Praising Your Child's Drawing: What to Say Instead of Very Nice

Is very nice enough when praising your child's drawing? Ways to respond descriptively and with curiosity, phrases to avoid, and suggestions for teachers.

While dinner is being made, a six-year-old runs into the kitchen and holds a sheet of paper up in the air: "Look what I made!" The mother or father at the stove often glances over and, almost by reflex, says the same thing: "That's very nice, well done." The child waits a few seconds, then goes back to their room. Nobody in this scene means any harm; but sometimes something is missing. Praising your child's drawing seems, at first glance, like one of the easiest parts of parenting. Yet behind the words "very nice" lies the child's need to be truly seen. In this article we look at how you can respond to a child's drawing, which phrases open up a conversation, which ones close the door without you realising, and what teachers can do in the classroom.

Why Might "Very Nice" Not Be Enough?

Saying "very nice" is not wrong. A "very nice" said with love makes the child feel that you are paying attention. The problem is when the phrase is said for every drawing, every time, almost without looking at the drawing. Children are attentive observers; after a while, they may notice that the words are automatic.

There is also the question of timing. If your hands are busy when the child shows you their drawing, saying "I'm stirring the food right now; in two minutes I'll come and have a proper look" is often more valuable than a "very nice" given with a sideways glance. What matters is that you really do set aside the two minutes you promised.

In addition, the word "nice" is an evaluation. It gives the child the message that the drawing is being marked by an adult. In some children this can, without anyone realising, feed the thought: "The point of drawing is to please the grown-ups." Over time, instead of drawing what they enjoy, the child may start drawing things they know will be liked: always the same house, always the same sun, always the same smiling face.

An idea often emphasised in the field of child development is that noticing a child's effort, process and choices is more helpful than praising their personal qualities or the result. If you are curious about the general principles of praise, our article on praising your child covers the subject in detail. In this article, however, our focus is on small but effective changes specific to drawings.

Describing Rather Than Praising Your Child's Drawing: Say What You See

Perhaps the most effective approach to praising your child's drawing is to describe rather than evaluate; in other words, to say out loud what you see in the drawing. This sends the child the message: "I really looked at your drawing."

Some examples of descriptive sentences:

• "You've used lots of yellow here; the whole page is glowing."
• "These lines curl and curl their way upwards."
• "You've drawn something small in the corner; I had to come closer to see it."
• "This time you've filled the whole page."
• "You've drawn the tree's branches one by one; that must have taken quite a while."

None of these sentences says "nice" or "ugly"; but all of them draw attention to the choices the child has made. Often, after a sentence like this, the child starts explaining of their own accord: "Yes, because that's not the sun, it's a dragon's fire!"

When describing, be careful not to guess what the drawing shows. Asking "Is that a dog?" may disappoint a child who has actually drawn a horse. It is safer to talk about things you can definitely see, such as colours, lines, shapes and empty spaces.

Curious Questions: What Can You Ask Instead of "What Is It?"

The question "What is it?" is innocent; but some children may hear it as "I can't tell what you've drawn." Especially at a young age, children do not always draw in order to draw "something"; sometimes they are simply enjoying the colours and the movement. A drawing does not have to be a "thing".

More open and inviting questions might be:

1. "Would you like to tell me about your drawing?"
2. "Which part did you enjoy making most?"
3. "What's happening in this picture?"
4. "If you gave this picture a name, what would it be?"
5. "What do you think will happen next?"

What matters here is also recognising the child's right not to answer. Saying to a child who replies "I don't want to tell you" something like "That's fine, I'll just have a look then" reminds them that the drawing belongs to them. Not every drawing has to have an explanation; sometimes a drawing is valuable simply because it was made, and looking at it together in silence is a response too.

Let us say a seven-year-old has coloured almost the whole page brown and put a small blue dot in the middle. Instead of saying "How nice", the father says, "You've spread the brown over a really big area, and there's a little bit of blue in the middle. Will you tell me about it?" The child laughs and explains: "This is mud, and the blue is my marble that fell into it!" A conversation begins right there.

Responding by Age: From Scribbles to Detailed Drawings

Praising your child's drawing is also about knowing what their stage of development calls for. Drawing means something different at each age.

Between two and four: At this stage, drawing is mostly scribbling. What matters to the child is the crayon leaving a mark on the paper, the movement of the arm, the colour appearing. The question "What is it?" is often meaningless at this age, because the child may not be trying to depict anything. Sentences that notice movement and colour are more suitable, such as "You whizzed the crayon round and round and made a great big circle."

Between four and seven: The child now draws people, houses and animals; but proportions and colours may not match reality. A person whose head is bigger than their body, or a car floating above a house, is entirely normal. At this stage it is important to show interest in the story: the question "Where are these people going?" can start a whole tale.

Seven and over: The child begins to care more about realism and becomes more inclined to criticise themselves. At these ages it is valuable to notice effort, attempts and newly learned techniques: a question such as "How did you do the shading? Will you show me?" puts the child in the position of expert and helps them feel capable.

These age ranges are only a rough framework; every child develops at their own pace. Even between siblings, there can be big differences.

Phrases to Avoid When Responding to Your Child's Drawing

Some phrases, even when said with good intentions, can gradually wear away a child's desire to draw and their self-confidence:

• Correcting: "The sky isn't purple, it's blue." Realism is not a requirement in children's drawings; a purple sky is a sign of imagination.
• Comparing: "Your sister drew much more neatly when she was your age." Comparisons with a sibling or classmate turn the creative space into a competition.
• Exaggerating: "You're a genius; even Picasso couldn't draw this well!" Exaggerated praise can make some children anxious about failing to meet the same expectation with their next drawing.
• Doing it for them: "Wait, let me show you how to draw it." A drawing touched by an adult's hand may no longer feel like the child's own drawing in their eyes.
• Interpreting: "You've drawn your dad very small; are you angry with him?" Loading a drawing with psychological meaning can lead to wrong conclusions and can also make the child defensive.

The last point is especially important. Drawing firm conclusions about personality, trauma or family relationships from children's drawings is not a scientifically supported approach. Drawings are influenced by many factors, such as the child's state that day, the crayons to hand, their drawing skills and their interests. A drawing is a tool that opens up conversation with a child; it is not a diagnostic tool. We have discussed common misconceptions about this in detail in our article on children's drawing analysis.

The loveliest response you can give to a child's drawing is not to pass judgement on the drawing, but to look with curiosity at the person who made it.

What Can You Do When Your Child Doesn't Like Their Own Drawing?

Some children, especially in the primary school years, can be very critical of their own drawings. They may crumple up the paper, saying "It's ugly" or "I can't draw at all", or give up drawing altogether. In this situation, the first reflex is usually to say "No, it's lovely!" But because this sentence dismisses the child's feeling, it often doesn't work.

Instead, you can try the following:

1. Acknowledge the feeling: "It didn't turn out the way you wanted, and that's upset you."
2. Be curious: "How did you want it to look?"
3. Point to the process: "Drawing a horse's legs is hard, and you tried three times."
4. Make room for trying again: "If you like, we can put this sheet aside; would you like to try on another piece of paper?"
5. Share your own experience: "I get cross sometimes too when I can't do something the way I want."

In a child who constantly dislikes their own drawings, rubs everything out and starts again at the slightest mistake, or never starts at all, perfectionist tendencies may also be playing a part. If this lasts a long time and affects the child's efforts in many areas, it may be helpful to talk to a professional.

For Teachers: Praising and Displaying Children's Drawings in the Classroom

Preschool and primary school teachers come across dozens of children's drawings every day. In crowded classrooms it is not easy to comment descriptively on every drawing; but small changes can make a big difference.

• Reduce ready-made templates: Activities in which everyone colours the same template in the same colour leave little room for the child's own choices. Where possible, make room for free drawing.
• Don't pick favourites for displays: The practice of "Let's put the nicest drawings on the board" can be hurtful for children whose work doesn't make it. One piece by every child can be displayed.
• Ask the child: Asking the child's permission before putting a drawing on the board or showing it to a parent makes them feel that the work belongs to them.
• Avoid interpreting drawings: It is not right to draw conclusions in class such as "This child has problems" from a drawing, or to show a drawing to parents for that purpose. If you have a concern, you can share your observations with the school's guidance service.

The folders of drawings sent home at the end of term are also a lovely opportunity. Parents can open the folder together with their child and ask, "What do you remember about making this drawing?" At parents' meetings, too, instead of general labels such as "talented", teachers can share concrete observations when praising a child's drawings, such as "This term she really loved mixing colours and tried a new shade in every drawing." A sentence like this both gives the parent a chance to see their child through different eyes and lets the child feel that their process has been noticed.

When Should You Seek Professional Support?

Children's drawings are most often a reflection of everyday life, games, the cartoons they watch and their dreams. Dark colours, battle scenes or monsters are not, on their own, a cause for concern. However, in the following situations it may be helpful to see a child and adolescent mental health professional:

• If there has been a marked change in the child's behaviour lasting for weeks (withdrawal, frequent anger, sleep problems)
• If the child has completely withdrawn from activities, play and drawing they used to enjoy
• If, after a distressing event (a loss, an earthquake, a family crisis), they repeat the same frightening scene persistently and for a long time
• If you notice frequent words or behaviour related to self-harm or death; if there is immediate danger, call 112 (emergency services)

In these situations, assessment is not based on a single drawing; it is based on observation of the child, conversations with the family and, where needed, standardised assessment tools. In child and play therapy, drawing and play may be among the tools through which a child can express themselves; but the main aim is to understand the child and their family as a whole.

Frequently Asked Questions

What happens if I say "very nice" about every drawing my child makes?

You won't do any great harm; words said with love are always valuable. However, rather than repeating the same phrase for every drawing, describing what you see from time to time and asking curious questions helps your child feel truly seen.

Should I correct mistakes in my child's drawing?

The idea of a "mistake" in a child's drawing is not the same as in an adult's. A purple sky or a person with four legs is a natural part of the child's developmental level or imagination. If the child specifically asks for help with something, it is better to try it together rather than doing it for them.

Should I keep my child's drawings?

You don't have to keep them all. Deciding together with your child which ones they want to keep makes them feel that their work is valued. Setting aside a folder or a box can create a lovely memory to look through together years later.

Is it appropriate to share their drawings on social media?

A child's work belongs to them. Asking them before sharing, not sharing details that reveal their face, name or school, and not presenting the drawing with interpretive captions are good habits. If the child doesn't want it shared, not sharing is the most respectful choice.

• #praising your child's drawing
• #children's drawings
• #descriptive praise
• #communicating with children

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Eda Erkan Alapala

Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.

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