Seeing a psychologist under 18: is parental consent needed, and will your parents be told what you say? Confidentiality, school counselling and first steps.
At two in the morning, by the light of a phone screen, this sentence is typed into a search bar: "Can I see a psychologist without my parents knowing?" The young person asking may have been struggling with anxiety for months, may be unable to tell anyone about something that happened in class, or may feel that the tension at home no longer lets them breathe. Seeing a psychologist under 18 is a subject that leaves many question marks in the minds of both young people and parents: is parental consent essential? Will the psychologist tell my mum and dad what I say? Where can I get support without telling my family at all? In this article we try to answer these questions within the framework of general practice in Turkey, speaking to both young people and parents.
Is Parental Consent Needed to See a Psychologist Under 18?
The short answer: as a general rule, yes. In Turkey, people who have not turned 18 are not legally adults, and the consent of a parent or legal guardian is required in many processes, including health services. For this reason a clinical psychologist will usually ask for parental consent before beginning a regular course of therapy with a client under 18. This applies to online sessions as well as face-to-face ones. Exceptional situations, such as being granted adult status through marriage or a court decision, are considered separately.
At first glance this rule may look like an obstacle to young people. Its purpose, however, is to ensure that decisions about the health of a minor are made with the knowledge of the adults responsible for protecting them. Therapy takes place over a period of time; family support is often needed for things like transport, fees, continuity and acting quickly in possible situations of risk.
An important distinction needs to be made from the outset: parental consent does not mean that the parent will learn everything that is said. Below we will look in detail at how confidentiality works.
In an emergency, no one waits for parental consent. If a young person is in danger of harming themselves or their life is under threat, 112 (emergency services) can be called and emergency departments can be approached.
Why Do Young People Want to Go Without Their Family Knowing?
For parents, the question "Why didn't they tell us?" can be very hurtful. Yet behind a young person's silence there is usually not a lack of love, but other reasons.
- Not wanting to upset a parent: The thought "Mum already has enough troubles; I don't want to be another one" is common, especially in homes going through financial hardship, illness or divorce.
- Fear of being told off or punished: Thinking their phone will be taken away, they will be banned from going out, or they will be scolded with "What are you missing?"
- Part of the problem being at home: Sometimes what the young person wants to talk about is precisely the arguments at home, sibling jealousy or a parent's attitude. Telling that parent about it is twice as hard.
- The weight of the word "psychologist": If seeing a psychologist is considered shameful in the family, the young person may never dare to voice this wish.
- The pressure of an exam year: A young person preparing for LGS or YKS (Turkey's national high-school and university entrance exams) may shy away from a reaction like "Do we really have to deal with this now?"
Knowing these reasons helps parents not to take a young person's silence as a personal rejection, and helps young people see how common the worry they are feeling is.
Where Can You Get Support Before Telling Your Family?
Even if you are not yet ready to open up to your family, you are not alone. Some doors allow you to take the first step without parental consent.
The School Guidance Service
Guidance teachers (school counsellors) in middle and high schools can hold one-to-one meetings with students. You do not need to get permission from your family beforehand to talk to a guidance teacher. You can knock on their door about exam anxiety, friendship problems, tension at home or anything else that is playing on your mind. The guidance teacher will listen to you, assess the situation with you and, if needed, help you plan how you might talk to your family.
Guidance teachers also take care over confidentiality; however, if your safety or someone else's is in danger, they may have to inform your family or the relevant institutions. Knowing this helps when you are deciding what to share.
An Adult You Trust
An aunt, an uncle, an older sister, a teacher you like or a friend's mother... Sometimes the first conversation is not with a specialist but with an adult you trust. This person can both listen to you and act as a bridge for raising the subject with your family.
Emergency and Protective Helplines
If you are experiencing violence, abuse or neglect at home, you can call ALO 183 (Turkey's social support hotline) run by the Ministry of Family and Social Services. In any situation where your life is in danger, 112 (emergency services) must be called. You do not need anyone's permission to call these lines.
How Does Confidentiality Work When Seeing a Psychologist Under 18?
This is what young people worry about most before starting therapy: "Will everything I say be told to my mum and dad?" A specialist working within an ethical framework explains this clearly to both the young person and the parent at the beginning of therapy.
In general practice, the following principles apply:
- Session content is not shared in detail. Parents are informed about the general course of therapy, attendance and how they can support at home; but the private matters the young person talks about are not passed on without their permission.
- What will be shared is discussed together. Before a meeting with a parent, the therapist may ask the young person, "In this meeting I'm thinking of saying these things; is that all right with you?"
- Confidentiality has limits. If there is a risk of the young person seriously harming themselves or someone else, or if there is information suggesting they are being abused, confidentiality is limited in order to protect them. Where abuse of a child is suspected, health professionals also have a legal duty to report it. Even then, the young person is usually spoken to first and told how the process will unfold.
When you turn 18, the picture changes. You can now make your own health decisions and decide yourself whether your family will be informed. Many young people starting university seek support in their own name for the first time during this period. However, a safe experience of seeing a psychologist under 18 makes this transition easier too; a young person who learns to ask for help at an early age is less hesitant to knock on the door when they struggle later on.
These limits exist not to break trust, but to ensure the young person's safety. You can find the general framework of confidentiality in therapy in detail in our article on confidentiality in therapy.
Confidentiality does not exist to hide something from parents; it exists to create a space where a young person can think without being judged.
How Can You Tell Your Family?
Telling your family that you want to see a psychologist is perhaps the hardest step. A few suggestions can make this conversation easier.
Choose who to talk to. If one of your parents is more understanding about this, talk to them first. You do not have to have the conversation with both parents at the same time.
Start with something concrete. The sentence "I want to see a psychologist" can make some parents panic. Instead, starting with a visible problem such as "I haven't been able to sleep at all lately", "I feel short of breath when I sit down to study" or "I can't get my head together while preparing for YKS" makes it easier for your parent to grasp the situation.
Try writing it down. If saying it face to face feels hard, you can write a letter or a long message. This helps you gather your thoughts and also gives your parent the chance to absorb their first reaction on their own.
Be prepared for the first reaction. Replies such as "What are you missing?", "We give you everything" or "In our day..." may come. These often arise from surprise and guilt; they do not mean that what you said is unimportant. Give your parent a little time; you can come back to the subject a day or two later.
Ask the guidance teacher for help. If you find it hard to tell your family on your own, you can ask your guidance teacher to help mediate this conversation.
Say you are sixteen and you do not want to go to school because you are constantly mocked in class, but at home you brush it off by saying "My stomach hurts". Starting with your mother by saying "I want to tell you what's been happening to me at school, but first will you promise not to be angry with me?" can help you both tell the truth and protect your emotional safety.
For Parents: If Your Child Says "I Want to See a Psychologist"
Hearing this sentence is unsettling for many parents. The thought "Where did I go wrong?" springs to mind immediately. Yet your child telling you this wish is actually a sign that they trust you. Many young people go through the same distress and never say a word.
What you can do in this moment:
- Thank them first. Saying "Thank you for telling me this" allows the conversation to continue.
- Don't interrogate. A barrage of questions such as "What happened, who did it, why didn't you tell us?" leads the young person to withdraw. Let them decide how much to tell.
- Leave blaming yourself for later. Working through your guilt in front of your child places on them the burden of comforting you. You can also seek support for these feelings.
- Choose a specialist who works with adolescents. Adolescence calls for its own language of communication. It is entirely appropriate to ask whether the specialist works regularly with this age group.
- Make the choice together with them. Asking for the young person's opinion on matters such as whether the specialist will be a woman or a man, or whether sessions will be face to face or online, makes it easier for them to take ownership of the process.
- Don't ask about session content. Saying "How did you feel?" instead of asking "What did you talk about today?" respects the young person's privacy. Therapy is the young person's own space.
In adolescents, what sometimes looks like ordinary moodiness may hide deeper distress. We look at this distinction in our article on depression in adolescents.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
In the following situations, getting support from a specialist is better than waiting:
- Unhappiness, lack of motivation, crying spells or intense anger lasting several weeks,
- Refusing to go to school, a marked drop in school performance, withdrawing from friends,
- Marked changes in sleeping and eating patterns,
- Signs of peer bullying, cyberbullying or abuse,
- Self-harm (such as cutting, hitting or burning) or talking about death frequently.
If there are thoughts or behaviours of self-harm, this is a situation that does not call for waiting. In an emergency, call 112 (emergency services) immediately or go to the nearest emergency department. You can find suggestions for parents about young people who self-harm in our article on self-harm in adolescents. In situations like these, an assessment by a child and adolescent psychiatrist is also important.
How Is Work With Adolescents Approached in Therapy?
A therapy process with adolescents usually begins with a family meeting. In the first session the parent and young person come together; then the therapist meets the young person and the parent separately. At this first stage, how confidentiality will work, which matters the parents will be informed about and in which situations confidentiality will be limited are discussed openly, in a way everyone can hear. This "shared agreement" forms the foundation of the young person's trust in the therapist.
Later sessions are mostly carried out with the young person individually. In the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approach, the connection between emotions such as anxiety, unhappiness or anger and thoughts and behaviours is examined using examples from the young person's own life; topics such as exam periods, friendships, social media or family conflict are addressed with concrete skills. In meetings held with parents at regular intervals, how they can support at home is discussed.
Sometimes in the first session the young person says nothing at all in front of their parent; they fold their arms and settle for "I don't know" or "Whatever". This does not mean the process is going badly. The therapist does not force this silence and gives the young person room to open up at their own pace. It is also important for parents not to expect big changes in the first few sessions and to give the young person time to build trust. The therapist positioning themselves as a neutral adult, that is, being neither the young person's "lawyer" nor the parent's "informant", is the key to this trust.
You can find out how work with this age group is planned on our adolescent counselling page.
Frequently Asked Questions
I am 17. Can I start online therapy on my own?
The same rule applies to online sessions as to face-to-face ones; parental consent is usually requested before starting regular therapy with a client under 18. In the meantime, meeting the school guidance service or talking to an adult you trust can be a good start for the first step.
Will the psychologist tell my mum and dad what I say?
Detailed session content is not passed on without your permission. Parents are usually informed about how the process is going. However, if your safety or someone else's is in serious danger, confidentiality may be limited to protect you; this too is discussed with you first.
My parents are divorced. Is one parent's consent enough?
Usually the consent of the parent with custody is what counts. In situations such as joint custody, the specialist may ask for both parents to be informed. It is best to discuss this detail at the time of the first application.
Will the guidance teacher call my family if I talk to them?
Guidance teachers also take care over confidentiality and will not call your family behind your back about ordinary matters. If there is a serious risk to your safety or abuse is involved, they may need to inform your family or the relevant institutions; they usually talk this through with you first.
Bu yazı genel bilgilendirme amaçlıdır; tanı veya tedavi yerine geçmez. Yaşadığınız güçlükler için bir ruh sağlığı uzmanına başvurmanız önerilir. Acil bir durumda lütfen 112'yi arayın.
Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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