Social Life in Exam Year: Is Seeing Friends a Waste of Time?

Should social life in exam year be given up completely? How seeing friends affects exam preparation, ways to strike a balance and advice for parents.

The first week of September, the start of Year 12. You make yourself a promise: "This year I'm giving everything up." You delete Instagram, you stop going to basketball training, and you reply to your best friend's birthday invitation with "I need to study." October goes well. In November you sit at your desk for longer but less of it sticks. By January you cry after every mock exam, you can't sleep at night and you don't want to talk to anyone. Social life in exam year is something many students and families see as a "luxury" or a "waste of time". Yet time spent with friends, when the balance is right, is not the enemy of preparation but one of the things that keeps it going. In this article we will talk about why giving up social life entirely in the YKS or LGS year (Turkey's national university and high-school entrance exams) often does not produce the expected result, how you can strike a balance, and how you can cope with exam tensions within your group of friends.

Why Does Social Life in Exam Year Matter?

Exam preparation is a marathon lasting months, not a sprint of a few weeks. Just as rest, nutrition and pacing matter for a marathon runner, renewing the mind matters just as much in exam preparation. Time spent with friends is one of the most effective ways of achieving this renewal.

Social support buffers stress: It is a well-known finding in psychology that staying connected with people we trust during difficult periods makes it easier to cope with stress. Talking with friends carrying the same load strengthens the feeling "I'm not the only one finding this hard." This feeling reduces the intensity of anxiety.

The mind needs breaks: For the information we learn to be consolidated, the mind needs to rest. Studying for hours without a break lowers productivity beyond a certain point. An evening spent laughing with friends can make the next day's studying more productive.

Identity doesn't fit into a single exam: Adolescence is a period in which identity takes shape. A young person who builds their whole year around the exam alone may start to define themselves solely by their mock exam scores. A bad mock result then feels not like "a bad day" but like being "a worthless person". Friends remind a young person that they are valuable regardless of the exam.

A source of motivation: Motivation is fed not only by the goal but also by the enjoyment we get from life. In a life with no enjoyment at all, it becomes harder to find the energy needed to reach the goal.

The Hidden Cost of Shutting Yourself Off Completely

Cutting off social life completely can feel like a triumph of discipline in the first few weeks. But as the months go by, the cost of this decision can show itself:

• Hours at the desk that achieve little: The hours spent sitting at the desk increase, but the mind is scattered. Reading a page over and over and remembering nothing is common.
• The scrolling trap: Many students who stop seeing their friends find themselves scrolling social media for hours whenever they take a break. Not only does this not rest them, it also increases comparison and anxiety.
• The guilt cycle: With the thought "I'm not allowed to rest", no real break is ever taken. Because guilt is felt even in the moments when they try to rest, the mind never actually rests.
• A drop in mood: Loneliness, lack of motivation, irritability and bouts of crying can increase. In some young people this picture can turn into burnout in the exam year.
• Disrupted sleep: A mind that never empties during the day tries to empty itself in bed at night; falling asleep becomes harder.

We discuss the details of this picture in the exam year in the article on burnout in exam year.

How Can Social Life in Exam Year Be Balanced?

The aim is not to keep up your social life as it was before the exam year, but to reorganise it in a way that supports your preparation.

Set a fixed social time

Set aside a particular time of the week for your social life and write it into your study timetable just like a lesson. For example, a few hours after the Sunday mock exam, or Saturday evening. Having this time fixed in advance does two things: during the week the worry "When will I get to rest?" eases, and during those hours it becomes easier to enjoy yourself without feeling guilty.

Choose active rest

Not every social activity is equally restful. Activities that engage the body and mind in a different way, such as going for a walk with friends, playing basketball or football, sitting by the sea or cooking together, can be far more refreshing than two hours in a café where everyone is looking at their phone.

Use studying together wisely

In some friendship groups, studying together both meets social needs and boosts motivation. But this needs a few rules: phones are switched off or in another room, you study for a set period and take short breaks, you chat during the break but don't let it drag on. Studying side by side in a library or study centre can also feel less lonely than studying alone.

Don't confuse social media with social life

Watching other people's stories is not real social interaction and often does not rest you. When we talk about social life in exam year, what we mean is connection with real people, face to face or at least by voice. You don't need to delete social media completely; but limiting the time you spend on it and muting accounts that make you anxious can help.

Value short but meaningful contact

You don't need to set aside hours every day. Really chatting with friends during the lunch break at school, a ten-minute phone call in the evening, or a phone-free dinner with your family also keep social bonds alive.

Set priorities for special occasions

Going to every birthday, every wedding and every holiday visit for a whole year may not be realistic; but turning them all down can cut you off from the people around you. Choose the ones that really matter to you. Your best friend's birthday, or a family gathering that matters to your grandmother, may be worth attending even briefly. Saying "I'll come for an hour" is a good way out of all-or-nothing thinking.

If you are in a gap year, build connection deliberately

For students retaking the exam after a gap year, social life in exam year carries a particular difficulty. The school environment has gone, and some of their friends have started university and moved to other cities. The day is often spent alone, at home or at a private tutoring centre. That is why, in a gap year, social contact does not happen by itself; it needs to be planned deliberately. Getting to know a few people going through the same process at the tutoring or study centre, having regular video calls with friends at university, and spending at least part of the day out of the house prevent loneliness from building up.

Let's say four friends in Year 12 make an agreement at the start of the exam year: every Sunday after the mock exam they will spend two hours together, and during those two hours nobody will talk about scores or rankings. Some weeks they go for a walk, some weeks they watch a film at someone's house. This small ritual turns the hardest day of the week into a day when something begins, rather than a day when something ends.

Exam Tensions Among Friends

In the exam year, friendships are tested too. Some tensions may be the real reason young people move away from their friends.

The question "How many did you get right?": Comparing net scores after mock exams is one of the main sources of anxiety for many students. Scoring lower than your friend can make you feel bad, and scoring higher can make you uncomfortable at the thought of upsetting them. Agreeing with your friendship group not to talk about scores can reduce this tension considerably.

Different goals, different paces: Some of your friends may not be sitting the exam at all, some may be preparing for a different score type, and some may not be studying as intensively as you. This difference can lead to the thought "If I see them, I'll fall behind." Yet friends who are not experiencing the exam the way you are can sometimes be the most valuable people for reminding you of life beyond the exam.

Rivalry and jealousy: Rivalry and jealousy may be felt from time to time between close friends preparing for the same goal. These feelings are ordinary; noticing them rather than ignoring them, and talking about them if needed, protects the friendship.

Romantic relationships: In the exam year, a relationship can sometimes be the strongest source of support and sometimes the cause of the biggest emotional swings. What matters is less the relationship itself than how tensions within it are managed.

If you feel lonely as you drift away from your friends, the article on loneliness in teenagers can help you understand this feeling.

The exam is an important part of your year, but it is not the whole of that year. The bonds with the people you want beside you when the year is over are worth protecting in the exam year too.

For Parents: Supporting Without Saying "Friends Are a Waste of Time"

In the exam year, parents' anxiety is at least as high as young people's. This anxiety can sometimes turn into rigid rules such as "No friends, no going out this year." Yet banning social life completely can damage both the young person's motivation and their relationship with their family.

• Don't tie social time to rewards or punishments: The approach "If your mock goes well, you can go and see your friends" takes away the support the young person needs most after a bad mock exam.
• Plan together: Decide together with the young person where social time fits into the weekly timetable. Respecting this time shows that you trust them.
• Don't forget social time at home: A family dinner, a film watched together or a short evening walk help the young person feel connected at home too. Take care not to talk about the exam during these times.
• Avoid comparisons: Bringing up the neighbour's child's or a cousin's scores increases the comparison anxiety the young person is already experiencing.
• Think of younger children preparing for the LGS too: For a child in Year 8, play, friends and movement matter even more than for a high-school student. Restricting social life at this age can bring heavier costs in the long run.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

Feeling tired, tense and unmotivated from time to time in the exam year is ordinary. However, it may be helpful to get support from a specialist in the following situations:

• If exam anxiety has reached a level that stops you thinking during mock exams or in lessons
• If there has been unhappiness, lack of motivation and bouts of crying for weeks
• If things that used to give pleasure, such as seeing friends and going out, give no pleasure at all
• If sleep and appetite have been markedly disrupted
• If physical symptoms such as palpitations, shortness of breath or nausea are frequent
• If hopeless thoughts such as "If I don't get in, my life is over" have become more frequent

If a young person talks about harming themselves or ending their life, take these words seriously, and if there is an immediate danger, call 112 (emergency services) without delay. For the symptoms of exam anxiety and ways of coping with it, you can take a look at the article on exam anxiety.

How Is Balance in the Exam Year Addressed in Therapy?

In the process of adolescent counselling, struggles in the exam year are addressed not merely as a matter of study technique, but with the young person's whole life and inner world in mind. With a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approach, thoughts such as "If I don't spend every minute studying, I'll fail", "If I rest, I'm lazy" or "This exam determines my worth" are examined, and more balanced alternatives are worked on.

Patterns such as perfectionism, fear of failure and high standards can also be addressed from a schema-focused perspective. A realistic weekly timetable is created together with the young person, and the place of rest and social time within it is made clear. Skills such as breathing and relaxation exercises can also be practised to cope with anxiety. Where needed, sessions with parents discuss how the family can support the young person in the exam year and how pressure at home can be eased.

Frequently Asked Questions

My friends aren't preparing for the exam; will seeing them hold me back?

As long as you decide how often and when you see them, most likely not. Friends who experience the exam differently can do you good by reminding you of life outside the exam. What matters is that meet-ups are not so unplanned that they constantly disrupt your study timetable, and that they are not full of comments that make you anxious about the exam.

How much social time should I set aside each week in exam year?

There is no single amount that applies to everyone; it varies according to a person's energy, timetable and needs. Even so, a few hours of social time at least once a week, fixed in advance and spent without guilt, is a good starting point for many students. You can try this for a few weeks and observe its effect on your productivity and mood.

Should I attend family events such as religious holidays and weddings?

You don't have to attend all of them, but turning them all down can cut you off from your family and the people around you. Choosing the ones that really matter to you or your family and attending briefly can be a good middle ground. Talking your decision over with your family in advance also prevents last-minute tensions.

Should I continue my relationship with my boyfriend or girlfriend in exam year?

You don't have to make this decision solely because of the exam. A supportive relationship in which you respect each other's study routines can do you good in a difficult year. But if the relationship is constantly full of arguments, jealousy or anxiety, it is helpful to assess honestly how it is affecting both your mood and your preparation, and to talk to an adult if needed.

• #YKS preparation
• #LGS
• #exam stress
• #teenage friendships

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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