What Is Fairy Tale Therapy? Healing Through Stories and Using Tales as Support at Home

What is fairy tale therapy and how is it used with children and adults? Learn how stories touch emotions, when they help and what parents can do at home.

"Tell it again." Many four-year-olds want to hear the same story for the third time in a single evening and object if even one word is changed. This repetition, so tedious for adults, is often a search for security for the child: the wolf will come again, the hero will be frightened again, but in the end they will be saved again. Fairy tale therapy is an approach that draws on this power of stories. It aims to address an emotion that a child or adult finds hard to talk about directly, through what happens to a hero. In this article we explain what fairy tale therapy is, how it is applied, in which situations it can be used, and how you can turn the stories you tell at home into a more conscious means of support.

What Is Fairy Tale Therapy?

Fairy tale therapy is a method that aims to work with emotional difficulties using stories, tales and metaphors that are either chosen for a therapeutic purpose or created specifically for the person. It is more accurate to think of it not as a school with a single founder and a standard protocol, but as a way of working used within different therapeutic approaches. It is closely related to bibliotherapy, which deals with healing through books, as well as to narrative therapy and play therapy.

In practice it appears in several different forms:

• Reading and discussing existing tales together: A story resembling the child's situation is chosen; after it is read, there is a conversation about the hero's feelings.
• Creating a personalised tale: The therapist writes a tale that tells of the child's difficulty in metaphorical language, with a hero who resembles the child but is not the same as them.
• The child telling their own tale: The child is asked to begin a story or to finish one left half-told. The heroes and endings the child chooses carry clues about their inner world.
• Story work with adults: Adults write their own life story as if it were a fairy tale, or revisit a story that has affected them for years.

Why Can Fairy Tales Be Healing?

The power of fairy tales rests on a few simple but effective qualities.

They provide a safe distance. The sentence "I know you're jealous of your little brother" pushes a child onto the defensive. But the story of a little squirrel whose nest has a new baby in it and who thinks its mother no longer sees it as much as before allows the child to recognise their own feeling without shame. The hero is someone else; so it is easier to accept what they feel.

They give fear a shape. Anxiety is a vague feeling that spreads everywhere. In a tale, however, fear takes concrete form as a dragon, a giant or a dark forest. Coping with something that has a shape is more possible than coping with a shapeless unease.

They carry hope. In most tales the hero goes through a difficult journey but eventually finds a way out. This structure conveys to the child the message "Hard things happen, but they can be overcome" without lecturing.

They create a space for trying things out. Inside a tale, a child can try different options without paying any price: What happens if the hero runs away, what happens if they ask for help, what happens if they talk to the giant?

In Turkish culture this tradition has deep roots. In most stories Keloğlan, a much-loved figure of Turkish folk tales, is poor and looked down upon, yet he overcomes difficulties with his wits and his good heart. The tales grandmothers told on winter nights have served for generations as a vessel carrying children's fears and hopes. Fairy tale therapy tries to use this familiar tradition in a conscious and purposeful way.

How Is Fairy Tale Therapy Applied?

When a personalised therapeutic tale is created, the following steps are usually followed:

1. Understanding the problem. The therapist first meets the family and the child to learn what the child is struggling with, what they enjoy, and which animals or characters they like.
2. Choosing the metaphor. The child's situation is turned into a story that does not directly resemble it but resonates emotionally: for a child struggling to start school, a fledgling trying to fly from the nest for the first time; for a child who often gets angry, a mountain whose inner volcano sometimes overflows.
3. Building the hero's journey. The hero meets a similar difficulty, notices how it makes them feel, meets a helper and finds a way through their own effort. The problem is solved not with a magic wand but through a process to which the hero also contributes.
4. Involving the child. After the tale is read, the child is asked what the hero loved most, what they were most afraid of, or whether they would like to change the ending. Sometimes the child adds a new friend for the hero; sometimes they find a solution the therapist had never thought of.

What makes a good therapeutic tale?

Writing a personalised tale is not as easy as it sounds. Therapists take care to follow certain principles. The hero should not resemble the child too closely; if their name, age and family are exactly the same, the tale loses its function of providing distance and the child may feel exposed. The language of the tale should be short, concrete and suited to the child's age. The hero's emotions should be named clearly, but not judged: the angry bear cub is not "bad", only "very hurt". The solution should not be left to a rescuer from outside; even if a helper figure shows the way, the hero should take the final step themselves. Finally, the tale should open the door to a small behaviour the child can apply in real life: hugging their mother, asking for help, taking a deep breath when frightened.

Let's imagine a five-year-old with a new sibling who no longer wants to do the things they used to do on their own, constantly wants to be carried and behaves roughly towards the baby. The therapist might write a tale about a bear cub who grows up as the only cub in the forest and feels forgotten after a new cub joins the family. In the tale the bear cub first gets angry, then finds a way to tell its mother, and discovers with its mother a little time that belongs to the two of them alone. The child may say nothing while listening to the tale, but the following week they may sit the bear cub on its mother's lap during play. For more on how the birth of a sibling affects a child, you can take a look at the article on sibling jealousy.

Which Problems Is Fairy Tale Therapy Used For?

Working with tales is especially common with pre-school and primary-school children; however, it can also be adapted for use with adolescents and adults. Situations in which it is often used include:

• Age-typical fears such as the dark, monsters, being left alone or animals,
• Family and life changes such as the birth of a sibling, moving house, starting school or parents separating,
• Anxiety before a hospital stay, surgery or medical procedures,
• Angry outbursts, shyness or low self-confidence,
• The sadness and need for meaning that arise after a loss,
• In adults, the effort to notice and rewrite a story they have carried about themselves for years, such as "I'm always the one who loses".

Telling a hard truth through a tale

Tales can be used not only to work with emotions but also to convey difficult information to a child in a way suited to their age. Let's imagine a family has learnt that the father is to undergo a major operation, and the six-year-old senses the tension at home but does not know what is going on. Explaining everything to them in full medical detail could be frightening; saying nothing at all leaves the child alone with their own imagination. In this case a story that does not hide the truth but softens it, for example the tale of an eagle whose wings have grown tired and who needs to rest for a while, and of the eaglet waiting for it, can be a bridge for starting the conversation. The tale must always be followed by a simple and honest account of the real situation; the tale does not replace the truth but prepares the way to it.

You can find detailed information on the ages at which common childhood fears are normal and when they call for attention in the article on childhood fears.

Turning Stories Into a Means of Support at Home: Suggestions for Parents

Fairy tale therapy is a process led by a specialist; but the stories parents tell every evening also make an important contribution to a child's emotional world. To use these moments more consciously, you can try the following:

• Don't turn the tale into a moral lesson. The sentence "See what happened to the rabbit who didn't listen?" breaks the tale's spell and makes the child feel blamed. Let the child draw the meaning out for themselves.
• Ask questions about feelings. Questions such as "What do you think the rabbit felt at that moment?" or "What would you have done?" develop the child's ability to name emotions.
• Be patient with repetition. Asking for the same tale again and again may be a sign that the child is working through something in that story.
• Make up tales together. Say "Once upon a time, long ago..." and stop, leaving the rest to your child. Taking turns to add a sentence each is both fun and a window into the child's inner world.
• Tell stories from your own childhood. A real memory that begins "When I was your age, I was very scared of the dark" shows the child that their feelings are normal.
• Don't put the screen in place of the story. A cartoon watched on a tablet also tells a story; but a parent's voice, facial expressions and answers to the child's questions build a bond that a screen cannot offer.

While listening to a tale, a child does not watch the hero; they take the hero's place, are frightened with them and find courage together with them.

The Limits of Fairy Tale Therapy

Fairy tales are powerful tools, but they are not enough for every difficulty. It is important to keep the following points in mind:

• Fairy tale therapy is not a diagnostic or assessment tool on its own. No firm conclusion can be drawn about what a child is going through by looking at the tale they tell.
• If there is serious trauma, a suspicion of abuse or a severe mental health difficulty, tales can be only one part of a more comprehensive therapy process.
• Products sold as "therapeutic story sets" may give parents useful ideas, but they do not replace an assessment carried out by a specialist for a particular child.
• Not every child is interested in stories. Some children find expression more easily through play, some through drawing, some through movement. It is better to fit the method to the child than to fit the child to the method.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

If the difficulties your child is experiencing have the following features, talking to a child mental health specialist may be a good step:

• Fears or anxieties have been markedly preventing your child from sleeping, going to school or playing with friends for weeks,
• After a family change, your child shows regressions in behaviour that do not pass for a long time,
• Angry outbursts have become more frequent and have started to strain the order at home,
• Your child neither wants to talk about a distressing event they have experienced nor show it in play, and is withdrawing.

You can find information about work with children using tools such as play, stories and drawing on the child and play therapy page.

How Are Stories Used in Therapy?

Stories are a natural part of many therapeutic approaches. In child-centred play therapy, the child builds their own stories through play and the therapist accompanies these stories. In cognitive behavioural therapy, especially when working with children, the language of stories is used to externalise anxiety: anxiety is named as a "worry monster" that whispers frightening things into the child's ear, and the child discovers tools of courage they can use against this monster. In this way the problem becomes not the child themselves but something to be dealt with together.

Metaphors are also used frequently when working with adults. Someone who has described themselves for years as "too sensitive" may begin to read their own story with different eyes once they discover from whom in their family they first heard this description and under what circumstances it arose. Knowledge of schema therapy helps us understand how these core stories learnt in childhood repeat themselves in adult relationships.

The place that work with stories ultimately aims to reach is the person's realisation that they are not merely the victim or spectator of their own story, but the author who can rewrite it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is fairy tale therapy also used with adults?

Yes. When working with adults, tales are used mostly in the form of metaphor, personal story writing or revisiting a story that affected them in childhood. When a person tries to tell their own life through the eyes of a third person, new perspectives can emerge.

Do frightening characters such as wolves, witches or giants harm children?

When told in a way suited to the child's age, they generally do not; on the contrary, they offer the child a chance to encounter fear in a safe setting. What matters is that the tale ends with a resolution and that the child is not left alone during the telling. If your child has nightmares for a long time after a particular tale, you can take a break from that tale for a while.

At what age can children do story work?

You can start with simple, short stories from the age of two or three. The pre-school years and the first years of primary school are the period when children are most intensely interested in tales. With older children and adolescents, working through comics, short stories or stories they have written themselves may be more suitable.

• #child therapy
• #therapeutic stories
• #metaphor
• #parenting guide

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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