What is reverse culture shock and why do you feel like a stranger after returning to Turkey? Read about the symptoms, causes and concrete steps for readjusting.
After living abroad for years, you may have assumed that everything would be easy when you returned to Turkey. After all, the language is your own, the food is familiar and your family is close by. Yet many people feel an unexpected bewilderment a few weeks or months after returning: "This is my homeland, so why do I feel so much like a stranger?" This experience has a name: reverse culture shock. Reverse culture shock is the difficulty of readjusting that you experience when you return to your own culture after living in another for a while. In this article I will try to explain how reverse culture shock arises, the signs it shows itself through, why it can be so surprising and what you can do during the readjustment process.
What Is Reverse Culture Shock?
You may remember the first difficulties you had in the country you moved to: trying to understand the bureaucracy, explaining yourself in a new language, getting used to people's reserved manner. This is generally called culture shock, and most people are prepared for it in advance. On the return, though, people are caught unprepared. Because nobody expects to struggle when returning to their own home.
Reverse culture shock is in fact the moment you realise that you have changed. During the years you spent abroad, you picked up new habits, new values, a new sense of time and a new understanding of personal space. Meanwhile Turkey has changed too: prices, cities, your friends' lives, the balances within the family. Because both sides have moved, the picture of "home" you kept in your mind and the reality you meet do not match.
This is not an illness or a diagnosis. It can be seen as a natural part of migration. But when it is experienced intensely, it can lead to anxiety, withdrawal, tension in relationships and a feeling of "I don't belong anywhere".
Who experiences reverse culture shock?
Reverse culture shock can be seen in different groups:
- First-generation migrants who worked for many years in Germany, the Netherlands, the UK or another country and return to Turkey on retirement
- Second- and third-generation young people who were born and raised abroad and move to Turkey with their families
- Students and academics who return after a master's, doctorate or Erasmus
- White-collar workers whose work contracts have ended, and people who followed a spouse abroad and came back
- Children who were born abroad and start school in Turkey
Each group struggles with different things, but the common point is this: the gap between expectation and reality.
What Are the Symptoms of Reverse Culture Shock?
The symptoms of reverse culture shock vary from person to person. Some people find their balance within a few weeks, while others struggle for months. Some of the common signs are:
Emotional signs
- An unexpected disappointment that comes after the first excitement of returning
- Intense longing for the country you lived in, even idealising it
- Irritability, impatience and overreacting to small things
- A feeling of "nobody here understands me", and loneliness
Thinking signs
- Constantly making comparisons: "Traffic wasn't like this over there", "Appointments were on time over there"
- Questioning the decision to return and wondering "Did I make a mistake?"
- Feeling that you belong neither here nor there
Behavioural signs
- Avoiding seeing old friends, or coming back from meetings tired
- Withdrawing in social settings
- Changes in sleep pattern and appetite
- Messaging friends abroad for hours and putting off forming bonds with the people around you
These symptoms alone do not amount to a diagnosis. But if they last for months and clearly affect your work, relationships or sleep, you need to look more closely.
Why Does Reverse Culture Shock Happen? The Cultural Context
There are several different reasons behind reverse culture shock. Understanding them can help you take what you are going through less personally.
A changed identity
While living abroad, part of your identity is reshaped. Perhaps you got used to making more individual decisions, stating your boundaries more clearly and valuing appointments more. In Turkey, hospitality, unannounced visits, long conversations that begin with "let's have a cup of tea" and extended family relationships have a different rhythm. Things that once felt natural may now feel tiring. This does not mean you reject Turkish culture; it only shows that you now carry two different cultures inside you. Many people describe this as "I have two homes but I'm a guest in both". Although this feeling is uncomfortable at first, over time it can turn into a richness: as someone who knows both cultures from the inside, you have the freedom to choose which habits are good for you.
Becoming invisible
When you were abroad, you were "the Turkish one" and your difference was visible. In Turkey, anyone looking from outside assumes you are "from here". Yet inside you there is a different experience, and this experience often goes unseen. People may not be curious about what you went through, or may brush it aside in a few sentences. Labels such as "gurbetçi" (a Turk living abroad) or "Almancı" (a Turk from Germany) can also sometimes be hurtful.
The illusion of frozen time
Those who leave keep their homeland in memory as it was the day they left. Yet while you were away, your friends married, had children and changed jobs; your neighbourhood transformed; new roles formed within the family. When you return, you step not into the place you left but into an order rebuilt in your absence.
Losses going unnoticed
Returning is also a migration, and every migration involves loss. You left behind your friends abroad, your job, your habits, perhaps your children's school. But because the people around you generally see this not as a loss but as "coming home", there is little room left for you to mourn these losses.
The Effect of Reverse Culture Shock on Family and Children
Returning is usually not a decision for one person. Not everyone in the family readjusts at the same pace, and this difference can create tension in relationships.
Couples: One spouse may badly want to return while the other is reluctant. Living close to the returning partner's family can mean new boundary problems in relationships with in-laws for the other spouse. When one adapts quickly and the other struggles, the sentence "You're happy here, I'm not" is often heard.
Children and teenagers: For a child who was born and raised abroad, moving to Turkey is in fact not a return but a migration to a new country. Academic Turkish at school, a different teacher-student relationship, the exam system and peer culture can challenge them. Let's say a twelve-year-old child moved from Germany to Turkey. Even if they speak Turkish at home, their friends may make fun of their accent, and they may feel labelled as "the German one". This child may withdraw at school, have angry outbursts or insist on going back to their former country.
Extended family: The return of someone who has been away for many years also changes expectations within the family. With "you're here now", you may be given new responsibilities such as care of elderly parents, holiday visits and family business.
Concrete Steps for Coping With Reverse Culture Shock
It may not be possible to prevent reverse culture shock completely, but there is a lot you can do to soften its effect.
Accept the return as a migration too. Say to yourself, "I am adjusting to a new place." This sentence helps you approach the process with patience instead of blaming yourself when you struggle. Knowing that readjustment can take months makes your expectations realistic.
Make a list of your losses. Write down the things you left behind: people, places, habits, areas of freedom. Missing them is normal. For each, ask yourself, "Could this have an equivalent here?" For example, if you used to go for a morning walk there, you can set up a similar routine here.
Notice and manage comparison. Observe how many times a day you say "It wasn't like this over there". Do not try to ban comparison, but after each comparison, also ask the question "What is good here?" This balances your mind focusing only on what is missing.
Make room for both of your identities. You do not have to give up the good habits you acquired abroad. You can keep punctuality, planned living and personal boundaries. At the same time you can also draw nourishment from the warmth of home and from spontaneous conversations.
Connect with people who have been through a similar experience. There are many people in Turkey who have also returned. Talking with them strengthens the feeling "I'm not the only one".
Keep your ties abroad in balance. Keep in touch with your old friends, but do not let this stop you from building new relationships here. Setting aside specific times in the week can work.
Make a special support plan for children. Talk to their teachers early, look for support with academic Turkish, let your child stay in touch with their old friends and do not belittle their feelings. Instead of "This is your homeland, you'll get used to it", saying "This is new for you, it's very understandable that you're struggling" is more supportive.
Body and routine. Fix your sleeping hours, move regularly and structure your day. In periods of uncertainty, routine creates a ground that gives the mind a sense of security.
Returning is not going back to your old life; it is building a new life with everything you gained abroad.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Reverse culture shock usually eases with time. In some situations, though, getting professional support can be helpful:
- If your difficulty is not decreasing but increasing even though months have passed since the return
- If there is a constant state of unhappiness, low motivation and being unable to enjoy things
- If you experience insomnia, intense anxiety or panic-attack-like symptoms
- If you have frequent, severe arguments with your spouse over the decision to return
- If your child is clearly struggling at school or at home, withdrawing or behaving angrily
- If thoughts arise that life is meaningless or that you do not want to live
The last point is especially important. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, do not wait: if you are in Turkey, call 112 (emergency services); if you are still abroad, call the emergency number of the country you are in (112 in EU countries, 911 in the US and Canada, 999 or 112 in the UK, 000 in Australia). Online therapy is not an emergency response service; in severe risk situations, local emergency departments and psychiatric services are needed.
Some people want to get support before the decision to return, while still abroad. This can also be very helpful, because thinking in advance about the question of returning to Turkey or staying lets you start the return better prepared.
How Do We Work in Online Therapy in Your Mother Tongue?
One of the sentences most often said by someone experiencing reverse culture shock is: "Neither the people here nor the people there fully understand me." In therapy, the aim is to create a space where you can describe both of your worlds without having to explain them. In a therapy setting conducted in Turkish, you do not need to translate separately the family structure, the culture of hospitality, or the concepts of "ayıp" (what is considered shameful or improper) and "el âlem" (what other people will think); at the same time, the perspective you gained abroad is listened to with curiosity.
In work based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), the following steps can generally be followed:
- A map of the experience: How the decision to return was made, your expectations and the reality you met are reviewed together.
- Working with thoughts: Automatic thoughts such as "I ruined my life by coming back" and "I can never be happy here" are noticed and evaluated together with their evidence.
- Mourning losses: Room is made to mourn the life left behind; longing is understood rather than suppressed.
- Behavioural steps: Small, measurable goals are set for building new social ties, creating routine and gradually approaching avoided situations.
- Values and identity: By identifying the values you want to carry from both cultures, we work towards building a way of life that suits you.
Online sessions also let you continue, with the same therapist, a therapy you started abroad before your return once you have moved to Turkey. This continuity can be an important source of security during the transition. A quiet, private room, headphones and a secure internet connection are enough for sessions. For details you can look at the online therapy page, and for work aimed at Turks living abroad, the Turks Living Abroad page.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does reverse culture shock last?
There is no fixed length. Some people find their balance within a few weeks, while for others readjustment can take up to a year. Factors such as how long you spent abroad, whether the return was voluntary or forced, and social support affect the duration.
Does being unhappy after returning mean I made the wrong decision?
No, not necessarily. Struggling after the return is a natural part of the readjustment process. To assess your decision, it may be healthier to wait for the intense feelings of the first months to settle a little and, if necessary, to talk through these thoughts with a specialist.
What should I do if my child cannot adjust to Turkey?
First, take their feelings seriously and listen. Work with the school and let them stay connected with their old friends. If the struggle lasts for months, or there is a marked change in school performance or behaviour, getting support from a child and adolescent specialist may be helpful.
Can I prepare for reverse culture shock before returning?
Yes. Keeping your expectations realistic, planning the first months of the return, following current affairs and changes in Turkey, and talking openly within the family about the decision to return all help preparation. Speaking to a specialist during this process can also make the transition easier.
Bu yazı genel bilgilendirme amaçlıdır; tanı veya tedavi yerine geçmez. Yaşadığınız güçlükler için bir ruh sağlığı uzmanına başvurmanız önerilir. Acil bir durumda lütfen 112'yi arayın.
Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
Eğitimler