Second migration, moving from one foreign country to another, can bring restart fatigue and identity questions. Its psychological effects and ways to cope.
You probably still remember the day you first left Turkey: the goodbyes at the airport, the weight of the suitcases, the excitement and fear of a new life. But what happens years later, when you have to pack up the life you built and move to yet another country? Many people who go from the Netherlands to Canada, from Germany to the United Arab Emirates or from the UK to Australia expect this new move to be easier than the first. Often it is not. A second migration, that is, moving from one foreign country to another, can bring its own losses, an unexpected tiredness and the question "Where am I actually from?" back onto the agenda. In this article, we look at the psychological load of this experience, the signs that are commonly seen, and the steps that can be taken to live through the new beginning in a healthier way.
What Is Second Migration? Moving from One Foreign Land to Another
Second migration describes settling in another country after first moving from Turkey to a country, without returning to Turkey. Sometimes a third and a fourth move follow. The reasons for these moves are varied:
- A better job offer or an internal company assignment
- Moving because of a spouse's career
- Difficulties with residence permit, visa or work permit processes
- Cost of living, climate or lifestyle preferences
- Children's education or the wish to be closer to family
- Discrimination, loneliness or adjustment difficulties experienced in the first country
There is an important difference between the first and the second migration. In the first, the person leaves Turkey, a place where they were born and whose language and codes they know. In this new move, they leave a second "home" that they built through years of effort, where they may have learned the language and made friendships, and where their children were born. This second home is often not seen as such a visible loss, but the grief is real all the same.
Common Feelings and Signs in Second Migration
The following experiences are common in people trying to adjust to a new country for the second time:
- Restart fatigue: Learning a language once more, opening a bank account, finding a doctor, looking for a school, making friends. The feeling of "from scratch again?"
- Invisible grief: Longing for the home, friends, habits and routines in the previous country. People around you often don't notice this loss: "But you weren't from there anyway."
- The comparison trap: Constantly comparing the new country with the previous one. "Everything was more orderly there", "There's no one like my friends over there."
- The gap between expectation and reality: The expectation "I've done it once, it'll be easy this time" falling through, with the disappointment that accompanies it.
- Identity confusion: Questions such as "Am I Turkish, a German Turk, and now am I going to be Canadian?"
- Social withdrawal: Avoiding investing in new relationships: "I'll leave again one day anyway."
- Physical symptoms: Sleep problems, fatigue, headaches, changes in appetite.
These signs on their own do not mean a mental disorder. Most are natural reactions to a major life change. However, if they last for months and make daily life noticeably harder, it is worth looking more closely. You can find the general stages of post-migration adjustment in detail in the article on the stages of adjustment after migration.
Why It Can Be Harder Than the First Time: Reasons and Cultural Context
Accumulated losses. Every migration is a chain of losses. In the new move, fresh ones are added on top of the losses of the first migration. A second parting can come before the grief of leaving Turkey has been fully processed.
Dwindling energy. The first migration is often made with the energy and curiosity of youth. In later moves, the person is older, perhaps has children, and is more tired. The same effort of adjustment demands more energy.
Loss of acquired status. The language skills, professional reputation and social network gained over the years in the first country can suddenly lose their value in the new one. A person who was "sorting everything out" in the previous country may feel in need of help again in the new one.
A change in distance from Turkey. Moving from Europe to North America, Australia or Asia can increase the time difference and flight time to Turkey. Reaching home for religious holidays, family visits and emergencies becomes harder. This can increase homesickness and feelings of guilt.
The difference in the Turkish community. While there may be a large, long-established Turkish community in the first country, in the second the community may be small or differently structured. Or the opposite: the person joins a large community but still feels like a stranger among them.
A sense of impermanence. In people who have moved more than once, the thought "this place is temporary too" can take hold. This thought leads to postponing investing in a home, settling belongings in, or joining an association or club. The person may feel as though they have been living "on top of a suitcase" for years. On one hand, this feeling seems to protect against the pain of a possible next parting; on the other, it makes it harder to enjoy today's life and put down roots.
The family's reaction. For the family in Turkey, the feeling of "you were already far away, and now you've gone even further" can be heavy. The question "When are you coming back?" may give way to "Aren't you ever coming back?"
When moving from one foreign country to another, a person does not only adjust to a new country; they also grieve for the second home they leave behind. This grief is often silent, because no one gives it a name.
The Effect on Family, Relationships and Children
On couples. This kind of move often happens because of one spouse's career. While the spouse who initiated the move immediately has a job and a social circle, the other may have to build their own space again. This imbalance can lead to tensions that begin with the sentence "We came for you." We have discussed the experiences of those who migrate following a spouse separately in the article on migrating by following a spouse.
On children. For children who were born or began school in one country, the second migration can mean leaving "their own" country. A child may move into a trilingual world of Turkish, the language of the previous country and the language of the new one. Losing friends, adjusting to a new school system and the answer to "Where are you from?" becoming even more complicated can lead to anger, withdrawal or school problems in children.
On teenagers. In adolescence, friendships are at the centre of identity. A move at this age can be especially challenging for a teenager and can increase anger towards the family.
The relationship with family in Turkey. The increased distance can magnify worry and guilt about ageing parents.
Suppose a family that has lived in Germany for ten years moves to Canada because of the father's job offer. From the first week, the father focused on his work; the mother left behind the teaching career and circle of friends she had built over years of effort in Germany. Their ten-year-old daughter misses her German-speaking friends and struggles to speak English at school. The mother carries both her own loss and her daughter's sadness, but pushes her feelings down, thinking "We wanted this opportunity, I shouldn't complain." This fictional example shows how differently the same move can feel to different members of a family.
What You Can Do on Your Own During a Second Migration
1. Allow yourself to grieve the previous country. Feeling sad about the second home you left behind is not ingratitude towards the new country. Remembering what you lived there, the places and people you loved, looking at photographs and staying in touch with friends are a natural part of this process.
2. See your experience as a resource. What you learned in the first migration will also be useful in the new country: remember how you coped with bureaucracy, how you overcame loneliness and how you made your first friendships. Putting this experience into a written list can strengthen the feeling of "I've done this before."
3. Notice the comparison. When you notice yourself comparing the new country with the previous one, ask: "What surprises me or pleases me here?" The aim is not to forget the previous country but to be able to see the new one in its own reality.
4. Keep your expectations realistic. The adjustment process is lived again with each migration. A difficult first few months is not a failure; it is part of the process.
5. Don't hold back from investing in relationships. Although the thought "I'll leave again anyway" seems to protect you, it increases loneliness. Regardless of how long you will spend here, building meaningful relationships supports your mental health.
6. Talk openly with children. Listen to children's sadness without belittling it. Let them have video calls with friends in the previous country. Set small, concrete goals for the new school and environment.
7. Talk with your partner about responsibilities. If you feel that the burden of the move is not shared equally, say so openly. Plan together what can be done so that both partners can find their own space in the new country.
8. Create a routine. Sleep, nutrition, movement and fixed weekly activities give the mind an anchor in times of uncertainty.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
It is important to consider professional support in the following situations:
- If low mood, hopelessness or lack of motivation have lasted for weeks
- If anxiety, sleeplessness or physical complaints markedly affect your daily functioning
- If months have passed in the new country without forming any relationships and loneliness is getting heavier
- If conflicts with your partner are increasing and cannot be resolved by talking
- If your child shows prolonged withdrawal, angry outbursts or school refusal
- If thoughts such as "Nothing means anything" and "I have no place anywhere" are intensifying, or thoughts of harming yourself come to mind
In a crisis, or if there is a risk of self-harm, call the emergency number of the country you are in immediately: 112 in EU countries, 911 in the USA and Canada, 999 or 112 in the UK, 000 in Australia. Online therapy is not an emergency response service; in situations of serious risk, local emergency services and local psychiatric services are necessary. The family doctor and mental health services in your new country are also important resources.
How Does Online Therapy in Your Native Language Work?
For someone moving from one foreign country to another, the story to be told in therapy has two layers: leaving Turkey, and the years in the first country. Being able to tell these two layers without having to explain family ties and the concepts of gurbet (life away from home) and sıla (home and homeland) can make the process easier. Working in your native language can help you express yourself more comfortably, especially in moments when feelings and family relationships are being discussed. You can find more information on this on the Turks abroad page.
In a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)-based approach, the following subjects can be addressed:
- Processing losses and grief: Noticing the emotional effects of leaving both Turkey and the previous country.
- Thinking patterns: Realistically re-evaluating thoughts such as "I don't belong anywhere" and "I've lost everything again."
- Behavioural activation: Planning small but regular social and meaningful activities in the new country.
- Identity and belonging: Being able to see an identity nourished by more than one culture not as a deficiency but also as a richness.
- Family and couple communication: Talking about the different effects of the move within the family and finding a shared language.
For online sessions, a quiet, private room, headphones and a secure connection are enough. A regular session time is set with the time difference between your new country and Turkey in mind. Payment can be made online; for matters such as insurance reimbursement, you need to check the insurance conditions in the country you live in. For detailed information, you can look at the online therapy page.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does the second migration feel harder than the first?
Because in this move, the person adds new losses on top of the losses of the first migration. The language skills, social network and professional status built up over the years have to be rebuilt in the new country. The person is also usually more tired and carries more responsibility. The expectation "I've done it once, it'll be easy" can also increase disappointment.
Is it normal to miss the previous country?
Yes, it is quite normal. A place where you spent years, perhaps where your children were born, has become a second home for you. This longing is not a failure towards the new country or ingratitude; it is a natural reaction to loss.
How should children be prepared for moving to a new country?
It is important to explain the decision to move in language suited to the child's age, and as far in advance as possible. Listening to the child's feelings without belittling them, allowing them to keep in touch with their previous friends and supporting them to adjust in small steps at the new school make the process easier. If signs of struggle last a long time, support can be sought from a child mental health specialist.
Does constantly moving affect identity negatively?
Every move has an effect on identity, and this effect is not always negative. People who have lived in more than one culture can gain flexibility, adaptability and a broad perspective. However, a sense of belonging that stays weak for a long time can lead to feelings of loneliness and rootlessness. Talking about these feelings and making sense of them can help you live your identity in a more integrated way.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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