Why does a feeling of hopelessness arise, how can you recognise it and how can it ease? Read about its signs, safety warning signs and steps for a darker time.
Imagine a twenty-seven-year-old who has sat the KPSS (Turkey's public sector selection exam, which determines teaching appointments) for the third time, and whose score has once again not been enough for an appointment. On the evening the results are announced, he shuts himself in his room, and the next morning he says only this to his mother: "I'm wasting my time. Nothing's ever going to change." In this sentence there is weariness, anger and, above all, the sense that the door to the future has closed. A feeling of hopelessness comes with a deep belief that the difficulty we are facing is permanent, and that whatever we do, the outcome will not change. In this article we will talk about how this feeling forms, when it calls for attention, and how hope can be rebuilt piece by small piece.
What Is a Feeling of Hopelessness?
Hope, in its simplest form, is the belief that the future can be different from today, and that we too have a part to play in making that difference. Hopelessness is the shaking of this belief. The person does not only feel bad today; they seem certain that tomorrow, and next year, will be the same or worse.
In psychology, hopelessness is regarded as one of the patterns of thinking most often seen alongside depression. A negative view of oneself, the world and the future is one of the cornerstones of the cognitive model of depression. However, a feeling of hopelessness can also appear without depression, after a heavy loss, a long illness or obstacles encountered again and again.
The difference between realistic worry and hopelessness
Worrying in the face of real problems such as financial hardship, unemployment or a health condition is realistic. Hopelessness, however, adds a certainty to this worry: instead of "It's going to be hard", "It will never get better"; instead of "It may take some time", "It's never going to happen." The difference lies in the sense that every possibility has closed. Realistic worry pushes a person to look for solutions, whereas hopelessness makes them stop looking.
Signs of a Feeling of Hopelessness
Hopelessness is not always expressed with the sentence "I have no hope". More often, it shows itself in these ways:
- Stopping making plans for the future, saying "What's the point of planning?"
- The words "always", "never", "nothing" and "ever" appearing more often in conversation
- Responding to suggestions with "I've tried, it didn't work" or "That doesn't work for me"
- Finding everything that requires effort pointless
- Approaching even good news with suspicion, thinking "it'll go wrong anyway"
- Reacting to other people's optimism with anger or weariness
- A drop in sleep, appetite and energy levels
- Thoughts that life is meaningless, and sometimes that there is no point in carrying on living
The last item is particularly important and is addressed separately below.
How Does the Thought "Nothing Will Ever Change" Form?
Repeated disappointments
Failing once can shake your hope; but trying again and again and meeting the same outcome every time teaches the mind a deep lesson: "Whatever I do, the result doesn't change." In psychology, this is linked to people giving up trying after uncontrollable negative experiences. You can find this topic in detail in the article on learned helplessness. The problem is that the mind can generalise the lesson it has learned in one area to other areas of life.
The lens of depression
Depression changes the way we perceive events. Negative information is noticed more easily and remembered for longer; positive information is downplayed or dismissed as "luck". For someone looking through this lens, hopelessness appears to be an accurate reflection of reality. Yet the picture the person is looking at has passed through the filter of their mood.
Social and economic conditions
Sometimes hopelessness is not just an individual experience. The high cost of living, rent rises, the difficulty young people face in finding work, discussions about emigrating and a constantly changing news agenda can create a collective pessimism in many people, in the form of "nothing ever changes in this country" or "our generation doesn't stand a chance". These conditions are real, and it would not be right to ignore them. Even so, there is still a difference between the hardship of conditions and a person believing that no area of their own life will ever shift.
Knowing the future for certain
The hopeless mind behaves like a fortune teller: it speaks as if it knows the future. "Even if I apply for this job, they won't take me", "I'll never meet anyone", "I'll end up alone when I'm old." These predictions are experienced not as a possibility but as a fact. In cognitive therapy this way of thinking is called "fortune telling", and it is one of the common thinking errors.
Hopelessness claims to know the future; in truth, it only carries the pain of the past forward.
How Does a Feeling of Hopelessness Affect Everyday Life?
Hopelessness does not remain only a thought; it also shapes behaviour and, over time, sets up a cycle that confirms itself. The person who thinks "they won't take me anyway" stops applying for jobs; because they do not apply, they do not find work, and this result strengthens the original belief. The person who says "No one wants to spend time with me" does not go to invitations; over time, their friends stop inviting them, and the person concludes, "I was right."
Its traces are also seen in relationships. When a hopeless spouse responds to their partner's plans with "Forget it, it won't happen anyway", a pessimistic atmosphere can spread through the home too. Children learn a great deal from how their parents talk about the future; sentences like "What's the point of studying in this country?", even when said with good intentions, can cast a shadow over a child's expectations for their own future.
In the body, hopelessness is felt as a constant heaviness and fatigue. Getting out of bed becoming harder in the mornings, and the day feeling like a meaningless repetition, drain a person's energy precisely when they need it most. This is why working with hopelessness should target not only thoughts but also everyday behaviour.
Hopelessness and Safety: What You Need to Know
During periods when the feeling of hopelessness intensifies, some people may have thoughts such as "I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up", "Everyone would be better off without me", or more directly, thoughts of ending their life. Hopelessness is one of the emotions most closely linked to these thoughts. This is why it is important to talk about this subject openly.
If you are having thoughts like these:
- Do not try to carry them alone; tell someone you trust.
- Contact a mental health professional or a psychiatrist as soon as possible.
- In an emergency, when you do not feel safe and the thoughts are intensifying, call 112 (emergency services) without delay or go to the nearest A&E department.
- Distance yourself from anything you could use to cause harm, or ask someone close to you to keep these away from you.
More detailed information about these thoughts, along with suggestions for loved ones, can be found in the article on suicidal thoughts. Having these thoughts does not mean you are weak or a "bad" person; it is a sign of intense pain and calls for getting help.
What Can Be Done to Cope with a Feeling of Hopelessness?
It is not possible to bring hope back in a single move. But it is possible to prepare the conditions in which it can begin to grow again.
Narrow the time frame
Hopelessness is usually about a huge and abstract span of time such as "the future". Faced with something that big, a person feels helpless. Make the question smaller: instead of "the next five years", ask "What could I make a little better this week?" Weekly, or even daily, goals help restore a sense of control.
Test the words "always" and "never"
Write your hopeless thought down on a piece of paper: "Nothing is going right." Then ask yourself: Really nothing? In the last month, has anything, however small, gone better than I expected? This question is not asked to get rid of the thought, but to make it more accurate: "Many things are going badly, but some small things went well."
Find small areas of control
You may not be able to change the economic situation, an exam result or other people's decisions. But you can choose what time you go to bed tonight, whether or not you call a friend, and whether or not you walk for ten minutes. Taking action in the small areas you can control produces concrete evidence against the belief "I can't do anything".
Keep a notebook of evidence for hope
Every evening, write down one thing that happened during the day and was a little better than you expected: help from a colleague, a meeting that went more calmly than expected, bumping into an old acquaintance on the way. These small notes record the information that the lens of depression ignores.
Borrow other people's hope
When your own hope has run out, leaning on the view of someone who cares about you can help. Asking "If you were in my position, what would you hope for me?", or listening to the experience of someone who has been through a similar difficulty, can make visible again the possibilities your mind has closed off.
Limit your news and social media feed
Constantly watching negative news feeds the perception that "everything is getting worse". You do not have to cut yourself off from the news entirely; but limiting it to set times and not looking at it before sleep gives the mind a chance to rest.
Don't neglect your body
A body that is sleep-deprived, hungry or has been inactive for days sends the mind a "we're in danger" signal, and the future looks darker. Regular times for going to bed and getting up, short walks in daylight and not skipping meals will not remove hopelessness on their own; but they prepare a ground on which thoughts can be less sharp and more flexible. In particular, do not let pessimistic thoughts that arrive late at night make decisions for you; think the same question over again in the morning, with a rested mind.
Reconnect with meaning
Hope is sometimes fed not by results but by meaning. A trainee teacher whose chances of an appointment are uncertain can, even amid this uncertainty, keep their connection with the profession by helping a child in the neighbourhood with their studies. When reaching a goal is delayed, small actions close to the value behind that goal can ease a person's sense of "it's all for nothing".
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Hopelessness does not always indicate a disorder; feeling pessimistic from time to time during difficult periods is human. However, it is important to speak to a professional in the following situations:
- If the feeling of hopelessness has continued nearly every day for more than two weeks
- If it is accompanied by loss of enjoyment, changes in sleep and appetite, or low energy
- If there is a marked withdrawal from work, school or relationships
- If thoughts that life is meaningless, or that you want to die or disappear, are appearing
- If you are trying to suppress this feeling with alcohol or other substances
These signs alone do not amount to a diagnosis, but they should always be assessed. Where necessary, the decision about medication is made by a psychiatrist.
How Is Hopelessness Addressed in Therapy?
In cognitive behavioural therapy, hopelessness is one of the first issues to be worked on, because a hopeless person may believe that therapy itself will not work either. This thought is discussed openly at the start of therapy and tested with small, measurable goals.
In the work, the evidence on which thoughts such as "Nothing will ever change" or "I always fail" are based, and which information is being overlooked, are explored together. Through behavioural activation, small and meaningful activities are brought back into the person's life; the experiences that come from these activities become evidence set against the hopeless belief. A safety plan is an integral part of therapy where suicidal thoughts are present: warning signs, ways of coping, people who can be contacted and what to do in an emergency are agreed together in advance.
A schema therapy perspective can help to see that, for some people, hopelessness rests on an older pattern of "failure" or "negativity and pessimism". For example, someone who grew up with their efforts never being noticed, or with a constant expectation of disaster, may tend to expect the worst in adulthood too. You can find information about work on depression and mood on the depression and mood page.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is a feeling of hopelessness a symptom of depression?
It is a common symptom in depression, but on its own it does not mean a diagnosis of depression. It can also arise after grief, long-term stress or repeated losses. Its duration, intensity and the other symptoms that accompany it should be assessed together by a professional.
If my circumstances really are bad, isn't it normal to feel hopeless?
Sadness, anger and anxiety in response to hard circumstances are understandable. Hopelessness, however, contains a certainty that circumstances will never change, at any time or in any way. Questioning this certainty while acknowledging your circumstances can open up the small space needed to take action.
What should I say to someone close to me who feels hopeless?
General reassurances such as "Everything will be fine" often fall flat. Instead, it is important to listen, to show that you take their feeling seriously and, if necessary, to ask directly: "Are you thinking about harming yourself?" This question does not increase the risk; on the contrary, it opens the door to conversation.
Does a feeling of hopelessness pass?
For many people, hopelessness eases as the underlying cause is addressed and small positive experiences build up. The process does not usually move in a straight line; good days and hard days may sit side by side. With support, it is possible for possibilities about the future to become visible again.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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