Turkish Therapy for Turks Living in the US and Canada

Coping with homesickness, distance, career pressure and loneliness as a Turk in the US or Canada, and how online therapy in your mother tongue works.

You might be working at a tech company in New York, a hospital in Toronto, a university campus in Texas or a small business in Vancouver. Turks living in America and Canada have often set out with big dreams, long preparation and serious sacrifices. Building a new life on the other side of the ocean is as exciting as it is exhausting: distance from Turkey, a large time difference, high career expectations and a community scattered across a vast geography. In this article we look at the emotional load of living in the US and Canada, the difficulties people commonly face and the concrete steps you can take to look after yourself.

What Are Turks in America and Canada Going Through?

The US and Canada have a different migration story from the Turkish communities of Europe. A significant share of those who come here are highly educated people working in fields such as education, academia, healthcare, engineering and technology. There are also people who emigrated with their families, people who started their own businesses, people who came for a spouse's job, and new generations who were born and raised here.

One thing this wide range of people shares is distance. Turkey is a few hours' flight from Europe, but the journey from North America is both long and expensive. As a result:

• Being in Turkey for religious holidays, weddings or funerals is not always possible.
• Caring for ageing parents from afar can become a source of anxiety.
• Friendships back in Turkey may become less frequent over time.
• With a large time difference, finding a shared time to talk to family can be difficult.

Another shared feature is how scattered the community is. In big cities there may be Turkish associations, grocery shops and cultural events, but people living in smaller cities or rural areas may be hours away from the nearest Turkish family. This can create a deep sense of loneliness, especially for newcomers. Loneliness is sometimes invisible from the outside: a person talks all day in meetings, in the lab or with clients, but when they get home in the evening there is no one who really knows them and to whom they can open up. Over time, this kind of loneliness can affect mood, sleep and motivation.

Signs That You Are Struggling

Work culture in North America is generally fast, competitive and results-driven. At that pace it can be hard to notice your own feelings. The signs below may suggest that you need to pay a little more attention to your mental health:

• Constant tiredness and being unable to recover even after resting at the weekend
• Looking successful at work while feeling like an "impostor" inside
• Avoiding conversations with family, or feeling low after them
• Disrupted sleep and wrestling with thoughts late into the night
• Feeling like a stranger, and tired, in social settings
• Carrying a constant "what if it all goes wrong?" anxiety about the future
• Physical symptoms such as headaches, jaw clenching and stomach complaints
• Being impatient and tense with your partner or children
• Losing interest in things you once enjoyed

These signs can be hard to notice, because people living at a busy pace get used to treating tiredness as "normal". Thoughts such as "everyone works like this" or "once this project is done, I'll rest" can lead to struggling being ignored for a long time. Asking yourself from time to time, "How many days in the past month have I really felt well?" can help you see the picture more clearly.

These signs on their own do not amount to a diagnosis. But when they persist and begin to narrow your life, they are signals worth taking seriously.

Why Might Turks in America Struggle? Causes and Cultural Context

Some of the factors that can increase the emotional load for Turks living in America and Canada are as follows.

Career and success pressure. Many people worked for years, prepared for exams and relied on their family's support to get here. The thought "I've put in so much effort, I can't fail" can be motivating, but it can also make resting and making mistakes almost impossible.

Migration and status uncertainty. Uncertainty in visa, work permit or residency processes can leave you feeling as though you have been living "temporarily" for a long time. The worry that losing a job might also affect your right to stay can multiply stress at work.

Individualist culture and collective values. North American culture puts individual independence first, whereas in Turkish culture closeness to family and one's immediate circle is more pronounced. Being caught between "I must make my own decision" and "I must not upset my family" can cause inner conflict, especially around big decisions such as marriage, changing jobs or returning to Turkey.

Unfamiliarity with the healthcare system. Not knowing how to reach a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist in a new country, or which services are covered by insurance, can delay seeking help. It is important to check the rules in your state or province and the terms of your insurance on these points.

Shame and stigma. The question "Is it shameful to see a psychologist?" is asked abroad too. For some people, admitting they are struggling can feel like saying "I couldn't make it".

Effects on Family, Relationships and Children

Building a family in a distant country means a largely missing support network. The everyday help that would come from grandmothers, aunts or neighbours in Turkey is not here. New parents often have to manage childcare, work and the household entirely on their own.

If one partner emigrated for work, the other may have left behind their own career, friends and identity. This "trailing spouse" experience can turn into feelings of worthlessness and loneliness over time, and can create a hidden resentment in the relationship.

For children, growing up between two languages and two cultures is a richness, but it also raises questions of identity. Imagine a ten-year-old who speaks English or French with friends at school and does not want to speak Turkish at home. Parents may experience this as a loss, while the child may simply want to "be like my friends". In situations like this, building a bond with Turkish through curiosity and play is often more helpful than pressure. For support with bilingual children, you can see the child and play therapy page.

What You Can Do on Your Own

The suggestions below can help you add small but meaningful changes to your daily life:

1. Set a "fixed time" with your family. Because of the time difference, calls that are irregular and made when you are tired can create tension. Fix a time that suits both sides, once or twice a week.
2. Widen your definition of success. At the end of the week, write down not only your work goals but also the moments when you rested, saw a friend or looked after yourself, and count them as "successes".
3. Question perfectionist thoughts. When the thought "If I make one mistake, everything is over" comes, ask yourself: "What is the evidence for this thought? What actually happened the last time I made a mistake?"
4. Find a small community. It could be a Turkish association, a university student club, a sports group or a volunteering activity. A sense of belonging grows through regularly repeated contact.
5. Do not neglect your body. Regular sleep, short walks during the day and regular meals can have a positive effect on anxiety and mood.
6. Make your link with Turkey tangible. Reading a book in Turkish, cooking a dish you love or setting your own small table for religious holidays can nourish your sense of belonging.
7. Practise coping with uncertainty. Write what you can control and what you cannot in two separate lists. Direct your energy towards the things you can control.
8. Learn about local resources. Look ahead of time at your family doctor, your workplace's employee support services and emergency numbers.

Imagine a nurse working in a hospital in Canada who cannot find time to talk to her family between shifts and feels increasingly lonely. Turning a weekly morning coffee with her mother over video into a ritual, attending a meet-up with nearby Turkish families once a month and keeping a five-minute thought diary in the evenings may not look like a big change, but over time it can help her feel more connected and balanced. What matters is not changing everything at once but choosing small steps you can sustain.

Be patient with yourself as you put these steps into practice. In some weeks you may not manage everything you planned; that does not mean you have failed. Starting again is a natural part of building a habit.

Being far away does not mean you have to be alone; connections can be rebuilt despite the distance.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

You may want to consider support from a mental health professional in the following situations:

• If your difficulties have lasted more than two weeks and are not easing
• If your work performance, relationships or parenting are clearly affected
• If you are experiencing panic attacks, intense anxiety or constant restlessness
• If there are serious changes in your sleep, appetite and energy
• If you are trying to relieve your distress with alcohol or other substances
• If a loss, a separation or a major change during the migration process has shaken you deeply

If you have thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, call 911 in an emergency in the US and Canada. You can also go to the nearest emergency department. Online therapy is not an emergency intervention service; in situations of serious risk, emergency departments and psychiatric services where you are located are necessary.

Mental health services in the country where you live are valuable resources. Online therapy in your mother tongue does not have to be an alternative to these services; depending on your needs, it can be used alongside them.

How Does Online Therapy in Your Mother Tongue Work?

Even someone who uses English or French very well at work may feel more at ease in their mother tongue when talking about childhood memories, family relationships and intense emotions. Describing the emotional weight carried by a sentence such as "My father never said 'well done', but he boasted about me to everyone" can be easier in Turkish for some people. Not having to explain the cultural meaning of concepts such as hospitality, religious holidays, gurbet (life far from home) and sıla (the longing for home) can also make the therapeutic relationship easier. This will not be true for everyone, but it is important to know your options.

Work in online therapy in your mother tongue usually proceeds through the following steps:

• Assessment: The difficulties you are experiencing, your migration story, your family structure and your expectations are discussed.
• Goal setting: For example, reducing anxiety, improving sleep, strengthening communication with a partner or gaining clarity during a decision-making process.
• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) work: Noticing automatic thoughts, recognising thinking patterns such as "all-or-nothing" or "catastrophising", and developing more balanced thoughts.
• Behavioural steps: Building social connections, making time for rest and facing avoided situations step by step.
• Relationship-focused work: Where needed, working on communication and harmony in sessions that partners attend together.

The time difference is the most important practical issue for people living in North America. Even between the east and west coasts there is a serious time difference, and the gap with Turkey varies according to where you live and daylight saving time. For this reason, sessions often need to be scheduled in the morning or afternoon in Turkey and early in the morning where you are. Noting the appointment time in both time zones prevents confusion. For practical details, take a look at the article on online therapy across time zones.

A quiet and private room, headphones and a secure internet connection are enough for sessions. Payment is made online; pricing is in Turkish lira (TL) and payment by international card is possible. As for insurance reimbursement, you need to check the terms of your own insurance company. For more information, see the online therapy and Turks living abroad pages.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is Turkish online therapy suitable for Turks in America?

For many people it can be a suitable option. People who find it easier to talk about their feelings and family relationships in their mother tongue in particular may benefit from having the cultural context understood. Even so, it is important to decide according to your own needs and comfort level.

Is regular therapy possible with a large time difference?

It is often possible. Slots that suit both sides can be found, such as early mornings or weekends. You need to allow for the fact that times may shift when daylight saving changes take place.

Do I also need to see a psychiatrist where I live?

If a medication assessment is needed or symptoms are severe, you are advised to see a psychiatrist where you live. Online therapy and local psychiatric follow-up can run side by side; in that case it is helpful to keep both professionals informed.

I live in Canada; do the suggestions in this article apply to me too?

Yes, the suggestions here generally apply to Turks living in Canada as well. The emergency number in Canada is also 911. Because the healthcare system and insurance terms can vary from region to region, you need to check the local rules.

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• #online therapy

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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