Turks in Australia: Coping with Distance and the Time Difference

Distance from home, a huge time difference, reversed seasons and loneliness for Turks in Australia, plus how to plan online therapy in Turkish.

You might be in a café in Melbourne, an office in Sydney, a mining company in Perth or a university in Brisbane. Turks in Australia have built their lives almost on the other side of the world, at one of the furthest points from Turkey. Here, summer arrives while it is winter in Turkey; when you drink your morning coffee, your family is often in the night of the previous day. Distance is measured not only in kilometres, but also in hours, seasons and missed moments. In this article we look at the particular psychological burdens of living in Australia, the signs to watch for, and concrete steps that can help you cope with the distance in a healthier way.

Turks in Australia: Living on the Other Side of the World

The Turkish community in Australia has many layers. There are families who arrived decades ago and have put down roots here, new generations born and raised here, young people and professionals who have come in recent years for study or work, those who came through marriage... Each group has a different story; but they all share one experience: great distance.

The ways this distance shows up in daily life can be listed as follows:

• A long and costly journey: Going to Turkey often requires a long trip, connecting flights and a considerable budget. For this reason, visits may become less frequent.
• A large time difference: The gap with Turkey is often not a few hours but nearly half a day. To talk to family, you have to use either your morning or their night.
• Reversed seasons: While it is snowing in Turkey, it is summer here. Religious holidays, New Year and special days come outside the season you are used to, which can create a strange feeling of foreignness.
• Not being able to go quickly in emergencies: Being unable to set off at once when a loved one falls ill or dies can lead to deep feelings of helplessness and guilt.

There is another side to this too: many people experience Australia as a peaceful and productive place, with its nature, lifestyle and multicultural character. Difficulties and good things are often lived side by side.

Psychological Signs of Distance

The burden of distance sometimes builds up quietly. The signs below may suggest that your mental health is under strain:

• Prolonged sadness after missing important events in Turkey (a wedding, a birth, a religious holiday)
• Anxiety of "is it bad news?" every time the phone rings
• Disrupted sleep from talking to family late at night or very early in the morning
• Feeling neither fully here nor fully there
• Feeling that the bond with friends in Turkey is weakening, and resentment because of it
• Loneliness, lack of motivation and inability to enjoy things
• Being constantly preoccupied with the question "Should I go back?"
• Physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue and muscle tension
• Growing tension towards your partner or children

These symptoms do not by themselves amount to a diagnosis. But if they have lasted for several weeks and are affecting your daily functioning, it may be time to look at yourself more closely. For more on longing for home, you can look at the article on homesickness.

Why Might Turks in Australia Struggle? Causes and Context

Ambiguous loss and missed moments. Watching from afar as a loved one in Turkey grows old, a friend gets married or a nephew or niece is born can create an unnamed sense of loss. Although this feeling is not as clear-cut as grief, it can become heavier over time.

Grieving from a distance. Not being able to reach a funeral when a loved one dies is one of the hardest experiences of living abroad. In Turkish culture, funerals, condolence visits and shared mourning rituals hold an important place; being away from these rituals can make grief lonelier and more complicated.

Rebuilding a social network. Although there are Turkish communities in Australia's big cities, reaching the community can be hard for those living in smaller places or in different suburbs. For newcomers, building close friendships within the local culture also takes time.

Questions of identity and belonging. Young people who grow up here may feel both Australian and Turkish; sometimes they think they don't fully belong to either. Parents, for their part, may worry about how much of the Turkish language and cultural values their children will keep.

The dilemma of returning. As the distance grows, the question "go back or stay?" can become more pressing. Being unable to find a clear answer to this question can make it hard for a person to live fully either here or there.

Difficulty asking for help. The thought "I chose to come this far, I have no right to complain" can delay admitting that you are struggling and asking for support.

Most of these causes come not from a personal shortcoming but from the circumstances themselves. Anyone living on the other side of the world can experience some of these feelings from time to time. What matters is not to suppress these feelings or blame yourself, but to notice and try to understand them. For example, instead of pressing yourself with "Why haven't I got used to it yet?", saying "Living this far away is really hard; it is understandable that I struggle" can be the first step towards a more compassionate attitude towards yourself. This compassionate view also protects the energy needed for change.

The Effect on Family, Relationships and Children

Distance affects relationships within the family too. The ageing of parents in Turkey is often a constant source of worry for the child living abroad. This worry can also cause tension between siblings: the sibling who stays in Turkey may feel they carry the burden of care, while the sibling far away may experience both guilt and a sense of being left out.

The effects of distance are also felt between partners. While one partner adapts more easily to life in Australia, the other may miss Turkey more. When the feeling "You're happy here but I'm not" is not talked about, a silent distance can open up in the relationship. In such cases, couples therapy can help partners understand each other better.

Children often build their relationship with their grandparents through a screen. Say a six-year-old does not want to talk to their grandmother during video calls and goes straight back to their toys. This may stem not from a lack of love on the child's part but from the relationship through the screen remaining abstract for them. Keeping calls short, singing together, showing pictures or asking grandmother to tell a story can make the bond more concrete.

What You Can Do Yourself: Steps for Coping with Distance

1. Plan around the time difference, and make it work for you. Fix calls with family at reasonable hours for both sides. For example, if your morning falls in their evening, you can create a post-breakfast call ritual on particular days of the week.
2. Protect your sleep routine. Frequent calls at midnight or very early in the morning can disrupt your sleep. Move non-urgent conversations outside your sleeping hours.
3. Create a ritual for missed moments. If you cannot go to a wedding or a religious holiday in Turkey, hold your own small celebration that day: cook a meal, write a letter, share a brief moment by video.
4. Give reversed seasons new meanings. Celebrating a holiday that falls in midsummer with a picnic on the beach can be a way of adapting familiar rituals to a new context.
5. Work on the anxiety of "what if bad news comes?" When this worry comes, first focus on your breathing, then ask yourself: "Do I have any information about this right now?" Try to avoid suffering today for an unknown future. If necessary, write a short plan for what you would do in an emergency; making a plan can reduce anxiety.
6. Put down roots here. Build regular contact in your neighbourhood, workplace or a hobby group. Besides Turkish associations and cultural events, joining local communities can also strengthen belonging.
7. Talk about responsibility with your siblings. Have an open, blame-free conversation with your siblings about caring for your parents in Turkey. Make concrete how you can contribute from a distance: regular calls, financial support, following doctors' appointments.
8. Make use of nature. Australia's nature offers many opportunities for walking, the sea and outdoor activities. Regular movement and time in nature can have a positive effect on mood.

Distance does not lessen love; but it does require finding new ways of expressing it.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

You may consider talking to a mental health professional in the following situations:

• If sadness, lack of motivation or anxiety has continued for more than two weeks
• If a loss experienced from afar has shaken you deeply and you feel your grieving is not moving forward
• If there are marked changes in your sleep, appetite or energy
• If you are experiencing panic attacks or intense health anxiety
• If the question "go back or stay?" has put your life on hold for a long time
• If your relationships with your partner or family have become seriously strained

If you have thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, in Australia emergencies should be reported by calling 000; you can also go to the nearest emergency department. Online therapy is not an emergency intervention service; in situations of serious risk, local emergency services and psychiatric services are necessary.

You do not have to wait for everything to go very badly before seeking support. Sometimes simply finding a space where you can talk about your feelings regularly can lighten the load. Your family doctor (GP) and local mental health services where you live are important resources. Online therapy in your mother tongue is an option that can be used alongside these services.

How Does Online Therapy in Turkish Work?

When talking about a loss experienced from a distance, anxiety about your parents or the feeling of being caught between two cultures, speaking in your mother tongue feels more natural to some people. Being able to share the meaning and cultural weight carried by a sentence like "I couldn't make it to the funeral, I couldn't say goodbye and ask for forgiveness" without having to explain it can make the therapeutic relationship easier. Of course, this is not true for every client; some people also get a lot out of therapy in English.

Work in online therapy in Turkish usually proceeds as follows:

• Assessment: Your migration story, family relationships, the difficulties you are experiencing and your goals are discussed.
• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques: Thoughts such as "I let my family down" or "I will never fully belong here" are examined, their evidence is reviewed, and more balanced perspectives are developed.
• Anxiety management: Techniques such as breathing, redirecting attention and worry time are practised to cope with anxiety about bad news and with uncertainty.
• Grief work: Work is done on meaningful rituals and the expression of feelings for losses experienced from afar.
• Support with decision-making: Values and priorities are clarified on big questions such as the decision to return or stay.

The time difference is the most important practical issue in online therapy for Turks in Australia. The gap with Turkey is large, and it can change through the year depending both on the state you live in and on daylight saving practices in the two countries. For this reason, sessions can usually be planned to fall in your evening and Turkey's midday or afternoon. Noting the appointment time in both countries' times and reconfirming the time before daylight saving changes prevents confusion. For detailed practical tips, you can read the article on online therapy across time zones.

A quiet and private space, headphones and a secure internet connection are enough for sessions. Payment is made online; pricing is in TL and payment with an international card is possible. You will need to check your own insurance terms regarding reimbursement. For more information, you can look at the Turks abroad page.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does the time difference prevent online therapy for Turks in Australia?

Most of the time it does not, but it requires planning. Because your evening hours coincide with Turkey's daytime hours, a time that suits both sides can usually be found. It is important to recheck the appointment time when daylight saving changes.

How can I grieve for a relative whose funeral I couldn't attend?

Grieving from a distance can be harder because it lacks the rituals that being close provides. Creating your own mourning ritual, writing a letter, or holding a video remembrance with your relatives can help. If the grieving process continues to be heavy for a long time, you may consider seeking professional support.

My child doesn't want to speak Turkish; what should I do?

Offering enjoyable and natural opportunities rather than pressure is often more effective: Turkish fairy tales, songs, games, and short but regular calls with the grandparents. It is important to give the child room to take on two languages and two cultures at their own pace.

Is the decision about whether to return to Turkey made in therapy?

The decision is not made for you in therapy. However, a safe space is created to clarify your values, priorities and worries; this way you can make your decision more calmly and consciously.

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• #time difference
• #distance
• #living abroad
• #online therapy

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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