What is economic abuse and which behaviours count as it? Learn what a person whose money and spending are controlled goes through, their rights and support.
Many women who hand their bank card to their husband the moment their salary is paid in, who have to keep the receipt for the tomatoes they bought at the market, who ask permission for weeks to buy their mother a present, do not know that what they are experiencing is a form of violence. "He doesn't hit us," they say; "he manages the household money, that's all." Someone searching for what economic abuse is often has the same uncertainty in mind: Is this a marital disagreement, or a form of control that needs to be named? In this article we look at what economic abuse is, which behaviours fall within its scope, what a person whose money is controlled goes through psychologically, and what steps can be taken.
If you are in immediate danger, call 112 (emergency services). The KADES app (Turkey's emergency alert app for women) and ALO 183 (Turkey's social support hotline) are also resources you can turn to for information and guidance.
What Is Economic Abuse? Its Definition and Place in Law
Economic abuse is the restriction of a person's access to financial resources, income, property or working life, their monitoring through these, and being made dependent. The aim is usually not the money itself but establishing control over the person's life. Money is one of the most effective tools of this control, because for a person without money, the places they can go, the decisions they can make and the life they can build all shrink.
In Turkey, Law No. 6284 on the Protection of the Family and the Prevention of Violence against Women (6284 sayılı Ailenin Korunması ve Kadına Karşı Şiddetin Önlenmesine Dair Kanun) lists economic violence, along with physical and psychological violence, as one of the explicitly defined forms of violence. In other words, economic abuse is not merely a "habit" or "the family's private business"; it is a named situation that can be the subject of protective measures.
Economic abuse is known as a form of violence most often faced by women. However, men, elderly parents or adult children may also face similar control. Although this article focuses on women's experience, what is described applies to anyone whose money is monitored by someone else.
Which Behaviours Count as Economic Abuse? Examples
Economic abuse is usually established not through a single major event but through small rules that become normalised over time. The behaviours below are common examples that restrict a person's economic freedom:
- Seizing income: Keeping hold of the salary card, bank passwords or all of the income; giving the person "pocket money" out of the money they earned themselves.
- Preventing work: Making the person turn down a job offer by saying "My wife doesn't work", turning up at their workplace and causing a scene, calling constantly to force them to quit.
- Demanding an account of every penny: Asking for receipts, making them keep spending lists, making them ask permission one by one even for basic needs.
- Withholding basic needs: Not giving enough housekeeping money, using the children's school needs or health expenses as a tool of punishment.
- Loading debt onto them: Taking out loans or credit cards in the person's name, making them a guarantor, or shifting debts onto them.
- Taking away their assets: Selling the gold given at the wedding, pressuring the person to give up their inheritance, registering a jointly bought home in one's own name only and using this as a threat.
- Keeping them in the dark: Hiding the household's income, debts and property; leaving them out of financial decisions by saying "You wouldn't understand".
- Punishing separation financially: The threat "If you leave, you won't get a penny", not paying maintenance or delaying it to maintain control.
All of these behaviours do not have to exist together in the same home. Even one of them deserves reflection if it is used regularly and deliberately to restrict a person's independence.
Shared Budget or Economic Abuse? How Can I Tell the Difference?
Every home has its own arrangement for money. Some couples pool all their income in a joint account; in others one partner manages the household budget. On their own, these do not mean abuse. The following questions can guide you in telling them apart:
- How was the decision made? A shared budget is an agreement two people reach by talking and can change when necessary. In economic abuse the arrangement is set up one-sidedly and cannot be challenged.
- Is information shared? In a healthy arrangement both partners know the household's income, debts and savings. In a controlling relationship information is hidden as a source of power.
- Do you have the right to say no? When you object to an expense, can you talk about it, or is your objection met with humiliation, sulking, threats or punishment?
- Do you have a space of your own? Do you have money, an account or an area of decision, however small, that you can use without answering to anyone?
- Is there fear? Before asking for money, do you feel uneasy, wait for the right moment, gauge your partner's mood?
The last question is the most decisive. A financial disagreement is irritating; economic abuse is frightening. In a home where every moment money is discussed feels like an exam, the issue is not the budget but power.
What Does a Woman Whose Money Is Controlled Go Through Psychologically?
The traces of economic abuse build up not in the bank account but in the person's inner world.
Shame and feeling small. An adult having to ask permission for bread money leads, over time, to feeling like a child. Many women describe making up excuses not to go out with friends, because they cannot even ask for the price of a cup of tea.
Worthlessness. Sentences such as "What does your income even cover?" or "You live on my money" can lead a person to see their work at home, and their very existence, as worthless. Over time this thought settles in as if it were the person's own voice.
Learned helplessness. In an environment where every objection is met with punishment, after a while a person stops trying. The feeling that "whatever I do, nothing will change" can make even applying for a job, consulting a lawyer or opening up to a friend seem impossible.
Being constantly on guard. Trying to predict when their partner will get angry, rehearsing in advance how to explain a purchase, is an exhausting state of alarm. Sleeplessness, stomach pains, headaches and constant tension are common.
Feeling trapped. The question "If I left, where would I go, how would I look after the children?" is perhaps the heaviest consequence of economic abuse. The reason a person stays is often not love but a lack of options.
Economic abuse is frequently seen together with psychological abuse such as belittling, isolation and threats. We also discuss this intertwined picture in our article on emotional abuse.
What Is Economic Abuse, and Why Is It So Hard to Even Ask?
One reason economic abuse remains invisible is that it can hide behind certain arrangements that are culturally accepted as "normal".
The idea that "the man earns, the woman manages" makes it seem natural for income to be concentrated in one partner. In some families, giving up work upon marriage is almost an expectation. The wedding gold being counted as "the household's common property" and spent without asking the woman is often not even discussed. For couples living with the extended family, money may also be in the hands of the father-in-law or mother-in-law; the bride may have to ask permission for her own needs from both her husband and his family.
Another reason is that economic abuse is presented in the language of "good intentions": "I'm thinking on your behalf", "So that you don't get tired", "Better you don't keep the card, so your credit score isn't damaged." These sentences seem protective, but in the end they take the person's choices away from them.
Today this control also has a digital face. Every spending notification from the banking app landing on the partner's phone, questioning who was where and with whom through card transactions, even grocery shopping being tracked in real time, places a person's daily life under invisible surveillance. Technically, these may look like the convenience of a "joint account"; but an arrangement in which information flows only one way, where you do not see their spending yet they instantly monitor yours, is not equal sharing. That is why many people spend years thinking "Maybe I'm being oversensitive" until they find the word to describe what they are living through.
Imagine a woman married for ten years who waits for an evening when her husband is in a good mood so she can ask for the money for her child's school trip. When her neighbour asks, "Why don't you pay it yourself?", she smiles and brushes it off, because saying she has no account in her own name feels shameful to her. This woman does not define what she is going through as abuse; but every day she shrinks a little more. Perhaps the most realistic answer to the question of what economic abuse is lies here: an invisible, silent control that narrows a person step by step.
What Steps Can Be Taken Against Economic Abuse?
Everyone's situation is different, and no step fits everyone in the same way. The suggestions below are options you can consider at your own pace while keeping your safety in mind.
Name the situation for yourself. Being able to say "This is not normal" is the first step towards change. Noting down what you experience, with dates, in a notebook or somewhere safe both clears your mind and creates a record that may be needed later.
Secure your documents. It is important to keep a copy of your identity documents, title deeds, bank and insurance papers and important documents belonging to the children with a relative you trust or in a safe place you can access.
Open up a small space for yourself. If it is possible and safe, you might consider a small savings fund that only you know about, or an account in your own name. However, consider in advance whether the risk would increase if this came to light.
Get information. ALO 183, the Violence Prevention and Monitoring Centres in each province (ŞÖNİM) and the legal aid offices of bar associations are places where you can get information about your rights, protective measures and legal processes. The KADES app, which you can install on your phone, offers a quick way to raise an alert in emergencies.
Don't stay alone. Talking to a friend, sibling or relative you trust can ease the feeling of being trapped. Economic abuse often gains strength through isolation; protecting your connections also protects you.
If there is physical violence or threats, put safety first. In such a situation, do not hesitate to call 112. For other forms of violence and the institutions you can turn to, you can read our article on support for women experiencing violence.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
If any of the following situations is familiar to you, talking to a mental health professional may be helpful:
- If you experience fear, palpitations or nausea before asking for money
- If you have stopped trusting your own decisions and the thought "I can't do it anyway" crosses your mind often
- If you have gradually withdrawn from your friends, your family or social life
- If sleeplessness, lack of motivation, a constant urge to cry or hopelessness have lasted for weeks
- If you are thinking of leaving but do not know where to start
If thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life cross your mind, please call 112 straight away or let someone you trust know.
How Is Economic Abuse Addressed in Therapy?
In a relationship where economic abuse is taking place, couples therapy is generally not recommended as a first step, because in an environment with a power imbalance it is hard for a person to express themselves safely. The priority is for the person to be able to see their own needs, safety and options through individual therapy.
In therapy, what has been happening is first named, and the person's question "Am I exaggerating?" is looked at honestly. With a cognitive behavioural approach, thoughts that have settled in over time, such as "I'm good for nothing" or "I can't manage without him", are examined; where these thoughts come from and how far they match the person's real abilities are assessed together.
The schema therapy perspective can help in understanding why some people stay in controlling relationships for a long time. For someone who grew up in an environment where voicing their needs was punished in childhood, submitting may feel like a familiar and "safe" path. Recognising this pattern is not about blame but about the person being able to look at themselves with compassion.
Throughout the process, the safety plan and legal and social support resources are also kept on the agenda. The decision always rests with the person; the therapist's role is to accompany them so they can make that decision with a clearer mind and less alone.
Frequently Asked Questions
My husband has never harmed me physically. Can I still count as having experienced abuse?
Yes, you can. Violence is not only physical; economic and psychological violence are also among the forms of violence defined in the relevant law. You do not need to wait for a scar to take the impact of what you are going through seriously.
Do men also experience economic abuse?
Yes. Although it is talked about less, men can also face situations such as having their income seized, being pushed into debt or having their spending constantly monitored. Because of social expectations, men may feel more ashamed to speak about it. Whoever experiences it, seeking support is not a weakness.
I'm not allowed to work, but I have everything I need at home; is this economic abuse too?
Having your material needs met does not mean that your right to make decisions about your own life has not been taken from you. If you want to work and that wish is blocked through threats, pressure or punishment, this may be a form of economic control. What matters is whether this decision was made with your participation or in spite of you.
Does couples therapy with a controlling partner help?
In relationships with a power imbalance and fear, couples therapy is generally not the first step. It is first important for the controlled partner to receive individual support, for their safety to be assessed and for them to be able to see their own options. The controlling person seeking individual support to question their own behaviour is a separately valuable step.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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