Telling Your Child About Moving Abroad: A Guide to Relocating With Children

How do you tell your child you are moving abroad? Age-by-age tips for the conversation, common reactions in children and steps that ease settling in.

The decision has been made: in a few months you are moving to another country. A new job, a new home, a new school... You have been thinking about this decision, researching it and weighing it for months. But for your child, everything will happen all at once. Their world is their room, their classmates, the swing in the park, their grandmother's house, the cat in the street and their teacher. How will you tell them now? When should you say it? What will you do if they cry, get angry or say "I don't want to go"? Moving abroad with a child is one of the things parents worry about most. The good news is that children can adapt to big changes with the right information, enough time and strong parental support. In this article we look at how you can tell your child about moving abroad, what to pay attention to at different ages, the reactions children commonly show and the concrete steps that will make settling in easier before and after the move.

What Does Moving Abroad Mean for a Child?

For adults, migration is usually a route to a goal: a better job, education, safety or family reunification. For a child, migration is often a change they did not choose. This change involves many losses and novelties at the same time.

From the child's point of view, moving can mean:

• Leaving their friends, their teacher and their school
• Being far from their grandparents and relatives
• Leaving behind the room, toys and neighbourhood they are used to
• Starting at a school where a language they do not know is spoken
• New rules, new food, a new climate

In psychology, this can be explained through the concepts of uncertainty and loss of control. Children need their world to be predictable. When they do not know what is going to happen, they become anxious, and that anxiety can show up as crying, anger, withdrawal or regression.

Migration can also be a grieving process for a child. Feeling sad for the people and places left behind is not a sign that the child is failing to adapt; it is a sign of a healthy child who is able to form attachments.

How Children React to the News and What to Look For

Every child is different, and reactions vary with age, temperament and family environment. Common reactions are:

Emotional reactions

• Sadness, crying, protests of "I don't want to go"
• Anger: "You never asked me what I thought!"
• Anxiety: "What if I don't have any friends there?", "I don't know the language"
• Or excitement at first, followed by sadness

Behavioural reactions

• Regression in young children: bedwetting, thumb-sucking, being unable to separate from a parent
• Sleep problems, nightmares
• Tantrums or restlessness
• In teenagers, withdrawal, retreating to their room, arguing with parents
• A drop in school performance

Physical reactions

• Unexplained complaints such as stomach ache or headache
• Changes in appetite

Most of these reactions are natural responses to a big change and often ease with time. However, if the reactions are very intense, last a long time or clearly affect the child's day-to-day functioning, you may want to consider seeking professional support.

When and How Should You Tell Your Child About the Move? Suggestions by Age

As a general rule, it is recommended to tell your child once the decision is final and there is still enough time left for them to prepare. Plans that are not yet certain can create unnecessary anxiety in a child; explanations given at the very last minute remove the chance to prepare.

Preschool years (roughly ages 3-6)

Children of this age have a limited concept of time. Telling them a few weeks before the move is usually enough.

• Use short, simple and concrete sentences: "Soon we'll be living in a new home. Your toys are coming with us."
• Bring the move to life with picture books, dolls' houses or drawings.
• Show photographs of the new home and city.
• Keep routines as much as you can: bedtimes, mealtimes, the bedtime story.
• Use play as a means of expression. Children often tell us their feelings through play rather than words.

Primary school years (roughly ages 6-11)

Children of this age ask more questions and want details. Telling them a few months ahead gives them time to prepare.

• Explain the reason for the move in an honest way, in language suited to their age.
• Find the new country on the map together; look up its food, animals and schools.
• Find out about the new school; if possible, look at the school's website or photographs together.
• Make a plan for saying goodbye to friends and staying in touch: a farewell party, an address book, a photo album.
• Give them a say in small decisions: "You choose the colour for the walls of your new room."

Adolescence (roughly age 12 and over)

For teenagers, their circle of friends matters enormously, and a move can directly affect their identity development. It is recommended to talk to them as early as possible and to involve them in the decision.

• Share the reasons for the decision openly and respectfully.
• Listen to their objections and their anger; do not try to persuade them straight away.
• Take their worries seriously: friendships, school success, language, social acceptance.
• Research the opportunities in the new country together: clubs, sports, activities that suit their interests.
• Support them in keeping in touch with their friends digitally, but also encourage them to form connections in the new environment.

In our article on teenagers living abroad, we look in more detail at the particular challenges of this stage.

The Effect of Moving With a Child on the Family and Cultural Context

Parents' feelings. Children watch their parents' emotions closely. If you are anxious, sad or undecided, your child can feel it. You do not need to deny your own feelings; a sentence such as "I'm going to miss grandma very much too, but we'll call her often together" shows the child both that the feeling is normal and that coping is possible.

Grandparents. In Turkish culture, grandparents often hold a very important place in a child's life. The move is a loss for them too. If older relatives say things like "You're leaving us behind" in front of the child, it can make the child feel guilty. By talking to the grandparents beforehand, you can ask that the goodbyes be loving and hopeful.

Siblings. Siblings of different ages may respond to the move differently. Talking to each child separately as well makes sure that each one's feelings are seen.

Say a seven-year-old girl hears at the dinner table, from her cousins' conversation, that her family is moving to Canada. Her parents have not told her yet, because they thought "she's little anyway, we'll tell her in the last week". From that night on the child starts to complain of stomach aches often and not to want to go to school. The parents finally sit down and tell her calmly, show her the new city on the map and answer her questions one by one. The stomach aches do not go away immediately, but the child can now put her anxiety into words: "Nobody there will know me." That sentence shows the parents what the child really needs. This is why it matters that a child hears the news first from their parents.

Parental consistency. If the partners disagree about the decision to move, it is important not to argue about it in front of the children. The most reassuring thing for children is that their parents show a shared and consistent stance.

The strongest source of security for your child is not the new home or the new school, but a calm and compassionate parent standing beside them in the middle of the change.

What You Can Do Before and After the Move

Before the move

Be honest. Misleading explanations such as "we're just going on holiday" can lead to trust problems later. Tell the truth in language suited to their age.

Make time for goodbyes. Visit their favourite places one last time, take photos with their friends, and help them write a letter to their teacher. Saying goodbye helps grief to be experienced in a healthy way.

Prepare a "memory box". Together with your child, put photographs, notes written by their friends and their favourite small belongings into a box. This box can be a comforting object in the new home.

Involve them in the moving process. Let them pack their own belongings. They can label their own toy boxes.

Prepare with the language. Learning simple words in the language of the new country, listening to songs or watching cartoons can reduce the feeling of strangeness in the first days. Present this as a fun game, not an obligation.

After the move

Re-establish routines quickly. Setting up sleep, meal and play routines from the first days in the new home gives the child a sense of security.

Prepare the child's room first. If the first room set up in the new home is the child's, the child can quickly claim a space of their own.

Keep up ties with Turkey. Plan regular video calls with grandparents and friends. Turkish stories, songs and family rituals preserve continuity.

Support them in building new connections. Encourage them to join after-school activities, sports clubs and play groups. Create opportunities to meet the children next door.

Be patient. Settling in is a process. In the first weeks you may see excitement, then sadness and difficulty, and then a gradual getting used to things. Our article on the stages of adjustment after migration describes this process in more detail.

Work with the school. Inform teachers about your child's situation; ask about language support, induction programmes or the school counsellor.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

You may consider getting support from a specialist in the following situations:

• If your child's sadness, anxiety or anger is still intense months after the move
• If they constantly refuse to go to school or there is a clear drop in school performance
• If sleep and appetite problems continue
• If they have had difficulty making friends for a long time and are withdrawn
• If regressive behaviours, such as bedwetting, continue for a long time
• If you see signs of hopelessness, self-harm or substance use in your teenage child

If there is an emergency involving your child's safety or your own, call the emergency number of the country you are in straight away: 112 in EU countries, 911 in the US and Canada, 999 or 112 in the UK, and 000 in Australia. Online therapy is not an emergency response service; in cases of severe risk, local emergency services and local child and adolescent psychiatry services are needed.

School counsellors and child mental health services in the country where you live are valuable sources of support. Some families also notice that, especially with young children, feelings are easier to express in the mother tongue. You can see the options on the page on psychological support for Turks living abroad.

How Is the Move With a Child Addressed in Mother-Tongue Online Therapy?

During a move with a child, both parent counselling and support for the child can be options.

Parent counselling. Together we plan how you will tell your child about the move, how you will respond to their reactions and how you will support the settling-in process. The parent's own anxieties and feelings of guilt can also be addressed with an approach based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

Working with the child. With young children, play is the natural way of expressing feelings. In the child and play therapy approach, the child can express their feelings about the move in a safe setting through toys and drawings. In online sessions, drawing, storytelling or simple games can be used according to age and need; with very young children, parent counselling may be given priority.

Working with teenagers. With teenagers, CBT-based work can be carried out on anxiety, anger, identity and friendship. We work on the link between thoughts, feelings and behaviour, coping skills and social skills.

Cultural continuity. We can talk about preserving the Turkish language and Turkish culture, keeping the bond with older relatives and healthy identity development between two cultures.

Sessions can be planned online, taking the time difference and the child's school hours into account. A quiet room, headphones and a secure connection are enough. Payment is made online; pricing in TL and payment with an international card are possible. For insurance reimbursement, it is recommended that you check the insurance conditions in the country where you live.

Frequently Asked Questions

How far in advance should I tell my child about the move?

This depends on the child's age. It is generally recommended to tell preschool children a few weeks ahead, school-age children a few months ahead and teenagers as early as possible. What matters is that the decision is final and that the child is given enough time to prepare.

My child says "I don't want to go". What should I do?

This objection is completely natural. Acknowledge their feeling, listen, and do not try to persuade them straight away: "I understand you don't want to go, you love it here so much." Then give them the chance to explore together what will stay the same in the new place and what might be good about it.

How long does it take children to adapt to a new country?

This varies from child to child. Factors such as age, temperament, knowledge of the language, the school environment and family support affect adjustment. Some children settle in within a few months, while for others the process can take longer. Being patient and making room for the child's feelings is important in this process.

Will moving cause lasting trauma for my child?

For most children, moving is a challenging but manageable experience. A supportive family environment, honest communication and a patient settling-in process help children come through this change in a healthy way. If signs of difficulty continue for a long time, it can be helpful to seek professional support.

• #moving with children
• #migration and children
• #moving abroad
• #Turks living abroad

Yazar

Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

Eğitimler