Second-Generation Turks: The Identity Experience of the Second and Third Generation

What identity challenges do second-generation Turks face? A guide to family expectations, parental sacrifice, belonging and the third generation.

Your parents or grandparents may have gone to another country many years ago, while you were born and raised there. At school you spoke the language of the country you live in, and at home you spoke Turkish. In the summer holidays you went to Turkey, played with your cousins, and then returned to your "home". But which one was your home? Second-generation Turks and their children, the third generation, often carry this question for a lifetime. In this article we look at the identity experience of second- and third-generation Turks, the emotional difficulties they commonly face, their origins, how they play out in family relationships, and the steps you can take to find your own way.

Who Are Second-Generation Turks and Why Is Their Experience Different?

In migration research, the "first generation" refers to the people who migrated themselves; the "second generation" to their children who were born in the country of migration or came there at a very young age; and the "third generation" to the children of the second generation. A significant part of the Turkish community in Europe are the grandchildren and children of workers who went to countries such as Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, Austria and France with the labour migration that began in the 1960s. In later years there were also new waves of migration through family reunification, marriage, education and professional migration.

Many of the first generation originally planned to work for a few years and return home. This sense of "temporariness" stayed in the family as a background feeling for many years: "One day we will go back." But the children started school, homes were bought, grandchildren were born, and in most families the plan to return never materialised.

The second generation is the generation that grew up inside this sense of temporariness but in fact does not belong "temporarily" anywhere. For them, the country they live in is the place where they were born and raised. Turkey, on the other hand, is both the root of the family and, often, a place seen only on holidays. In the third generation, the bond with Turkey can differ even more; for some Turkish becomes a second language, while others turn to their roots more consciously.

We covered the general aspects of the identity experience between two cultures in detail in our article on identity between two cultures. In this article we will focus on intergenerational transmission and family dynamics.

Common Emotional Difficulties in the Second and Third Generation

Each person's experience is unique; however, there are some themes that second- and third-generation Turks often bring up in therapy:

• Uncertainty about belonging: The feeling of "a foreigner here, an Almancı (a Turk from Germany) there"; thinking you are not fully accepted anywhere
• A sense of indebtedness: Knowing that your parents made great sacrifices and feeling that you must "repay" them
• Pressure to succeed: High expectations that come with the message "We worked in the factory, you will study"
• Early responsibility: As a child, interpreting for your parents, reading official letters, accompanying them to the doctor
• A family environment where feelings are not talked about: Growing up in a family where difficulties are seen as "things to be endured" and feelings are rarely expressed
• Value conflicts: Being caught between family and society on matters of choice of partner, career, lifestyle and faith
• Shame about language: Feeling ashamed, both in Turkey and in the country where you live, of speaking Turkish "halfway" or with an accent
• Experiences of discrimination: Encountering prejudice at school, in job applications or in everyday life

These themes on their own do not mean a mental health problem. When carried for a long time, however, they can be seen together with anxiety, low mood, perfectionism, burnout or relationship problems.

Intergenerational Transmission: Causes and Cultural Context

A significant part of the difficulties experienced by the second and third generation relates to families' experience of migration and the passing down of that experience from generation to generation.

Untold migration stories. Many of the first generation did not share much with their children about the hardships, loneliness, discrimination and exhaustion that migration brought. The sentence "We suffered a lot" was often said, but the details were mostly left untold. This silence could make it hard for children to understand their parents' emotional world.

Sacrifice and debt. The parents' sentence "We did everything for you" is an expression of both love and expectation. Alongside a deep gratitude, this sentence can lead children to see their own wishes as unimportant and to feel guilty if they cannot meet the family's expectations.

The protective instinct. Parents raising children in a foreign country may try to protect them both from the outside world and from "losing their culture". This protection is sometimes experienced as strict rules and restrictions. This pressure can be more marked on girls in particular.

The parentified child. Children who handle official matters in place of parents who do not know the language, and who mediate in family problems, take on responsibilities beyond their years. As adults, these children are often people who put other people's needs before their own and feel they "have to be strong". Say a child who, at the age of ten, interpreted at his mother's doctor's appointments and read the rental contracts is today a successful manager in his forties. At work he is the one who solves everybody's problems, and in the family he is the one everybody calls. But he finds it hard to voice his own tiredness, to ask for help and to say "no".

Limited emotional expression. People who grow up in a family environment that values enduring hardship and "not complaining" may find it hard to recognise and express their own feelings.

In psychology, it is thought that basic emotional needs that went unmet in childhood can turn into particular belief patterns in adulthood. Patterns such as "My own wishes are unimportant", "If I disappoint my family, I won't be loved" or "I must be flawless" are also common themes in the second generation.

Honouring your parents' sacrifice and living your own life are not opposites.

Family, Relationships and the Third Generation Among Second-Generation Turks

The relationship with parents. Second-generation adults may face new difficulties in their relationship with their ageing parents. Some of the first generation travel back and forth between Turkey and the country where they live in retirement; others cope with loneliness and health problems. Caring for parents, sharing responsibility among siblings and the sadness of the dream of "returning" never being realised can lead to new tensions in the family.

Marriage and the couple relationship. In the second generation, choosing a partner is one of the most sensitive points between family and personal preference. A marriage with a spouse who comes from Turkey can bring together two people who, even if they are from the same culture, have very different experiences. A marriage with a partner from a different culture may require a new process of negotiation with the family.

Raising the third generation. Second-generation parents are often faced with the question: "Which values will I pass on to my children?" Some do not want to repeat the pressure they experienced in their own childhood, yet worry that the roots will be lost too. Keeping Turkish alive, passing on religious and cultural rituals, and striking a balance with the child's full integration into the country they live in are among this generation's important agenda items. We covered this in our article on raising children abroad.

The third generation's experience. The third generation may have a more distant but sometimes more selective relationship with their origins. Some young people speak limited Turkish and see Turkey mostly as a holiday country. Others consciously explore their identity and are curious about their grandparents' migration stories. Both paths are legitimate.

Finding Your Own Way: What You Can Do on Your Own

1. Learn your family's migration story. Ask your parents or grandparents about the time they migrated: why did they go, what were the first years like, what did they miss, what did they achieve? These questions let you both understand their experience and place your own story in context. When you ask, try to listen with curiosity rather than judgement.
2. Notice the difference between gratitude and debt. Feeling grateful to your parents does not mean you have to make every decision according to their expectations. Remind yourself of the sentence "I am grateful for their sacrifice, and I also have the right to live my own life."
3. List your own needs. Especially if you took on a lot of responsibility as a child, you may find it hard to notice your own needs. For a week, answer the question "What did I need today?" every day.
4. Give your feelings a name. If you grew up in a family where feelings were rarely talked about, recognising and expressing your feelings may need practice. Keeping a feelings diary and naming what you feel during the day, in Turkish or in the language of the country where you live, can build this skill.
5. Set boundaries gently. Setting boundaries with your family is not cutting off the relationship. A sentence such as "I want to talk to you about this, but I will make the decision" can be both respectful and clear.
6. Define your identity in your own words. "Turkish", "German", "Dutch-Turkish", "European" or any other definition that is meaningful to you... Using words you have chosen yourself, rather than labels given to you from outside, can be empowering.
7. Connect with people who share similar experiences. Talking with friends who understand what you have lived as a second-generation person helps you feel you are not alone. You can also find common ground with people from other migrant communities who have similar experiences.
8. Choose what you want to pass on to your own children. If you are a parent, think about which values and traditions from your own family you want to continue and which you want to change. This is a conscious choice, and it belongs to you.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

If the following situations last more than a few weeks and affect your daily life, speaking with a specialist can be helpful:

• Ongoing, wearing conflicts with your family about identity, values or life decisions
• Constant guilt, inadequacy or a feeling of "I'm never good enough"
• Signs of perfectionism and burnout
• Long-lasting sadness, inability to enjoy things, changes in sleep and appetite
• Anxiety, anger or insecurity linked to experiences of discrimination
• Recurring problems in relationships and difficulty with closeness
• Serious experiences in childhood affecting your life today

Emergencies: If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, call the emergency number of the country you are in: 112 in EU countries, 911 in the USA and Canada, 999 or 112 in the UK, 000 in Australia. Online therapy is not an emergency response service; in situations of serious risk, local emergency services and local psychiatric services are needed.

How Does Online Therapy in Your Mother Tongue Work?

For second- and third-generation Turks, the language of therapy is itself a meaningful question. Some prefer to talk about family matters in Turkish and about work and friendships in the language of the country where they live. In the online therapy process, Turkish is spoken; if your Turkish is at an everyday conversational level, plain language is used and you are encouraged to ask about any points you don't understand. For details, you can look at the page on therapy in Turkish for Turks living abroad.

The following topics are generally addressed in therapy:

Understanding the family and migration story. Your family's experience of migration, your childhood and the way you met the two cultures are talked about. This helps you better understand your feelings and behaviour today.

Work based on cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). Thoughts such as "If I disappoint my family, I'm a bad child" or "I have to be flawless to prove myself here" are examined along with the evidence, and more balanced alternatives are developed. Work is done on the avoidance behaviours that feed anxiety.

Schema awareness. Deep belief patterns that come from childhood and are still influential today (for example self-sacrifice, high standards, approval seeking) are noticed, and their effects in daily life are addressed.

Communication and boundary skills. Concrete skills are developed for talking about difficult topics with the family, setting boundaries and at the same time keeping the bond.

Values-based decisions. You are supported in clarifying your own values and making important life decisions according to them.

Session times are planned according to the time difference; payments can be made online, and pricing in TL and payment by international card are possible.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do second-generation Turks feel caught in between?

There can be many reasons: differing expectations from family and society, the experience of being seen as a "foreigner" in both countries, uncertainty about language, and the emotional load that comes with the family's migration story. This feeling is common and, over time, can turn into a more integrated sense of identity.

I feel guilty for not meeting my parents' expectations. Is this normal?

Yes, it is a feeling often seen in the second generation. Knowing your parents' sacrifice can create a deep sense of debt. Understanding this feeling and striking a balance between gratitude and the right to live your own life is something that can also be worked on in therapy.

My Turkish is weak. Can I still have therapy in Turkish?

Yes. Many people who know Turkish at an everyday conversational level prefer Turkish in therapy. It is natural to express some concepts in the language of the country where you live when needed. Which language you are more comfortable in is explored together in the first sessions.

How can I pass on a Turkish identity to my third-generation children?

Speaking Turkish, telling family stories, celebrating bayrams (religious holidays) and traditions together and keeping up the bond with relatives in Turkey are important steps. Doing this with love and curiosity rather than pressure makes it easier for the child to embrace their roots of their own accord.

• #second-generation Turks
• #third generation
• #identity
• #family relationships

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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