Moving House and Child Psychology: Job Relocation and Adjusting to a New City

How does moving house affect child psychology? Age-based tips on helping a child adjust to a new home, school and city after a job relocation or a rent rise.

When a father's transfer letter (tayin) arrives, or when the landlord raises the rent beyond what can be paid, a family suddenly finds itself in a process full of boxes, removal firms and new school registrations. For adults, moving is a list of practical problems to be solved. For a child, though, it means leaving behind the star stickers on their bedroom wall, the friend they wait for the school bus with every morning, the corner shop and the familiar school playground. In terms of moving house and child psychology, a move is both an experience of loss and a new beginning. How this experience is lived depends largely on how the family manages the process. In this article we look at the effects of moving on children, the reactions that may be seen at different ages, what can be done before, during and after the move, and the process of adjusting to a new city.

How Does Moving House Affect Child Psychology?

Children feel safe in a predictable world. Walking the same route every day, sleeping in the same bed and playing with the same friends form the invisible foundation of a child's sense of safety. A move suddenly shakes this foundation. For this reason, the effect of moving can be deeper than adults expect.

Some of the factors that determine how a move affects a child are:

• The reason for the move: Moving to a bigger home and moving to a smaller one because of financial difficulty affect the family atmosphere in different ways. Moves that follow a difficult event such as divorce, a death or unemployment can mean several losses piling on top of one another for a child.
• Distance: Moving one street away within the same neighbourhood is not the same as moving to another city with a different climate and culture.
• Changing schools: The change of school and circle of friends is the most challenging part, especially for school-age children.
• Frequency: Children of families whose work involves postings, such as military personnel, teachers, judges, prosecutors or health workers, may have to move every few years. Frequent moves can make it harder for a child to form deep friendships.
• The parents' emotional state: If the parents are anxious, angry or sad about the move, the child senses these feelings immediately.
• The child's temperament: Some children adapt easily to new things, while others take longer to get used to change.

Moving is not always a negative experience. A well-managed move can develop a child's ability to adapt, their flexibility and their self-confidence. Exploring a new city and getting to know new people broadens a child's world.

Moving House and Child Psychology: Reactions That May Be Seen at Each Age

Children's reactions to moving vary according to their developmental stage.

The preschool years (ages 0–6)

For young children, the most important thing is having their parents with them. Children of this age are attached more to people than to the home. Even so, disrupted routines affect them. Reactions that may be seen include:

• Difficulty separating from a parent, constantly wanting to be held
• Sleep problems, being unable to sleep in a new bed
• Regressive behaviour such as wetting themselves or baby talk
• An increase in grumpiness and temper tantrums
• Worry that their belongings will be lost ("Where have my toys gone?")

School age (ages 7–12)

At this stage, friendships and school are at the centre of a child's life. Moving means this world suddenly changing:

• Sadness and longing at losing friends
• Fear of being excluded or left alone at the new school
• A temporary drop in schoolwork, difficulty adjusting to a different curriculum or teaching style
• Physical complaints such as tummy aches or headaches
• Anger towards the parents ("You never even asked what I thought!")
• Idealising their old home and city

Adolescence (ages 13–18)

For teenagers, their circle of friends is an important part of their identity. Moving can lead to more intense reactions, particularly in adolescents:

• Intense anger, rebellion, statements such as "You've ruined my life"
• Withdrawal, not coming out of their room
• Shutting themselves off from the new environment by staying constantly in touch with old friends on social media
• Intense stress when a move coincides with exam periods; worry about preparation for the LGS or YKS (Turkey's national high-school and university entrance exams) being interrupted
• Embarrassment and anxiety about being the "new kid" at the new school

You can find detailed information on the particular challenges of changing schools for teenagers in the article on changing schools.

Preparing Your Child Before the Move

Good preparation can noticeably reduce the challenging effect of a move on a child.

Break the news at the right time and honestly

Telling your child as early as possible once the decision to move is final gives them time to prepare. A few weeks in advance may suit young children, and a few months in advance older children and teenagers. When you break the news, also explain the reason in an age-appropriate way: "We need to move to another city because of Dad's job." If you are moving because of financial difficulty, you can explain without going into detail and without placing responsibility on your child.

In recent years, more families have had to move within the same city, sometimes every few years, because of rent increases. In moves like these, the adults' anger and helplessness easily seep into the atmosphere at home. Tense phone calls with the landlord and arguments about "Where are we going to go?" reach the child's ears. Offering your child a simple, reassuring frame such as "We're moving to a smaller home, but we'll be together, and we'll arrange your room together" reduces the extent to which adult anxiety becomes a burden for the child. It is also important to take care not to discuss money and debt in front of your child.

Make room for their feelings

Your child may be sad, angry or anxious. Rather than brushing the feeling aside straight away with "But it's lovely there, you'll love it", saying "Leaving your friends makes you very sad, I understand that" lets your child feel that their feelings are seen.

Introduce the new place

If possible, visit the new city or home together before the move. If this is not possible, look together at photos online of the new school, the neighbourhood and the parks. Discovering the interesting sides of the new city can spark your child's curiosity: "Our new city is by the sea" or "Apparently there's a big park near our new home."

Involve them in decisions

Giving your child a say in small decisions increases their sense of control: choosing the colour of their new room, deciding how their belongings will be arranged or packing their own box.

Set aside time for goodbyes

Organising a farewell get-together with friends, writing a letter to their teacher or taking photos of their favourite places helps a child process the separation in a healthy way. Writing friends' phone numbers or addresses in a notebook gives hope that the bond can continue. For young children, even a simple farewell ritual such as saying "goodbye" to every room of the old home can be meaningful.

Moving changes a child's world; but when the family's warmth moves with them, the new world also becomes home in time.

Moving Day and the First Few Weeks

Moving day can be chaotic. To protect your child in the middle of this chaos:

• Make a care plan for young children. If possible, arrange for young children to stay with someone they trust on moving day. If this is not possible, set aside a quiet corner where they can play with their toys.
• Pack a first-night box. A box containing your child's favourite blanket, pillow, toy and night light makes the first night in the new home feel more familiar.
• Set up your child's room first. Setting up your child's room on the first day gives them a space in the new home where they belong.
• Start routines straight away. Mealtimes, bedtime and bedtime rituals should continue from the very first day. Familiar routines balance the uncertainty of the new environment.
• Explore the new neighbourhood together. Discovering the nearby park, library and bakery together in the first weeks helps your child get to know their new surroundings. Spending a little time at the front door or in the garden of the housing complex to meet the neighbours' children also makes it easier to form first bonds.

Imagine a nine-year-old boy who moves, because of his father's transfer, from a small district on the Black Sea coast to a large city in Central Anatolia. In his first week at the new school he talks to no one, and in the evenings he looks at photos of his old classmates and cries. His family arranges a weekly video call with his old friends while also signing him up for a football course in the new neighbourhood. A month later, the boy wants to invite a friend from the course home. Keeping old bonds while making room for new ones is the key to this adjustment.

Supporting Adjustment to the New School and City

Starting at a new school is one of the most sensitive stages of a move.

• Get in touch with the teacher. Before school starts or in the first few days, meet the class teacher and the school counsellor to share that your child is new and what they may need. The teacher introducing your child gently to the class, or assigning them a "buddy", makes adjustment easier.
• Create social opportunities. Sports courses, art workshops, scouting or neighbourhood activities allow a child to make friends through shared interests.
• Keep an eye on academic differences. There can be differences in curriculum and pace between schools. Feeling behind in lessons can shake a child's self-confidence; if necessary, plan support together with the teacher.
• Be prepared for differences in accent and culture. Children who move to a different region may be teased because of their accent or habits. Talk to your child about this and, if necessary, work together with the school.
• Allow time for adjustment. Getting used to a new school and surroundings can take several months for most children. Difficulties in the first weeks do not mean the adjustment has failed.

Parents can also struggle during this process. Having no social support network in a new city, adjusting to work and setting up the home are draining for adults too. The article on the stress of moving house may guide you on this.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

Most reactions to moving ease within a few weeks or months. However, it may be helpful to consult a professional in the following situations:

• If problems in basic areas such as sleeping, eating or going to school are continuing months later
• If your child cannot make any friends at the new school, is constantly alone or is being excluded
• If there is a marked and ongoing drop in school performance
• If intense sadness, hopelessness or withdrawal continues for a long time
• If separation anxiety has clearly increased and is affecting daily functioning
• If the move has come together with another difficult life event such as divorce or a loss

Where anxiety about separation has become marked, the article on separation anxiety in children may also offer guidance. These signs alone do not amount to a diagnosis; an assessment needs to be carried out by a professional.

How Are Adjustment Difficulties Addressed in Therapy?

When working with children who are struggling to adjust after a move, it is important first to recognise the child's losses and make room for them. With young children, child and play therapy is an effective tool. Themes of moving, setting up home or getting lost may emerge in the playroom. Through these themes, the child expresses their longing, anger and anxiety.

With school-age children, a cognitive behavioural approach can be used. The child learns to notice thoughts such as "Nobody here is going to like me" and to face social situations step by step. With teenagers, work on identity, belonging and a sense of control may come to the fore.

Parent sessions hold an important place in this process. While moving house leaves its mark on child psychology, the way the family manages its own adjustment also directly affects the child's experience. For families who have moved to a different city and find it hard to access face-to-face sessions, online sessions can also be an option.

Frequently Asked Questions

When is the best time to move?

If possible, moving during the summer holidays or between terms, rather than in the middle of the school term, makes it easier for your child to start at the new school at the same time as the other pupils. However, in situations such as a job transfer, timing is not always in the family's hands; in that case, working together with the school becomes even more important.

My child says they want to go back to our old home. What should I say?

This longing is entirely natural. Rather than suppressing it, accept it and talk together about happy memories of the old home. At the same time, allow time for new memories to build up in the new home.

How should a child be supported in families who are transferred frequently?

Creating a sense of continuity between moves is important: the same family rituals, special belongings that move to every new home and ongoing ties with old friends. Your child finding an activity through which they can express themselves in each new city also supports a sense of belonging.

What should I do if siblings react differently to the move?

Each child's age, temperament and losses are different. One adapting quickly is no reason to dismiss the other's struggle. Spend time with each child separately and make room for them to express their own feelings.

• #moving house
• #job relocation
• #changing schools
• #child adjustment

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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