is now a worry that has a name and a plan.
Family, Relationships and Children When Preparing to Move
Talking with family. Family ties are strong in Turkish culture, and a decision to migrate often affects not only the person but the whole family. Your parents, siblings or elders may express sadness, worry and even anger. Listening to these reactions does not mean you have to change your decision; but acknowledging that they are experiencing a loss too protects the relationship.
Making a communication plan. Talk with your family before you move about how and how often you will keep in touch. Take the time difference into account. For elderly family members, setting up video-call apps in advance and learning to use them together can help.
Making room for goodbyes. Amid heavy practical tasks it is easy to put goodbyes off. Yet consciously saying goodbye to the people and places you love helps grief to be experienced in a healthy way. Rituals such as going to a favourite café one last time, organising a farewell dinner with friends or taking one last walk around the neighbourhood can be meaningful.
Preparing as a couple. If you are moving with your partner, talk about each of your expectations, worries and roles. Whose job is the move for? What will the other partner do? How will housework and childcare be shared? How much support will each be able to give in the first months? Talking about these things in advance can reduce resentments that might arise later.
Preparing with children. If you are moving with your children, it is important to involve them in the process in an age-appropriate way. We covered this subject in detail in our article on explaining a move abroad to a child.
Good preparation does not guarantee that everything will go smoothly; but it lets you know what to hold on to when things get hard.
Concrete Steps for Psychological Preparation Before Moving
1. Make a "first 90 days" plan
Before moving, make a general plan for your first three months: Which practical tasks will you deal with in the first week? Which social settings will you try to join in the first month? Which routines will you start straight away? The plan should be flexible but give direction.
2. Build connections where you are going
Before you move, get in touch with Turks living in the city you are going to, with professional groups or online communities. One or two familiar faces can significantly reduce the loneliness of the first weeks.
3. Start preparing the language
Language is one of the most important tools of adjustment. Starting to learn the language before you move, even at a basic level, makes daily tasks easier and supports your confidence. Learning short phrases for everyday situations such as shopping at the supermarket, making a doctor's appointment or greeting a neighbour reduces the feeling of helplessness in the first weeks. Don't be afraid of making mistakes; in most people's eyes, trying to speak a new language is a sign of effort and respect.
4. Identify portable routines
List the habits that do you good: a morning walk, evening tea, journaling, exercise, a particular piece of music. Keeping up these routines in the new country from the first days creates an anchor point amid uncertainty.
5. Take "a piece of home"
Put a few items in your suitcase that make you feel at home: family photos, a favourite cup, tea glasses, a small piece of handiwork, your favourite book. These objects can provide emotional security in a new environment.
6. Make time for your feelings
Add emotional items to your to-do list as well: "This week I'll tell a friend about my worries", "I'll have a dinner alone with my father". Putting feelings off can cause them to come up more intensely after you have moved.
7. Learn to manage your anxiety
Skills such as simple breathing exercises, relaxation techniques and writing down and reviewing anxious thoughts will be useful both before and after the move. For example, write down the thought "What if I never have any friends?" and ask yourself: "Have I ever made friends in a new environment before? What can I do as a first step?"
8. Plan your mental health support in advance
Find out the emergency numbers, the health system and how to reach mental health services in the country you are going to. If you are already in therapy, talk in advance with your therapist about how to continue after the move. If you take regular medication, plan with your psychiatrist how follow-up will be continued in the new country.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Before or after a move, it can help to seek support from a specialist in the following situations:
- If worry about the move clearly affects your sleep, appetite and daily functioning
- If you have felt stuck and indecisive for a long time in the decision-making process
- If you are having intense conflicts with your family over the decision to migrate
- If you have a history of depression, anxiety disorder or panic attacks and are worried that big changes may trigger them
- If you feel low, intensely lonely or hopeless in the first months after moving
If you have thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, immediately call the emergency number of the country you are in: 112 in Turkey and EU countries, 911 in the USA and Canada, 999 or 112 in the UK, 000 in Australia. Online therapy is not an emergency intervention service; in situations of serious risk, local emergency services and local psychiatric services are needed.
Mental health services in your new country are also an important resource. Some people prefer to receive support in their mother tongue and with continuity during the transition period: it may be possible to start before the move and carry on with the same therapist after moving. You can see the options on the page psychological support for Turks living abroad.
How Is Preparing to Move Addressed in Mother-Tongue Online Therapy?
An approach based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is often used in preparing to move.
Clarifying the decision. If you are still at the decision stage, the pros and cons of migration, your values and your priorities are evaluated together. The therapist does not tell you what to do; they help you make your decision more consciously.
Making expectations realistic. Expectations and worries about the new life are talked through. Thought patterns such as over-idealising or catastrophising are noticed.
Building a coping plan. Concrete coping strategies you can use in hard moments, for example relaxation techniques, thought records and a social support plan, are prepared together.
Working with goodbyes and losses. Space is made for the sadness, guilt and grief felt for the people and places left behind.
Providing continuity. Therapy that begins before the move can continue after the move as online therapy with the same therapist. This provides a support point that does not change during the transition period.
Sessions can be planned taking the time difference into account. A quiet, private room, headphones and a secure internet connection are enough. Payment is made online; TL pricing and payment by international card are possible. For insurance reimbursement, it is recommended that you check the insurance terms in the country where you will live.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to be this anxious before moving?
Yes. Moving abroad is a major life change, and it is entirely natural for excitement and anxiety to be experienced together. If the intensity of the anxiety makes daily life difficult, coping skills or professional support can help.
How much time should I give to preparing before the move?
This varies from person to person. Alongside practical preparations, it can be useful to set aside a few weeks or a few months for emotional preparation too. What matters is not leaving goodbyes, conversations with family and your own feelings until the last day.
What should I do if I regret it after moving?
Feeling regret in the first months is a common part of the adjustment process. Instead of making a decision straight away, it is recommended to observe this feeling and give yourself time. If the regret continues for a long time, you can assess your options together with a specialist.
Can I start therapy before moving and continue abroad?
Yes, online therapy can provide this continuity. You can continue the sessions you started before moving with the same therapist in your new country, with sessions planned according to the time difference.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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